bf is not sweet, showy and malambing :(

[SimpleBeauty08]

Hi sissies ! I've decided to ask for your opinion about my current situation coz I need some advice... thanks in advance to those who would take some time to respond..

My bf and I have been together for more than two years now. I'm dealing with some issues right now. You see, bf is not malambing. he's not sweet and showy. In our relationship, parang ako pa yung lalaki. He doesn't like to text so often. It takes him hours to reply. Now, before you guys tell me na he might have other woman, let me just say na he's like that simula nung naging kami. Nung nanliligaw pa **, syempre, isang text ko lang, uber bilis ng reply niya. but after maging kami, I realized na di talaga ganun yung personality niya. Even his mom complains about that.

Whenever I make lambing, sometimes, he turns me down. tablado ba. Whenever we go out like go to the mall, usually nauuna siya sakin. he does not hold my hand. When he would go to some shop and look something in there, he won't ask me to come with him, he would just leave me and then go to the shop without tellin me to go with him. well, he does ask me to go with him but not very often. Para siyang walang kasama kaya instead na magenjoy ako, I end up feeling so irritated because I feel like I'm so taken for granted.

I brought this up to him but he told me na masyado daw akong maarte. Wag daw ako masyadong magisip ng kung ano ano. Tell me, sissies, is it just kaartehan to ask him to make me feel loved and important?


Is it really difficult for the guys to do it? Am I just bein maarte or is it just right to ask him that?

[travelwhore]

hi sis! its been a while since i visited GT.

anyway, wow sis! grabe yun ha? you lasted 2 years na ganun ? kasi if you're like me who's inherently sweet and who would like my affection reciprocated, it would be very difficult to deal with that kind of boyfriend. So I admire you for your patience and understanding towards your boyfriend.

IMO, i don't think you're being maarte for wanting your boyfriend to be more affectionate. let's face it. We girls are wired that way. Most often than not, we are sweet towards our boyfies and we want the same sweetness from them. Most of us needs constant assurance of our boyfie's feelings towards us. In short we love it kapag lage tayong sinusuyo. And I do think there's something wrong with that.

However, there are guys who are really passive. I think most of them nga ganun. Parang deadma kung minsan. Parang nail na kelangan pukpokin para kumilos. My boyfie is like that sometimes. And what I do is we talk. Like just recently, i asked him if we can go and have a date naman kasi he's taking me for granted na. I told him na I missed him already. I'm temporarily living in their house kasi. So everyday kami magkasama at nagkikita. And maybe because of that he didn't felt the need to spend time with me na kami lang.

SO yun, just talk to him about it. Use your femme prowess! lambingin mo na. or better if he's really not the romantic type, you make the first move. Teach him how to be sweet. Take him on a romantic date. And tell him that this is what you like.

[SimpleBeauty08]

if you're like me who's inherently sweet and who would like my affection reciprocated, i think that would be very difficult to deal with that kind of boyfriend. So I admire you for your patience and understanding towards your boyfriend.

^ Yes, i'm sweet and malambing. Kaya kapag minsan naglalambing ako sa kanya tapos tablado ako na parang ayaw niya, naiinis talaga ako at nasasaktan. kay hirap.

And what I do is we talk. Like just recently, i asked him if we can go and have a date naman kasi he's taking me for granted na. I told him na I missed him already. I'm temporarily living in their house kasi. So everyday kami magkasama at nagkikita. And maybe because of that he didn't felt the need to spend time with me na kami lang.

^I've talked to him about this for so many times I've lost count already, but to no avail. Ganun pa din. hayyy kakafrustrate. Yung feeling na he does not care as much as I do, you're not important to him as much as he is to you. Na he's not so into me like I am so into him. I guess mali ngang magexpect ng sobra. masasaktan ka lang in the end.

you make the first move. Teach him how to be sweet. Take him on a romantic date. And tell him that this is what you like.

^I've been doing this most of the time in our relationship sis. Minsan nakakasawa na din kung palaging ikaw na lang nageeffort.

Anyway, thanks sis for your response...

[Gambit_loves_Rogue]

No, you're not maarte, normal lang yan, kung ako nga mas maarte pa ako kaysa dyan eh, hehe. 

I don't know if this will work.  Show him he can lose you.  Do not always be available and do not always spend time with him, make him miss you.  Nakikita niya kasi na tino tolerate mo ang treatment niya sayo so pinagpapatuloy niya.  Put him in his place.  Have you read the book "Why men love bitches" by Sherry Argov? I suggest you read it and then listen to Madonna's song "Express yourself"

[Guapo Sana Kaso...]

Hello SimpleBeauty08.

True story.  When I was younger, I used to date a commercial model.  Seriously, I'm not making this up.  She was very sweet, very affectionate, very loving... but only when no one was around.  Whenever we were in public, I had to walk behind her.  Not by choice, mind you, but because she deliberately walked faster every time I was about to catch her pace.  Often she'd act like she didn't know me.  Sometimes, she'd talk to me with the nonchalance of a stoic.  I didn't complain though.  I was just happy to be with her.

She was a commercial model who was probably ashamed to be with someone like me.  What's your boyfriend's excuse?

Years before that, when I was even younger and irresponsible and immature, I used to date 2 girls at the same time.  When I had to accompany one of them to the mall or to some public place, I had to stay away.  I had to refuse holding their hands or showing any sign of affection.  I didn't want to get caught by the other, of one of her friends.  Often, they'd complain.  My stupid excuse: "baka makita ako ni mama, bawal pa kasi akong magka-girlfriend, bata pa daw ako."  It worked, but that's not my point.  The point is...

I was young and idiotic back then.  What's your boyfriend's excuse?

Tom Cruise used to be married to Mimi Rogers, an actress 6 years his senior.  The couple were widely criticized by tabloids, mainly because of Tom Cruise's seeming aloofness whenever she was with Mimi, and the fact that Mimi had to walk 3 steps behind Tom Cruise whenever they were in public.

Tom Cruise was obsessed with Scientology.  And he's just generally weird.  What's your boyfriend's excuse?

We can forgive the late text replies, as he may just be really lazy.  We can forgive the lack of affectionate gestures as some guys aren't really that open when it comes to their emotions.  We can even forgive him calling you "maarte" to take the blame away from his shortcomings.

But what I personally find as inexplicable is the way he treats you when you're in public.  Why does he have to be that distant?  Why does he have to act as if you're not there? 

Why does he have to make you feel unwanted?

Why does he have to disrespect you with his neglect?

Why does he have to make you feel bad?

His refusal to change despite being told that his actions, or lack thereof, make you feel awful is very alarming. 

You do know what those scrapbooks say, right?  About the opposite of love?  It's not hate, they say.  It's indifference.

And he is being indifferent.

I'm sure this guy has some redeeming values, that's why you're still with him.  I'm sure he exhibits something that makes you love him, despite the pain you have to endure.  I even have questions about the severity of the instances you cited.  Are they really that bad?  Or were their isolated events, kumbaga, paminsan-minsan lang nangyayari?

Which is weightier though?  The reasons why you love him?  Or the pains your heart and your psyche have to suffer?

Also, think about the future.  Do you think he's capable of changing?  Do you think you can enjoy a healthy relationship with him in the event that he fails to change his ways? 

In every relationship, sacrifices are inevitable.  But if those sacrifices are born from the fact that the other party does not want to make very simple compromises, then you don't have a real relationship.

[travelwhore]

^^very well said sir!

[SimpleBeauty08]

No, you're not maarte, normal lang yan, kung ako nga mas maarte pa ako kaysa dyan eh, hehe. 

I don't know if this will work.  Show him he can lose you.  Do not always be available and do not always spend time with him, make him miss you.  Nakikita niya kasi na tino tolerate mo ang treatment niya sayo so pinagpapatuloy niya.  Put him in his place.  Have you read the book "Why men love bitches" by Sherry Argov? I suggest you read it and then listen to Madonna's song "Express yourself"

^I am starting to do this sis. Trying to make myself busy and do other activities that does not involve him though whenever I'll ask for permission, like going somewhere, he won't allow me to lalo na if malalaman niyang di importante yung lakad ko. Kaya restricted yung galaw ko. I told him already na huwag siyang masyadong maging kampante na never akonng mawawala kasi kahit mahal ko siya, bka dumating yung time na magsawa din ako kakahabol sa kanya.

About sa book, haven't read it yet but I'l;l try to find a copy., sa song naman, I'll listen to it. Thanks much for the response sis!!

[prettygurl00001]

Sis SimpleBeauty08, you and this guy have only been together for 2 years and yet he's been treating you like this already? Just imagine how much worse he'll become once you two are married.

Let me share this with you. I had a bf then, he was so persistent during courtship months. We would talk over the phone from evening 'til early morning. He could find me wherever I go. He would send me love letters. He gives me a lot of gifts. He would visit me at my house even if my parents did not like him. These things made me fall for him. When he's already my bf, after a few months he suddenly changed. He seldom calls me. He doesn't pick me up at the office anymore. He does not give me gifts anymore, even in our anniversaries and my birthday. No more love letters. No house visits anymore. No more dates. Instead, I was the one pa who would go to his house just to see him. I was the one who gives gifts to him. This has been the scenario for 3 years, I was the one making all the efforts for our relationship. Pero there's no third party at all ha. I complained a lot of times, asked him why he changed, but all I'm getting for a reply is "I'm busy with work". Then I got fed up. I broke up with him. Did he try to win me back? No.

What I'm trying to tell you here is, there are some guys who can sweep you off your feet just to make you believe that they're madly inlove with you. Then when they see that the magic trick worked and you finally gave in, that's the time they'd show who they really are, take it or leave it. You cannot change these guys, coz they are who they are. You'll get disappointed, frustrated, pero siya deadma pa rin.

Do you want a relationship like mine? Sis, I believe you deserve something much better than this. Kung ang asawa nga hindi na pinagtitiyagaan, bf pa kaya? Don't waste your time and energy, hoping that he'll change, coz you cannot change men, unless they're willing to.

[SimpleBeauty08]

^ Hi Guapo Sana Kaso! wow, thanks much for your response. I really appreciate it kaso pinagisip mo ako..lol. Kidding aside, thanks. 

With regards to your response, he does not really forget that I'm there, I mean, not totally forget about me. He would still remember me, ayun eh kapag di na ko sumunod kung san siya pupunta. I dunno his reason, but di siya magsasabi sakin. Like last time, we were in MOA with his family, may tinitignan kami na stall na cake, then suddenly, bigla siyang nawala, when I looked for him, he was watching those people sa ice skating rink. walang kaso na di niya ako yayain na pumunta dun, no biggie, but yung di man lang siya magsabi somehow for me not to look for him anymore, yun yung nakakainis. Sa dept.store, kapag pupunta siya sa isang part, magugulat na lang ako wala na siya, yung pala andun sa medyo malayong part. ang hirap kaya maghanap . for me kasi, nagmumukha akong tang*.

Why does he have to make you feel unwanted?

^ I asked him that, he told me, di daw ganon. Na he's just super busy nowadays lalo na he's reviewing 7x a week for his board exam.

Why does he have to disrespect you with his neglect?

^Is it considered disrespect already? Yes, I feel neglected. sa disrespect part? no comment. 

Why does he have to make you feel bad?

^he told me once, i must not expect too much from him dahil kapag di niya daw nagawa yung iniexpect ko, I will always feel bad. So dapat ba, wag na lang magexpect ng attention?

I'm sure this guy has some redeeming values, that's why you're still with him.  I'm sure he exhibits something that makes you love him, despite the pain you have to endure.  I even have questions about the severity of the instances you cited.  Are they really that bad?  Or were their isolated events, kumbaga, paminsan-minsan lang nangyayari?

^ Yes, he has. And no, for two years, we've argued about this countless times.

Also, think about the future.  Do you think he's capable of changing?  Do you think you can enjoy a healthy relationship with him in the event that he fails to change his ways? 

^he tried to change, though it did not last long. His reason was, mahirap daw baguhin yung nakasanayan na. But he's trying naman daw..

Which is weightier though?  The reasons why you love him?  Or the pains your heart and your psyche have to suffer?

^For now? The reasons why I love him still weigh the most. for now. 

Hopefully, I'll learn how to accept and not expect too much. I'll wait for him to finish his review then I'll decide.

Thank you for giving your advice. I've understood your point well. 

[SimpleBeauty08]

Sis SimpleBeauty08, you and this guy have only been together for 2 years and yet he's been treating you like this already? Just imagine how much worse he'll become once you two are married.
.

^ sis, thanks dito. Naintindihan ko din yung point mo. I have thought about this already. At tama ka, more probably, ganito nga ang mangyayari...

Ewan ko if you could consider this as my fault or not. He only courted me for three weeks. I'm attracted to him and I liked his no-nonsense personality then that's why sinagot ko siya. When he was still courting me, he cooks for me. Sometimes nagdadala siya ng pagkain samen. He text me often as well. But.. he never gave me flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, he didn't say any cheesy lines, at all. nothing. He was not a conventional suitor. But still, nagustuhan ko pa rin siya. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, why not give it a try, 20 na ko at NBSB pa din, and he's not bad after all. He's in fact, a good catch. There's something in him that makes me like him.

In our first few months together, I started to notice yung ganitong personality niya but I didn't gave a dam* then siguro dahil Di ko pa talaga siya mahal. Pero habang tumatagal kami at naiinlove na ko sa kanya, dun ko na napansin yung short comings niya sa relationship namen. The texts become seldom. I noticed na he is not malambing. He doesn't like to cuddle nor kiss. But I take it as being respectful. Kaya lang, dumating ako sa point na nainggit ako sa ibang couple na si guy sobrang sweet, with flowers and all, yung di nahihiyang ipakita na mahal nila talaga yung gf nila. I dunno if the way he carries our relationship now has something to do with his past experience with his ex. He once told me, 'too much love will kill you.' I am trying to understand him. Na baka nadala na siyang magpakita ng too much love? but Kasalanan ko ba na siya yung pinili ko? Na since yun ang nature niya, I have to accept it na lang kasi ganun talaga siya? hindi ba kapag mahal mo yun isang tao, you would try na hindi gawin yung mga bagay na alam mong makakasakit sa kanya?

On the other hand, in some of his ways sis, I feel na he really loves me. Whenever we argue and whenever I want to talk, kahit naiirita na siya kasi ang kulit ko, nakikipagusap pa din siya. I can say na the urge to fix things up is still there. Though there were times na natitiis niya ako lalo na kung for him, 'nagiinarte' lang ako.

For now, I'm still holding on for what we have coz I know he loves me. I dunno until when ko kayang magtiis or umunawa. Pero for sure, this won't last a life time. I'm trying to weigh things. I'm not askin him to totally change it, I'm just askin for some affection and effort.

Hopefully, we could work this out. Ang hirap kasi iwan siya kasi mahal ko talaga. for now.

Thank you so much sis. naappreciate ko yung reply mo. 

[prettygurl00001]

I dunno if the way he carries our relationship now has something to do with his past experience with his ex. He once told me, 'too much love will kill you.' I am trying to understand him. Na baka nadala na siyang magpakita ng too much love?

Hmm, probably nadala nga becoz of his previous relationship. But from the start, why did he enter in a new relationship if he isn't ready to give his whole self again? Siguro ayos lang if in the first few months mejo distant pa sha. Kaso 2 years na kayo. Until now ba he still has his reservations towards you, that you might leave him or you might find someone else? With the way he treats you, didn't he realize na baka mas lalo kang mawala?

but Kasalanan ko ba na siya yung pinili ko? Na since yun ang nature niya, I have to accept it na lang kasi ganun talaga siya? hindi ba kapag mahal mo yun isang tao, you would try na hindi gawin yung mga bagay na alam mong makakasakit sa kanya?

You are not at fault here. You just fell inlove that's it. Pero hindi porket thats the way he is then you just have to accept it. Coz if he loves you enough, he will make extra efforts to show it to you and not to make you feel less important.

On the other hand, in some of his ways sis, I feel na he really loves me. Whenever we argue and whenever I want to talk, kahit naiirita na siya kasi ang kulit ko, nakikipagusap pa din siya. I can say na the urge to fix things up is still there. Though there were times na natitiis niya ako lalo na kung for him, 'nagiinarte' lang ako.

Well, ganyan din my ex-bf. He would talk to me, try to fix things. May times na super malambing and caring. Kaya naman lumalambot ang puso ko pag ganito na sha. Pero after a few days balik ulit sa dati, hindi na ulit magpaparamdam madalas, ako na naman ang mag-eeffort.

For now, I'm still holding on for what we have coz I know he loves me.

How can you tell that he "really" does? Did he make some efforts to show you that? Or he just told you? Iba ang sinasabi lang kesa sa ginagawa sis.

I'm sorry sis, pero I've been there a lot of times before, kaya based on your story, I can say that he is not that into you. You're still young, in your 20's, tapos he's your first bf. Perhaps you're still very much infatuated of the thought that your first bf should be your last and the one you'll marry. Sis, that's not always the case. Pero since you still have enough patience left to go on, then I just wish you the best. I hope your man could change for the better and I hope you two can work things out.

[prettygurl00001]

Have you heard of the phrase - The One before "The One"? This is when the guy came from a heartbreaking relationship where he loved girl #1 too much but somehow the relationship did not work (maybe the girl cheated, or any other reasons which are out of hand). So the guy gets burned and will have a somehow negative perspective on love. Then, there comes girl #2. She seems like a very good catch so the guy pursues her, just so he'll be in a new relationship and to recover from the past. He loves girl #2 but that doesn't mean that he perceives this girl #2 as "the one" he'll marry. He loves her but not as much as he loved girl #1. So he doesn't give his best, doesn't invest much effort in the relationship, because he is still in his recovering state. Then, girl #2 complains, tries to fix the relationship. But the guy is just the same, because he got burned and does not want to give anything anymore. Until girl #2 gets tired and fed up and breaks up with him. For a time the guy may try to win her back, but the effort will not be enough. Because to him, girl #2 just might not be the one. Until... he meets another girl... girl #3. This girl #3 which, he thinks is "The One", just in time for him to give himself once again.
So in short, girl #2 is the one before "The One". The girl he is in relationship with while he's still in that healing and recovering state. Then when he's ready to give his whole self again, that might be the time when the girl has had enough already, is fed up. So the guy moves forward and is ready to love again, unfortunately, to another girl... which he then perceives as "the one".

Sis, I hope you are not girl #2.

[SimpleBeauty08]

Hmm, probably nadala nga becoz of his previous relationship. But from the start, why did he enter in a new relationship if he isn't ready to give his whole self again? Siguro ayos lang if in the first few months mejo distant pa sha. Kaso 2 years na kayo. Until now ba he still has his reservations towards you, that you might leave him or you might find someone else? With the way he treats you, didn't he realize na baka mas lalo kang mawala?

^When I first learned about his relationship with his ex, I didn't feel threatened whatsoever. Kahit nung naging kami, classmate pa din niya sa school yung girl, okay lang sakin. wala siyang naririnig na kahit na ano from me. Before I entered this relationship with him, I talked to him first and I laid all my cards on the table. I told him na he must be sure na di ako rebound lang. I asked him as well what were the reasons why he had chosen to court me, then he said na he saw in me the qualities that he is looking for a girl,. And he's not getting any younger, he said na he promised to himself daw na the next time he would be in a relationship, he'll make sure na it's for keeps na talaga. I believed him.

He was not totally distant, I think my restrictions siya in showing his love for me maybe because he does not want me to see how much he loves me. I really am not sure.

You are not at fault here. You just fell inlove that's it. Pero hindi porket thats the way he is then you just have to accept it. Coz if he loves you enough, he will make extra efforts to show it to you and not to make you feel less important.

^exactly my point sis...

Well, ganyan din my ex-bf. He would talk to me, try to fix things. May times na super malambing and caring. Kaya naman lumalambot ang puso ko pag ganito na sha. Pero after a few days balik ulit sa dati, hindi na ulit magpaparamdam madalas, ako na naman ang mag-eeffort.

^sana di siya katulad ni ex-bf mo. really hope not. That must have hurt a lot sis...

How can you tell that he "really" does? Did he make some efforts to show you that? Or he just told you? Iba ang sinasabi lang kesa sa ginagawa sis.

^He did...for so many times sa two years. Not the small things though like being sweet or malambing. He already introduced me to his family. Most especially to his relatives who live in abroad. According to his dad, he's not the type of guy who would introduce his every gf to his family most especially to his relatives who live abroad because sobrang strict daw nung mga yun. According to my bf and his family, ako daw yung una niyang pinakilala, meaning daw, he is really serious about me.

I understand your opinion sis... And I truly appreciate it. I am able to analyze our relationship. The responses that I've read helped me a lot. Thanks much!~ 

[SimpleBeauty08]

Have you heard of the phrase - The One before "The One"? This is when the guy came from a heartbreaking relationship where he loved girl #1 too much but somehow the relationship did not work (maybe the girl cheated, or any other reasons which are out of hand). So the guy gets burned and will have a somehow negative perspective on love. Then, there comes girl #2. She seems like a very good catch so the guy pursues her, just so he'll be in a new relationship and to recover from the past. He loves girl #2 but that doesn't mean that he perceives this girl #2 as "the one" he'll marry. He loves her but not as much as he loved girl #1. So he doesn't give his best, doesn't invest much effort in the relationship, because he is still in his recovering state. Then, girl #2 complains, tries to fix the relationship. But the guy is just the same, because he got burned and does not want to give anything anymore. Until girl #2 gets tired and fed up and breaks up with him. For a time the guy may try to win her back, but the effort will not be enough. Because to him, girl #2 just might not be the one. Until... he meets another girl... girl #3. This girl #3 which, he thinks is "The One", just in time for him to give himself once again.
So in short, girl #2 is the one before "The One". The girl he is in relationship with while he's still in that healing and recovering state. Then when he's ready to give his whole self again, that might be the time when the girl has had enough already, is fed up. So the guy moves forward and is ready to love again, unfortunately, to another girl... which he then perceives as "the one".

Sis, I hope you are not girl #2.

^I hope so too sis. I really hope so. I'll take the common belief na if pinakilala ka na sa family ng bf mo and he doesn't usually do it, then I'll believe na he is serious about me. As early as now, napaguusapan namen yung marriage but not detailed. Sana nga sis. Sana lang talaga. hirap kasi maginvest nanaman nge feeling sa ibang guy just in case this won't work out.

[carmichael18]

Have you heard of the phrase - The One before "The One"? This is when the guy came from a heartbreaking relationship where he loved girl #1 too much but somehow the relationship did not work (maybe the girl cheated, or any other reasons which are out of hand). So the guy gets burned and will have a somehow negative perspective on love. Then, there comes girl #2. She seems like a very good catch so the guy pursues her, just so he'll be in a new relationship and to recover from the past. He loves girl #2 but that doesn't mean that he perceives this girl #2 as "the one" he'll marry. He loves her but not as much as he loved girl #1. So he doesn't give his best, doesn't invest much effort in the relationship, because he is still in his recovering state. Then, girl #2 complains, tries to fix the relationship. But the guy is just the same, because he got burned and does not want to give anything anymore. Until girl #2 gets tired and fed up and breaks up with him. For a time the guy may try to win her back, but the effort will not be enough. Because to him, girl #2 just might not be the one. Until... he meets another girl... girl #3. This girl #3 which, he thinks is "The One", just in time for him to give himself once again.
So in short, girl #2 is the one before "The One". The girl he is in relationship with while he's still in that healing and recovering state. Then when he's ready to give his whole self again, that might be the time when the girl has had enough already, is fed up. So the guy moves forward and is ready to love again, unfortunately, to another girl... which he then perceives as "the one".

Sis, I hope you are not girl #2.

nakarelate naman daw ako.. I am h2b's 3rd gf.. his first, they were together for 5 years, but the girl  cheated on him.. after 4 years of being single, my bf had another gf, na according to his friends, he didn't pay much attention too. that was when we met.. then we became steady after his relationship with the other girl, on our second month, he proposed to me.. nakakaloka lang kasi ambilis.. pero pag tinatanon ko siya, ang sagot niya sa akin, "You don't see the girl you want to marry everyday.. so nung nakita ko na, bakit ko pa papakawalan..."

minsan natatakot din ako na baka hindi pa siya sure.. but I trusted him, when he said he wanted to marry me.. now, 80 days to our wedding and he's still very sweet... ngayon ko lang nabasa tong "the one" before "the one" na ito...

[akireyhoj]

sis you should think about this as early as now. parang ganyan din ex bf ko sakin. in 3 yrs ayaw niya makipag holding hands sakin (maganda naman kamay ko lol) hes never been proud of me, never malambing, never vocal sa feelings about me. and when we broke up, and hes trying to win me back, ayaw niya ko pagkagastusan kasi ang reason niya is never naman magiging kami uli! nahirapan lang talaga ko maglet go sa kanya because hes close to our family. 2 years pa kami naging mag MU before i let him go. why i hold on in 2 years? akala ko magbabago pa sya. he has an attitude na uunahin bisyo (yosi at alak) kesa sakin. and yun nga never malambing, maalaga. para lang kaming magkaibigan kasi lagi kami nagkukwentuhan ganon lang kami. whats the reason why i let him go? i think of my future. ganitong lalaki ba gusto ko makasama forever? we sometimes talked about marriage. he wants na magbago ako (senyorita kasi ako samin) gusto niya magtiis ako sa kung ano lang kaya niya ibigay. na a big No for me. dad ko nga hindi ako pinapahirapan ibang tao pa kaya??

anyway, i moved on. i finally found someone. whos REALLY opposite of him. sobrang maalaga, sweet. basta lahat ng hindi ko naranasan sa ex ko nararansan ko kay bf ngayon. magkaiba sila. even sa future. my bf thinks na hindi dapat ako gawing alila kung ano gusto ko ibibigay niya. and my bf came from a past na sobrang pangit. he's ex cheated on him. pero kahit ganon nangyari, binigay niya buong love niya sakin. tingin ko eh hindi ko naman mararanasan yung The One before "The One"?.

sis think about your future. and eto lagi sinasabi ng bf ko sakin. magmahal ka ng lalaki na mamahalin at aalagaan ka at hindi ka sasaktan. at sabi nga nila dapat mas mahal ka ng lalaki. yun nalang isipin mo. actually ayaw ko nakakarinig ng ganitong kwento, na nasasaktan yung babae dahil ganyan bf nila. eto lagi ko pinapayo sa mga friends ko "ikaw ba gusto mo ganyang klase ng tao makasama mo habang buhay?"

[babyjapnurse01]

SimpleBeauty08 :

    Una sis, I would like to tell you na hindi ka lang nagiinarte thats why you are so affected that your boyfriend isnt vocal/showy/malambing sayo. Apektado ka coz you love him eh, and syempre dahil sweet ka sa kanya, gusto mo din naman na ireciprocate nya yung gestures of paglalambing sayo but apparently, hindi nya ginagawa yon, so I guess okay lang na ganyan ang reaction mo, and okay din na you told him about it.

Id have to tell you ng derecho though, If a guy really loves you, no matter how tigasin his image may be, merong soft spot dapat yan pag dating sa mga taong mahal nya, lalo na sayo. Girlfriend ka eh, and he would be protective of you pag nasa labas kayo. Iba naman kasi yung hindi showy kesa sa taong indifferent, Im sorry but it seems that way to me, and I think I have to tell it ng derecho. Ang tingin ko kasi sa mga guys na ganyan, parang kinakahiya yung kasama nila, if they dont wanna hold your hand, nor umakbay or tumabi manlang sayo while walking around the mall, parang ang weird, parang it shows that theres something about you thats bothering him as well.

My boyfriend is not really the vocal type of guy, actually pag kaming dalawa nga lang puro pang-aasar ang naririnig ko from him (pero lambing lang naman daw yun haha!) but if may ibang mga tao around, mas malambing sya, he constantly holds my hand, brushes my hair with his hand, or kahit anong dahilan nalang para hawakan ako haha! Pag nasa mall gusto nya wherever I go or wherever he goes andun din ako.. Ganun yung idea ko of love eh, yea masyadong idealistic, pero yan ang instinct kasi ng tao na inlove sa kasama nya eh.

Yung mabilis na pagrereply ni BF sayo and being extra sweet during the times na nanliligaw pa lang sya, expected na yan, guys are always in their best foot during the courtship stage. Kaya I would say na sweetsweetan at pakitang tao lang yung pagpapakita nya ng extra attention sayo during that phase.

Hindi rin reason na na-trauma sya or may hang-ups pa from his previous relationship/s kaya he's acting that way towards you ha, kung hindi pa pala sya completely nakakapag-move on then why the heck did he enter sa isang bagong relationship?

Ngayon pa lang sis dapat siguro pag-isipan mo na if thats the kind of guy na gusto mong makasama, weird eh, kahit pa ikaw pala ang naglalambing nirereject ka nya, so ano palang gusto nya? baka naman he's just up for the companionship and yung thought na may girlfriend sya pero he doesnt care naman about how you feel about him being rude sayo?

Hays sis, find someone who would appreciate you kesa yung ganyan na mababother ka lang kung anong tumatakbo sa isip nya. daig nyo pa mag-tropa eh, kami nga ng mga barkada kong boys may care pa pag magkakasama sa malls eh.

[akireyhoj]

correct sis babyjapnurse01. my ex bf is so ma pride. naku kainin nalang niya pride niya at hindi naman ako mapapakain non! puro sakit sa puso lang mararamdaman ng babae kapag ma pride ang lalaki.

[blackberryqueen]

Sis, tama lahat ng advises ng mga sisses. Alam mo ang swerte mo! Why? Because you found out about what’s missing in your relationship this early, habang di pa kayo kasal. You still have a chance to choose a better partner, a better life with someone you will spend the rest of your life with.
You have every right to demand attention and affection! Hindi ka maarte, hindi ka demanding. It is your right! The fact na na-recognize mo  yang need mo na yan, it means that need should be satisfied. And it’s the most common thing for women to have the need for LOVE and APPRECIATION. Nobody can tell you that you can just forget that need, coz believe me, hindi mawawala yan sayo. Deep within you there will always be that desire to be appreciated. And if your husband couldn’t give it to you, someone else might come and fulfill that need --- pak! Nagkasala ka pa..  So please, if you love yourself, get out of that relationship as fast as you can, while you’re still unmarried.
And don’t buy it in case that BF of yours suddenly change and start showering you with attention. Believe me, babalik at babalik ang pagiging natural nya, which is insensitive and distant. If it’s not in his nature to be affectionate, he will never be the man you needed.

[SimpleBeauty08]

nakarelate naman daw ako.. I am h2b's 3rd gf.. his first, they were together for 5 years, but the girl  cheated on him.. after 4 years of being single, my bf had another gf, na according to his friends, he didn't pay much attention too. that was when we met.. then we became steady after his relationship with the other girl, on our second month, he proposed to me.. nakakaloka lang kasi ambilis.. pero pag tinatanon ko siya, ang sagot niya sa akin, "You don't see the girl you want to marry everyday.. so nung nakita ko na, bakit ko pa papakawalan..."

minsan natatakot din ako na baka hindi pa siya sure.. but I trusted him, when he said he wanted to marry me.. now, 80 days to our wedding and he's still very sweet... ngayon ko lang nabasa tong "the one" before "the one" na ito...

^Hello sis! Thanks for your response. i'm happy to hear na you've found a good soon-to-be husband. Good for both of you. Congratulations! ^_^

he has an attitude na uunahin bisyo (yosi at alak) kesa sakin. and yun nga never malambing, maalaga. para lang kaming magkaibigan kasi lagi kami nagkukwentuhan ganon lang kami.

^ Thanks much for the reply sis. ^_^ In my case, bf has no vices. He stopped smoking nung niligawan niya ako when I told him I hate guys who smoke and he's just an occasional drinker kaya ala naman akong problema sa kanya sa part na yun. Yung sa part na 'para lang kaming magkaibigan', I noticed that too in our relationship. Parang friends na lang kami. 2 days ago, I told him like these: " You know what? I feel like may bf lang ako sa salita. Para akong single na committed.".. After saying that, napikon siya sakin. Sabi ko, bakit? di bali sana kung di totoo yung sinabi ko, eh sa ganun yung pakiramdam ko eh, anong magagawa ko diba?

Ngayon pa lang sis dapat siguro pag-isipan mo na if thats the kind of guy na gusto mong makasama, weird eh, kahit pa ikaw pala ang naglalambing nirereject ka nya, so ano palang gusto nya? baka naman he's just up for the companionship and yung thought na may girlfriend sya pero he doesnt care naman about how you feel about him being rude sayo?

^That is what I have been doin' lately sis. Ang magisip ng mabuti and at the same time, di magexpect ng anything from him. I'm just waitin for me to be fed up and surrender na lang to let him go. Siguro as of now, I'l divert my attention to other activities for me not to focus on him. Nakakasawa na yung ikaw ang bigay ng bigay.

You have every right to demand attention and affection! Hindi ka maarte, hindi ka demanding. It is your right! The fact na na-recognize mo  yang need mo na yan, it means that need should be satisfied. And it’s the most common thing for women to have the need for LOVE and APPRECIATION. Nobody can tell you that you can just forget that need, coz believe me, hindi mawawala yan sayo. Deep within you there will always be that desire to be appreciated. And if your husband couldn’t give it to you, someone else might come and fulfill that need --- pak! Nagkasala ka pa..  So please, if you love yourself, get out of that relationship as fast as you can, while you’re still unmarried.

And don’t buy it in case that BF of yours suddenly change and start showering you with attention. Believe me, babalik at babalik ang pagiging natural nya, which is insensitive and distant. If it’s not in his nature to be affectionate, he will never be the man you needed.

^Thanks din sayo blackberryqueen for posting your response here. ^_^ I agree with you sis. Minsan kahit sanay na ako, di ko pa rin maiwasang di magexpect but it's not too painful this time. Kasi I expect na he won't do it talaga. But I'm trying hard not to pity myself coz I know everything happens for a reason. I just love him that's why i stay with him. Kasama na din siguro yung family niya na mahal ko na din kaya di ako maka-let go. Nakkuuuu pasalamat talaga siya. But I'm not sayin na I will stay forever. Pag napatid na yung pisi ko,LOL. I'll stop. and I guess I'm almost there.

Sa ngayon, I'm trying to enjoy bein alone. I'm tryin to bring back my old self. Yung confident, independent, happy and contented na babae. I do really miss her. Siguro, If I learn how to love myself more, I'll be happy. Ako muna, masyadon na akong madaming naibigay. Ako naman ngayon.

Thanks much to all of you guys who took some time to response in my post. I really appreciate it. Please pray for me..