How to handle infedility of your partner?

[mitchymumay]

Thats nice to here sis gretchen big hugs to you

[blackdevil]

hi sissies, newbie here....
i just want to share my story and get some advice
i found out my bf cheated on me through emails and chat with another girl from US, he kept on denying and he told it was his closest high school friend...anyhow, i forgave him that time then recently, just 3 days ago, i happened to guess his yahoo mail password and lo and behold! i found their conversations with "I miss you so much". The girl told "luv u" but no reply from my bf...now i'm furiously mad, but i did not yet confronted him, i just saved the messages in my USB and planning to spy more then to throw to his face 1 day...do i need to get out of the relationship asap or to wait more, by the way, we are in ldr

[chris_mend]

hi sissies, newbie here....
i just want to share my story and get some advice
i found out my bf cheated on me through emails and chat with another girl from US, he kept on denying and he told it was his closest high school friend...anyhow, i forgave him that time then recently, just 3 days ago, i happened to guess his yahoo mail password and lo and behold! i found their conversations with "I miss you so much". The girl told "luv u" but no reply from my bf...now i'm furiously mad, but i did not yet confronted him, i just saved the messages in my USB and planning to spy more then to throw to his face 1 day...do i need to get out of the relationship asap or to wait more, by the way, we are in ldr

hi sis..this happened to me, too. that was year 2006. i forgave him and i regret it. i should have dumped him many years ago. we just broke up this month due to infidelity issue.

[chris_mend]

this book helps a lot, "How to break your addiction to a person"by howard halpern. ph.d

[angelita]

this might help...http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/whats-your-sexual-style/201201/sexual-recovery-extramarital-affair

[lavenderges]

Hi everyone, m a newbie here.  Like almost everyone here in this forum, my husband also cheats me, and i am pregnant.  I discovered almost a month ago.  I just couldn't believe it, kasi for eleven years namin nagsasama, i never doubted his fidelity, because I trusted him so much. 

Na-discover ko thru [textspeak!] messages sa cellphone niya.  He admitted, but explained that he's planning to go out na from the affair, asking forgiveness and blah..blah..Ako naman, bunga [textspeak!] ng love ko sa kanya, tinanggap ko sorry niya.  Nakita ko naman sincerity niya.  Pero this is what pulls me back, still very doubtful ako kc katrabaho niya and other woman.  Mahirap naman kumuha ng ibang trabaho kung sakaling lalabas sya dun, practicality wise, maganda na 'yung work niya.  Marami talaga sya assurances, na porke't magkita cla daily, nabura na talaga feelings niya du'n, gusto kong paniwalaan, pero dba hindi madaling burahin sa isang iglap lang tapos magkakita pa araw-araw?

Almost a half month now since nadiscover ko, buking ko na naman, me [textspeak!] messages na naman, sabi pa ng hubby ko noon, putol na lahat communication nila.  Tapos ngayon me [textspeak!] na naman akong nakita.  hahayzzz! sinampak ko talaga sya, talagang sinungaling! nanggigil talaga ako..ngayon promises na naman, explain he's into midlife crisis, hindi niya alam bakit nagkakaganito sya na super kalaban niya mga lalaking nangangaliwa..Iniintindi ko talaga naman sya.

Ngayon me plano akong isumbong sila sa pinakaboss nila, despite of my hubby's pleadings na wala akong pagsasabihan na kahit sino sa mga nangyayari.  Ang purpose ko lang para naman malaman at magawan ng solusyon du'n sa opisina at maiwasan na maulit.  Tama kaya? 

[rae]

^ I'm not sure if tamang sabihin sa office nila. Kasi baka kumalat yung info, hindi natin alam ang EQ ng boss.

On the otherhand, honestly, I think his officemates know. Kasi ako, alam ko kung sino ang mga kabit sa office at kung sino ang mga may extramarital affairs. Hindi lang bonggang pinag-uusapan or ina-acknowledge.

[nessy]

ako malamang putol ang alaga nya pag nalaman kong may kabit siya!

[mrs.S.]

i have not caught my husband cheating but I found out that somebody was flirting with him ( sent nude photos ). I was really mad and confronted him. I did vent how much I felt betrayed na hindi niya sinabi sa akin, why he was hiding it from me kung wala siyang ginawa na masama. I did tell him na if he cheats I will leave him and take my son with me without second thoughts. Then he assured me na he was not doing anything with this girl, i did know na hindi na siya nakipag communicate sa kanya and i have read the girls message and i think may mental issues siya kasi she said she was not doing anything wrong by sending him those nude pics. She knows na hubby is married and she is engaged din daw.

But mula nun my relationship with hubby was better. We agreed na we would communicate better about things like this. I also told  him never gave me a reason to suspect something para hindi ma unleash yung pagka bruha ko. I have never lost my composure before about pag dududa of him cheating but since that incident I can definitely say I am unsure kung ano ang magiging reaction ko if my hubby cheats.

[brandi]

^ I'm not sure if tamang sabihin sa office nila. Kasi baka kumalat yung info, hindi natin alam ang EQ ng boss.

On the otherhand, honestly, I think his officemates know. Kasi ako, alam ko kung sino ang mga kabit sa office at kung sino ang mga may extramarital affairs. Hindi lang bonggang pinag-uusapan or ina-acknowledge.

for me sis, i think ok lang. for me, in work you have to be professional and rational. kahit na ba iba pa yun sa personal life ng mga empleyado, how will i ever trust a professional kung sa personal life niya may untrustworthy issues na siya/sila? sounds like OA, pero dahil siguro yan din ang tinuturo ng ospital nga pinagtatrabahuhan ko. and i think, they do have a point kaya naiintindihan ko. hanggat masisikreto mo, sikreto mo. pero walang sikretong di nabubunyag. marami ng doctor at nurse na natanggal samin dahil sa mga immoralities and infidelity issues. hindi yan tinotolerate. i'm working in an internationally accredited hospital in the south. 

[rae]

Brandi, nagreply ata ako dun sa wife. I remember she was asking kung ok lang ba sabihin sa office.

From the tone of her voice, na-feel ko na parang gusto nya pang ma-salvage ang relationship nila ng husband nya and that she just wants only the boss to know para may magawa about it.

I'm guessing she doesnt want to destroy her husband's career.

[brandi]

^pero sis, kung masira ang career niya, dahil sa sarili niyang kagagawan yun. and he deserves it. ako mabait at mapagkumbaba akong tao. pero yung treatment ko sa isang tao ay base sa kung paano siya sakin at sa ibang tao. what you reap is what you sow.

[rae]

^ Yep, it's my opinion and I don't treat people the way they treat me.

Iba din kasi kapag mag-asawa na kayo, at may pamilya na. Mahirap maintindihan kung wala sa sitwasyon nila or why they do the things they do. Some women, kahit nambabae ang asawa nila, they still want to fight for the marriage, and sometimes part of that is still keeping your partner's best interests at hand, even if it hurts.

[shinta]

^ I agree wit you sis. Iba talaga pag may asawa na lalo na pag may anak. It's not always about makaganti o naiparamdam sa kanya yung sakit na nararamdaman mo o naparusahan siya dahil sa ginawa niya. We always tend to put our family's interest first before anything else, kahit sobrang sakit na.

My husband also cheated on me, I was pregnant then and our baby died (although I don't think it's the direct cause pero somehow nakaka-apekto pa rin siguro sa pagbubuntis ko). To some people, especially dun sa di pa married, enough reason na yun to end the marriage. But I didn't.

Mahirap i-explain ang dynamics ng marriage at kung bakit meron nagpapakamartyr, meron nagpapakatanga, merong paulit-ulit na nagpapatawad. You'll never know what you'll do in a situation unless you are in that situation.

[brandi]

^parang ang tragic ng ganyan sis. i admit wala ako sa ganyang situation and i'm single. pero thinking na aabot ako sa ganyang situation? ayoko ng ganyang set up. yes you're married pero you have to spare for  yourself. ano yon, spare everything for the partner and marriage?  eh paano ka naman? pero kung sa pagtitiis kayo happy even if it hurts na, don't so be it.

[shinta]

^ganyan din ako mag-isip nung single ako sis

[prettygretchen]

My stand here is if single pa lang kayo nakikitaan mo na ng possible siyang mang babae or irresponsible and doesnt show respect to his mom. Eh mag isip ka ng mabuti well kahit inlove ka at the back of your mind aware ka pa din eh at some point may mali so wag kana sumugal kung pero pasakit lang pala mararanasan mo.

If married ka naman na nang babae si hubby, GIVE UNTIL IT HURTS.. Sakin kasi pag hindi pa ko pigang piga i'll never stop trying. Hehe well that's marriage are for dba? To fight and to love each other inspite and despite of it all.

I've been there, niloko nabuntis tapos hiwalay kasi walang humpay ang pang babae e. Ngayon happily married sa tumayong ama ng anak ko since ng 2 years old siya. Well advice lang, pray for the right guy pray SPECIFICALLY. hindi un mag ppray ka na sana gwapo mabait mayaman.(period) pero pinag pray mo ba na single siya? At mamahalin ka at hindi mangloloko.

Pray that you ladies learn how to wait and must keep the guys in pursuing us kahit kasal na. Kasi minsan ang guys na totorete satin na maingay paulit ulit. Minsan naman uuwi sila losyang na losyang na tayo. Haha so ayun mag ayus tayo and keep the relationship as bestfriend and lovers treatment.

[brandi]

^ganyan din ako mag-isip nung single ako sis

talaga sis? sana pag married na ko ganito pa din ako mag isip. hindi ko kaya makita sarili ko sa ganyang set up.

for me kung hindi mag work out eh di hindi. siguro try ko pa din isave ang marriage pero siguro alam mo kung hanggang saan na lang talaga dapat.

baka masyado lang akong alpha kaya ganito ako mag isip...

[shinta]

^yes sis. i'm alpha, too nung dalaga ako. lahat ng pamangkin ko takot sakin. sa bahay, usually ako ang nasusunod. i'm very independent. i also couldn't understand before yung mga kilala ko who stay in their marriage kahit nahuli na nilang nagcheat mga asawa nila.

sabi ko pa nga dati, kapag nahuli ko nagcheat BF ko o asawa ko, I won't make him choose. I won't even ask him to explain. basta iiwanan ko siya. but that didn't happen.

siguro if I felt that my situation was hopeless or our marriage was not worth saving, matagal na kaming hiwalay. but that is not the case. I'm not a martyr (as portrayed in drama shows), and my daily situation is not as bad and tragic as what you may imagine. except for times when I remember my baby, di malungkot ang buhay ko. pero mahirap yung pinagdaanan ko.

there's a lot of factor that you need to consider when you're married. it's not as simple as ayawan na or gumanti at turuan ng leksyon yung asawa mo. you work out the relationship everyday. and often, kahit akala mong ubos na yung pisi mo at you've reached your limit, may mai-extend mo pa pala. pero siyempre, dapat may hangganan din ang pagiging understanding.

ultimately, you will realize that marriage is not about you or your ideals, but about the commitment to stay married, despite all the trials.

[rae]

^ Well said Shinta. Ganyan din ako dati.

Nung tinanong ako ng friends ko kung anong gagawin ko kapag nahuli ko asawa kong nambabae, sinabi ko, aalis ako parang bula, without even saying goodbye or leaving a word.

We're kinda already starting a family. But I've never been cheated on. If I have, I wouldn't know. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko if ever. Hindi ko masabi, depende sa sitwasyon, mahirap magsabi ng wala ka dun sa sitwasyon... e.g., baka may mali din ako, etc. (although, it's not a reason to cheat, it's something to think about)

Pero one thing I can say is: nakakabilib ang mga friends ko at mga babae dito sa GT who stay on and fight, malakas sila at matapang. Para sakin... sa personality ko na I don't take crap, mas madali makipaghiwalay na lang agad. Mas madali umalis na lang.  Because it will really take me a lot of courage para mag-stay at lumaban.