How to handle infedility of your partner?

[shinta]

I just want to share, mejo mahaba pero salamat sa mga magbabasa. I'm 6 months pregnant now. A couple of months ago, i caught my partner flirting sa FB chat with his ex ka-MU. One night nagpaalam siya sa akin na pupuntahan yung isa niyang friend na may problema sa asawa. Aside from sa friend niya na may problema, meron pa isang guy friend sila na andun din. Prior to that, sobrang luwang ko sa kanya.. he can go wherever he wants basta super tiwala ako sa kanya cause for some reasons, i believe na hindi siya katulad ng iba. Anyway, nag inuman sila that night inabot na sila till mga 5.30 am yata.. then nung afternoon, kausap ko siya sa viber, and naririnig ko na may ka chat siya sa FB, i logged in sa FB niya and I can see his conversation with a girl real time. that girl is girlfriend pala nung isa niyang barkada na kasama nila that night also. That girl also, is ex ka-MU ng partner ko, hindi natuloy into a relationship because the girl went to UAE. On their conversation, they were talking about what happened nung inuman, yung bf ni girl was super nalasing to the point na nakatulog na sa inuman.. base sa usapan nila sa chat, something happened to them.. kung ano yun im not sure.. kiss, hug, holding hands.. i don't know basta i know something happened. The girl was asking kung bakit ginawa ng partner ko what he did that night.. sabi ni partner it was something that he always wanted to do daw.. basta ganyan yung usapan nila.. next day, nahospitalized ako sa sobrang stress.. to cut the story short, nagkaayos kami but since then hindi na ko nagkaron ng peace of mind.. there are times na okay kami but pag wala siya sa tabi ko kung ano ano ng pumapasok sa isip ko.. the past days sobrang nahihirapan na ko sa pregnancy ko, physically plus last weekend kasi hindi kami magkasama and hindi siya nagparamdam almost all day and night ng saturday. he just started working on a night shift the week before and somehow i understand na bumabawi siya ng tulog but i can't help not to think negatively lalo na i read sa convo nila before na he wants to go out with that girl.. anyway so kagabi nag break down ako iyak lang ako ng iyak.. kanina i left home and checked in somewhere cause i needed a place to cry na hindi maririnig ng magulang ko, ayaw ko kasi nag magtanong sila. gusto ko maka move on pero ang hirap talaga.

sis ezonme, think about your baby first at wag magpaka-stress dahil sa partner mo. alam ko mahirap, sobrang sensitive pa naman natin pag preggy. pero it's the best thing that you can do for your baby.

then kung gusto mo kunsensyahin mo partner mo, tell him about my story: my hubby cheated on me when I was 5 months pregnant. I had a healthy pregnancy and carried him to full term but still my baby died. sabihin mo sa kanya pag di siya tumigil sa kalokohan niya at di ka tulungan umiwas sa stress, at may mangyari sa baby nyo (God forbid), kasalanan niya lahat at siya lang ang dapat sisihin.

deal with his infidelity after you give birth. mahirap 'to 'coz I couldn't stop thinking about my hubby's infidelity din at halos gabi-gabi akong napupuyat sa kakaiyak. but if I could turn back time, I would handle it differently.

Stay healthy and take care of yourself and your baby.

[ezonme]

^ so sorry to hear that sis. Hindi ko alam gagawin ko if may mangyaring masama sa baby ko. Kanina nakipag usap na din ako sa kanya, kasi nga naisip ko din yun na kawawa naman baby ko napapagod/nasstress na siguro kakaiyak ko. Dinapuan lang talaga ko ng malaking insecurity ngayong mga panahon na to.. ang laki kasi ng tinaba ko isa pa, nagka pimples ako at ang itim ng leeg ko.. nung una ayos lang but when people start noticing it and lageng binabati dun nagsimula ako ma insecure prior to that siya tong insecure sa sarili niya kumabga nagkabaligtad kami ngayon.. iniisip ko na nga lang sa sarili ko na hintayin lang niya matapos ako manganak.. hinding hindi niya na ko makikitang ganito..

if you don't mind sis, ilang months nung nawala yung baby mo? nag bleed ka ba?

[zee87]

i had the same situation when i was pregnant.
siguro 5 or 6 months pregnant ako nun.
Nararamdaman ko na something was wrong.
May officemate siya na girl na talagang pinaghihinalaan ko na.
So what i did, while he was sleeping, i texted the girl pretending to be him.
Take note, the girl was also in a relationship and with 3 children na!

So yun nga, i started asking how's her night. I think she was also making sure that it was him who's texting her so di siya masyado nagrereply until i texted her 'iloveyou' and she replied 'iloveyou too!'.

Ayun na, i started crying and inaway ko siya right there and then.
Umalis siya ng house that night and kinabukasan na siya yata dumating.
Tapos since then, kahit umuuwi lagi siya sa bahay, there were times na bigla akong iiyak tapos sasapakin ko siya while he's sleeping.

I almost broke up with him dahil di ko talaga siya pinatawad and i couldn't see na sincere siya sa paghingi ng sorry. Until i spoke to him and to his mom about it.

Then i gave him another chance. Pero sabi ko nga, di ko alam kung nagbago ba siya. Pero i know i changed. Kung dati i always track him down, ngayon di na. If he said kasama niya friends niya, e di ok. Basta ang alam ko, if it happens again, there wont be 2nd chance.

And my baby, surprisingly, is a very happy baby. Minsan naiisip ko ngang sabihin sa kanya na buti na lang happy baby ang baby namin at di naapektuhan ng infedelity niya. kaya lang pikon un e. hehe!

[shinta]

^^ sis ezonme, umabot siya ng 9 months. everything was ok, malikot siya at malakas ang heartbeat. pero nagpoop siya habang naglalabor ako. then nagkaron ng complications. 2 days siyang nasa NICU but didn't survive. he would've been 6 months now.

tinatanong nung neonatologist kung nagkasakit daw ba ako o may GDM nung preggy ako kasi possible cause yun kung bakit siya maagang nagpoop. di naman kasi siya overdue. di din ako nagkasakit, kahit UTI wala. although he didn't ask if I went through a very stressful phase, I believe naka-contribute din yun. kahit yung hubby ko, alam niya din malaking kasalanan niya sa baby namin kaya iyak siya ng iyak sakin nung nasa hospital pa kami.

kaya take care of yourself sis. always pray na healthy at safe kayo ni baby. tsaka mo na harapin yung infidelity ng partner mo.

God bless.

[brandi]

^at least sis di manhid hubby mo at naisip niyang contributing factor siya sa stress mo. sana makonsensya siya at mahiya sa sarili niya.

[Deans Lister]

parehas tayo ng feeling DECEMBER.
no matter what i do, parang hindi na mawawala yung pain of being lied to and being cheated. kasi FACT na iyon eh, you've been CHEATED and you've been LIED TO by someone you trusted the most, you loved the most, and you cared the most. Parang the pain will always be there, though you know he's trying his best para ayusin.
will it be your fault kung hindi mo makuhang mag move on? ikaw ba ang may issue kung palagi mong naalala lahat? ikaw ba ang sisira sa pagsasama ninyo kung nahihirapan kang magsimula ulit?

I feel you, Jie1015. My husband who I loved so much and trusted so much lied to me THRICE. And it's all for the same person (an ex girlfriend, at that). Confidante daw sya nung ex nya. I mean, come on! He promised me, the first time I knew that they were communicating, na hindi nya na kakausapin yong babaeng yon, no matter what. Believe me, my trust for my husband is very solid kasi it's not in his personality to lie or to deceive. Mapagmahal syang asawa. Maalalahanin. Maalaga both to me and our two children. So sa kin, I trusted what he said. When he told me, he would stop. I believed him. Kasi ganon kami. No biggie sa kin yon. I got mad, though, when I saw another wave of [textspeak!] msgs and the girl was asking kung tuloy daw ba silang manood sa Friday (this was a long time ago). I confronted him and he explained na naawa lang daw sya because the girl has been a good friend to him and that during those times, may problema sya because her husband was molesting her other kid (she got pregnant when she was young). Sa totoo lang, naawa pa ko. Coz I'm a woman and I can't imagine what I would feel if I learn that my kid is being molested diba?

Then came the hit -- May of last year, hubby suddenly changed. Yung attitude nya, nag-iba (he wasn't rude or moody or anything like that) pero sya yung parang nandyan sya pero wala sya; I can feel the indifference. Lagi syang tulala. When asked what ws bothering him, sasabihin lang nya it was his work. Hindi sya nagkukwento. Palagi syang balisa. There was a gut feeling kicking to run out of my system and for reasons not known to me either. Parang mag nagtutulak sa king magcheck ng email nya (which, by the way, I don't normally do but I know his pw).

Then nakita ko nga yung email exchange nila. It appeared, based on the transcript of their email, na nag-usap muna sila on the phone bago yung email. My hubby was the first to email, asking kung ano daw yon. The girl said, 'hindi ko naman kasi sinabi sa yo lahat.' Hubby answered, 'Ha, ba't hindi mo sinabi sa kin lahat, e wala ka namang tinatago sa kin diba? Ano ba [textspeak!] yon?. Hindi ba tayo pwedeng magkita and sa hotel mag-usap ngayon?"

My world crushed when I saw this. I was never me until now.
 When you've been DECEIVED and LIED TO by the person you loved the most,

[jie1015]

My world crushed when I saw this. I was never me until now.
 When you've been DECEIVED and LIED TO by the person you loved the most,

Ang hirap no?
Ako kasi when i found out that he lied to me, unti unting nalaman ko rin na hindi lang pala yun yung girl na involve sa issue, there were plenty of them. Even before na we were engaged pa lang, may other woman involved na.
Ang feeling ko, how am i supposed to react with that? We've been together for almost six years. Wala ako issue regarding other woman, ngayon lang mula nung mahuli ko siya.
How will you react sa isang bagay na nagsimula at natapos with you knowing nothing about it?
Ang dami ko palang hindi alam
I bet there are still skeletons in his closet, i'm not sure kung gusto ko pang malaman or hindi na.

I was 17 and he was 31 ng maging kami. I took the age difference an advantage kasi sabi ko he won't cheat dahil siguro naman sawa na siya sa buhay binata, maybe he was taking life seriously na. But I was wrong. He was a liar, pinaikot niya ako. sinamantala niya ang innocence ko and my pagiging naive. I believed every word he said. I was 17, I know little about life.  All i know was i love him. Tipong you and me against the world ang drama ng love story namin.

[shinta]

^at least sis di manhid hubby mo at naisip niyang contributing factor siya sa stress mo. sana makonsensya siya at mahiya sa sarili niya.

i felt na sobrang guilty siya. minsan din pag sinusumpong ako ng paranoia, sinasabihan ko siya na sobrang kapal na ng mukha niya if lokohin niya pa ulit ako after what happened to our baby. and he knows that a second time would mean the end na talaga for us.

ironically, our baby's death made it easier for me to forgive him totally. pero if he defile the memory of our baby with another cheating, ikakalat ko sa mga kamag-anak niya at sa mga friends niya yung ginawa niya dati para naman magkaron siya ng kahihiyan.

[mailm]

Naku mga sis, ang galing nyo kaya nyo ihandle.sa akin di pa naman nangyayari pero pag naiisip ko na mambabae asawa ko nanlulumo talaga ako.me history din kasi to ng pagfli2rt sa emails with his ex and with other girls.  Nun mag bf pa lang kami although magkasama na kami sa house nakailang palit ng password yan sa friendster pa nun, multiply and yahoo.pero nahuhuli ko talaga sya.pag kinukutuban ako parating tama kutob ko na me kaflirt.eh now kinukutuban na naman ako.winarningan ko na sya and niremind ko sya sinasabi ko dati pa.na no second chances talaga.si hubby ko pinaka anti social na tao.dati mga office outings di to sumasama.ngayon sobrang sipag na sumama sa lahat ng activities sa office.tapos ever since pumasok sya dyan never sya nagsuot ng wedding ring.bura lahat ng messages sa phone ngayon.inbox and sent parating walang laman.kaya eto mega paranoid na naman ako.tntry ko wag mag nag at ipahalata na me kutob ako pero ang hirap talaga.

[Indulgence12]

Ang hirap no?
Ako kasi when i found out that he lied to me, unti unting nalaman ko rin na hindi lang pala yun yung girl na involve sa issue, there were plenty of them. Even before na we were engaged pa lang, may other woman involved na.
Ang feeling ko, how am i supposed to react with that? We've been together for almost six years. Wala ako issue regarding other woman, ngayon lang mula nung mahuli ko siya.
How will you react sa isang bagay na nagsimula at natapos without you knowing nothing about it?
Ang dami ko palang hindi alam
I bet there are still skeletons in his closet, i'm not sure kung gusto ko pang malaman or hindi na.

I was 17 and he was 31 ng maging kami. I took the age difference an advantage kasi sabi ko he won't cheat dahil siguro naman sawa na siya sa buhay binata, maybe he was taking life seriously na. But I was wrong. He was a liar, pinaikot niya ako. sinamantala niya ang innocence ko and my pagiging naive. I believed every word he said. I was 17, I know little about life.  All i know was i love him. Tipong you and me against the world ang drama ng love story namin.

same for me sis..my partner & i have a 17yr age gap. and yes despite the "matured" age i thought of him (akala ko lang pala yun) he cheated on me though i haven't caught them personally, through text & chat messages lang. we're not married though but have 2 kids. decided to forgive though everything was not forgotten, TRUST is definitely no longer 100% and he knows it. we have an agreement that if it happens again, lalayasan na namin sya.. guess, it hit him coz he's so much into our little boys kc malalaki na mga anak nya from previous marriage & he's takot to grow old & lonely..

[Indulgence12]

Naku mga sis, ang galing nyo kaya nyo ihandle.sa akin di pa naman nangyayari pero pag naiisip ko na mambabae asawa ko nanlulumo talaga ako.me history din kasi to ng pagfli2rt sa emails with his ex and with other girls.  Nun mag bf pa lang kami although magkasama na kami sa house nakailang palit ng password yan sa friendster pa nun, multiply and yahoo.pero nahuhuli ko talaga sya.pag kinukutuban ako parating tama kutob ko na me kaflirt.eh now kinukutuban na naman ako.winarningan ko na sya and niremind ko sya sinasabi ko dati pa.na no second chances talaga.si hubby ko pinaka anti social na tao.dati mga office outings di to sumasama.ngayon sobrang sipag na sumama sa lahat ng activities sa office.tapos ever since pumasok sya dyan never sya nagsuot ng wedding ring.bura lahat ng messages sa phone ngayon.inbox and sent parating walang laman.kaya eto mega paranoid na naman ako.tntry ko wag mag nag at ipahalata na me kutob ako pero ang hirap talaga.

dyan din nagstart si partner ko sis, flirting thru text & emails, even renamed the girl's cp # on his phone. ako kasi  pag me kutob would go to such extent na mahuhuli talaga. at kung me katangahan minsan naiiwanang bukas ang email inbox nya kaya ayun huli sya,lol!

[mailm]

@Indulgence12 kinakabahan nga ako now eh.ang tagal ng outing nila.4 days!at gustong gusto nya sumama ha.dati one day lang to mawala ayaw na.sana walang ginagawang kalokohan.  pag mahuli ko lang to talga baka lumabas pagka amazona ko.

[kirstenchelsea]

need your help mga sis. my guy friend just made a confession sakin that he has another woman and he plans to leave his wife but not that soon, who is also my friend for that other woman. what should i do? should i tell the wife but that would cause more issues. it should come from him. thanks

[jeune]

^

Anong reason nya at hihiwalayan nya si wife? Selfish reasons ba? May mga anak ba sila? Can it still be saved? I wouldn't meddle between them, let them talk, get counseling. All you can do is listen both sides  and go from there. At the end of the day, no matter what advice we give them, they will always do what they want, doesn't matter if they cause pain and suffering. Hayy mga lalake! (some)

[kirstenchelsea]

^thanks sis. they've only been married for three years but have been into a relationship years before that. no kids yet. yung relationship with the other woman, who is single and same age as him started only early this year lang. they met sa work and they see each other everyday. the wife still has no idea. reason niya is he don't feel the same way as before and he is madly in love with this other woman.

[rae]

^ Wala kasing such thing as common law wife dito sa Pilipinas e. Pero parang wala kang ma-dedemanda sa kanya.

Unless may gawin syang sobrang panggugulo, like harassment, bullying, grave threats, etc.

I believe in the commitment and the substance of marriage but I don't believe in marriage in itself, pero I will get married for the protection it will provide to my future kids. Kung papanindigan mo yung bf mo, I suggest you guys get married. That is if super sure ka, after what he has done. Para meron kang protection under the law.

[meandmyhoney]

hay i feel sorry sa lahat ng sis natin nakakaexperience ng ganito.

kwento ko lang officemate ng hubby ko, married na guy and also the other woman, since hindi na rin ok pagsasama ng girl sa asawa ayun pumatol din sa may asawa.

naawa ako sa asawa ng ofcmate ni hubby kasi friend ko siya sa FB at puro papuri lahat ang sinasabi nya sa asawa nya, buntis din siya , 7 months na, kaya kapag nagkwntuhan kami ni hubby naawa talaga ako

since probinsya based work ni hubby at manila nakatira guy weekends lang magkita silang mag asawa. tthen dun sa kabit everyday kasi ofcmates din sila. ayun [textspeak!] mokong hindi na umuuwe ng manila nag stay na sa place ng kabit. balita may bahay na sila province 

[MaRiA CLaRa]

kakainis talaga mga kabit na yan mga kakapal ng mukha...sana maghanap sila yung di pa committed...nung mag bf-gf pa kami now husband ko nagka issue din siya na may ka affair na office mate niya...talagang deny talaga hubby ko even yung girl sabi wala daw sarap niyang sabunutan nung time na yun sinira niya yung trust ko...we got married we love each other so much pero yung trust ko nabahiran na...hes trying to win my trust back pero iba pag nasira na...

[izabelle]

i dunno if im in the right thread. but i badly need an advice. 7 years na kame ng kinakasama ko with 1 kid. i found out from my kumpare na may other woman si bf which hindi naman nya itinanggi. hindi ko sya pinapili pero he chooses me and my baby. now yung babae nanggugulo, may karapatan ba ko idemanda o ipatanggal sa work nila yung girl? by the way magkatrabaho sila and my bf choose to resign para makapagsimula kame ulit. gusto ko lang turuan ng leksyon ang babae and to save my pride hope matulungan nyo ko.

sis im not sure.. ang alam ko dapat legal wife ka para magawa yun. in your case, hindi naman yata kayo kasal?

[jenybasti]

i dunno if im in the right thread. but i badly need an advice. 7 years na kame ng kinakasama ko with 1 kid. i found out from my kumpare na may other woman si bf which hindi naman nya itinanggi. hindi ko sya pinapili pero he chooses me and my baby. now yung babae nanggugulo, may karapatan ba ko idemanda o ipatanggal sa work nila yung girl? by the way magkatrabaho sila and my bf choose to resign para makapagsimula kame ulit. gusto ko lang turuan ng leksyon ang babae and to save my pride hope matulungan nyo ko.

para saan pa eh kung wala naman na sila ni partner mo eh di dedmahin mo na lang sya ng bongga.syempre bitter sya kasi di sya nagtagumpay na maagaw si partner mo.

kakainis talaga mga kabit na yan mga kakapal ng mukha...sana maghanap sila yung di pa committed...nung mag bf-gf pa kami now husband ko nagka issue din siya na may ka affair na office mate niya...talagang deny talaga hubby ko even yung girl sabi wala daw sarap niyang sabunutan nung time na yun sinira niya yung trust ko...we got married we love each other so much pero yung trust ko nabahiran na...hes trying to win my trust back pero iba pag nasira na...

bakit kaya may mga taong ganun.yung kahit na ba hindi kasal eh kung alam na nga na may karelasyon papatol patol pa.tapos sasabihin pa di daw sila kabit.pare parehas talaga lalaki hanggat makakalusot magsisinungaling at magsisinungaling talaga.di aamin hanggat walang ebidensya.pero swerte mo pa din sis atleast he's trying para mabalik yung trust mo.eh si partner ko kapal ng mukha ilang months na simula nung mabuking ko ayaw pa din tumigil.pinaglololoko pa ko.