i pity myself!

[green-aholic]

pareho tayo sis. i'm also the eldest in all of my cousins at talagang andun ang pressure. 3 months after i graduated i landed a job, but then dahil yun sa pangangarag ng nanay ko. i was asking for atleast a month vacation pero hindi nya ko pinayagan. ayun, pilit ang mga apply ko kase everyday when she comes home from work and before leaving to go to work in the morning tinatanong ako saan ako pupunta sa araw na yon, etc, etc. na halos narindi na siguro ako. when i got hired on the position, i felt losing interest on it kaya i resigned. hanggang sa ganun na ng ganun. hhhaay.. i know i couldve start earlier. hindi naman ako tamad or something infact i have big dreams and she knows that. i also excel in school naman but that was in high school pa. my teachers chose me to represent for a contest, competition which are mostly for academics. i didn't get to be in the highest section of the class back then, but i was always in the next to the highest class and i top the class on the average students of the said level. i've even had a part in our school paper but i bet they didn't know anything about those. haay. i was never the stubborn one. pero thats what i am now because of them. they dictate what i should do kaya siguro ganito na ako. bobo na ako yun ang alam ko. right now, its sad pero ang tagal ko na makapick up. i losed confidence on myself because the people who were supposed to be supporting me all throughout weren't there. they even mock me infront of other people that i almost cry. naaawa ako sa sarili ko. even my brother's like that. lagi kong naalala yung pinakanakakasakit na sinabi nya... naiiyak ako talaga pag naaalala kong sa kanya nangyari yon. many years has passed but i can't forget everything that they did to make me feel pain. ang hirap.  kanina umiyak ako ng dahil sa pera. pag wala akong pera, parang di ako karespe respeto sa paningin ng kapatid ko. sorry mga sis. i just want to let this out. hindi ko na kaya.

[pretty_in_victorian]

^ makaka move on in life ka din.. trust me! ako naman, i quit my job because i was sooooo stressed! biruin mo ba naman i get paid very little as in mas mahal pa fare ko! tapos walang OT pay. instead of 8 hours, 10 hours work ko plus yung commute time pa so parang pag dating ko ng bahay, maliligo ako, matutulog. yung kain minsan na lang or sometimes sa daan pa. ang hassle talaga so i decided to quit my job. di ako quitter pero di ko na talaga kinaya. nag break muna ako. lumabas ako sa country na to and now i'm all ready to suck it up. kasi yun yung sabi nila eh.. to suck it up!

yung mom ko din yung ma insist and mahilig mag dictate pero ever since naman ay hindi ko sya pinakikinggang masyado.. hindi rin ako nakakarinig ng masasakit na salita from my younger cousins kasi pag ginawa nila yun patay sila sa mga tito't tita ko.. hindi rin ako nakakarinig ng masasakit na salita from anyone..buti naman!

siguro, kailangan pag masasakit yung salita na naririnig mo, pasok dito labas doon na lang.. mag selective hearing ka at wag mong masyadong damdamin kasi nakakadepress yun!

[green-aholic]

^salamat ng marami sis. 

[pretty_in_victorian]

^ no prob.. maganda talag yung GT kasi nakakagaan din ng loob kahit di naman tayo magkakilala in a way parang magkakilala na..

[mariemichele]

Hello sis green-aholic . How are you now? I could feel your loneliness when I read your last message. Sis, just choose to filter the things that you hear from other people about you. You can never control what other people will say, but you can control your emotions on this. I know it is easier said than done. Do not put yourself down, believe in yourself because God made you for a reason. Look at all the other blessings that you have right now like the life bestowed upon you, the food on your table, the shelter you have and your health. This struck a cord in me because I read about something Hellen Keller said. She was totally blind but she said, "So much has been given to me, I don't have time to ponder that which has been denied."

Do not be overwhelmed Sis. Like what our other sisters said here, just do things one step at a time. And of course, Sis, the most important of all: PRAY. Jesus will guide you, be with you and show you that yes, you are special because He made you. Just go to a room, a church or wherever Sis. Ask for His help. Cry out to Him. Offer your life to Him. Maybe your soul is just thirsty and He will replenish it, trust me Sis. Take care Sis and I know, this too shall pass.

[green-aholic]

i cried everything out kagabi. hindi ko na kinaya. andaming realizations na pumasok sa isip ko. I know I am here for a reason. I know God is holding me kaya kinakaya ko. Kahapon, i already cried. I was at the kitchen and I saw the knife. I was thinking of ending this life. I am really thinking about up until i go to bed. Buti kinaya ko kase kung hindi baka wala na ako kase ako lang mag isa sa bahay. Tapos kagabe, talagang todo iyak ako the thought palang na gusto ko ng magpakamatay. I ask the Lord for forgiveness and I ask Him to guide me even more. Salamat mga sis sa concern. I'm somewhat fine. Hindi ko na naiisip ang mga walang kwentang bagay na naisip ko kahapon. I was totally depressed the past days and the feeling of not accomplishing anything made me feel that way. Naipon ng naipon. Salamat sa pagtatyaga nyong damayan ako. Hindi madaling laging positive sa buhay pero I am trying to make things ok somehow. Thanks talaga kase kahit hindi tayo personally magkakakilala, tinutulungan nyo ako. You are God's given blessings to me. Salamat talaga. The warmth and comfort you all showed me is incomparable and irreplaceable. 

[pretty_in_victorian]

God doesn't give us problems na hindi natin kaya. kaya natin yan sis! i've been including you in my prayers narin..

[killbill]

i feel you sis, dumating din ako sa point na ganyan, to think na single mom pa ako tapos ilang buwan na walanag trabaho. super hirap, pero alam mo ginawa ko nung time na yun, lagi ako nagsisimba sa quiapo. the more na negative ka mag isip na more you will feel bad about yourself. think positive, basahin mo yung the secret. it works

[daintrix]

keep the faith and think positive all the time.  get back on your feet and move on.

[killbill]

eto pa sis isipin mo, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, ilang beses muna silang na bankrupt bago sila naging successful, Steve Jobs college drop-out, na fire sa sarili niyang company. basta wag ka lang mag give up

[green-aholic]

thank you mga sis! naiiyak naman ako dahil i was really touched. salamat po sa inyo. magiging ok din ako dahil sa tulong ni Lord at dahil sa inyong mga sinugo Nya para tulungan ako. Maraming maraming salamat! Malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa inyo. Pag naging successful nako, hinding hindi ko kayo makakalimutan dahil kayo ang nagturo saken para lumaban at bumangon uli. Thank you for picking me up at my lowliest moment. I owe you much for this. Thank you po.

[whitelady17]

sis green kamusta ulit? I thought okay ka na. Anyway kung ano man ang sinasabi sa iyo, at alam mong hindi totoo fight for it. As of now, siyempre walang pera kasi walang work. Posibleng isagot sa mga intrigera;

 nag re-ready ako sa magiging new work ko.
may pera ka nga, kaso hindi naman kaya ng pera mo pagalingin ka sa sakit na meron ka.

Guilty ako sa pang aaway sa mga kapatid eh, like yung sumunod na brother ko, hindi pa licensed nurse, walang work etc, nagkasakit pa, instead of supporting him, sinasabihan ko pa before na tamad, maghanap ng work etc. Not realizing na na demoralized ko siya. Anyway he is fine na, working na and out of the house, nag rent sa bahay ng friend niya. Maube to find himself or to free his responsibilities sa bahay, I don't know.

Maybe sis, ang nakikita nila sa iyo is easy go lucky ka, kaya hindi nila naintindihan ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon, ako may work kaso hindi na masaya, pareho lang rin ang end result. stress lol

[snowberry]

Hi sis . I have a friend whose company needs a company nurse pero part time lang . It is in Makati . If you are interested pm me.

I"ll give you the details .

[snowberry]

^ hi sis I already pm'd you  the details .

[pandalicious]

i don't have anything i can be proud of right at this point in my life! naaawa ako sa sarili ko! wala akong lahat sa buhay ko! wala akong work, pera, lovelife! in short walang silbi! naiinis ako sa sarili ko!! pati pamilya ko di ako maintindihan! ang hirap! parang mag isa lang ako! ang hirap hirap at ang bigat sa pakiramdam. haay..

wow, this could easily be written by me. ganyan yata talaga sis, may time talaga na dadaan tayo sa ganitong stage.  minsan din sobrang nade-depress ako sa buhay ko, parang walang katuturan yung existence ko. minsan di ko maiwasan na maawa ng sobra sa sarili ko. madaling sabihin na magpapaka-optimistic na ko, be positive and all, pero when face with the harsh reality of your condition ang hirap magpaka-positive. ang hirap isipin na okay lang na wala akong kapera-pera, na okay lang kahit feeling ko napaka-worthless ko pag nagreklamo na yung mga kasama ko sa bahay tungkol sa bills na kailangan bayaran, na okay lang pag sinasabihan ako ng bakit hindi ako maghanap ng trabaho (na ginagawa ko naman, pero ewan ko ba di talaga ako natatanggap di naman ako bobo).

sa totoo lang hindi ako naniniwala na pag maganda ang lovelife, wala talagang career, and vise versa, kasi wala ako PAREHO! hay buhay!

goodluck sa atin sis!

[jowawie21]

wow, this could easily be written by me. ganyan yata talaga sis, may time talaga na dadaan tayo sa ganitong stage.  minsan din sobrang nade-depress ako sa buhay ko, parang walang katuturan yung existence ko. minsan di ko maiwasan na maawa ng sobra sa sarili ko. madaling sabihin na magpapaka-optimistic na ko, be positive and all, pero when face with the harsh reality of your condition ang hirap magpaka-positive. ang hirap isipin na okay lang na wala akong kapera-pera, na okay lang kahit feeling ko napaka-worthless ko pag nagreklamo na yung mga kasama ko sa bahay tungkol sa bills na kailangan bayaran, na okay lang pag sinasabihan ako ng bakit hindi ako maghanap ng trabaho (na ginagawa ko naman, pero ewan ko ba di talaga ako natatanggap di naman ako bobo).

sa totoo lang hindi ako naniniwala na pag maganda ang lovelife, wala talagang career, and vise versa, kasi wala ako PAREHO! hay buhay!

goodluck sa atin sis!

Ganyan din pakiramdam ko ngayon. anggulo gulo ng utak! Walang direksyon. pero anyway. goodluck talaga sa atin! Dinadaan ko nalang sa PRAYers. Saklap lang kasi.. minsan yung mga taong sana tinutulungan ka, e sila pa lalo nakakapagpadepress sayo, lalo lang nagdadown.

Oh well, sana kayanin natin. Goodluck to us!

[killbill]

lahat tayo nagkaka problema ng mabigat. that's normal, that's life. BUT you have 2 options, option 1 is be a whiner or option 2 is be a fighter.

[green-aholic]

@whitelady i thought everything's ok pero hindi pa pala. dadating talaga ang point na one will feel worthless nga. gaya nga ng sabi ni sis panda, ang hirap pag wala kang maitulong kahit dapat nagawan mo ng paraan kung meron ka lang sanang trabaho. ang hirap na marinig mo na may needs ang family mo na hindi mo man lang maibigay dahil wala kang kahit ano. ni hindi ka nila kayang pakinggan sa mga opinions mo dahil wala kang kakayahang magcontribute ng kahit ano. hhaayy..

sana makayanan natin toh mga sis. bakit ba kase ang hirap hirap dumating ng trabaho. sa ngayon, i'm planning to put up a business. yung maliit lang. kahit maliit ang kita basta may kita. small things can lead naman to big things di ba coupled with determination and pereseverance plus of course hard work. madaling sabihin pero susubukan kong gawin. since last night, nagsisi talaga ako sa mga naisip ko kaya inooccupy ko ang sarili ko ng ways para makahanap ng way to be productive kahit papano. hindi ko pa sinasabi sa parents ko about this na gagawin ko coz for sure nega na naman ang sasabihin nila hanggang sa madiscourage na naman ako.

@sis snowwhite i replied na sa pm mo sis. salamat sa kagustuhan mong makatulong. it warmed my heart.


thank you mga sisters! proud ako na makilala kayo dito. 

[pink_blush01]

hi sis, kelan ka po last nagapply? try mo ulit sayang opportunity habang bata ka pa

[lonelymiss28]

sis, try to do something productive like helping out in your church or join some group that would not require you to spend money. that way you feel you accomplished something that will boost your confidence about yourself. then start from there...