Tawa muna tayo! Thread 2

[mixxy16]

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday
bilang katulong sa Maynila.

Habang ini-interview ng amo.....

Amo: Kailangan namin ng katulong para mag-linis ng bahay,
Magluto, maglaba, mamalantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay sa mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng
ito?

Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [Nagdugo ang ilong.]

Makaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang may bukol si Junior.

Amo: Inday, bakit may bukol si Junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural
design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [Nagdugo ulit ang ilong.]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan....

Amo: Inday, bakit naman maalat ang ulam natin?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]

Donya: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nararatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [Hinimatay.]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si Junior sa Principal's office dahil hindi makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni Junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict an injury to anyone. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids in this educational institution. Your policies need revision because they suck!

Principal: [Nagbitiw sa tungkulin.]

Pagdating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred, wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris is scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast, causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si Junior.

Inday: Stop your rambunctious behavior! It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens, there will be the corresponding corporal punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [Takbo sa CR, para hugasan ang nagdudugong ilong.]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nasa balita na umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya siya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know instinctively that things will get worse if they stay. Leaving can be very tough, and it's even harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [Binalunguyngoy na naman. Takbo ulit sa CR.]

Nung gabing yon, may nag-text kay inday--si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gustong makipagtext-mate..

Biday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request - Irrevocable denial.

Di naglaon, dahil sa tiyaga ni Dodong, naging girlfriend niya rin si inday.

Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si inday kay Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you made the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of, however. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken....

I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofore, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself!

May dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan nina Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (kay inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you think are just nothing because someday you will realize that the one you gave away was the very thing you had been wishing for to stay..

UPDATE.

Narinig ng amo ni inday ang lahat-lahat.

Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng inggles, sinumang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko, palalayasin ko sa pamamahay na ito!

Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong bibig ay mataman kong ilalagak as kasuluk-sulukan ng aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, at palagi kong gugunam- gunamin.

Sakbibi ng madlang lumbay kung mapapalis sa gunita yaring inyong tinuran..

Amo: Leche! Hindi kami sinauna! Yung makabagong wika at salita ang gusto kong gagamitin dito sa bahay ko!!

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!

[SCookie]

hehe. Nosebleed din ako dito... 

[Dacian]

a cute letter by a little kid who hates math:
"dear math, please grow up soon and try to solve your own problems.  don't depend on others."

[mischa04]

hahah.. grabe masakit na nga ulo ko lalo pang sumakit dahil kay Inday..

[maika14]

Got these from my FB newsfeed. I know some of these have been posted already, but here goes

tawa ulit tayo.......

1. Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo
kayang bilangin?
Anak: Mas bobo si tatay, nay, kasi narinig ko
minsan sabi, 'tama na inday,
hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.'

2. Ano ang pagkain?

Mister: Ano ang pagkain natin?
Misis: Nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
Mister: Isang pirasong tuyo?
Ano pagpipilian ko?
Misis: Pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!

3. Overseas Call

IDD Call from US:
Husband: Hon, musta ang tindahan?
Wife: Department store na!
Husband: Ang tuba-an?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: Ang mga tri-sikad?
Wife: Taxi na!
Husband: Ang dalawa kong anak?
Wife: Lima na!

4. Horoscope

Sweethearts watchin' the sky...
Guy: Ano ang horoscope mo?
Girl: Anong huruskup?
Guy: Yung bang kapalaran mo,
katulad ko, CANCER.
Girl: Ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!

5. Almusal

Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na
ang almusal dito ay ala-sais emprunto!
Maid: Walang problema, donya, kung tulog pa
ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong
mag-almusal!

6. Ni-rape...

Maid: Ma'm, ni-rape ako ng magnanakaw
kagabi...
Madam: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
Maid: Eh, akala ko po si Sir, pero nung
makadalawa, nagduda na ako!

7. Mayaman - Mahirap

Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami,
nagkakamay kaming kumain.
Ngayong mahirap na kami,
nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!

8. Pangarap

Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly
gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow!
Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! Yan din ang pangarap niya!

9. Dalawang mayabang...

Usapan ng dalawang mayabang...
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga,
dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

10. Nitrates

A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student,
'What are Nitrates?'
The student replied shyly, 'Ma'am, sa motel po,
Nitrates are higher than day rates!'

11. Siling Labuyo

Ate: Musta date mo, sis? Epektib ba payo ko,
siling labuyo sa nipples mo para di ka
galawin ng bf mo?
Sis: Hay naku, ate, palpak! Ginanahan pa lalo,
eh, uragon pala!

12. Madre't Sakristan

Madre: Ano ang apelyido mo, iho?
Sakristan: Alam nyo na ho yun sister,
lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan.
Madre: Susmaryosep!
Bayag ba ang apelyido mo?!
Sakristan: Sister naman, Rosario po.

13. Katapusan na!

Lumindol ng malakas noon...
Nagkagulo ang lahat at nag panic!
Sumigaw ang isang lalaki...'Katapusan na!
Katapusan na!'
Sumagot ang isa pang lalaki...
't****! A-kinse pa lang!'

14. Utot

Pupil: Ma'm, bumubukol po ba ang utot?
Teacher: No! Definitely not!
Kasi hangin lang yun! Remember,
hindi bumubukol ang utot...
Pupil: Naku, patay! Tae na to!

15. Sa Airplane

Sa isang mumurahing airline...
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: 'Yes or No' lang po.

16. Walang Syota

Pare1: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala
ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang
napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron... Manhid ka lang!

17. Sa Isang Ospital

Lola (may cancer): Doc, anong gagawin niyo sa
akin?
Doc: Che-chemo, lola.
Lola: *censored* mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo!

18. Top One

Boy: Nay!
Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Ba't mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one
sa klase. Ang tinuro ni Ma'am yung
katabi ko... Muntik na ako!

 

[Lady Czarina]

SENIOR CITIZENS TEXTING CODES:

ATD -at the doctors.
BFF -best friend fell.
BTW -bring the wheelchair.
BYOT -bring your own teeth.
FWIW -forgot where I was.
GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low.
GHA -got heartburn again.
IMHO -is my hearing aid on.
LMDO -laughing my dentures out.
OMMR -on my massage recliner.
OMSG -oh my! sorry, gas.
ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up.
TTYL -talk to you louder

hahahahaha

[merchee]

^ hahahah ang kulet!

tawang taawa ako dito hahhaha:


BYOT -bring your own teeth.
ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up.

[momentum]

sis mixxy16 hahahahaha natawa ako ng malakas dito sa office sa post mo!!
thank you for sharing!

[mitchie29]

^hahaha! natawa ako dun sa huli! madaming guilty dito.. hehe! 

HAHAHA astig naman nito sis..natwa tlaga ako ng sobra..


salamat sa mga nag share more joke please.............
nakaka relax after long hour of work!

[Longhair]

The father told his son that he would buy him a new car if he got all A's on his report card, read the Bible all the way through, and cut his long hair.

Finally the son brought a report card home with all A's and stated that he had read the bible all the way through. "What about the hair cut?" asked the father.

The son replied, "I read the Bible, and Jesus and the Apostles wore their hair long."

The father replied, "Then you also know that they walked everywhere."

[imdWOMANwhocntbemove]

haha!ang saya naman dito! super laughtrip!!!

[chaylyn]

nice thread talaga to! haha

tawa ako ng tawa. haha LOLS

[comp_nurse]

Happy april's fool day everyone!

[brendzy]

TEACHER: Juan! Gumawa ka ng story bukas! Yan ang assignment mo atleast 500 words.

JUAN: Yes Ma'am!

(kinabukasan)

TEACHER: Juan! Basahin mo yung ginawa mong story!

JUAN: Yes Ma'am! ehemm..

MY LOST CAT..
(bow)

My cat is lost,
so I look for it..

Ming (491x)

dami kong tawa dito...

[pretty empress]

pag ''K'' ka ng ''K''
Lalaki ang ''T''
pag Lumaki ang ''T'',
mahirap ipasok sa ''P''
Kaya mag ''J'' kana Lang, Gets ?
ULitin ko aah?
Pag "Kain'' ka ng ''Kain''
Lalaki ang ''Tiyan''
Pag Lumaki ang ''Tiyan''
mahirap ipasok sa ''Pants''
kaya, mag ''Jogging'' ka na Lang.
Hahaha..
REMINDERS:
''Have a Healthy body,
not a Dirty mind!
--------------------------

BATA: pabili nga po ng TANG [textspeak!]
1 litter pack
.
.
TiNDERA: alin [textspeak!] POWDER??
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
BATA: hindi [textspeak!] BARETA
panghampas sa t**** ..

[janedoe007]

This is a true text conversation between my friend & I but I really find it funny as hell:

Me: May alam ka bang nagji-jailbreak sa Park Square?
Friend: Ha! Wala! Kelan ngyari??? Nasa news ba?? (ang nasa isip may nag ala prison break at sa Park Square nagkaengkwentro with the cops! LOL!)

I was in the office nun magkatext kami ng friend ko na to at sobrang pigil kong humalakhak! haha! To give her some slack eto yung time na bago bago pa itouch and Ipads and she doesn't own either of the two so hindi lang niya talaga alam what jailbreak means..well now she knows hehe

[micci]

Read from twitter

q:paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya na hindi siya mababastos?

A: excuse me, miss mang tomas ba ang lotion mo?

haha!

[kachich]

hahahaha subscribing

[superbubly]

eto tawang tawa ako grabe paantok na ako until I saw this and watched grabe tawa much ako nawala antok ko, watch niyo din - siya din yung controversial na Prank Caller (FYI)

Watch, its funny

[babyboo.0326]

i need this sometimes, subscribing