Adopting my niece

[hannie1216]

I need your advise guys kasi hanggang ngayon hindi pa din ako makapag decide. Background po muna para lubos nyong maintindihan ang sitwasyon...

I have a brother na sabihin na natin hindi masyadong pinalad sa life nya... Hindi sya nakapagtapos ng studies nya dahil napabarkada and wala din syang stable job. May baby girl na sila 7 years old na ngayon and sa mommy ko pa sila umaasa hanggang ngayon. Then accidentally, nabuntis yung wife nya ulit. Kami ni hubby 2 years na kami kasal pero wala pa kami baby so parang niloko ko sila na pag girl ampunin ko na lang. Gusto ng mommy ko ganon nga mangyari since alam nya siguro na sa knya na naman aasa if ever. Then habang lumalaki yung tiyan nung hipag ko hindi sya nagpapa check up, ni hindi nga nainom yata ng vitamins kasi nga kakainin pa lang nila kapos na sila talaga. To make the story short, 8 months na ngayon and nalaman nila na hindi pwede i normal ang baby dahil placenta previa si hipag kailangan talaga i CS. pinatawag kami ni hubby ng mom ko para kausapin kasama yung brother at hipag ko then sinabi nga sa amin na payag na daw yung brother ko na ipaampon sa amin kahit legal adoption gusto ko basta kami ang gagastos sa panganganak ni hipag. Natuwa naman ako dahil baby girl yung nasa tiyan nya pero natakot din ako dahil unang una biglaan baka ma short kami dahil wala pa din gamit ang baby. then syempre kukuha pa kami ng yaya para sa baby kasi nagwo work kami pareho ni hubby. Then may doubts din si hubby sabi nya baka daw maging sakitin ang baby dahil hindi nga nag vitamins si hipag while preggy, so baka kami daw ang mamroblema at 2 years pa bago namin ma file ng petition for legal adoption si baby. Pag di ko naman inadopt naaawa talaga ako sa mommy ko dahil matanda na din sya at mag isa na lang sya hindi naman nya natitiis ang brother ko. Kung kayo nasa kalagayan ko aampunin nyo pa rin ba yung baby? Naguguluhan na talaga ako mga sisses! TIA!

[joban99]

hannie1216, basta a child/baby  is at stake, its a very serious issue. You really need to think long and hard about it. In my personal opinion, it doesnt sound like you and your husband are 100% ready to have a baby yet. Having a baby is REALLLLLLLLLLLLY gonna rock your world, just ask any parent here. You guys really need to be 101% sure that you are ready and want to adopt. Of course being financially ready is important, but you need to be psychologically ready as well. Kahit may yaya kayo, the first year of your baby's life will really be a physical and psychological drain.

Feeling sorry for your mom or your bro isnt really a valid reason to adopt your brother's baby.  What you can do is help out financially and be physically there for the child. You and your husband can be a great tito and tita to your 2 nieces. Someone also really needs to talk to your brother and tell him to get his act together as he now has two kids to take care of and that 2 kids for them is enough na.

So again, just in my personal opinion, it doesnt sound like youre ready to adopt. But what you and your hubby can do is help out and be the best aunt and uncle to the new baby and also to your other 7 year old niece. Hope everything worksouts for you and keep us updated.

[hannie1216]

Thanks for the advise sis.. Siguro tama ka di pa kami ganon ka ready ni hubby kasi ang dami ko pang iniisip talaga. Excited din naman ako and feel ko na maging mommy pero I know na hindi talaga madali yon. Buti sana kung start palang ng pregnancy pumayag na sila para settle na lahat ako pa naman ang tipo ng taong napaka idealistic so gusto ko lahat naka plan. Kinausap ko kanina ang mom and hipag ko about this sabi ni mommy kung wala pa daw makitang yaya, sa hipag ko muna daw then pag meron na sa akin na.

[twelvth_goddess]

Hannie, having a kid is not just being able to support her financially. It's a big responsibility. I'm sure you're fully aware of this and baka kaya ka naguguluhan ngayon is because hinde ka pa 100% ready. It took me several years to finally decide on being a mother cus I wanted to be fully ready when my baby comes. I know what you feel, syempre as a tita to your niece and as a sibling to your brother, you wanna help out. Pero there are other ways naman of helping that wouldnt involve such a big decision.

[aquacharly]

When in doubt - don't.  Adoption is generally a wonderfully orderly way to have a kid.  There is time to think it over, to commit and to prepare financially and emotionally.  Sa cuento mo, mukhang mabubulaga kayo -- so hwag na lang muna.  Listen well to what TWELFTH_GODDESS posted.

Atchaka, when you raise someone as your own kid -- you accept total responsibility.  Hindi iyong pag may lumabas na disability yung bata -- eh isoli mo?  Kids come with no warranties & batteries.  You take what you get.  It is good you and your hubby are responsibly thinking about this all.  Hwag mo i-save your mom to put your marriage in the path of hardship.  There are other ways to help without joining in a sinking boat. 

[barefoot_taka]

panalo ang post mo sis aquacharly! 

[zanabee]

sis hannie1216 adopting a baby needs a 100% decision and acceptance dun sa baby...no wahat if's....

sis ganyan din ako meron na nag attempt na mag pa adopt ng baby nila sa amin since wala pa kami baby ni hubby pero half-hearted lagi ako...pag malayo pa sure na sure ako pero pag nandyan na talaga hindi ko alam ang desisiyon ko...kaya until now hindi pa rin kami nakapag adpot...

sis aquacharly ang galing mo talagang mag advice i've read some of your posts kaya lang ang dami na pala ang dami mo na rin palang na inspire... thanks for sharing your thoughts and logics to us....

[abel823]

oo nga mahirap mag adopt ng di ka ready. Dapat sure ka.
Before , di pa namin naisip mag adopt. Pero ngayon wala pa din kami kids...pag meron dumating siguro we will take the baby.  kung ano ibigay ni Lord. Mahirap din kasi maghanap para lang may ma adopt.
Masmaganda yun bigla lang may mag papa adopt.

[ishko]

mahirap nga yan... baka bawiin later on

tsaka mahirap nga ang hindi prepared.. financially, emotionally, physically at syempre dapat gusto din ng hubby mo.. baka naman napilitan lang siya pero mas gusto nya na inyo mismo galing ang baby

[Arnic]

Teh adoption should be legal. You can't just register the baby with your names as parents when the baby is born because that is illegal. Adoption process should be followed.

Having a baby is more than just taking care of a pet dog. You need to ready yourself for a double or triple expenses (you can't bring a baby to a doctor for check-up with just 600 pesos in your pocket). Physically, emotionally ready as well - waking up at 1:00am is no joke. Babies are demanding, they can drain your physical and emotional strength (but they still lovable). Parenting is more than just feeding the baby or tickle him/her everyday. Ask yourself if you are ready for the responsibility.

Babies are blessings , however, they have no choice to be born in the world, they have no choice who would be their parents. It is up to us adults to provide for their needs. If you think you can provide for all her needs, go for it.If not, weigh the other options.

[zanabee]

mahirap nga yan... baka bawiin later on

tsaka mahirap nga ang hindi prepared.. financially, emotionally, physically at syempre dapat gusto din ng hubby mo.. baka naman napilitan lang siya pero mas gusto nya na inyo mismo galing ang baby

i agree with her esp. SIL mo yung mother at anak sya ng brother mo... baka in the future magka prob kayo sa decision making when it comes sa bata baka makialam sila sa inyo ni hubby mo... after all sila pa rin ang parents ng bata...

if I may ask sis, wala pa ba kayung own baby ni hubby mo?

[hannie1216]

Sorry sa sobrang late kong reply pero i just want to give you guys an update on what happened...

Well, I already adopted my niece and she is now 9 months old turning 10 months. We are so happy with our decission and we don't have any regrets. We became more responsible and she really gave directions to our lives.

As to her biological parents, ok naman sila ngayon. Minsan nagtatampo pa nga ako pag hindi nila binibisita yung baby. Tanggap naman nila ang situation.

Na register ko na din ang baby sa amin and I she even have health card (as my dependent of course). She's very smart, healthy and beautiful.

Problema ko na lang is kelan at paano ko sasabihin ang totoo sa knya...

[justin3]

congratulations Mommy Hannie! belated Happy Mother's Day to you.

[SakuraBride]

Nagback read ako and nagpost pa naman ako ng don't na lang pag di ready, ngayon ko lang nabasa na na-adopt na pala. hehe Congrats!

[agape]

It's better the baby knows before she even knows anything.
I grew up knowing I'm adopted, although not legally at that time, pero pag bata ka kasi, wala ka paki alam pa masyado, so growing up, it didn't really matter to me that I'm sorta adopted by my relatives. My dad gave me to his parents when my mom left him.

Never tell her when she's in her teens already, when she's looking for her own identity, maraming issues pag puberty/adolescent stage, and never a good time to tell her that she doesn't really belong.

You only have 2 choices, when she's still very young, or when she's a mature adult na.
At least she has 2 mommies and 2 daddies na. Maybe the real parents can be godparents.
Sana walang maging problems in the future, like making her choose between her legal and biological parents.

BTW, how much was the adoption? I also have a brother, and I have lots of nieces/nephews, adoption also comes to our minds. Gusto ko nga pa-vasectomy na brother ko eh.

[kiz_me1109]

In my opinion sis, pwede ka naman tumulong sa pagpapalaki ng bata nang hindi siya inaampon e. If hindi ka pa ready, or may doubts kayo ng husband niyo e huwag na muna. Kaso madami din kayong aasikasuhin regarding legal matters. Masasayang lang ang oras and pera niyo kung sa huli e magsisisi din kayo.

Sa amin kasi, lahat ng pamangkin ko sa isang sister ko na hindi naman inalagaan mga anak niya e kami na magkakapatid ang tumutulong para mapag aral sila. Yung parents namin ang nag ampon sa kanila para sa same last name kami lahat. Parang naging sister and brothers namin sila legally.

Pero in my case naman kasi e wala silang parents na mag aalaga. Yung father kasi e hindi naman namin mahanap. Yung sister ko naman e feeling dalaga parin. hehe

Mahirap pumasok sa isang respoinsibilty na hindi ka sure kung kaya mo emotionally, physically,etc.