i want them out of our house!

[chimera29]

Before i start i just want everyone to know i'm not really a mean person. I just can't stand people that takes advantage of other people's kindness hence i'm cryin out my sentiments here. 

Well here's the deal we have this household help thats been with us way back my college days (that is some what 17years...awwwww that dates me! ) Anyways during her stay with us nabuntis sya ng isa sa mga karpentero namin and since she have a husband in the province di na sya umuwi since then. Apparently we helped her raise her child who is now 10yrs old. Sent her to school, provide for her every need and never really made her feel that she's a child of oyur household as in she was treated like a reaL apo. My husband and I send her to a private school and even treated her as our daughter. But it seems it all gotten into the head of the nanay. When i was pregnant with my 1st child our household help daughter would sometime curse and say na sana mamatay na anak which is nakakaloka pag pinalo mo yun bata sasabihin bata daw yun and di alam sinasabi nya (by the way she was 7yrs old at that time) . ako pa palalabasin na malupit sa bata. Then lately when my mom become sickly one of my Tita's mentioned na nasabi daw nun household help namin na siguro naman daw pag may nangyari sa mommy namin may mama
nahin na anak nya. As in im so shocked  of course sensiti
ve issue sa akin if its about my parents passing and worse here's this people na tinulungan mo from the start who seems to be anticipating it. When i heard that I turned cold to them I'm actually giving up my support in her schooling. Nagagalit mom ko sa amin saying na wala daw kaming utang na loob kasi daw 17yrs na nanilbihan yun nanay nila sa amin and then this. Pregnant lang ako ngayon kaya di ko maconfront mom ko about what I heard. Nakakainis because now while im on maternity leave nakikita ko kung pano nila mina-manipulate mom ko. Example may gusto sila pabayaran sa school ang gagawin nun mom kunyari gugulpihin nya anak nya kasi magkukulit yun bata hanggan mag give-in momn ko to give them the money. Same pag may mga party na gusto attendan yun bata mind you kailangan may chaperon and gift pa na dala yun bata or may project si mom ko pa magbibigay ng pangpagawa and with the help of my cousins pa habang yun anak nya natutulog na. And nadiscover ko din na mom ko pa nag-stock ng food para sa anak nya kasi pag ayaw ng food sa bahay namin nun bata may mga instant noodles , cold cuts and snacks na hahain dun sa bata. Sa akin lang pati ba nman yun? I feel dapat yun nanay na yun kasi never nya train yun anak nya na kumain ng tama eh baket kailangan iba kainin nya sa amin? Tapos sobrang spoiled brat yun bata na pati visiting relatives nun house hold namin umaangal and sasabihin naman nun nanay spoiled daw kasi sa lola. Haissstttt really cant stand them anymore! Pano ko kaya sila mapapaalis sa house namin na di masasaktan mom ko? Kasi sa true lang sa amin pa nagagalit mom ko to the point na kami pa yata matatakwil dahil sa mga taong to'. 

Hope you can advise me on this mga sisses! And please tell me kung tama ba o mali na pinapakita ko  sa mag nanay na to na di na sila welcome sa bahay namin and that I want them to leave. Would really appreciate your help mg sisses.

[aquacharly]

You are hopping p1ssed and fed up, but as long as  your mom is alive and can still yakkity yak -- you aren't gonna be allowed to kick out those 2. It is your mom's house, after all; and they are important enough to her.

So, what can you do? Tighten the screws by not being so financially generous.  After all, "Money talks" -ika nga. So let your Money do the disciplining required.

Be prepared to stand your ground when they whine to your mom, or  do their gulpi script, and your mom turns  on you for being ingrato (daw).    Just stand your ground...matter of principle,  as in:  Do not bite the hand that feeds you.  Mukhang big biter yang spoiled brat and her mom.

Your mom has a co-dependency relationship with those 2.  Pag umalis yan, voluntarily or however, masasaktan Mom mo. Ganon talaga, it is very hard for old people to accept changes.  But if you really want them out -- you gotta be kinda sneaky into  fooling them the grass is greener on the other side.  Pero san naman, realistically speaking, kaya mas green pa grass? They have it sooo good with your family. And  sino ba naman tatanggap  ng helper with a stay-in kid too?  Me thinks it is your continuing misfortune to be stuck with these 2  as  long as you live with your mom/your mom is alive.

If you can't kick them out, then start tightening the screws.  Mag umpisa ka na disiplinahin yang brat, that helper,  as well as your own mother.  Remember,  Money talks. You  can greatly influence behavior with Money.   

[glamorosa_09]

what you feel is understandable sis...
pero ang sakit sa ulo nyan ha... ang laki ng mga ulo ng mag-nanay...
malakas yung loob nila dahil alam nila, kung ano sila sa mom mo...
It will be your decision naman if you want to stop the financial support on the kid's schooling. Parang abusive na rin sila of your family's kindness, kaya parang mahirap nang magtiwala.

At tska, ano yung utang na loob sa mga nanilbihan, kung sinuswelduhan naman sila ng maayos, pinapakain and all through those years. Well hindi naman masamang tumanaw ng utang na loob, kaya lang in this case nagiging abusado sila.

Yung bata, sinanay ng nanay nya sa convenient and comftable life... paano kung wala nang susuporta sa kanya....

Will it be unwise kung sasabihin mo sa mom mo kung ano yung na-overheard ng tita mo? Will she believe kaya...

[Superjoie]

Will it be unwise kung sasabihin mo sa mom mo kung ano yung na-overheard ng tita mo? Will she believe kaya...

Yep sis.. sabihin mo kaya sa mom mo?

[rianne_mallows]

patingin mo kaya mommy mo sis.. baka mina-magic na yan nga helps niyo

[chimera29]

Thankssss mga sisses to your advise are all soooo helpful!

@ sis glamorosa_09, Superjoie: Trully sis glamorosa_09 sakit talaga sa ulo. Pero tama kayo ni sis Superjoie sasabihin ko na talaga sa mom ko yun mana issue na yan. Hintay ko lang umalis sila this December for their vacation. I actually dont give a damn sino gusto pamanahan ng mom ko ang akin lang baka mas maging aware sya kung malaman nya na may ganitong eksena mag inang eto. Although i must admit natatakot ako na baka isipin nya na sinisiraan lang ng Tita ko yun mag-nanay. Haisssttttt!

@ rianne_mallows: Hahha alam mo sis joke2 namin yan sa bahay kasi nga sobra na pagkabulag ng mom ko sa kanilang mag-nanay. Nag-iisip tuloy ako baka nga noh

@ sis aquacharly: You totally make sense sis its a delicate balance na di masaktan si mommy in the process of ejecting them (that is if i'll be successful!). Well as for the money thing it seems my mom have it all planned. Since I'm having 2kids now sya na nagbabalak magshoulder ng highschool and who knows even college nun bata. Masakit nito that would mean extending my Dad's retirement abroad cause mom have no source of income na
man its all allotment from my Dad. ( Di din sya makontra ng Dad ko kaya its not an option na si Dad ang mag-oobject!)  Isa pa yan sa sinasama ng loob ko. Gusto ko na kasi magkasama sama kami kasi naman highschool pa lang ako nasa abroad na Dad ko and they're old naman na din. Kung kami lang magkapatid wala na silang alalahanin. We both have work naman actually my hubby and I have our own place din but since mom's sickly na nga thats why we get to stay with them. Kaya di sa pagmamayabang dapat relax na sila ni Dad wala silang iintindihin sa amin we can help with the expenses sa bahay. Kung di lang sa added responsibility na inaako ng mom ko sa mag-nanay na 'to. Nakakainis nga kasi earlier on we've talked to our household help already to have her kid apply for a scholarship in Phil Science kasi in fairness consistent honor student naman yun anak nya. But since malayo and natatakot sya magcommute anak nya kumokontra na sya na baka di kayanin nun bata. LOL sabi nga namin gusto pa yata ikuha ng mom namin ng driver yun anak nya at pahatid sundo LOL kasi ngayon nga paservice pa anak nya ng mom ko. Kaloka pa nito public school is not an option for them so imagine na lang kung Dad ko pa magpapaaral sa anak nya. Funny nga kasi sabi daw nun nanay magtitiis pa sya sa amin kahit old na sya kasi nahihija sya sa anak nya sa province na magpa-aral sa anak nya dito sa ibang lalake...hahhaha kaloka! parang kami kaya ano  kinalaman sa pagkabuntis nya para forever na kami magsupport sa kanila.

[moonie]

Grabe katulong niyo sis a.  Siya pa daw ang nagtitiis sa inyo? Hindi ba sinasahuran yan at parang kayo pa may utang sa kanya?

Perhaps you can't send these people away for now because it will upset your mom.  But you really need to put them in their place.  Pagpinabayaan mo yan mas lalong tumindi ang sense of entitlement nila.  You can start throwing your weight around.  Since you are expecting a baby, you can probably be a little demanding and blame it on your condition.  Perhaps you can insist on  a few things like being strict about the food everyone eats, the expenses in the house, the discipline of the kids in the household.  I-insist mo na rin yung pag-apply nung bata sa public school.  Be blunt about the expenses.  Magastos ang magpaaral ng bata.  Hindi pwedeng yung mga magulang mo ang forever gagastos sa kanila.  Magparamdam ka na hindi mo gusto yung sobra-sobrang expectations nila sa mom mo.  Sickly na pala ang mom mo so her money should be spent on or saved for her medical needs. 

Make sure your Mom is aware kung ano ang pinagsasabi ng mga katulong mo sis.  She should now.  It's best that you and your mom communicate about these things.  Kahit napalapit na ang mom mo sa anak ng katulong niyo, hindi pa rin niya makakalimutan na hindi niya kadugo yan.  Remind her when the help and her brat are being ungrateful, disrespectful or taking advantage.  You can point these out without being annoying or nagging.  You just need to plant it in your Mom's consciousness na her househelp is exploiting her.

Huwag mo din pagalitan ang anak ng katulong kung nagiging bastos.  Yung nanay ang kausapin mo.  Dun pwede kang maglabas ng inis.  After all, she is responsible for the upbringing of the kid, not your mom.  Siya ang may kasalanan kung masama ang ugali nung bata.  At least hindi ka mapagbibintangan na inaaway ang anak niya.

Does your dad know how much of a baggage these househelps have become? You should also apprise to your dad about all of this.  He has a say in this too since it directly affects his finances.  It sounds like your parents should be preparing for their nest egg when your dad retires.

[chimera29]

@ sis Moonie: thanks sis for the advise. ewan ko ba my mom is the queen of our house di sya kinokontra ng dad ko pagdating sa mga bagay na yan. Eto nga recently umuwi dad ko kasi namatay yun brother nya kinausap kami ng sis ko na wag daw pinapagalitan yun bata kasi nastress mom namin. Naloka talga kami. When actually sinisita namin yun bata pag nagdedemand ng kung ano-ano worse sa time na may inaasikaso kaming family member na namatay. Mababaliw ka talaga! Di ko maimagine na kami talaga nakikitaan ng mom ko na may problema at di sila. By nature Cielito Del mundo tlaga mom ko matulungin and we grew up with that kaso may mga tao talgang abusado. Gusto ko na confrohin ang mom ko ayaw ko lang yun present yun mag nanay aalis sila this december for vacation sasamantalahin ko yun to talk to my mom. Kaya naapprecite ko mga inputs nyo dito mga sisses at least when that day comes mas may direction discussion namin ng mom ko. And i hope di sya magpadala sa pagka attach nya sa mag nanay na yun.

eto update lang yesterday as in nag-moro2 gulpihan yun mag nanay sa harap ng mom ko (yun style nila para maawa mom ko sa bata mag give in na lang para matapos ang paluan) as in sugatan face nun anak nya. Paano nagkukulit yun bata mag attend ng field trip deadline payment today. E si mommy malaki gastos sa namatay na brother ng dad ko and at the same time may pinapagawa sa bahay namin. Pero ayaw magpapigil sa pag eksena ang dalawa wala talgang hiya...i hope di bumigay si mommy! Haissttt

[moonie]

Magparinig ka kasi habang nagmomoro-moro sila.  Sabihin mo, "tama nang drama yan, pasensya na at walang pera si mommy!"  O better yet, before pa sila magstart magdrama, unahan mo na.  Say something like, "o maggulpi-gulpihan na naman kayo sa harap ng mommy ano?" or "pwede hwag muna kayo magdrama ngayon? Masama ang pakiramdam ng mommy e."  You know your mom and your katulong best, so you'll think of something incisive.

[chimera29]

@ Sis Moonie: naku sis bet na bet kong gawin yan. Kaso alam nilal mainit ako sa kanila kaya umeeksena sila na di ako audience. Yun mga pinsan and yaya lang ng anak ko nagkwento naawa pa dun sa anak nya. E nalaman ko may bayarin sa school kasi yun letter nasa dining table nabasa ko. Kung makita ko lang yun sasabihin ko talaga  yan. Worried lang ako sa mararamdaman ng mom ko. Yun nga napagalitan ko one time sa harap ni mommy yun bata dahil foul yun pagsagot sa knya nalaman ko di nya nagustohan dahil di naman daw masama yun sinabi nun bata. Parang ha? Ako nga tumanda ng ganito di ko sinagot magulang ko and yun moment na pinagtangol ko sya ako pa mali. Sobrang frustrating sa true lang sis! Kaya i soooo want them out of our house na.

[chimera29]

out of topic lang mga sis ha. I've been getting warnings for my post na madami daw textspeak. Sinusunod ko naman advise na mag preview. Sa preview naman wala textspeak but then pag post meron. Kaloka naman baka madelete mga post ko. Concern naman ako.

[moonie]

E di kung wala din mommy mo, pagsabihan mo na rin yung katulong.  Sa harap din ng audience para mahiya.  Hindi maganda yung sinasaktan yung bata.  At nakakastress din yang drama nila at yung gastos sa mommy mo I'm sure. 

I-modify mo na lang yung mga posts mo sis.  At i-spell mo nang buo yung mga words pag nagpopost ka.

[chimera29]

 @ Sis Moonie: Much awaited moment ko yan sis kahit one time big time sana maka timing ako. But believe me this helper of ours knows how to play the game soooo well. Alam nya when to act not in my full view dahil alam nya i'll jump at the chance na macorner sya. Super agree nga mga tao sa amin sa pagiging manipulative nya. Sa haba ng panahon alam nya na weakness ni mommy and she's using it now to her advantage. Ngayon ko lang na-oobserve fully kasi nakababad lang ako sa bahay. Bad trip pa sya lalo kasi home base na job ng sister ko kaya lagi silang bingo mag nanay mas mataray yun sa akin eh. Kung saan saan extra curricular activity nya tuloy pinapasali anak nya ngayon wag lang mapuna ng kapatid ko. Di nya kasi pinapatulong sa gawain bahay anak nya basta  maghapon nonood lang ng tv yun or nagcocomputer. Pagkakain kami ng sis ko sa takot nun nanay na masita sa di pagkain ng maayos dadalan nya na lang ng food sa room nila. Haha diba ibang level. Haissttt endless talaga issues ko sa mag nanay na eto wala na kong inner peace sa sarili namin bahay. Baka magsawa na kayo mga sisses sa rants ko about them but the list is trully never ending. And if not only for our love sa mom namin niligwak ko na mag nanay na eto as in now na.

[aquacharly]

^IMO, kicking them out of the house now is not achievable.
As long as your mom is there, they have immunity, lol.

But you sure can instill Discipline  and Right Conduct  sa 2 moro  na yan.

Management of Change ang program mo. Start with small things, sound reasonable... Like you are just espousing  The Right Things... Pano ka maging Contravida ryan?  Kasi that  is what you should avoid - na mukhang kaaway  ka, tapos kakampi nila Mom mo kasi  sila yung Underdog.  No, wala  kang kakampi/kaaway,  wala kang Grrrr Agenda (kuno) .... You are just after everybody acting responsibly and living together in peace.

Next time mag gulpi script yang 2 -- stop the mother. Calmly say that is no way to  treat a child.  Oh-ha! Nobody will contradict you on that.
 Lay down on the table exactly what it is they want.  Ask your mom if she is willing to spend for it.   
Hwag  ka mag comment, do not pass judgment on the expense money is asked for.
Focus on correcting the process/script for asking  for extras muna.

  If your Mom gives/not ---fine, period.  Tell the 2 moros   this is the end of this  petition.   
So, there -- correct the bad behavior 1 by 1.  Be vigilant,  be persistent.
   Discuss  it, point it out, correct it OBJECTIVELY ... Meaning, ang tenor mo is:  eto Tama/Dapat Gain/Makabubuti....
   Do not color it with:  kapalmukz nyo ah! Kung kami mga anak di namin gawa yan, etc etc etc.
  You may  be talking of the same 1 thing, but "personalizing"  issues just complicates matters. 

[aquacharly]

CHIMERA, advance The Game further.  Pihit mo utak ng 2 Moro to Think Big, instead of Think Kabig.

Ayaw ng public school or scholarship?  Baket may fear of failure na yung bata?

Cuento ka, yung parang idle talk...  Scholarships lead to bigger scholarships,  big scholarships that bring a person abroad.  oh-ha! Hindi ba mas sikat yon...  Hindi ka OCW but Scholar ka kya ka napadpad abroad?

You just might turn  that brat  onto  a Big Dream...  cuerdasan mo si nanay to see that this  can be the way to  their liberation from    your household (on to  Self Determination/Independence later),    and her kerengkeng scandal.

Weave The Dream, make them buy into it.  The vibrations  in your house may just amp up posiively.   You can continue being the generous,  pasensyosa person you are, without distractions... And your  Mom continues with her co-dependency.  And the 2 moros  will be hard at work  on their Big Dream.

Try it. Doesn't hurt to turn negative people around.  It is  hard, but -- do it like the termites do: consistently and quietly  until 1 fine day:   tah-dah! Bagsak  na bahay. 

[moonie]

^That might work.  But it will be tricky because patago yung pagdadrama ng mag-ina so she can't be around to umpire or intervene.  Baka hindi mo mamalayan, mas lalong tumindi ang kapit ng mga linta habang inuuto.

Personally, hindi ko kaya yan.  I can't stand leeches.  Won't have the nerve to nurture them.

[chimera29]

@ sis aquacharly: omg sis im in desperate need of a solution to this problem but i must admit ang hirap ng suggestion mo...huhu pang best actress ang eksena ko nyan and worse i'm not good in acting. Can't mask my real emotion extra challenge eto. Although it make sense kaso di kaya ng katawan lupa ko and they're sneaky si mom lang ang witness ng kadramahan nila lagi. Yun room kasi ni mommy my access door sa kanila ako nasa other side ng bahay hehe hay naku thanks so much sis sa advise. I do hope i can apply this.

mga sisses question lang po. What does the green watched / warning icon mean? Am i posting something wrong here? Im checking na my post as advised by the moderator baket kaya may ganun pa din? 

[justin3]

^you really want them out of your house?... for good? di nga, baka laban o bawi lang ang kahinatnat, wala rin. baka pag lumayas at na-miss ni mommy sila, ikaw pa ang kusa na maghanap sa kanila para pabalikin.

ano, gusto mo talaga na mawala ang mag-ina? di ka maaawa sa bata na achiever naman sa school?

if so, then, INVEST! bumili ka nang CCTV cameras at itutok mo sa place(s) where they usually perform their stage plays. (wag maghinayang. for future security use na rin yan ng house nyo.)
pag na-record mo ang "play" nila, splice it, at kunin mo lang ang highlights.
ipadala mo sa Bantay Bata 163. bahala ka kung i-furnish mo ng copy ang Tulfo brothers, ang DSWD, ang Commission on Human Rights, ang Gabriela, ang UNICEF, UNESCO, UNIMART, UNIWIDE 

you've said na ilang beses na nilang ginagawa yan... yan ba ay nai-report nyo na sa Barangay? aba, wag nyong balewalain yan, (at ang Barangay blotter). pag minalas-malas ang bata at accidentally napuruhan sa drama nilang mag-ina, sa tingin nyo di sasakit ulo nyo? di kayo maapektuhan?
mabigat ang RA 9262, baka magsiksikan kayo sa kulungan nyan.

sinabi mo na may "show" sila last Nov 17 at nasugatan pa sa mukha ang bata... what effort have you done? nakunan mo ba ng picture man lang ang mukha? baka fresh pa ang sugat, take a picture of it mamaya at ipa-blotter mo sa Barangay nyo. marami kang witness kamo, isama mo sila.


deadmahin mo yang mga warnings. halos lahat dito dumaan na dyan.
"preview" your message bago i-post para walang [textspeak!]

[kittenchi17]

Sana sis after mo makapanganak ma-divert attention ng mom mo sa baby mo para hindi na niya masyado mapansin mga helpers nyo...

[chimera29]

@sis justin3: yup I certainly want them out. Sana nga bayaran na lang ng mom ko yun years of service nya kasi basically ngayon di na sya masyado nagwowork sa bahay luto na lang pag minalas ka pa 2X lang sya magluluto dahil masama daw pakiradam nya. san ka pa? busy sya ahinan, paliguan (10Yrs old na ha!) at ipagluto ng ibang food anak nya.  LoL kaloka naman sis ibang dimension na yun perspective na pinakita mo sa akin...tumbling naman ako although i appeckate it. Sa  totoo lang im tryin to stay away from them muna iniipon ko powers ko sa nalalapit kong panganganak. And ako kasi anak nya yun kahit lumpohin nya bahala sya basta hinde lahat kami sasalo. San ka naman kasi nakakita ang pagka nanay naderive lang dahil sya nanganak all the rest kami na. Nakakuha na sya ng CAP, Healthcard and pati Pention sa amin pa dahil bet nya pa ng mana.

@sis kittenchi17: infairness to mom di nya naman deadma mga anak ko ang wish ko lang wag makimoment ang mag nanay sa pagdating ng new baby ko. Hehe