What will you do if your MIL accidentally dropped your baby in the pool?

[grumpybear]

Yes, it does look like there are underlying issues with MIL besides this accident. I agree with the above post to let your husband handle it and set boundaries with her. Mabuti na to let your boundaries be known now pa lang kesa so she does not keep offending you over and over again.

[anneG]

dami mo palang issue sa MIL mo hehe.. kung ako yan kausapin ko si hubby.. sabihin ko
your mom's being a real pain in the a$$.. deal with her

may issues na talaga even before, na aware naman si hubby kaso nanay niya kaya palagi niyang sinasabi wag ko na lang pansinin. kinakaya naman ng power ko na deadmahin na lang not until that pool incident happened parang napuno na ang salop nag flare up na ko up to the highest level.

Sis from the sound of it eh may alitan na kayo ng MIL mo even before this had happened. I get you. Hindi ko din paaalagaan kids ko sa MIL ko.

kausapin mo si hubby about your galit/inis in your in-laws, kasi bali-baligtarin mo man ang mundo, magulang ng hubby mo yan e.. siguro hindi naman sinasadya ang nangyari, wala namang gustong mapahamak ang bata lalo na ang baby e..

yan ang madalas niyang palusot, hindi sinasadya..like in my 1st stand there are accidents that can be avoided & konting use ng common sense, kung hindi ka marunong mag swimming bakit mo naman dadalhin sa pool at ipagtatampisaw ang bata hindi pa dun sa stairs ng pool ha as in sa pool side sumemplang. consolation ko lang walang nangyaring masama kay baby kundi malalagot talaga silang mag-ina sa akin.
hindi naman alitan sis, may "inis" factor na puede pang palampasin..pero yung sumobrang pagkikialamera sa anak ko na umabot pa sa point na may accident na nangyari..yun na! hehe
@chasiderwin - charge to experience na lang sis. kung ayaw mag sorry e di wag, sinabi ko naman kay hubby paglaki ng anak namin ikwekwento ko sa kanya yung nangyari. pasensyahan na lang.
@grumpybear - i saw him doing some efforts...but sometimes failed pa rin.

Anyways, thanks to all who read & posted their opinions..this coming sunday we're going to stay in Marriott ipapagswimming ko ulit si baby, hope she still enjoys the water like how she likes it before.
Happy Father's day to your hubbies!

[j27]

^i wonder kung kasama ulit si mil. hehe.

kung ako, hindi ko na siguro ikukwento sa anak ko yung ganyan pag nakakaintindi na siya. pwera nalang kung magka issue ulit kami ni mil. baka mailabas ko lahat ng galit ko nun at masabi ko sa anak ko yun. :-)

konting ingat pa sis. ako pag mga ganyang swimming, kahit sa 11yo daughter ko hindi ako mapakali. todo bantay kahit marunong siya magswimming. at bawal tumakbo, baka madulas.

[anneG]

@j27- hindi siya kasama haha! nung holyweek nag Marriott din kami nag stay siya halos wholeday with us nangialam sa pagpapa swimming ko kay baby, after lunch mag swiwim kami ni baby. ayaw niya kesyo patulugin ko muna eh hindi naman inaantok saka gusto ko mapagod muna si baby para straight ang tulog, habang nasa elevator di ako nakapag pigil nag declare ako ng "ako ang nanay, ako ang masusunod" wala siyang nagawa.

Actually sa ganitong may water activites ako mismo ang sumasama kay baby, kahit na si yaya di puede umeksena sa pool kaya pag ganyan iniiwan lang namin sa hse si yaya. Ako talaga ang hands-on mahirap na magkasisihan kung may mangyari diba.

[j27]

^haha! mahilig din ako sa ganyang statement, "ako ang mommy, kung ano sinabi ko, yun na!" keber kung sino makadinig. pag may nag comment, guilty yun, at siya na, siya na ang pakialamera!

[Ms.Cacao70%]

ang feeling ko sa issue na ito ay isang akisidente. Walang may gustong mangyari na mahulog ang bata sa pool at kahit ano pang ingat natin ay may panahon talaga na nadidisgrasya pa din ang bata either sa sariling kalikutan or sa di inaasahan na pangyayari. Pero tama din na kung pwedeng iwasan, gagawin natin ang lahat para maiwasan If it happened to me, magagalit din ako, matatakot at iiyak pero hindi ko ito itatago sa biyenan ko. Kahit nakikitira pa ako sa kanya may karapatan akong magalit. Alam kong hindi niya ginustong mahulog sa pool ang anak ko pero katangahan din niya bat nangyari ito. Pero hanggang don lang siguro, di ko masyadong pepersonalin yon. Kahit siguro yung biyenan mo, mamatay sa takot at believe me, isusugal niya ang buhay niya sa anak mo. Be thankful na talagang walang nangyaring masama.

Pero hindi ko na siguro ipo-post pa ito sa FB. Minsan sa sobrang galit may nasasabi tayong hindi maganda para mailabas natin yung galit, which is natural lang sa kahit na sinong tao. Pero pag nag-post ka na sa FB or sa mga sites na nababasa ng ibang tao, hindi na siguro appropriate yon. Kasi ang galit, ang sama ng loob naghihilom pero ang mga na-post mo na sa FB, hindi na nawawala at yung mga nabasa na ng ibang tao tungkol sa mother-in-law mo hindi na rin naalis sa isip nila. Nanay pa rin sya ng asawa ko at kahit na siguro anong inis ko pa, ayaw kong magmukha syang t**** sa ibang tao dahil parang asawa ko din ang napapahiya. You said you want her to respect you as the mother of your kid? Ikaw, nirerespeto mo ba siya bilang lola ng bata at nanay ng asawa mo?

[anneG]

Nanay pa rin sya ng asawa ko at kahit na siguro anong inis ko pa, ayaw kong magmukha syang t**** sa ibang tao dahil parang asawa ko din ang napapahiya. You said you want her to respect you as the mother of your kid? Ikaw, nirerespeto mo ba siya bilang lola ng bata at nanay ng asawa mo?

sis, nag back read ka ba? wala akong pinost sa FB na para ipagmukha siyang t****, CARELESSNESS ang punto ko. I said I am the mother, she should respect my decisions with regards to my daughter yun lang. As a person if she doesn't want to respect me, its fine with me. If I didn't respect her sana matagal na akong sumabog diba, all this time i'm holding my temper & patience..not until this incident that it caused me to explode. Maraming bagay bgay na akong pinalampas due to humanitarian reason & for me, that's enough.

Hindi ba tama lang na isugal niya yung buhay niya, dahil kagagawan rin niya kung bakit nangyari yun. The experience I had will forever haunt me. Ibig mo bang sabihin porket ayaw ko ng ipagkatiwala sa kanya yung anak ko pinepersonal ko na siya? hindi naman siguro bale walang bagay yung nangyari na overnight madaling kalimutan, siguro in time sabi nga time heal all wounds, wag na lang ipilit ngayon na as in ok back to normal ang samahan..kung hindi mo nabasa sa previous post she didn't say sorry to me. Again, respect is earned.

[aquacharly]

ang mga babies naturally marunong lumangoy yan...

CLARIFICATION:  babies instinctively know how to FLOAT, supposedly... But if like adults, they panic when they fall in - and left unattended - well, we have heard of babies who fall into pools and drown kasi nalingatan.   So do not bank on this assumption.

That is why it is good to start them learning to "swim" early - they hardly have any fear of water and having  their faces submerged.  Babies less than a year old are taught to FLOAT  better - they call it drown-proofing. The  baby is trained not to panic, and to stay afloat longer - 15min to 30min, to pace its lifting of its head out of the water -  for more efficient breathing.    It gives the baby enough time to get "discovered"

[chasiderwin]

sis, nag back read ka ba? wala akong pinost sa FB na para ipagmukha siyang t****, CARELESSNESS ang punto ko.

back read muna tayo bago mag comment para alam ang puno't dulo mga sis...relax....God is with us always

[aquacharly]

Of course ANNE had to get her message across that she will not tolerate careless handling of her baby.  FB is a viable way to do it -- coz if her MIL thinks that incident is forgotten - hello, the other relatives' comments to her will not let her off that easily.  Dapat  lang, IMO, coz she can't go on being careless ( she has a rep - "balahura". What does that mean? ).

I am all in favor of ANNE getting her message across  - the buck stops with her when it comes to the baby. It is HER, rightfully, with the Final Say; everything else is Suggestions Only.    Mabuti na as maaga as can be claro si ANNE about her position/s.  Per my experience,  it does not pay to play along.      (Now,  let us not confuse  rudeness with speaking up.)  Kasi  ako noon, quiet quiet lang kahit ano palabas nang SIL.  i just ignore it, and do as I decide is best.   Shucks!  Hindi yan titigil!  Sige pa in unsolicited advice, unwanted attention/commentaries, pakialam .. At como quiet lang ako, she started on a We Bulong campaign pa against me.  Tumigil lang yan when I told her to her face 1 day what I thought of her, plus what she does I find offensive, plus told her as far as I am concerned I do not have to take her into my life. "Sino ka ba to me?"  (with matching carinyosa tone and Cheshire Cat smile - go figure, sarcastic na tago sipa di ba). - that made her go Boink!! Lol.  ... Plus, I started to immediately react vocally (never rudely) to all said to me or parinig or padaplis.  LESSON:  it does not pay to hide who you are, como mas matanda or inlaws sila.   Do not put yourself into misery that way coz generally, people with offensive habits do Not stop until you put it to their face ..  So best  not to wait until it  grows huge eh kelangan more than a figurative glass of water thrown  into their face .. As in figuratively, kelangan mo na ilublob and drown yung tao.   hehe

[aquacharly]

I forgot to add:  now, that SIL of mine watches what she says and how she acts when I am  around her.  Maayos syang makisama, and refrains from offending me intentionally. 

Same same with ANNE's MIL - mag iisip na yan henceforth, and not assume her ways  nor thinking  should previl como  sya  nakatatanda.

So IMO, best to put issues on the table promptly and clearly. 

[anneG]

@aquacharly - thanks sis.
Ako kasi I was never been the goody-goody type of DIL, the type na trying to please my ILs nagpapa-cute pa sipsip, hinding hindi ako yun. If I'm angry or not happy makikita at malalaman ng ILs ko and I'm just trying to be true to them and to myself. Tama ka, maybe after what had happened nakita na nila (my ILs) esp. si MIL kung paano ako magalit sana ayus ayusin nya ang pag handle sa anak ko esp. if nandiyan ako.

To others who finds me disrespectful well ganun talaga eh..but God knows I tried to be polite as much as I can not only to my ILs but to everyone.

[ads83]

CLARIFICATION:  babies instinctively know how to FLOAT, supposedly... But if like adults, they panic when they fall in - and left unattended - well, we have heard of babies who fall into pools and drown kasi nalingatan.   So do not bank on this assumption.

I agree with this. I think it's due to buoyancy (correct me if im wrong). However, pwede parin ma- aspirate yung water and that's dangerous. My son is my top priority and magagalit din ako for sure if something like this happened to him.

LESSON:  it does not pay to hide who you are, como mas matanda or inlaws sila.   Do not put yourself into misery that way coz generally, people with offensive habits do Not stop until you put it to their face ..  So best  not to wait until it  grows huge eh kelangan more than a figurative glass of water thrown  into their face .. As in figuratively, kelangan mo na ilublob and drown yung tao.   hehe

I like this. 

My MIL and I are ok. Hubby and I are fairly newly weds, so I haven't experienced anything alarming with my MIL. But I will definitely take this into account.

[Kanzaki]

Naiahon ba ito ng 3 seconds?  this is so horrible. I would be getting angry as well. Ewan ko lang kung ano ang irerespond on confrontation when it comes to MIL or other in laws. Pero kung parents ko yan hay nako I would be getting mad already. Sobra na nga akong bangayan pati ba naman anak ko idadamay pa sa hinanakit nila.

[rnd0910]

Ako magagalit rin ako ng sobra.. di ko alam gagawin ko. Fron the start pa lang pinaramdam ko na sa mga ILs ko na ako masusunod sa anak ko sa lahat ng bagay. Up until now kahit 4 y/o na anak ko di pa rin sya pwede hiramin ng mga ILs ko at matulog sa kanila, although madalas pinaparinig nila sa akin na tinatanong nila anak ko kung gusto matulog sa kanila... buti na lang ayaw din ng anak ko...

Nakikita lang nila anak ko pag dadalaw kami don. Kung mag over night man kami dapat kasama kaming magulang...

[anneG]

Naiahon ba ito ng 3 seconds?  :

im not sure if 3 secs or maybe more, basta nung dumating ako sa scene naiahon na niya accdg to her naiahon naman daw niya agad.
@rnd0910 - thanks for sharing this, another idea yan incase pagbalakan hiramin sa susunod. Gusto nga ipasama one time nung ihahatid si SIL sa work, hindi ako pumayag.

[guilleanne]

there's more to your story sis anne than just the accidentally dropping the baby in the pool.

but I'll try to answer the subject first, what will i do if my mil accidentally drops my baby on the pool.

I'll be screaming mad at my hubby! Kasi kahit galit na galit pa ako I don't think I have it in me to scream at my mil's face, kasi matanda na sya eh. pero ewan ko lang, syempre iba pag anak na yun.

ganun kasi ako pag may problema ako sa family ni hubby sa kanya ko sinasabi, sya ang shock absorber.

tapos si hubby na bahala mag relay nun sa nanay nya.

pero to your problem naman sis, sana eventually maayos nyo na yang gap nyo ng mil mo, package deal talaga yan ni hubby mo eh, mahirap na eventually yan pang problem mo with mil ang pag aawayan nyo ni hubby, at least now you know na wag na ipagkatiwala ever si baby kay mil.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

you're full of anger and i think it will be hard for you to move on if you keep going back to that scary incident. i dunno, i dont want to fuel your anger even more    goodluck sa yo. sana ma-solve mo kung ano man ang issues mo sa iyong mother-inl-aw.

[anneG]

@guilleanne - thanks, atleast naka relate ka. Regarding the gap, hindi na siguro mawawala yun para na lang siyang cycle kasi pag ang tao hindi sensitive sa feelings ng iba at tumanda na lang siya na ganun na yung ugali niya, mahirap ng mabago..deadmahin na lang siya para wala ng problema.

 @Ms.Cacao70% - full of anger? no, that's during & after the incident, i sounds like angry coz i have to flashback, parang hindi mo kasi nabasa yung ng previous posts. inulit ulit ko lang 

[mommycute46]

Each of us has different tolerance level especially when it involves our in laws and children. May madaling magalit, mayroon din namang mahaba haba pasensiya (I do not belong to that group  ). It depends on the situation but it is more crucial when it involves the safety of our children.

The"scary incident" happened to the baby of the TS makes her react as a mother protecting the welfare of her baby. I understand if she no longer wants to let her MIL look/hold her baby anymore because she  is just thinking of the safety of her baby. IMO, we do not have the right to judge the mother on her initial reaction with the incident until we were on that situation.

Regarding the FB posting, siguro maiinis ako when sis AnneG do the posting a month after the incident happened and she use harsh words against her MIL. By that time kasi, the anger should have subside.  But she did it when the incident is still “fresh” and  I admire her not using offensive words against her MIL (kasi kung ako yon baka mas malala  ). IMO, It's better to voiced out feelings though other means not in front of the person you're mad at...because anger is powerful...it can easily transform you into devil. Who knows sis AnneG is the person who cannot control her tongue that's why she prefer using FB as a means of showing she is not tolerating the situation. After all the MIL did not even apologize to the her which is very much offending_showing disrespect as a mother of the baby_.

Sometimes keeping distance of the MIL is not enough to show  she's sorry. Though it is an accident,   its not nature alone, MIL is in control and she could have prevented the accident from happening. For me, Its always good to say sorry to the person affected because you do not know yon lang pala hinihintay ng isa para mapatawad ka or maka let go. Saying sorry also means you are admitting your mistake and the injured party will not think ma pride ka. Minsan kasi kung sino pa may kasalanan kailangan pang may magsabing “oy magsorry ka sa kanya” saka sila magsosorry kaya parang scripted di ba, no sincerity.