Closure...

[wanderlustnix]

Okay... I never thought I'd bring this up here... But I need some help. I know what all my friends will say... I need a unbiased opinion... So okay, I had an ex boyfriend whom I dated for like 5-6 years.... We broke up because he cheated on me. He was my childhood friend and we've been friends even before we got together. We had our own world... We know each other very well, got along very well, we were each other's best friend... I know that we could have made it if it weren't for the people around us. But then again, I guess we were just not meant for each other. Anyway, to make the long story short... We broke up because his other girlfriend called me up and told me that they've been secretly seeing each other for almost a year now. I didn't want to believe it... Because I was so naive to believe his words and his promises. But it was there... She told me everything I needed to know about their secret romance... Surprisingly we even ended up talking for like 5 hours... I told her that she could have him. I didn't want to fight for it anymore. Him having another woman was enough reason to give up the fight. Because he wouldn't look for another if he wanted me in the first place. We never talked... he would call of course, but I never answered any of his calls. I pretended he died and deleted him completely off my life. I didn't want to hear his explanations... I heard they dated for a few more months and then broke up. He has another girlfriend now... I think somebody younger. Anyway, we never had any closure. It's been two years... I really don't know what to do... I know it's supposed to be a closed book. But, recently I heard he hanged out with some mutual friends, and he told them that even after all the women in his life... He still thinks I'm the sweetest and nicest amongst all of them. That he thinks of me often and stuff... I know I shouldn't be bothered or shouldn't even get affected by what he said... It's just that sometimes, I couldn't help but think of him too. I mean, I know some of you will agree with me that our first love and first real heartbreak is well... Deeply unforgettable. No matter how hard you try to scratch them off your life, you just can't... Because of the deep love you gave them... So ladies... All I need is your advice... Should I just shrug these thoughts away and just move on with my life... Or should I put a closure to this... text him, contact him and have this done and over with? Help... 

[krnmprl]

closure? after what he did to you? does he deserve that? i think that's only for people who gave you a lot of respect at the time you were together. but if you think that except for his straying that he was a kind and decent person. then by all means contact him. but you already did 2 years without him. you can do 2 after that, and another 2 years after that. it doesn't matter now does it.

[confusedgirl51]

I think you are confused if you can survive the next ten years without him in your life. But 2 years is just enough to analyze that you can live a life without him. Minsan kasi pag nakakarinig tayo ng balita about our ex, we tend to put ourselves in their life again.
Just because he said you are the most bla bla bla among his other girls don't have hope that you will be okay together again. Did you ever ask yourself if you want to be compared with that "other girls"?

[mooncake and leaves]

just because he said all those nice (?), ego-boosting stuff about you doesn't mean he wants to get back together with you. because if he does, one, it wouldn't have taken him 2 yrs to figure all that stuff out and two, he would have told you himself. and who knows if your friend added something to the story. you know how stories spread sometimes-nababawasan, nadadagdagan. fun, fun, fun, fun.

i'm not sure what kind of closure you're looking for. are you hoping he'll say he regrets losing you and that he loved you best? because that he can easily say.

thing is, don't idealize what you had with this guy. he cheated on you. and sure, he could have changed for the better but you don't know this person anymore. and you have to ask yourself if this is someone you really want to get to know again. or maybe he hasn't changed at all, in which case, well, you should have your answer.

[chicgurl]

i think you just got a bit excited about hearing something from him about you. this could be a trap; like what other sissies said you have lived your life for 2 years without him so go on & be merry what kind of closure you want to have ba? or maybe you want to see him lang? no offense meant sis. I reckon if we decided that we will put a closure on such things then we can as the saying goes if gusto madaming paraan if ayaw madaming dahilan. if you want closure kahit na ikaw lang sis you can put a closure sa past niyo, you need to hear his explanations pa ba for what has happened in the past? what for diba? you dont need to be friends with him. civil na lang if magkita man kayo sa public place/s sorry pero kasi he cheated on you that was very disrespectful.

[lizzete]

sis..you dont need to talk to him anymore...its been two years..para san pa..for him tapos na ..so do yourself a favor..stop thinking about him..and enjoy your life..dont waste your time for someone who is not even honest to you in the first place..

[angelme888]

You don't need a closure. The fact that he cheated on you and that you made a decision was already a closure for the both of you. Just let it go, you'll find someone better, someone more deserving, someone more worthy of your love.

[eowyn]

I understand where you're coming from, Wanderlustnix. I am also having a hard time dealing and accepting the fact that I don't need any closure with my ex- because he's already married and I already have a child.

I guess the best way to counter whatever it is thatyou still feel about him is to accept the fact that it's over, you know, that whatever he told your common friends about you should affect you in any way right now. However, I am also open to the idea that you might just want to hear his side of the story. I think the reason you want a closure is that you just based everything on what the secret gf told you, and you didn't have the nerve to confront your ex-. I know there are a lot of "what-might-have-beens" clouding your head right now. If there's an opportune time to meet him face-to-face to settle your personal issues, why not? But you should ascertain this time that you won't fall for his charm and catchy lines anymore.

I don't intend to sound religious, but also keep on praying. It eases a heavy heart. 

Hope this helps.

[angelme888]

Wag kang malungkot kung nag-break kayo ng bf/gf mo. Bakit? Kasi hindi ginawa ang break -up para masaktan ka at umiyak. Ginawa ito para ilayo ka sa maling tao na akala mo totoo.

[chicgurl]

^ sis parang pang status yang sinabi mo ah. winner hehe

[angelme888]

^ sis parang pang status yang sinabi mo ah. winner hehe

nakalagay na nga yan sa fb ko hehe...ganda diba? hehe

[tabbru]

Hehe, "closure" is oftentimes the excuse used to talk to an ex na gustung-gusto mong makita (and hoping na makabalikan). oh come on, just admit it to yourself na you still want him.

[sweet.trish]

Hehe, "closure" is oftentimes the excuse used to talk to an ex na gustung-gusto mong makita (and hoping na makabalikan). oh come on, just admit it to yourself na you still want him.

good point sis.

if you dont have feelings for him anymore, better leave things that way sis. do not reopen the wound. its been two years. if you really had to talk, you guys should have done it noon pa.

[ladyisabella]

for me, wala naman talagang CLOSURE. excuses lang kase yan. lalo ka lang ma do-down.
ACCEPTANCE lang. Panigurado makaka move on ka

[aquacharly]

CLOSURE?  Darling, that's the most abused reason/rationalization  now for taking an ill-advised step back into The Past that should be left exactly there -- in the past.

At a crucial point in your life, you made a Decision and acted on it.  Nobody can say if it was a good or not so good one, but YOU decided it was best for you then - that  is all that matters.  So why go into Self-Doubt  now? 

Do not go for reruns, darling .. Ahhhh, so many men out there!  (-- lol, talk from  a married woman too scared  to have affairs.  lol).

Atchaka, Closure isn't accomplished just with words -- it's with words and cash, per the BIR. kidding aside, when one withdraws emo involvement - with or without words, that is Closure -- which you actually accomplished already.  Do you raise the dead to inform it of some finality? Hello , ha.    Lol, sabi mo you considered him dead di ba and you acted accordingly.   

Now, IF you feel like you want to  take another run with your ex - never mind what anybody's opinion is -- basta you are convinced  it is in Your Best Interest -- then go and give your best Repeat Performance.  Call it that, a Return Engagement,  and face the truth about what  can happen -- your emo ratings will be affected up/down,   your problems may recur or not -- basta do not confuse it with Closure.  It is a different game, similar oo nga  - but a Rerun  is different, still.  Face that fact.   

[SAMSOONGET]

sis,,, sori ha.. pero tama ang mga sis excuse lang talaga ang closure para makausap mo sya kasi miss mo na sya.. hahahahah kasi galing na ako dito ginawa ko na lahat ng paraan para sa closure na yan pero di ako binigyan ng closure kaya ako na lang nagsara ng pinto at nilock ko at nilagyan ko ng barbwire at electric wire.... hahahaha    tignan ko lang kong makakapasok pa sya. 

kidding aside tama sila accept mo na tapos na total ok kna sa 2 yrs tuloy mo lang yan.. sis kung gusto ka nya balikan kc sweet ka sana di na sya nagtiis sa 2yrs dapat gumawa na sya ng way...
kaya feeling ko malabo yan.... masasaktan ka lang ulit kung makakausap mo sya...

[sosychill]

Sis, closure won't work. I know gusto mo ng closure kasi its 5 years, much nicer kung maayos ang break up niyo diba? pero ikaw lang masasaktan kasi you we're the one left behind-

just move on and live your life - yes, it will take a lot of months or even years before ka maka move on pero everything's gonna be alright. just believe.

[raven03]

He cheated, so he can be much of a liar too.

The danger of trying to have this closure business pa is that when you get to communicate, will he really tell you the truth? If say, you like what you hear and decide to give him another chance, won't you be worried that you based your decision on a lie?

I suppose this telling your mutual friends that you're all this and that is to gather a reaction from you. Hay naku, don't get into the trap my dear. It's a cheap way of sneaking into your life without him manning up. If he really feels strongly repentant or whatever, he'd come up to you and say it.

 

[meisaia]

some people say that he doesn't deserve closure. but i hope they just misunderstood your point because as much as he doesn't deserve it for being such a total douchebag, i must say that YOU DESERVE IT.

he cheated so the first thing you want to do is to get away from him. understandable enough. but i hope you could also consider how things were before he cheated. that somehow in that relationship, you two got to be in love and got happy. do it for those memories, too. do it for yourself and do it for the good times you shared.

yes, maybe the danger of communicating with him again is you might want to be with him again. "MIGHT" want to, but it doesn't mean you would... and this time, you can control the situation. ask yourself if it's really just closure you're after. when you're sure about that, then do what you came for and as soon as it's over... LEAVE.

believe me, life would get better without all those bitterness and grievances.

goodluck.

[muahmuahmuah]

closure is just an excuse for people who can't move on. if you were worth anything to him he would've valued you from the beginning. so if closure comes then what?  you still have all the grieving to settle and all the emotions to face by yourself. there's really nothing  beyond closure. life goes on and so must you, time won't stop for your either.   once you're done working on your worth and you've  learned to love yourself more, any words from him will hold no meaning after realizing how unworthy he is of you.