What is my next move?

[missyli]

I am close to breaking/shutting down..please...help?


This is the recent part na mga sis..Ill just post my background/history later

I met HIM. My SO now. Pangit love story namin..I was in-love with a guy who broke up with me and had a Girl-bestfriend na nililigawan ni SO,,The girl-bestfriend befriended me and we clicked. We became friends.She introduced me to SO na masugid na nanliligaw sa kanya at that time Nagkakasama kami sa mga gimik and therefore naidaldal ko na din ang pinaka recent heartbreak ko...Till busted si SO. He called me up and said"Tayo na lang kaya gusto mo?" Ewan ko ba siguro napaka lonely ko nun I said sige, why not??? Nagsimula kami na ganun, napakababaw pero we enjoyed each other's company. Easing both our loneliness with each other. When I felt na lumalalim na ang rel, I told him about my son and husband expecting him to leave. But he stayed and I did everything that I could to make him happy. Para sakin I was lucky and should be grateful na he stayed with me despite my status. Tanggap niya ang son ko, we take him with us out on trips and malling halos every other weekend. I loved him even more for that...4 months pa lang kami sa , I found out na i was again, pregnant. Natakot sya talaga to the point na he asked his parents what to do. Chinese sila by the way as in pure mga sis ha. Eto solution ng parents niya which he relayed to me--They will give me money to get rid of it! Pumutok talaga ang kalooban ko kasi hindi ako makapaniwala na yun ang solusyon para sa kanila. Apparently mga kuya niya ganun din ang nangyari. What I did was asked him for the money and left him seeking refuge sa Mother ko. Nagalit mga half-siblings ko kay SO. Panay threats at pangongonsensya ginawa nila via text kay SO. Again yun lang naging reason niya kaya binalikan niya ko. I stayed sa Mother ko the whole time I was pregnant. Tinanggap sya ng family ng Mom ko. I guess tumatag loob niya kahit papano that time na may support kami. Nanganak ako, girl. He was so happy yet problematic sa hospital bill. Mom left us hanging, bigla ayaw tumulong. Only then did he let his parents know na tinuloy ko pala. Sabi ng Mother niya wag sya pipirma sa birth cert. pero I saw in him na he knew na he wanted to be The Father to our child. Dad niya mabait at tumulong though I asked help pa din kay Lola. Complications occurred kasi nung nanganak ako ulit kaya napakataas ng bill...All was well. MY lola loved him dahil napakabait naman talaga kung bait lang paguusapan. We both worked and found our own place after several months ng panganganak ko. At that time I felt the need to assert myself, my place as his wife and my daughter's. Para bang I wanted to show him na need talaga na kami ang priority niya. I became dominant and nagging. napaka insecure ko din nun. Still thinking na ano lang ba reason kaya sya with me?? Lagi ko sinasabi sa kanya na hindi naman sya ngeffort na makuha ako kaya ok lang sa kanya na mawala ako. ako naman nanligaw sa kanya--mga ganun mga sis. May bestfriend sya na girl from high school pa na first love niya. Napaka tagal niya yun niligawan pero hindi naging sila. When i was pregnant lagi ko nababas a mga text nun na kesyo tntrap ko lang si SO , na magingat si SO sakin at baka hindi naman sa kanya ang baby! Well of course I made him choose, ako or yun. Hindi naman ngdalawang isip si SO...pero they had the same set of friends mga sis. Ayun na, I found out na nagkasama sila nung bestfriend sa isang lakd. He lied to me kasi I asked him nga baka nandun yun sabi niya wala. I saw pics sa Friendster. After that incident mga 2 months kami na hindi nguusap at ngkikibuan. til one time ngaway kami via text. Nasa ofc sya nun. I texted a lot of things na hindi maganda and so did he...hindi sya umuwi nun. Pinabayaan ko lang, 2 nights passed pati celphone hindi macontact. Ngworry na ko.I called his parents na baka andun and ending nagalit sila sakin kasi nawawala anak nila dahil sakin. Takot ako sobra hinanap ko sya everywhere. Ang yaya and daughter ko kinuha muna ni lola dahil nakita niya determined ako na halughugin buong Pilipinas to find him. I feared the worst--I went to hospitals, Morgues, Police precincts. 4th day his Dad and I received a text from him. Nasa police station sya. We immediately went to him and I was devastated to see him dun. Iyak ng iyak when he saw me kasi akala daw niya wala na ko pakialam...We started anew after that. Pero I think I got worse mga sis. More dominant and aggresive sa relationship. I wanted to be in control in every aspect. Konting bagay pinalalayas ko sya, sinasampal at hinahampas.I was very physical sa kanya para lang mailabas ang galit ko. Lagi lang sya tahimik at hindi kumikibo when we fight. Ako lang lagi nagsasalita. Tinatanggap lang niya lahat. Til napuno sya. Sinakal niya ko sis at halos ibangga ang car. Natakot ako. That was the first time na dinamay niya daughter namin. Mamatay na daw sya at isasama niya ng bata. Dinerecho ang car sa bahay kinuha ang bata at nagkulong sa kwarto. Takot na takot kami ng yaya kaya tinawag ang Tito ko. Binuksan din ang pinto nilabas ang bat a at ako ang pumasok. Tahimik, hindi ngsasalita. I was sorry and told him that. I said hindi ko na rin maintindihan bakit ako ngkaganun. He cried, I cried and I thought we will be ok...After several days sumabog ako ulit(we had a problem legally nung time na to kaya lagi ako tense sa takot na ma arrest kami anytime, tapos na kaso na to sis sa ngayon) then he packed up his things and left. Leaving me with no job, no money. Pinabayaan ko sya coz I know naman why he did it. I wasn't blaming him. Hindi ko sya pinigilan.2 days hinintay ko bago ko sya tnxt. Lahat ng sama ng loob niya tinext niya. Lahat ng sumbat ginawa niya and tinanggap ko lahat. I wasn't eating, sleeping all the time na wala sya. Thank God sa Yaya namni nunat hindi kami pinabayaan ng baby ko. Sobra ako nadepress to the point na mga relatives ko e naging concerned na sa kalagayan ko. Pumunta sya sa Province, naghanap ng work at ng bahay. After a week nagkita kami, nagkulong for 2 days pero hindi pa rin sya uuwi. Hindi daw sya ready. Wala ako magawa...Our daughter was 2 at that time and kahit papano was easy to say pa na Daddy is working sa malayo pag hinahanap niya. With prayers and support from family and friends, konti konti I was moving on. May times na hinaharass niya ko for money dahil I owe him that daw..I never gave in. I was thinking of myself and my daughter muna bago sya. Narealize ko na he really might not come back kaya iniisip ko na din future namin na wala sya.He would come home every 2 weeks for the weekend to see his daughter. Pero para sakin gusto niya lang ako itorture longing for him even begging for him to come back...Sigh...2 months since he left, we talked seriously. Considering yung pending legal problem namin I propsed to him na we all should move to where he was then. Accompanied with the proposal was all my promises to change for the better.Naconvince sya and armed with all our valuables and Start-up money from Lola we moved. At first ok naman, Masaya. But then reality kicked in, hindi naman overnight ang pagbabago. I slipped into my old ways and I suffered. Nagkasakitan kami in front of our child. May bruises na ko nun as I stared disbelievingly at him. I knew thn na tapos na. Na ayoko na magpilit, na hindi na niya kaya. I packed up things ko and ng daughter and Yaya and we left for Manila, for home. Malapit na Christmas nun, November na. Hindi ko na sya tinext, I changed my number para matahimik muna ako while trying to figure out what to do with my life...Sa friendster nakita ko he had a rel dun. I was hurt pero wala ako ginawa. It then helped me din nga e. I started entertaining male friends. Nothing serious pero siguro just to fill in the loneliness of days..companions who are more than willing to share their time..He wrote me an email which struck me hard. He kept on saying na alam niya I ove him pero ang hirap kasi may mahal na syang iba..kaso daw hindi sya mahal nun...he asked to spend christmas with us. It was my birthday din Dec.24...Wary ako pero I gave in...it diddn't feel right and I wasn't happy na he was with me. Siguro I know kasi na aalis din naman sya.Another month passed, pa ym ym kami ganun..may konting flirting alma nyo na..Then another email, he was demanding a lot of things para daw bumalik sya..Certain amount of Money for startup and pambayad ng utang, a car ( he sold the car before he left for the province)_and alot of personality changing from me. I said na kung yung changes sakin e hindi ko maibibigay agad pero kaya ko ibigay. sa other demand snya I said na wala naman akong means to acquire yun dahil nahihiya na ko sa Lola ko humingi pa...Nnahimik, after a week ng ym and uuwi na daw sya. I stopped an stared sa monitor. At that point kasi I was getting used to the idea na wala sya dito...He came home and I gave in. I changed everything that I can. I was motivated by remembering the time na iyak ako ng iyak longing for him, na ayoko na mafeel yun ulit. I was the best person that I could be. Giving all that I've got.

That was 3 years ago mga sis...Our relationship was better per se. No more harsh fights, no more layasan. I wasn't happy mga sis. All was better yes pero ako deep inside I wasn't better. I think everything was going smoothly lang is bcoz I was keeping things to myself. Parang lahat na lang pinalalagpas ko, pinapabayaan ko na lang. Ganun kasi sya e. Pag ngaaway kami, kinabukasan its as if nothing happened. Naging ganun din ako.Till April of this year na mawalan kami ng maid. I wasn't working na kasi Our daughter was taking summer classes na nad napagusapan namin na I will just stay at home to guide our daughter who's getting older na. Then I was transformed to Mommy/Honey/Maid/Cook/Laundry Woman/Chauffeur etc. It took me mga 2 weeks to adjust pero nagawa ko naman. Sanay naman at marunong ako sa gawaing bahay. Dun lalo naemphasize ang unhappines ko. I felt unappreciated and taken for granted. When SO's home nakatutok sa PC games or sa bata. Mapapansin lang niya ko pag gabi na at time for marital obligations...dun pa lang bwisit na ko. Feeling ko kasi he expects me to stop whatever I'm doing pag hihiga na sya pagkatapos niya sa games niya. I opened this up to him ng maayos, I saw in his face na sumama loob niya pero nakita ko na binawasan niya ang PC time. Kaso naman instead of PC sa celphone naman sya tumutok..I was disappointed and hindi na nagsalita. From then on naging detached kami. I was busy mangaing the house and my daughter and sya sa work. I just distance myself sa sala pag busy yung magama...Pag medyo good mood kami pareho lagi ko inoopen sa kanya ang feelings ko until napuno na ko. Ayoko na sa isip ko. Maayos sya kinakausap walang ngyayari, pag galit wala din. What's the use na nagtitimpi ako?? So nilalabas ko na yung nffeel ko. I complain and I tell him na he needs to put some more effort naman into the relationship dahil napapagod na ako trying every possible way na iapproach sya pero wala pa din. mga a month na ganun til last sat. na I sat him down and very calmly talked to him again about how I felt. I even told him na if hindi na niya gusto mgstay in this relationship e he is free to leave..

a month ago this happened...I don't know what to do at this point...gusto kong mawala na lang ako if not for my daughter. She's 4 years old and understands what;s happening samin ng asawa ko. She cries when I cry and it hurts me even more na ganun,  hubby and I got into a fight. I was telling him na I feel so unappreciated and it hurts...Dumating sa point na nagwala sya and hinulog lahat ng nasa kitchen table kahit andun daughter namin. Iyak ng iyak sa takot daughter ko habang ngmamadali ako linisin ang broken peices of shattered glass. After that ngkulong sa guest room. Pinabayaan ko sya til yesterday morning. Kinakatok ko sya telling him na kumain na at baka magkasakit pa sya...no answer or reply sa mg atext ko. Kahit sa daughter namin hindi ngrerespond. Sa sobrang takot ko na baka may nangyari na sa kanya, pinilit ko i-open yung door. Inipit niya fingers ko nung una pero nasilip ko ang room at di ko sya makita kaya lalo ako kinabahan. I gave all the strength na kaya ko to open that door till narealize ko hinarangan pala niya ng 2 cabinets and nakalean sya dun sa dulo para di talaga mabuksan ang door. Sa pagpipilit ko naipit ang half ng katawan ko as I was crying out in pain pinapunta ko daughter ko sa cousin ko na kapitbahay lang namin. Sa sobrang pagkaipit ng chest ko hindi ako makahinga nun and dun lang ata natauhan kaya tinanggal ang gamit..Ang sakit sakit na nagagawa niya sa kin mga bagay na ganun pag ngaaway kami. Pero nilamon ko pa din ang pride ko at ngsorry na masyado ko sya pinush to that point. I told him na ayoko naman na magkaganon sya, ang gusto ko lang sana is to emphasize the need for him to put in effort. Mga moommies hindi sya kumikibo nun. ang ginawa kumuha ng rice at ulam kumain pero eto yung scary part--butil per butil ang subo...kinabahan ako at chinek ko agad mata niya kasi baka naka drugs or something...hindi naman,normal naman..tapos pati M&m's kinutsara peice by peice, inarrange per color at nilagay pa sa burger..umiiyak na tlaga ao nun sa worry na parang nabaliw na sya! Pero after nun naging normal na ulit, kinausap daughter ko na wag na umiyak then tinabihan sa pagtulog. He got up this morning and I asked him kung papasok sya sa work..he said oo then sinundan ko na baka pwede mgabsent muna sya. Syempre tinanaong kung bakit sabi ko kasi hindi kami pwede na ganun lang. Deadma. Hindi na ko naiyak sa dismay at kapaguran na din siguro. Tinayuan ko na lang then hindi na pinakialaman. Im thinking kung ayaw niya bakit pilitin pa? Lagi na lang ako ang lumalamon sa pride ko para lang maayos problema namin,pagod na pagod na ko...Gusto ko lumayo kasama daughter ko kasi takot na din ako sa kanya na baka ano magawa niya. Kaya niya magwala kahit nandyan ang bata..kahit humahagulgol yung bata wala sya pakialam. Sya din ang Perfect Husband at Father sa mata ng lahat pero yun nga e hindi lang naman sa pambababae, vices ang basis of being a bad husband..

Parang walang ngyari day after, as usual. I kept a civil face for my daughter pero deeep inside I was dying..Ganito na lang ba talaga kami? Hindi naman ata maganda or healthy para sa amin yung ganito db? Just this afternoon he texted na he is sorry and acknowledging the fact na he hurt me alot. He is trying his best naman daw na to change and to make up for everything..Tinitigan ko lang ang message and replied: " I really don't know what to say anymore...pagod na ko talking with you.." Yun lang talaga ang naffeel ko mga sis..

Just an update...Pinaalis ko na Husband ko last week...Nagstart kasi with me trying to open up to him na He's not communicating again, kaya yun. Nagwala na naman. I immediately took my daughter( who was there to see what he was doing) and locked ourselves sa bedroom. Pilit niya inoopen and I threatened him na I'll call the barangay. I really did call, sa sobrang takot ko. Takot na may magawa sya na masaktan daughter namin at takot na kung ano magawa ko sa kanya pag nangyari yun. The barangay told me na to stay calm lang and to ask help from neighbors para to talk to him and calm him down. Tumigil naman nung narinig niya ko calling the barangay talaga. I contacted his parents and told them na sunduin muna anak nila at baka magkasakitan pa...Ayoko na talaga palakihin ang gulo pero the fear that coursed through me last night, iba talaga. I guess naabot na ang sukdulan ko sa pag pasensya sa mga outbursts niya na ganun. Usapan is aalis na sya ng kusa pag ngwala sya ulit...he realized na it was what I wanted nang dumating parents niya and inilabas ko essential things niya na nasa room na pinagkulungan namin. Hindi na kami lumabas ulit ng daughter ko dahil ayoko masira sya sa anak niya. I know he loves her soooo much pero as the saying goes :Love aint enough"  Sad, sad day today and more to come I guess...

I love him, I truly do but it's hard na magkimkim lang lagi. Parang nababaliw ako pag nagtitimpi akosa kanya. For the sake lang na hindi na mag ka argument. He texted kanina reaasuring me of financial support which I truly appreciated. Alam niya kasi na pag iniiwan niya kami yun talaga major concern ko. I have no means to work naman kasi because of my single,imperfect eyesight.

Sad, lonely and heartache...how long will it last?

[mctina_20]

where is your son in this picture?
i dunno what to say. One very important thing i learned about my marriage is i can never change my man into what i want him to be. and if i try, thats when major problem starts.
it seems to me that you had some post partum depression after the birth of your daughter that explains why you were acting out or i could be wrong. But him eating the rice and putting m&m in a burger bun was really creepy, he could snap anytime and really hurt you especially your daughter.
the worse us parents could do to our kids is when we fight nastily in front of them. how long sadness and loneliness will last? we dont know.
but you are better off apart right now, you are toxic together. figure out what you both wanted, counselling might help. sometimes we women are so consumed with our pain and our own misery that we forget that they too is hurting just as much.
Above all, PRAY, ask for Gods guidance.
Wish you well my friend.

[missyli]

Let me share with you the whole story no matter how long I hope you pls bear with me...

I come from a broken family. My Mother left me when I was 2 and my Dad left me to go to the U.S. when I was 4...I grew up with my Lola(my dad's mother). She is a doctor who runs a small hospital. Growing up with her was quite a challenge....She is the type of person who was always on the go with a lot of diff business ventures at the same time running a hospital. Even at her age she seems to add more and more accomplishments to her list therefore she was too busy to really be "taking care of me"...All financial needs were met, I was in a very good school, had all the material things and had access to all that can be financially met...But for me I was alone. Communication with my parents were close to nothing. My mom calls once in a blue moon for a shopping spree and meeting my half-siblings. My dad was too busy making a life of his own. My relatives here hated me for the lifestyle I had with my Lola's financial support. They were always finding ways to see fault in whatever I do. Academically speaking, I was doing well though unnoticed by everyone. Syempre mga sis nung bata pa ko ok lang situation ko. Though I cry when may mga activities sa school na need ng parents and ako, I need to borrow my classmate's mom pa for those types of events...Wala naman kasing may time sa family to accompany me. Till the time na nagdalaga na ko, that started my tumultous life as I see it...

This is the most difficult part for me to relate but once and for all  I will...

I was in an All Girls school mga sis...6th grade a lot of people started to bully me, calling me names and things like that...matatag ako mga sis, hindi ako kumikibo sa school..Iniiyak ko lang sa Guidance counselor namin and pag I'm all alone sa room ko. Buti na lang din kahit papano I had friends who stood by me kahit ganun...Kahit I told my Lola all she told me was I have to see na hindi naman important mga bagay na ganun..Sigh, ewan ko mga  sis pero I tried to be brave talaga nung time na yun. Time goes on and I discovered boys---I turned to having a boyfriend to love me...In every relationship, yes mga sis madami sila for I would cling on to anyone who would "love me" at that time, I gave my all. Lahat ng kaya ko at the expense of everyone in the family putting me down and almost shunning me out of the family. Though ganun ang situation at kahit gaano kagalit ang Lola ko sa katigasan ng ulo ko dahilsa mga lalake, she still stood by me...Even to the point na ipadala niya rin ako sa U.S as an exchange student to have a new life. Mind you, not with my dad but with a so-called "foster family" who are Americans. Yes it was Hope for me but then again I was scared..New culture, New people...I don't know mga sis pero something really unfortunate happened to me dun...I had retinal detachment in my right eye causing me to lose sight sa right...Napakalaki ng nagastos, napakalaking hassle sa laht... ang ending-back to Pinas. Ibang relatives ko nun parang masaya na mas parang nabwisit when I came back. Lalo ako nadepress sa sarili ko when my Lolo came to live with us. He had another family kai and dun sya kaso ayun may cancer binalik sa family namin. Lagi kami nagaaway ng Lolo ko. I disrespected him because growing up all I saw him do was get money from Lola to support his Other Family then sya pa ang mgagalit at mananakit kay Lola pag hindi sya binigyan. I hated, hate him. To the point mga sis na hinabol niya ko ng knife sa bahay. Iyak ng iyak kaming 2 ng Lola ko nun. Wala sya magawa kasi I know mahal pa din niya yun kaya hidi niya rin mapalayas dahil may Colon Cancer. Mga 17 na ko nun when He got worse...After eating involuntarily lumalabas ang "dumi" sa kanya. Kalat all over the house..Hindi ko din naman matiis Lola ko na sya Paglinisin kaya ako din naman kikilos making me hate living at that house even more. I wanted to escape as much as possible..I stayed over at friend's houses, gimik all night just to get away from it all...Then I met someone...Nung una sa phone lang pero ngsstart na din ang celphone craze that time so pati sa text kasama na. He is Bicolano. Very smart and sweet. Masarap kausap. Though hindi pa kami nagkikita, we both knew there was something...I as aggressive and determined made the move to see him. Going all the way all alone to Sorsogon just to finally meet him..It was blissful, love at first sight...Dito naman sa Manila sya nakastay coz of College so there was never a day or night na hindi kami magkasama. The inevitable happened--I got pregnant. He never left me and faced my Lola. At that time my Lolo died as well kaya umuwi na din ako. He decided na we should stay together kaya dun ako sa knila with his sister and brother. As u know mahirap makisama..personality clashes and hirap na hirap ako sa pregnancy ko. it made me emotional , paranoid and suicidal even. Back to Lola kaming 2 mga 6 months along na ko nun. Lola was very suppportive samin kahit na alam ko masakit sa kanya ngyari. She was there to oversee my childbirth by CS to a 9.8 lb bouncing baby boy. She provided all MY needs. A yaya, allowance and things for my son para lang hindi ako mahirapan living away from her. Syempre gusto nung in-laws dun ang baby sa kanila. We got married, civil lang. Walang kasama kundi ang mother at sister niya. Wala ako kasama sa side ko, lahat busy, daw. Sigh, it was hard being a young mom and wife...we didn't work out as expected. I left him. Hindi ko makaya na hindi niya ko makampihan when it comes to arguments with his family. He let me go. I can't blame him, we were too young and naive. Sad thing lang is I made the decision to leave my son with him. Call me a bad mother, call me uncaring pero it was I think the best decision I ever made. Para sakin kasi at that time I was a mess. I don't know what I want I dont know what to do with my life. I also thought na my son is better off with his Father dahil sa side ko wala namang tatatyo na Father figure. How can I take care of him if sarili ko hindi ko makaya? We stayed in touch nung husband ko, he kept tabs on me. He knew if i was in a relationship or not. He was always there if I needed him..He was always trying to convince me to get back together pero hindi ko pa din makita sa kanya na ipprioritize niya ang family namin over his. I moved on with him on the side per se...

[aquacharly]

Messy, because you let the bad things or relationships in your family suck you down.
May alternative you know, pagnakita mo hindi maganda... do not replicate or come out with your own mistakes.  Learn from other people's mistakes.   Hindi como broken family si darling lola, broken family parents mo, eh don din ang bagsak mo.  It does not have to be that way, pero well.. ginawa mo, sumunod ka sa pattern.

This relationship with  your daughter's father....   look at it with fresh eyes.
What is there to see?
1st, darling,  he is not your husband.  So, you are both in a relationship wherein any 1 of  you can just walk away, anyday.  There is no Contract to refer back to, really.

2nd:  That you 2 do not bring out the best in each other.  OO, andun na that you try, but when 1 of you goes boink!  it is with increasingly worse results.  Ngayon, pati daughter mo is exposed to all that nasty drama.  Tama pa ba yon?  Pati ikaw during the last episode, eh natakot ka na.  alam mo iba na ang level nang destructiveness nyo towards each other... aantayin mo pa bang masapak anak mo, mapatay ka in a moment of (his) madness, or matepok mo sya in self-defense?

3rd:    That there is no abuser if there is nobody willing to be abused. Yes, you are in an abusive relationship.
Palitan lang kayo eh.  Pag ikaw nagtitimpi, he will push you to lose it.  Pag sya matiaga, ikaw naman abusada.  That kind of switching roles is not amusing.

4th:  Do not get hung up on the past.  Eh ano if hindi romantically perfect your start with him?  What is important is you 2 learned to love each other, and he came across with support for your daughter. 
Why are you looking for a perfect script?
hindi mo ba nagetz sa dami nang cuento dito that we are all imperfect people with imperfect scripts that we try to improve on?  What matters, no matter what happened before, is that you pick yourself up, learn from your lessons and move forward.

IMO,  do not let your emotions overrule your common sense now.
Be nice to him, say you are sorry and that you know he is sorry that your relationship got to such a heartbreaking point.  Tell him, you need time apart for both of you to mature, and to think out what is, to each of you, important and what you want out of life.  Then , soon that 2 of you will talk.

Now, he may have an epiphany that will not be what you want.  But isn't it better he knows his truth, and he tells you... quesa mapilitan kayo to get together na hindi naman sincere efforts on both your parts to make a go of it?  Darling, all marriages or relationships are challenging and need a lot of work, and prayers, and help from The Divine.  Such is the reality.  So, all is not hopeless with the 2 of you... but you really need to know yourselves better... The Truth will set you free, really. 

Another thing, you are young, you have a supportive lola, and you have seen how low one can fall in a relationship.  Your detached retina is not your guarantee for failure nor excuse for not advancing yourself.  Kung bulag puede nga productive member of society.
No,I am not telling you to be a masseuse.
I am telling you to count your blessings & use these to your advantage....  that you are young, you have a supportive lola, you are smart to see what is going wrong in your life now, and you apparently have the capacity to make tough decisions (like living behind your son for his best interest), and maintain difficult relationships (such as being good friends with your husband, the father of your son.. hindi pa kayo annulled, pwes darling, he is your husband still)

So pick yourself up, dust all that guilt away (what your parents or grandparents did with their marriages... that is not your mistake, hwag mo akuhin and replay in your life), hwag mo pakinggan mga choochoochoo ng mga kamag-anak na inggit, pakialamera or cheezmwaz.... pick yourself up, and grow up.  It is time to be a Big Girl, your daughter needs you.  You are smart, your mind sorts it all out for you.. but you need to mature emotionally... do not let your emotions determine your life.  Isipin mo, but do not act on those that you know do not serve your best interests.  Yan sabi ni MOMMY FE, which is very good advice.

So there, focus on yourself, on getting a better grip on your life.  Do not be afraid to face the future, tibayan mo sikmura mo and kapalan mo face mo... so you can advance yourself to become financially independent.  Therein lies the best insurance for you and your daughter.

Take care of yourself.  Kaya mo yan, to move on for yourself kahit na there is no man in your life to hold your hand now.   Pray for Divine Guidance:  for a clear mind to think things through, and courage to follow through

[missyli]

@ sis aquacharly

Thank you so much for your Frank yet VERY sensible opinions...Really jolted me to an "awakening"...I read it at the lowest point and at the time I needed it the most!

Time to move...Thank you again dear Sister....

[justin3]

ganda ng kwento mo sis ah. very colorful.

di ako abogado, pero clarify ko lang... legally married ka sa isang uragon, right? hanggang ngayon, kasi you never mentioned "annulment" naman.
as per Atty Danny Concepcion, Dean ng UP College of Law, ilang beses nya nang nasabi (sa radio program nya sa DZMM 8-9pm, mon-fri), your daughter (at kahit masundan pa ng ibang anak sya) her surname must that be of your one and only husband.
at kaya nga daw wag na magtaka kung bakit mas mabigat ang hatol ng adultery kesa concubinage, dahil nga dyan.
ang husband, pwede magloko at magkalat ng lahi nya sa iba't ibang babae at isunod ang name nya; pero ang wife kung magloko at nabuntis ng ibang lalaki, walang magawa ang hubby dahil dadalhin talaga ng bata ang name nya... at may karapatan rin ang bata na magmana sa property nya ha?
 
anyway, ang topic: What is my next move?

"moves" ang sasabihin ko, marami. dapat simultaneously mong gagawin. pero bahala ka kung ayaw mo.
 - pray, pray, pray! all-girl-school? Catholic ka? then go to mass. mag Rosaryo ka. nakalimutan mo na ata eh. wag hingi nang hingi ng favor kay Lord, instead, magpasalamat ka for having a beautiful daughter, at lumayas ang baliw mong bf sa buhay mo... kinukutsara ba naman ang M&Ms 
at wag mo nga syang tawaging hubby, kung si Dr Love kausap mo, naboljak ka na.

 - look for a job. your disability is not a hindrance para umasenso ka. you can drive (ako nga hindi marunong eh), eloquent ka naman sa english (ako nga bulol). you're brave, adventurous, makakahanap ka ng matinong work... makipag-eyeball ba naman sa bikol. ako nga tinatamad kahit na within Kyusi lang eh. buti di ka nalunok ng Butanding dun.

 - wag ka nang makipagbalikan EVER sa bf mong baliw. wag mo nang ipagtanggol. leche, baka ispiya pa yan ni Mao Tse Tong. at kaya nandito sa Pilipinas yan para maniktik katulad ng mga Hapon bago mag WWII... di talaga ako mapakali sa M&Ms eh. ang saya-saya 
 
 - wag ka na rin makipag bf as much as possible ha? ayusin mo muna ang naunsyaming kasal mo kung may balak ka. pero mas maganda kung ibuhos mo na lang time mo kay baby kesa mag-date-date ka dyan at sisihin na naman ang sarili later on na kesyo napabayaan ko si baby, wala akong time sa kanya, huhuhu

 - be more sip-sip kay lola dear. nasa 70s na sya di ba? oist, malapit na sila magkita ni St. Peter nyan. alam mo na. shower her with small gifts. malay mo, ipamana lahat sa yo ang kayamanan nya, eh di mamatay sa inggit mga relatives mo?... balatuhan mo ko ha?

 - lastly. pray, pray and pray always. kala mo makawala ka ha? yan kasi, kaya ka napaaga nakipag bf nun kasi nakalimutan mo na magdasal. kala mo tinu-torture kayo ng mga madre pag pinangaralan kayo, at gusto nyong makawala at maka-isa.  anong order ba sila? RA? Benedictine? Cannosians? Daughters of SP?

oist sis, wag pikon ha? fwendz tayo dito.

[missyli]

@justin3

Thank you sis...appreciated ko lahat ng sinabi mo... OO nman hindi naman ako pikon lalao na true naman ang points mo diba? Thank you so much and Im happy to say, thhings are looking up! God Bless and take care

[whitelady17]

Hi missy, sis nakaka loka ang story mo hah. You are still blessed, kasi kahit wala ang mother / father mo may lola ka na nag provide sa iyo, kung napunta ako sa situasyon mo, I would rather have the support and luxury than having the family na magulo kaliwa't kanang babae or lalake nila. Why? Simple lang, kasi iyan ang nagpapataas ng market value mo as a person. but then again patol ka ng patol sa mga lalake masabihan ka lang ng i love you. PAra kang naging syota ng bayan eh.

Eh sis ikaw ba mahal mo ang sarili mo? if yes, gaano mo ka mahal ang sarili mo?
Kasi kahit gaano kadami nagmamahal sa iyo, kung ikaw hindi mo mahal ang sarili mo, walang mangyayari eh.

Well anyway hindi pa naman too late, so assess mo ang sarili mo, I suggest na you read again your posts here, and read it not as missyli but as someone who is matured and willing to give advise to the problem, put yourself in another shoes, in a way na huwag mo isipin ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon think of it na ikaw ang magbibigay ng advise, and let us know as well.

Kahit anong magandang advise ang i post dito, kung within yourself eh hindi magawa, sayang eh di ba?

Let your daughter serves as your inspiration to live well, look into yourself, what can you do? Either mag tutorial services ka, at least kasama mo pa daughter mo. Tama si Justine, take care of lola bumawi ka na habang may oras pa sa mga naidulot mong sama ng loob sa kanila.