Moral Obligations to In-Laws?

[g-gurl]

Here's my situation:

My father-in-law in suffering from advanced cancer. I am not particulary close to my hubby's family. Except fot hubby, we have nothing in common. I actually resent them for being so overly financially dependent on hubby since they have no savings at all for being gamblers. Since day one of our marriage, perwisyo na sila.

Hubby is a seafarer and is currently on board. I live in the city while my in-laws live two and a half hours away in the province. Yesterday, I received a text from hubby's cousin telling me that my father-in-laws' conditioned have worsend the past few days and saying it would be "nice" of me to see my father-in-law ASAP.

Aaminin ko -- hindi ko talaga feel bumisita or pumunta doon sa place ng in-laws ko. Basta hindi ko lang feel -- period. This may make me appear to be such an unfeeling person pero di ko talaga feel pumunta doon myself. If andito si hubby, then I will accompany him pero kung ako lang ayoko. My mom told me that I should not bother going there kung napilitan lang ako. What for? For appearances sake and to earn points from hubby for having "malasakit" to his family. My mom said I should not force myself if di ko feel and hindi rin naman sincere ang effort ko. Besides, I have an 8-5 job, Mon-sat. My only free time is sunday.

Your comments pls? is it really a moral obligation to visit a sick in-law? Eh, maramin naman nag-aalaga sa kanya and we are not particularly close. I have nothing to say to my in-laws.

[hisana]

Hindi rin ako close sa dad ng bf ko, and I don't think I'd visit him all by myself either unless it was really, really important. I kind of like your mom's advice. Kung mom ko yan, she'll say, "Ano na lang sasabihin ng ibang tao," or "Bastos yan". By the way, kaya hindi ako close sa dad nya is because lasenggero yun at napahiya na ako twice in front of many people because of his drunk inflated ego. Basta, magaspang ang ugali. Kung ang dad ko nga hindi ako ginaganun, then why would I let him do that to me.

If he's in critical condition, maybe I would ask the husband if he thinks I should go. Baka may ipapabilin or something, I don't know. One quick visit. But to be honest, if the husband tells me na it's up to me, hindi ako pupunta.

[justin3]

ako, kahit na bitter pa ang relation mo with in-laws, i would advice you to go, visit the dying gambler.
it's not to earn points from your hubby. yon ay para di ka mumultuhin later ng pagiging insensitive mo. what is sparing 5-10hrs for a dying person? at di lang basta kung sino yon, ama ng asawa mo yon. pupunta ka di para lang sa sarili mo but in behalf of your hubby.

it's not something like a celebration naman ang pupuntahan mo, but a visit to a dying person.

eto ha, eto ang possible mangyari. pag di ka pumunta to visit the dying gambler, siguradong pupunta ka sa burol o libing nun. tama? and you bet, siguradong makakatikim ka ng pambabastos (in any form) nun sa ibang in-laws mo.

now, kung di ka man pupunta sa pati na sa wake/burial (kasi ayaw mong makipag-plastikan o mabastos), wag ka nang magtaka if someday maging topic o issue yan sa petty arguments nyo ni hubby. well, i don't really know kung ano ang degree ng relationship mo with hubby. pero kahit na bitter pa ang relationship nya with his family, family nya pa rin yon. at kahit na anong sulsol at paninira nila sa yo, deadmahin man ni hubby, may weight pa rin yon sa kanya.

at kung hindi ka pupunta ngayon, wag ka rin magtaka o manumbat later-on if pag nasa deathbed na ang parents mo o nasa burol/libing nila, di rin pupunta si hubby. mag-aaway lang kayo pag nagpumilit ka. mahiya ka na rin kung mangulit ka pa.    

nung dying nga si Cory, lahat ng nakabangga nya wished na gumaling pa sya. (kahit di makapunta)
and when she died, nagpuntahan rin sila sa burol nya.
eh, ikaw pa kaya? pareho ata kayo ng apelyedo ng sugarol na yon.

yon lang.

[rianne_mallows]

^sapul!   

i agree with sis justin.. sometimes, you need to do things not because you wanted to.. but because it's needed

[hisana]

I think it's safe to say that most of the replies you'll get here will tell you to go and visit the man. It's the "proper thing to do," after all. 

Pero me personally, not because of the reasons bro justin3 posted (bro, hindi kita inaaway ha). Hindi ako tinatalaban ng chismis at pambabastos from relatives (some people will chismis about ANYTHING and are bastos anyway). And if my husband decides not to attend my parents' funeral, then so be it. The funeral is not about him or anyone who does not wish to be there. Or kung i-bring up nya lagi sa future arguments, I can defend my actions.

Kung hindi naman isang monster of a person si father-in-law, I'd go because I'd want to say goodbye, and yun na nga, if ever the husband requests me to, I'll give it some thought.

Yun lang din. 

[mei-mei]

I agree with them.  Though I really, really, really, REALLY hate my in-laws, if they have cancer like that or dying, I will still oblige myself to go, especially if my hubby is not here.  Like what they say, you are representing him kasi dahil wala sya dito eh hindi naman na siguro sya mahihintay ng dying father in law mo.  And in my case, I really hate (have I stressed this enough? haha) my in-laws, as in they're very evil.  But in your case, di mo lang talaga sila gusto and di kayo close.  Kahit kasi evil pa yung tao, a dying person is a dying person.  Lalo na ama nga sya ng asawa mo.

To make it easier for you to decide, think of it this way: if your parents were in the same situation, will you be ok if your husband never visited them during their last days?

[stormy_princess]

yes sis. tama sila. malay mo your father in law wanted to apologize for the things na ginawa nya sayo na bad. saka sis pagbigyan mo na dying na sya eh. somehow he really wanted to make peace with you. wag mo na muna isipin yung hindi mo sila feel..

[smoothie]

a little compassion would not hurt ako rin. i don't like one of my in-laws but if that person is sick I would visit my in-law. Visit lang lang naman.

[aquacharly]

^ I agree, have compassion for another human being -- specially for 1 who is  dying, and most probably already regrets the way he wasted his life.

Do it because you love your husband. It is his father, regardless. 

Now, brace yourself. Maybe, they want you to visit also coz they will be asking for more financial aid.  So be it.  Count your blessings you are the 1 giving,  and not begging. 

[justin3]

alam mo sis TS, after browsing your previous posts, napagtanto ko na di ka naman talaga likas na maldita eh. but aminin mo, plastik ka.

eh, kung di ka ba naman plastik (at sadyang maldita ka), ganung galit ka sa mga monsters-in-laws mo, iimbitahan ka pa kaya nila dumalo para dalawin ang malapit nang matepok na sugarol?
for sure they know that you're a goody-goody in-law kaya nag-effort pa silang tawagan ka kasi they need your presence.
at kung hindi ka plastik, makakahirit ba sila yo na humiram ng kotse at humingi ng pera?

kaya lubos-lubusin mo na ang pagka-plastik. dalawin mo ang naghihingalong sugarol. pabaonan mo ng bahara para mag tong-its sila ni Taning.
wag ka nang magdala ng datung. na-pickpocket ka kamo sa bus kasi nag-commute ka lang, at nagmamadali ka pa kasi worried na worried ka sa kalagayan ni biyenan dearest mo.

and if nasa kanila pa ang kotse mo, pumunta ka dun ng after lunch para tamang talip-silim na ang uwi mo at may reason ka na kailangan mo ng sasakyan pauwi para di ka gabihin. oh, di mababawi mo na ang Fortuner mo.

hmp! di ka man online since yesterday. mabasa mo pa kaya mga posts dito bago madedo ang sugarol? 6-1 na ang latest score. 




oist sis, ano nga name ng twin ni Jinky? ka-Friendster ko dati yon eh.

[selyado]

ako hindi naman ako ganun ka close sa byenan ko pero dinadalaw ko pa rin sya paminsan minsan.  naka wheelchair na, may caregiver na.  eh si husbandry nasa abroad kaya ako na lang bumibisita sa nanay nya.  minsan nga makakarinig pa ako ng kwento na hinahanap daw ako ni byenan, ba't daw di na ako dumadalaw.  mangani nganing sagutin ko na yung nanay ko nga di ko madalaw    neway, ginagawa ko yun kasi mahal ko yung asawa ko.  para wala syang masabi sa akin na ganun ko na lang pakisamahan pamilya nya.  maski di ako treated well nung una ng nanay nya eh di ngayon gustong gusto na ko ng mudra nya.  yung mga anak ko nga di rin gusto pumunta dun sa bahay ng byenan ko pano masikip, mainit at nabo bore to death sila dun.  sige plastic na kung plastic pero at least walang pwedeng sumumbat sa akin later on.  kaya ikaw eh go ka na, tutal made deds naman na si byenan.  malay mo gusto humingi ng tawad nyan.  eh pag di nakahingi ng tawad yan baka dalawin ka pa nyan 

[grumpybear]

Ako, I'm not a big fan of doing things just because it's a social norm. A dead jerk is still a jerk. Walang nagbago don, except patay siya.
Kung hindi bukal sa kalooban mo at hindi naman mabigat sa kalooban mo, why force yourself?

[marose17]

Sis g-gurl, I agree that you have no moral obligation to visit your dying father-in-law.  However, I think you should go.   Remember the Beatitudes?  Visiting the sick is an act of Christian charity.  Iyon na lang isipin mo if you will go there.  It's what Jesus would have done.  And as a Christian, you want to follow his way.

Wlang masama kung dadalaw ka, bagkus baka may mahalagang aral ka pang mapupulot kapag ginawa mo ito.

[ldrwifey]

susme mamamatay na lang pinag iisipan mo pa kung dadalawin mo or hindi 

hindi din ako close s mga in laws ko, wala naman silang problema kaya lang hindi talaga kami nabigyan ng chance na magbonding kasi nga LDR kami n hubby since bf-gf p lang kami, but i know them kahit papano since friends kami n husband since HS.

now ang kwento ko is tungkol s mother dearest ko.... nung namatay ang great grandma ko, kahit hindi inimbita or pinasabihan ng family ng dad ko as in habol siya sa lugar nina papa. ngayong malaki n kami tinatanong namin bat siya pumunta dun eh ni hindi nga man lang tayo nasabihan n patay n pala si lola, ang sagot n mama, KASI YUN ANG TAMA, DAPAT MAGBIGAY NG RESPESTO DAHIL LOLA SIYA NG PAPA NYO by the way that time nasa abroad ang papa ko.

[twelvth_goddess]

To answer your question directly, yes, I think you have a moral obligation to visit your dying father in law. Because no matter how much you resent him, he is still your husband's father, and without him, wala din husband mo. You wont go there to cry or to show love, pero kahit man lang to say goodbye.

[lonelymiss28]

Mas mabuting dalawin mo hindi dahil close kayo or ano man ang reason kundi para maipakita mong nirerespeto mo sya bilang tatay ng asawa mo.

[leelou]

i think you do have a moral  obligation to visit your dying father in law. and i agree with ldrwifey, give respect at least.  after all, father sya ng husband mo. that makes him a family.

[Mai]

If i were in your situation, dadalaw pa din ako even for just a few hours. Takot ako baka multuhin ako eh hehe

[aquacharly]

You should go visit  him. It's the decent  thing to do, as a daughter-in-law.   
Try not to have such a hard heart towards your in-laws,  for the sake of your husband whom you love.

[maryday]

@TS, dalaw ka na [textspeak!] para wala masabe..,lalo na masama na lagay nya.