dad has another woman

[slurpee]

My mom talked to me at sinabi nya na umamin daw ang daddy ko na he had a relationship with another woman last year. Meron na daw nag-text sa kanya before, telling her na may nakakita daw sa daddy ko with another woman nga, pero hindi lang daw nya pinansin, hanggang sa dumami na daw ang evidences nya na meron ngang other woman si daddy. Wala na daw sila ngayon pero my mom thinks meron pa din or baka bago na. Lagi daw kasing kadikit ng dadi ko yung cellphone nya, as in ayaw bitawan.
This is actually the third time na may ganitong incident. Last time was 4 years ago. Akala ko naman naayos na, wala na, at akala ko din perfect itong pamilya ko. Akala ko masaya kami, pero ang dami ko palang hindi nalalaman. Ano ba 'to, nabobore ba yung daddy ko sa mom ko, samin? Kaya sya naghahanap ng iba? Tinatago lang ng momi ko para hindi kami maapektuhan ng brother ko, pero hindi na daw nya matiis, that's why she told me na.
I'm still in shock. Parang bigla akong nag-hang, hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin. Wala akong masabi sa pagiging father ng dad ko samin, dahil lahat ng mahihingi mo sa isang daddy nasa kanya na. Very supportive, sobrang good provider. Pag meron akong major problems sa buhay, sa kanya ako lumalapit dahil alam kong maiintindihan nya ako. Pero galit ako sa ganitong ginagawa nya sa mommy ko. Nakikita ko naman kasi na ginagawa lahat ng mommy ko para sa kanya and still, ganito pa din ginagawa nya kay mommy.
Girls, ano bang dapat kong gawin? Parang hindi ko pa kayang kausapin daddy ko about this. My mom said na tuloy lang ang buhay like nothing's happening para sa brother ko. Bata pa kasi yung kapatid ko at ayaw nyang magkaroon ng epekto ito sa kanya. Sa totoo lang gusto kong hanapin yung girl (sinabi daw ng dad ko kung san nagwwork, san nya na-meet), titingnan ko lang, hindi ko kakausapin or anything, gusto ko lang makita. 

[foxygirlash]

this happened to us. the first to discover was us kids. we were devastated. we told our mom about it but she did not believe it. until finally we had family forum to confront dad about it. of course, he denied. it took years before the scar healed but it did heal. he never confirmed and never apologized. us kids just accepted what happened and tried to forget it. i'm not sure if dad still keeps in touch coz i think he has a kid with the girl. but he's always home after the family forum. (retired na sya).

[dolly]

Sis, para saan pa at gusto mo makita si girl kung di mo naman kakausapin. My point is, wag na lang. Kung merun man dapat kausapin sa sitwasyon na to is daddy mo. Di ba gusto mo malaman kung bakit sya nagloloko, to think na hindi lang pala to ngayon nangyari.

Ganyan yung nangyari sa cousin ko e, tanggap na nilang babaero tatay nila pero dahil hindi naman umaalis ng bahay hinayaan lang nila na parang on and off ang relasyon nila ng mga parents nya. Pero nito lang, eto yung unang pagkakataon na nag-alsa-balutan na ang tatay nya at dun na sa babae tumira. Imagine, 26 years old na ang panganay, 4 kids sila lahat kung kelan nagtandaan tsaka pa naisip lumayas ng bahay. Sad, kasi yung daddy nya ang kapatid ng father ko at wala naman kami magawa kasi family matters pa rin yan e. Yun lang magulo talaga sila na kahit anong sabihin namin ala naman epekto.

So, base sa experience na yan feeling ko hindi rin okay na kung alam ng mommy mo na ganun ang daddy mo e okay na, bahala na, wag na lang iimik for the sake of your brother. Siguro ngayon okay yan, mas okay kung di inulit pero naisip mo ba na kaya nga umulit e kasi wala naman nag-reprimand sa kanya, siguro di nasuklian ng mabigat na parusa yung unang pagkakamali. Sa point na to feeling ko respeto na ang nawawala, hindi respeto ng mom mo sa dad mo pero respeto sa sarili. The mere fact that he let your dad get away with the first offense, hinayaan na rin nyang matapakan ang pagkatao nya. Sacrifices, love and respect are different things that should not cloud our decisions. Mahirap yan, kasi kung tutuusin ang mga anak ang walang magagawa sa mga bagay na yan kundi magbigay ng support sa parehong parents, and ending, talong talo ka pa rin kasi ikaw lang tatanggap ng desisyon. But then, I'm not saying na maawa ka na lang sa sarili mo, it's more of accept as early as now kung ano lang ang pwede mo magawa at higit sa lahat i-accept kung ano man ang mangyayari and maybe kung maganda resulta, pasalamat, pero kung hindi, at least it can serve as a lesson for you, so when it's your time to have your own family, you know what to do in times of these.

Btw, I came from a broken family, my dad left us for another woman too but mainly because my biological mom is a real pain in the ass, that's what i heard though...

[slurpee]

dolly: wala naman, curious lang ako kaya gusto ko makita..

sa tingin ko napuno na ang momi ko. parang she wants to separate na kaso ang iniisip lang talaga nya yung kapatid ko eh. ang tagal tagal na pala nyang tinatago nakakaloka. sobrang wala akong idea na may ginagawang kalokohan ang tatay ko dahil he's always here sa bahay, mas nauuna pa syang umuwi sakin galing work, pag weekends nandito lang sya, lumalabas labas kami.

[dolly]

^Hulaan ko, gusto mo makita kung may itsurang maganda? Mas bata?

Kumusta naman ang feeling mo towards your dad? Kung naitago sayo ng matagal, nakaka-shock nga yan. On the other hand, nakakaloka naman yan sa mom mo. Minsan akala natin nakakabuti na magtagal sa isang relasyon for the sake of our kids, okay yan kung both parties willing mag-reconcile paano kung one sided lang. Baka nga ayaw naman talaga ng dad mong masira ang family nyo kaya andyan pa rin sya, kamo nga parang wala naman poblema kung titingnan. Communication between your mom and dad is essential as of the moment. Kung okay ka lang ng ganyan kayo, then pagbutihan mo na lang ang pananahimik at maging mabuting anak. Pero kung naiirita ka, go ahead, you have the right din naman mag-voice out kasi anak ka.

[slurpee]

dolly: sa totoo lang hindi ko alam. wala akong masasabing masama talaga sa kanya bilang ama. tingin ko medyo mas magiging madali kung hindi sya naging mabuting ama samin pero hindi eh. lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na dapat makapangasawa ako ng katulad ng daddy ko dahil perfect dad nga. pero syempre nagagalit ako sa ginawa nya sa mommy ko. posible talaga na masira na family namin dahil dito eh. sabi nya willing daw sya na umalis ng bahay para matahimik kami. pero hindi ko kaya na hiwahiwalay kami. ang gulo gulo. hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin dahil nga buong akala ko maayos ang lahat, sobrang hindi ako handa for this.
thank you for replying i super appreciate it.

[dolly]

I understand you. Ang hirap ng ganyang feeling, hindi mo makuhang magalit kasi syempre first impression lasts. As much as I wanted to understand your father hindi ko rin maisip, tanong ko rin kasi yan, bakit may mga ganyang tao,ayaw naman masira ang pamilya pero nakakaisip magloko. Pero yung isa kong tito ang katwiran nya, basta hindi nya ginugutom ang pamilya nya, wala raw pakialam ang mga ito (asawa at anak) kung mangbabae man sya. Oh well, sad to say minsan ganyan lang kababaw ang justifications nila sa mga actions nila. (Ibang tito ko yan, hehe pamilya kami ng mga babaero at broken family)

Rest a while ka na lang muna, tutal I'm sure isip ka na ng isip. At the same time ihanda mo na rin sarili mo sa mga posibleng mangyari. Higit sa lahat talk to your mom, kailangan nya rin ng support. Pero sis, mukhang in denial ka pa kasi kaya parang ayaw mag-sink in nung idea na niloko kayo ng dad mo. Natuwa ako dito sa sinabi mo e, "syempre nagagalit ako sa ginawa nya sa mommy ko" e sis hindi lang mommy mo ang niloko nya, kasama kayo ditong magkapatid. Again, di ko sinasabing magalit ka sa kanya as in all out. Ang sa kin lang kailangan mo makarating sa point of acceptance na in spite of him being a "perfect dad" to you he was not able to be the perfect husband to your mom. At hindi porke hindi nya kayo pinabayaan in terms of financial support e hindi kayo kasama sa binetray. IMO, the greatest gift a father/mother could give to his/her children is to love his/her wife/husband. And it usually follows na pag okay syang husband, okay rin syang tatay, in your case, yung latter part okay, the question is, is it real? Nagpapakatotoo ba sya or ayaw nya lang ng iskandalo kaya he's still caring and all.

Naguluhan ako, willing sya umalis? Why, is that what your mom wants? Ikaw ba sa tingin mo di na maaayos? Kung hindi na, wake up ka na sis, don't let things get in to you. I think you're in the right age naman na. And at least, lesson learned di ba, sad but true at most times, you have to expect the unexpected...

[shopwisegirl]

hayz.. i can relate to this. last year i found out my father is also seeing another woman through his cellphone. it took me a while to get myself to contact the woman. unfortunately she changed number. last month, nalaman ko ulit number nya.. and for the first time, my father did not go home for 3 days. never nya yun ginawa. sabi lang nya may kainan siya pupuntahan. ako naman super worried. ayun.. tinext ko yung woman. sobrang gusto ko awayin right there and then yung babae kaso pinalaki akong may respeto sa matanda. kaya kahit sobrang galit may 'po' pa rin ako sa text. pero yung text ko halatang kinikilala ko na siya. worst pa nun nagpalit number dad ko. hindi ko laam paano kontakin. at sampal sa mukha ko na sa babae ko pa kinuha number nya kasi wala may alam number nya kahit mga kapatid nya. tapos pag uwi nya parang expected nya kakausapin ko na siya kinabukasan. dun ako nag open na since last year alam ko.. ka text lang daw nya. di ako naniwala may nabasa ako eh. tsaka proven na kasama nya yung babae pag wala siya. inis lang kasi ako ang galit nung hapon siya na galit sakin. nasusuya daw siya sakin. wala daw ako respeto pati walang malay na tao dinadamay ko (sabi ko kasi sa FB malaman ko lang kung taga saan at kung sino siya.. papahiya ko siya).. eh alam naman nya hindi ako ganong tao.. hayz.. kakahurt.. daddy's girl ako eh.. wala daw ako sa katwiran.. hayz.. lulusot pa.. since that incident, di pa ko umuuwi samin.. nagrerent kc ko unit umuuwi lang ako sa parents ko pag weekends..

feeling ko idedeny nya yun at hindi na yun aamin. basta ngayon hindi ako umuuwi para palamig lang ulo.. tapos para na rin paramdam sa kanya hindi ko gusto nalaman ko.. never ako pinagalitan dad ko.. ngayon lang.. it hurts kasi mashado siya defensive.. ako na nga nag-alala nung nawawala siya.. ako pa lumabas na masama.. eh kung tutuusin hindi ko binastos man lang yung babae kahit sa text.. T_T

[dolly]

^ shopwisegirl okay lang yan, hindi mo kailangan i-defend yung sarili mo kung binastos mo o hindi binastos yung babae nya, besides hindi naman yun ang point. Syempre kung matagal na sila ng dad mo, ipagtatanggol nya yun at natural feeling na rin ata sa mga anak yung nabwibwiset sa mga kabit kahit pa sabihin na hindi dapat kasi desisyon naman ng dad mo yan so sya talaga ang me kasalanan nyan.

so sis tagal nyo ng hindi nagkikita ng dad mo? san mom mo? alam ba nya? good thing nakabukod ka na, the important thing right now is what can you learn from this. good luck mga sis, ganun talaga ang buhay, wala pang permanente sa mundo kundi pagbabago.

[joban99]

Hi Slurpee, Im actually a guy and a dad (I have a 3 yr old girl and 1 yr old boy) so maybe I can shed a bit of light on why husband's/dad's or men in general cheat. Pero syempre everyone is different so isang perspective lang to ha, dont categorize this as the only reason men cheat. There are alot of little reasons that add up, sometimes there dads cheated so they unconciously follow by example. I have a cousin who hated his dad for abondoning them for another woman and when he grew up, he did the same thing! :p Its also coz of society; tignan mo si Erap, ang daming babae and everyone excepts it. President pa yan ha! This would never happen in the States,  look at Clinton. I live here in the Middle East, grabe ang gender inequality dito. Sa Phil, if a man cheats, its absolutely ok and the wife or mother should just accept it and keep silent like a martyr. If a woman cheats, its a big sin na. So these are two reasons that add to the cheating to happen. But the biggest thing is the guy is just bored or isnt attracted to his/her wife anymore. Wala ng spice ang relationship. Im pretty sure if you do see the kabit ng dad mo, shell be younger. Kasi thats what the man is looking for, he wants to feel young again. He wants to go through the first few steps of meeting someone new and all the lovey-dovey stuff that comes with it. Minsan nga, the other woman isnt that attractive, but the guy cheats just coz he wants something new and to get that "high" feeling of a new relationship. As I said, in the Phil, the stereotype is guys can get away with it (look at the movie stars and politicians who do it, kaya we see on tv na ok lang so nagiging ok lang sa atin), abd again the women cant really do anything about it kasi their stereotype is to be a martyr. How old is your dad pala? Baka hes going through a mid life crisis? How is the relationship of your mom and dad?

I think the best thing to do is go to marriage counselling, kaya lang we Filipinos arent really into that (kahit ako, I feel I woudnt do it. Pero super ok kami ng wife ko ha, baka you might get the wrong impression na Im fooling around rin, hehe..) So the other best alternative I think is to have your parents rekindle their love and their relationship. First they need to talk about it with both sides really letting the other talk it out. One talks for a certain time and the other just listens and then vice versa. They really got to listen to each other without trying to get defensive (this is super hard by the way, heheh.. Have them try reading 7 habits of highly effective people, habit 5 Seek first to understand, than to be understood. Its only about 15-20 pgs and it shows how to do this). Once they do that and get everything off their chests, they can see what they can do from there. They can make compromises that will help them rekindle their love. For example, maybe your mom could stop nagging him about some particular things, maybe your dad can try to listen to her more often. Also, the most important thing is they have a time that is just for them. They have a date night or a date day. My wife and I have just recently started doing this and it really helps.

It would be better if you and your brother arent there when the really express all they wanna say to each other. It sounds corny, but Ive read in a lot of books that it works (Read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus). Also, its hard to bring that "lost love" back, it wont happen in a few days, itll take a while and they should just let it come naturally. After their talk, then they could talk to you about what they talked about and how their gonna keep their love strong and alive. You can also reinforce their date night or remind one or the other if their not keeping to their word not to nag or if they arent listening to the other person. Most of these tips, I got from Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, so if you want, try to get a copy of this book and try to have your parents read it for themselves.

Again to sum up, have them talk it out with one speaking first and the other just listening intently and then vice versa. Then they try to solve it together. Then they share this with you. From what you wrote, Im sure you guys have a "family day" once a week or at least once a month where you all go out as a family. This in turn has made your dad a great dad to you.  Let your mom and dad have a "husband & wife day" so this in turn will make your dad a great husband to your mom. Sorry, super haba ang reply ko, hehe.. I wish everything turns out fine.
Hope this helps and keep us updated.

[slurpee]

hi joban99

what you said is true. my lolo (dad's father) cheated on my lola countless times in the past. kaya lang, tiniis lahat ng lola ko for their kids. lumaki yung dad ko na nakikita nya na nag-eenjoy yung lolo ko tapos yung lola ko tahimik lang. sabi nya hindi daw nya gagawin sa pamilya nya yung ganun, pero wala, ginawa din nya.

my dad is 55. yung mga girls daw nya, wala naman daw love, lust lang. mga one night stand, ganun. pero itong latest, tumagal daw sila ng 3 months na nagkikita. early this year yan. 30 years old yung babae. sinabi nya na nakakaboost daw kasi ng ego na at his age, may pumapatol pa din. may itsura kasi daddy ko tapos may sense of humor, ganun. yung type talaga na girls would fall for. unfortunately, mahina sa tukso itong tatay ko kaya ayun, parang nakakalimutan nya na pamilyado sya. sobrang bait ng mommy ko. maganda, matalino, maayos na babae. im not saying that dahil nanay ko sya ha, yun talaga ang totoo. lahat ginagawa nya para samin, sa dadi ko, kaya ang hirap tanggapin na nagawa yun ng dadi ko sa momi ko at sa pamilya namin.

i don't know if their marriage can still be fixed. sobrang na-hurt mom ko eh, at galit talaga sya. my brother doesn't know anything because my mom is afraid that this might affect his studies. pero im sure nakakahalata na yun. yung kapatid ko lang talaga ang iniisip ng momi ko, kung malaki na daw sana ang kapatid ko at nagttrabaho na din like me, hindi na daw sya magdadalawang isip na iwanan yung dadi ko. pang-3rd na kasi ito eh, hindi na nya kaya.

ako naman, nandun pa din naman yung respeto ko sa dadi ko dahil dadi ko pa din sya at mabuting ama sya samin. pero mali yung ginawa nya eh. hindi ko ata kaya na malalayo yung dadi ko samin pero if my mom eventually decides to separate with my dad, so be it. ayokong nakikitang nasasaktan yung momi ko. sobrang dami kong naiisip, pano ang magiging set-up if ever? pano yung kapatid ko? sino mag-aasikaso sa dadi ko? my dad always makes sure na maayos yung kotse ko, sino na gagawa nun pag nalayo sya? ultimo mga aso namin naisip ko dahil sila ng brother ko ang nagdadala nung mga yun sa vet, bonding moment nila, pag lumayo yung dad ko pano na? i hope i don't sound mababaw ha, ilan lang yan sa mga naiisip ko. ang gulo gulo kasi ng isip ko ngayon.
i can sense na my dad wants to talk to me pero hindi ko pa keri. iiyak lang ako.

[dolly]

^ hihirit ako ulit, shucks sakit naman nyan! Buti na lang nung iniwan kami mga paslit pa kami, dedma lang kung nagbabangayan mga parents, pero pag ganyan me isip na mga anak, hirap nyan, sakit ng kalingkingan, sakit ng buong katawan.

3rd time na sis? grabe ha, tyaga ng mom mo. kaya ako may natutunan ako sa mga gulong nangyari sa pamilya ko eh. ngayong me asawa at mga anak na ako, naiintindihan ko na lahat. i understand na kahit gaano pa kaganda ang pinagsumpaan nyo sa isa't isa, pwedeng magbago yun sa isang iglap, na karaniwan, mabababaw lang na dahilan ang pwedeng sumira sa isang malalim na relasyon. having realized that, i made my husband promise me one thing, pag nagloko sya sabihin nya sa akin, hindi ako mang-gye-gyera, ni hindi ko sya pipigilan magmahal ng iba, PERO, he has to let me go. hindi pwedeng 2, 3, 4 o sampu kami. at higit sa lahat ayoko magmukhang kawawa at t**** so at least let me know kung merun mang iba and then from there we decide what's best for us. idealistic? nope, sabihin na lang nating sa mga naranasan at nakita ko, lagi akong nagtitira ng para sa sarili ko, hindi pwede buong pagkatao mo bigay mo kahit gaano mo pa kamahal yan. cause in the end, mawawalan sila ng respeto sayo pero ang importante ikaw merun pa rin para sa sarili mo.

yung mga sinabi ni pareng joban, common yun at kadalasan accepted na ng society yang mga ganyang rason, at yun ang pinakamasakit sa lahat kasi "mabababaw" lang na dahilan yan para magloko ang isa. at hindi mo talaga masisisi ang mom mo kung napuno na ang salop. at yung mga naiisip mong mawawala the moment na umalis ang dad mo, hindi yan kababawan, normal yan, kasi those are the memories that makes up your family and since someone who is an important part of that family is about to leave, expect na parang guguho ang mundo mo. in anyways, hindi ko alam kung nakakagaan ang mga pinagsasasabi ko  , ang alam ko lang sobrang strong ko ngayon and i'm so determine na hindi masaktan ang mga anak ko. ilang taon na ba si brother mo? kung napagpapaliwanagan na okay yun, kung hindi pa, lalong mas okay. besides, ang hihinto naman is yung pagiging mag-asawa nila sa isa't isa kung sakaling mag-decide dad mong umalis, pero yung pagiging dad at mom nila sa inyo it's up to them na gampanan pa rin yun. ikaw na rin nagsabi very supportive father mo sa inyong magkapatid.

kung ano man ang mangyari, isipin mo, kung sino ang na-agrabyado, kung sino ang me kailangan ng peace of mind aside from you, baka sakali mas maging matimbang sa paningin mo ang kalagayan ng mom mo kesa sa mga bagay na iniisip mong mawawala sa iyo pag umalis ang dad mo. and again, sana maayos pa, pero kung hindi na gustuhin ng mom mo na maayos, i don't blame her. kasi, kung forever nalang syang martir din naman e, aantayin ko na yung susunod mong thread na ang title, my mom is mentally sick, sorry for being blunt, but it can happen, kung di mentally, physically, stress- never been a good friend.

Take care sis.

[shopwisegirl]

^^wish ko lang maging ok relationships ng parents natin. pero tama ka joban99.. madami problems ngayon family namin at naalala ko dati sabi ng dad ko halos pag nag uusap sila ng mom ko lagi lang sila nag aaway.. siguro dun nagsimula yun.. i guess di ko lang matanggap.. mamaya uuwi ako sa parents ko.. pero di ako magtagal.. di ko pa kaya kausapin dad ko.. alam ko kasi magsisinungaling lang siya.. oks lang naman sakin kausapin nya ko.. pero sana wag siya magsinungaling.. kasi alam ko pag nagsisinungaling siya.. iintindihin ko naman siya.. good luck mga sis! thanks joban99! ^_^

[joban99]

Hi slurpee and shopwisegirl, Im glad I could be of assistance. Sana there's hope pa rin for both of your parents. Kasi alot of times, married couples with families tend to forget that their husband and wife and only focus on being parents. Syempre, maganda naman talaga to be a parent first, but you still need remember that you are husband and wife as well. Hopefully your parents have time to bond on a daily basis, kahit for an hour lang before sleeping or at a time when theyre both not busy. Also as I said before, a date night once a week helps alot. It may sound silly for them as they may say their old and hindi na yan bagay for them, pero I think dinner or lunch sa labas and a movie or stroll around the mall together wouldnt hurt them, diba? You dont need to call it "date night" to them, you can say "quality time" or something like that para maging game sila to do it.

If example they do open up to you, you could try asking them to do this para their relationships can be mended. But if it comes to the point where they really have to split up (sana hindi), Im pretty sure your dads will still be good dads kasi based on what you guys wrote, they just need to work on being good husband, but they sound like their good dads. Anyways, once again I hope it all works out for the both of you and if your dad or your parents open up the topic to you, I hope you guys can give them good advice which will save their marriage and hence keep your family living all under one roof.

[shopwisegirl]

thanks Joban.. yeah good dad siya.. i guess kelangan ko lang muna palamig ulo.. kasi di ko pa rin tanggap.. kanina nagkita kami sa bday ng apo ng kapatid nya.. wala lang.. di kami naglapit.. dun ako umupo kasama mga pinsan ko.. miss him so much pero layo muna ako.. kasi baka masagot ko siya.. goodluck sis slurpee!

[aquacharly]

Great insights shared by DOLLY & JOBAN99.

Eto lang masasabi ko -- hubby and I had an agreement na whoever strays and gets a 3rd Party - must inform the other. Hindi iyong it is the wife/husband  to be the last to learn. O, eh maliwanag ha- Deal!  Ngek, DOLLY. 

Ano'ng Deal!  Ah sh1t to the moon and back -- deny to the moon and back si hubby when he had a kabitch.  Kesyo - ano ba, I work to death for this family, kung ano ano pa iniisip mo?  Ang dami mong cobwebs, because of your dad's track record, etc etc etc.  Once, sinabihan ako -- mentally unstable na daw ako.  Yeah, right. Lol. Talagang deny to  death kasi  he was sooooo yabang he had everything under control and at that time,  in his twisted sense of morality -- if there is no proof, there is no betrayal or sin.

Pwes, walang bahong hindi sisingaw. Lol.  Basta, I found out beyond denial he had a kabitch -- months after he ended the relationship.  Sure, he went into full-time Remorse & Reform, and I got around  to Forgiveness (but not forgetting); and here we are in a better place.

The key to keeping yourself afloat after sh1t hits the fan is -- Acceptance.  Accept that Life can be unfair, and that sh1t  happens even to the good who do not deserve it.  Accept that, then Act so the sh1t does not stick to you.  No, whether you are the  betrayed wife or daughter -- do not allow it that you become the Loser.  Do not cloud your mind to  the point you suffer with indecisiveness because you get nailed to The Past -- he was a good provider, a good father... ad  nauseum.  Yes, he may still be all those -- but he is no longer the same person, he has changed, he is living his life differently. All the lies, the denials is just cowardice coz he fears that what he may be going towards may  NOT be as good as what he now has.  Yan ang basic reason  for the lies.  Coz if he were sure all will return to what it is now should he decide to return later and resume his life, -- betcha, he will not lie, he will not make the effort at all -- he will just go. 

I am not saying all men who stray should be kicked out. A man who goes into Authentic Reform and Remorse deserves another chance.    Actually,  some women do not even require remorse nor reform -- it is enough for them he comes home, even just to hang his head, even sporadically.  It is their choice/decision -- who are we to judge? 

Now for daughters like me whose childhood was negatively impacted by a philandering father and a martyr mom -- are we the wiser ones who learn from other's mistakes?  Lol,100x.  I sure did not learn,
for reasons only I know of. Lol.  I sure went the whole hog:  the f*cking around, the verbal and emo abuse,  the kabitch kept hidden away so competently ... All the way  up to the start of physical abuse with 1 batok to my head.

I have seen it thus from  2 perspectives, as a daughter and as a wife. I tell you this SLURPEE & SHOPWISE -- your parents are no longer the persons they are.  Thy have changed because of the betrayal/s.  If they can change more, and thus turn  into better persons than they are now  -- your family will get back together better and stronger.
BOTH must change for the better.  Whether they do  get back together or not, both will never be the same persons ever again. Accept that reality, and make the most of what Life gives.  What else?  You may be able to bring them back together for awhile -- pero, Band Aid ka lang at most, temporary lang. For they will each be what they choose to be, the  good and the bad parts of themselves.  Even  if your father drops the current kabitch, if he chooses to lead a certain  life,  as JOBAN99 cited, your pop will just resume with another girl.  If your mom chooses to drag The Past into The Present, even if your pop chains himself to her  24/7 -- she will always suffer betrayal and itch to kick him out. 

What are you to do then? 
Acknowledge that  what  is wrong is wrong - - make it clear to both -- then step back, and be there 24/7 for the one betrayed and hurting.  But let them make their own decisions --- do not push them either way.   Respect for parents you love is best expressed by trusting they can think  and act for themselves.  But if one is sooo wounded and can no longer think through the emotional pain  and/or depression -- then, step in and help the weak.  As Tim Yap did when he made his father leave their home because of what was being done to  his mom (whatever it was his dad was up to, Tim Yap did not elaborate on in his interview.). 

Finally, PRAY for Divine Guidance, clear thinking and courage.  All sh1t passes, in time... As I say:   just be sure when sh1t hits the fan -- it doesn't stick to you.  .

[dolly]

 

Pwes, walang bahong hindi sisingaw. Lol.  Basta, I found out beyond denial he had a kabitch -- months after he ended the relationship.  Sure, he went into full-time Remorse & Reform, and I got around  to Forgiveness (but not forgetting); and here we are in a better place.

So sis, how did you deal with this? Ganito rin kasi nangyari sa kin yung tipo bang pag nag-react ka feeling ko delayed reaction na kasi tapos na. Also, I never force my self to believe -forgive and forget, forgive yes, forget duh?! Imagine mga 4 months palang kaming kasal, I've found out that she's in touch and exchanging sweet emails with her ex mga 6 months before our wedding. Sobra, pinagbayaran nya talaga to ng husto up to the point na kahit alam kong wala na syang ginagawa di ko binaba yung guard ko. Until one day he asked me,"hindi ka na talaga magtitiwala sa akin no? with matching sad face" And I just gave him a cold answer like, " it's good you know the truth". But then until now, 4 years na kami, never pa naulit. Pero it's still early to say or even conclude na wala na ngang mangyayari, sakit e, kala ko dati drama lang pero nung ako na nakatikim hindi, hindi ko pala kaya yung sakit na na-betrayed ka, feeling ko nga minsan, the pain just won't stop to the point that my love for him wasn't the same as before na. Kaya siguro ang yabang kong sabihin na basta magloko ka okay lang just let me know, then suffer the consequences of your actions. Haist, naalala ko pa rin, parang may sumundot na naman sa puso ko hehe. Sleep na nga muna ako!

[barbwire]

My father too had other woman, when I was in elementary. Kilala ko ang babae,and kilala din niya ako, mommy ko at mga kapatid ko. Kapal ng mukha nila (tatay ko at babae niya) dahil pareho silang "active" sa church. I hate them. Tumagal ang relationship nila. When I was in highschool, I learned na may anak sila. Pano ko nalaman? Isang araw, may sanggol sa bahay namin. Nobody explained to me who is that baby, but I could see clearly sa face ng baby na yun is the face of the other woman. My mother accepted everything that happened in our family. She even accepted the baby. Lumaki sa amin ang bata, in fact college na siya ngayon. She lives with me. Pinapaaral siya ng tatay ko but Im the one who supports her allowance. I do not like her ofcourse because ang dami niyang qualities/attitude like her mother, but I have to accept the reality.

[justin3]

surpee, gusto mo matigil ng pambabae si daddy?... (26 ka na, no need for me to use goody-goody terms here)

kausapin mo sya.

daddy's girl ka, right? have a date with your dad. quality date. kahit dun lang kayo sa seawall ng MOA habang kumakain ng popcorn.

kausapin mo sya ng mahinahon. talk about your happy childhood. bilugin mo ng husto ulo nya. tell him how perfect a father he is, at sana makahanap ka rin ng hubby with his good looks and qualities.
then BOOM! open mo na ang infidelity issues. never ever raise your voice o directly sitahin sya. bahala ka na sa diskarte. (you know him better)

end the date happily hanggang sa umuwi kayo. iwasang maging emotional. mas maganda if you could convince him na magpa-marriage counseling. patok na patok yon.
di mo sya nasita, di mo sya napagalitan. di ka naging emotional, pero sagad-buto ang tama sa kanya yan. if he really loves you, your bro, his family, no need for guns and tanks para harangin sya sa pambabae.
pero kung sadyang makating manyak si daddy. kadena ng barko na kailangan nyo. kahit pasuotin mo pa sya ng chastity belt, not unless di mo pinutol ang sampung daliri nya at ang dila, maghahanap at maghahanap ng makalikot yan pag may pagkakataon.

alam mo, (i'm not a father ha?) but alam ko na wala nang hihigit sa sakit (except death) na kukurot sa puso ng isang ama na malaman na si junior nya ay bakla pala, o ang unica hija nya ay naging kabit o naging syota ng bayan o umuwing buntis.

si mommy? walang magawa yan. kahit mag novena pa sa lahat ng simbahan sya at mag drama ala pang FAMAS. deadma lang yan si daddy dear o lalong mag ingat lang para walang bakas ng pambabae nya.

ewan ko lang ha?... try nya minsan (sa pagtulog nila) na tumabi  ng bagong hasa na balisong sabay himas sa manoy ni daddy. baka sakaling matauhan si daddy.

[m_lim]

Hi slurpee,

almost pareho tayo ng situation. i'm also 26yrs old at may kabit din ang father ko for 20yrs na.

these past few months, naging malala ang situation kasi yung kabit nalang ang pinapaboran niya.

yang sinasabi ni justin3, nagawa ko na rin yan last week. kinausap ko ang dad ko ng masinsinan. pinaramdam ko sa kanya na kahit wala na siyang pera, kahit matanda na siya, andito pa rin ako kasi tatay ko siya. sabi ko hindi ako galit sa kanya kahit ano pang pinagdaaan ko simula bata ako (emotional abuse na nga eh!)

i'm expecting ma-touch siya or ma realize man lang niya kahit papano kung mga kalokohan ng kabit niya pero guess what? deadma. pinagtanggol pa nga si kabit!

sobrang sakit. mas masakit pa yung feeling ng niloko ng boyfriend.

feeling ko nga hindi ko ito kaya. na depress ako.

para bang bakit ganoon? bakit mas pinapaniwalaan at pinapaboran pa ng sarili kong tatay ang ibang tao.

but you know what? sabi ko sa sarili ko, babangon ako. i prayed for guidance. sabi ko, Lord bahala ka na dahil hindi ko na ito kaya.

i think the first step is Acceptance. tanggap ko na na hindi ko hawak at never ko mahahawakan ang magulang ko. choice nila yan, buhay nila yan.

ang macocontrol ko lang is ako. ang choices ko sa buhay.

kung ano man ang mga ginawa nilang pagkakalmali bilang magasawa, hopefully (pinagdadasal ko talaga ito ng matindi) eh hindi na namin maulit ng magiging husband ko.

so ang advice ko sayo, go, kausapin mo ang daddy mo. pero kung ano man maging reaction or decision niya, be ready.

tanggap ko na rin na life is unfair. so what? i have to move on. hindi pa katapusan ng mundo. kung ganyan ang choice nila, pwes! ako choice ko ang maaayos na buhay may pamilya (with prayers of course dahil hindi ko rin masabi baka magloko rin future husband ko edi pahiya ako!)

support your mom kung ano man desisyon niya. hindi mo naman pwede i-push na iwanan ang dad mo or whatever.

sabi ko nga, hindi mo hawak ang mga yan kahit magulang mo pa sila. sarili mo lang talaga.