How do you teach your kids to be assertive?

[happiemommie]

We live in the same house with my in-laws.
My eldest is 2yo and her twin cousins are 3yo. Syempre, mga bata, di maiwasan magka-inggitan, mag-away, magkasakitan. Pag nakikita ko na inaaway nila yung anak ko, inilalayo ko na lang. But I know, di pwedeng laging ganon kasi bullying is common, lalo na pag nasa school na.

So how do you teach your kids to be assertive? Hindi naman pwede forever ko syang bawalang makipaglaro with other kids. Gustuhin ko man turuan sya na wag makipag-away, syempre pag nakikita kong naagrabyado na sya, mas gusto kong sabihing "Sapakin mo din anak!" hehe 

[sieggy]

mahirap nga sis yan kase wala ka choice kundi maging defensive sa anak mo. Pagsabihan mo na lang din yung twins to be a good boy/girl to their cousin. At pag may something bothering him , always encourage him to tell you.

ang mahirap pa jan pag violent yung kalaro, may tendency na maging ganon din sya. At iba usapan kung sakitan na ano! Kung ang problem is sharing lang ng toys at food. ok pa yun, pwede mo turuan pero yung nanakit. Ay day! ialis mo na anak mo jan.

[aquacharly]

HAPPIE MOMMIE .. you are right there, the issue is bullying.  And tama ka, you can not spare your child from that.. your child has to learn to deal with bullies.

The 1st way, IMO, a kid learns how to be assertive -- is with you.  They are never too young to voice out in a positive way (not with tantrums) their preferences.  Being able to convey their preferences/dislikes in a positive and clear way is the 1st step.  Magkaka courage your kid to speak up, ang magiging second nature to later on speak up.  Hindi matatakot to speak up kung baga.  So encourage mo to communicate her preferences/dislikes with you in a positive manner.  Later on, you can progress to how she can deal with bullies.  1st line of attack hehe is to ignore.  Tama ka dyan, tinuturuan mo to avoid.  Either fall in line si bully or ayon.. maghanap sya nang ibang mabully.  But what is impressed on your child is she has a choice on how to react or interact.

Later on, maturuan mo how to voice out her thoughts:  ang swapang mo, hehe, mang aagaw ka.  Eh kung true what can you do?  Basta hwag mo turuan mag mura.  opinions yon eh.  Kids usually say,  ayoko makipag play coz you always fight with me.  isn't that what they say?  They are able to deal with it actually, mga bullies ... pero sometimes, we are well meaning parents we impress upon the kid that there is 1 way to deal with it... depende kung anong klaseng magulang ka... either umatras, makipagsalpukan din, be diplomatic about it, or ... magtawag nang mas malaki sa bully. 

[mbeeyap]

"Sapakin mo din anak!" hehe 

like! 

[cheskacruz]

I noticed, depende sa ugali ng anak mo, my eldest is mabait, ayaw niya yung mga away-away, while my middle child, wala siyang pakialam kahit kaaway na niya ang buong mundo basta alam niya tama siya.

Pero ako, kung kaya nila iwasan sana, the better, I tell my kids na lang, not to mingle with bully kids and pag inulit, speak-up or else the bully will do it again and always tell an adult if the bully is bigger than you. Pero mas gusto ko palaban sila... Kaya pag sinasabihan ko yung eldest ko, sige suntukin mo agad pag umulit, nagagalit pa siya sken, yung middle child ko naman, sino jan mommy umaaway kay kuya? Haha...

[showermist]

Let her socialize more.  Mingle with other kids her age. This really helps.  If she shy away, encourage her.  Use positive words.

You said she's just 2 years old and her twin cousins are 3--there's a big difference at that age.  As three years old tend to be more active. And two years old are still learning their way.

Kung sa tingin mo eh parang inaapi sya o inaaway sya, let her deal with it herself and observe, of course.  Kasi she'll learn to defend herself.  Pero kung may sakitan ng involve, tell the kid/s what's unacceptable ang why its unacceptable.  And again, use positive words hanggat maaari.

[rics]

we live abroad, and my son who is now in jr kindergarten, is the youngest in their class. since i bring him to school daily, i see that some of his classmates, have the tendency to bully. when this happens, i taught him to say "stop, i dont like what you are doing." and he should always report to his teacher what his classmates did to him.

i always tell him not to be rude, but i also mentioned that if push comes to shove, sabi ko sapakin nya na lang and i wouldnt be mad at him.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

observe-observe ka muna. huwag laging 'to the rescue!' ang drama kasi di siya matututong maghandle ng ganitong situations on his own. common naman kasi sa bata ang minsan nagaaway or di nagkakasundo, you have to distinguish between fighting and bullying. common sa mga batang ganyang age ang hindi marunong mag-share or nagiingitan but its not necessarily bullying. pag nagsimulang manakit or magsabi ng hindi maganda, yon masama na yon. but if i were you, hindi ko agad ilalayo ang anak ko. aalamin ko muna kung bakit sila nagaaway at syempre pagsabihan kung kailangan, will try to resolve it pero kung salbahe pa din yung isang bata, saka ko na ilalayo.

to be assertive naman, always ask your child how he feels. be sympathetic, hindi yung "di ka dapat ganyan, ganito, dapat labanan mo sila". acknowledge their fears first then tell them that they can always fight back by telling the other kid to stop, calling an adult's attention or by staying away from bullies. kids nga have different personalites, have different ways of coping with stress, as long as they're happy and not that affected then i think they'll be fine.

[ads83]

My parents never taught me how to be assertive. Kaya as an adult, I have too many insecurities that I can relate to the bullying I endured as a child.

This is my story:

I am an only child and I spent a part of my childhood abroad. There was no problem with me being the only foreigner in class. Everyone was very nice. My classmates and teachers were very encouraging and I still occasionally correspond with them. I was very happy abroad and very welcomed. When I was 9, my parents decided to return to the Philippines. We lived at my maternal grandparent's house and dun ko naranasan yung bullying that really mortifies me up to this day.. I still remember everything vividly.. When we arrived, I noticed that my tension na between my parents and my mom's brothers. It was all because some of my mom's brothers were forming an alliance to take over the family business which tumbled because my mom was chosen to run the business. While my mom was working, I was left to play with my cousins. At the time kase wala pa masyadong awareness on bullying kaya my mom never made a big deal out of it. It was during the 90s. I was the only girl amongst my cousins, and yes, the bullying became physical. I was bleeding on several occasions. Bata pa ako nun, so i thought normal lang yun amongst filipino kids, mabait kase sa akin ang mga kids abroad. I am emotionally ruined up to this day, because I only had the chance to confront my bully as an adult kase 2 years ago one of them attempted to bully me again.

And it's only recently I understand why I am never too keen on celebrating my birthdays. I can count the number of times I've had a party with one hand. That's already counting my 18th bday. On my 11th birthday kase my cousins decided to throw a surprise party. At the time I felt really special coz I thought the acceptance I was waiting for finally arrived. Boy was I wrong!! They made me stand on a chair and when I opened my cake, it was decorated with very foul and ugly words. I cannot describe how I felt and what joy it brought them. Their laughter sounded like they were singing to some demonic tune. Now, my phobia ako sa mga birthday cakes. Even on my son's 1st bday, nakalimutan namin to have him blow his candle.

Kaya right now as an adult and since I have my own family, umiiwas ako sa mga family gatherings because I'm very afraid for my son. Alam ko that the adults were actively involved in what happened to me kase sino naman ang bumili nung cake na yon. Kaya I'm also very resentful towards my uncles. They have so many regrets and I know they've tried to make up for their mistakes being the parents of my bullies. They've given me a lot of expensive gifts. One uncle even gave me a cartier watch. Pero walang value sa akin ang mga iyon.

My bullies just got away with it and now I'm the one suffering from so much emotional baggage. Don't take bullying lightly. It's important for you to be alert lalo na when the bully is a relative because they are the ones who can hurt your child the most.

[zaza]

we are 4 families living in a compound, so hindi maiiwasan ang inggit at pisikal na away sa mga bata lalo na ang mga magulang, and i have pamankins na ibang-iba ang ugali, mahilig manakit, marunong magmanipula sa mga batang pinsan nya at mang-agaw ng laruan ng iba, so what i did was, pag nasa bahay sila, pinanonood ko muna sila kung anong gagawin nila sa anak kong bunso and ano ang gagawin nya, nung nakita ko naman na merong nang away lalo na kung pisikal saka ako makikialam, minsan naman nagkwento ang mga anak ko na merong nang-aaway sa kanila, sinasabihan ko na lang sila kung anong dapat gawin at ginagawa nila kasi ang rule ko is wag kang manununtok kung di ka sinuntok or wag mananakit kung di ka sinaktan, at nagagawa naman nila yun hanggang sa napagod na ang bata sa pang-asar at pag-bully sa kanya, pero madalas di ko matiis kaya nagtatanong ako sa teacher nya kung sino yun at makita din yung batang yun.

[Teacher_Cheryl]

Based on my experience, bullies get away with their deeds because no one tells on them.

At the end of the day, no matter how vile a bully can get, he/she is still a kid.
that bully is still under the responsibility of a parent/guardian or their teacher, if in school.
I tell my son that it is not cowardice to tell his teacher, and us, if someone hurts him physically or verbally.

We always remind him that friends shouldn't hurt each other and if a classmate hurts him or imposes stuff on him then he's not really a friend.

I guess we as parents just have to communicate often and really listen to our kids especially if they seem distraught and weary.

[thestargazer]

Ang nakaka inis kase yung mga batang ugaling kalye...basta yung walang manners at mukhang pinababayaan ng mga magulang yung ganung ugali ng mga anak nila. 

I told my little girl that other kids have their own upbringing at pino-point out ko yung mga asal na hindi maganda para hindi nya gayahin at pag sa kanya ginawa, dapat hindi nya itolerate. Iwasan yung mga batang hindi magandang influence sa development nya at mag sumbong pag may nakikitang mali sa gawa ng classmates or kalaro.