Adjustment Period

[jesrora]

Please share your experiences, good or bad, gaano katagal at nalalagpasan ba tong phase na to or may ibang marriage bang di nalagpasan to? What did you do?

[twelvth_goddess]

Adjustment period after getting married? When you start living living together?

Every couple goes through an adjustment period after getting married and when they start to live together. It's a compete lifestyle change especially if you're not used to sharing things with somebody, from bed, to budget, etc. Jan lalabas yung totoong personalities nyo and nangyayari talaga na nagca-clash from time to time. Surviving the adjustment period is a choice, IMO. After all the romance has faded, magki-kick in na yung reality na magkasama kayo forever, na DAPAT wala ng iba pa na dadating.

For me and my husband, we've been together for 6 years but married for 2 years. We've been living together for 3 years already and we've been through adjustment periods, recently yung paga-adjust with us having a baby. It's not easy, there are good and bad days but I can say that we're happy and getting stronger naman. Madame kameng kinelangan i-adjust with each other's personalities but I guess that's how a marriage should work.

[Pretty_ava]

first bf and gf kame parehas ni hubby..17 yrs old pa lang ako kami na ni hubby then bf.  then nung 22 yrs old ako, i got pregnant then nagpakasal kami,,  We are mow 3 yrs married.

until now, away bati pa din kami, kahit maliit na bagay lang away pa din,  yung tipong hamunan ng hiwalay na lang tayo kasi di na ko masaya, mga ganun scenario just like now.  mahirap talaga, i feel like giving up, lalo na ngayon.  ewan ko ba kung masasabing adjustment stage to, ang hirap hirap talaga, sana malampasan namin ito, kasi mukhang matindi ang away namin ngayon, nagsimula lang sa ulam yun lumaki na ng lumaki, kumabga yung mga away namin nag pile up na.

hay!  ang hirap hirap,naiisip ko nga, sana hindi na lang ako nagpakasal sa kanya. 

[artegirl]

I think you have to continuously adjust.  you and your partner are both growing and changing, so you both have to learn to adjust accordingly so that you grow together, not apart.

For my husband and me, when we were newly weds (7 yrs ago yun), we really had a hard time.  when we were single kasi, both of us are living with parents; tapos pareho kami dependent sa parents when it comes to domestic chores (we both don't cook, we have no idea how to clean the house, wash the clothes, etc).  To top it off, pareho kami hindi tumutulong financially sa parents namin, so free board and lodging talaga. 

then we got married and had to move out of our parents' nests.  and realized the hard way that managing a household can be a nightmare.  ang dami palang bills that we have to pay!  ang dami palang chores to do sa house.  ang mahal pala ng house and car maintenance.  sometimes talaga gusto na lang namin umiyak pareho (like the time na nasira yung kaisa-isa naming TV, tapos wala sa budget yung replacement), minsan naman tinatawanan na lang namin (i.e. the time that we realized that nobody is going the gardening, and the plants and grass are already brown).  It's really a nightmare but I'd like to think that those days made us stronger.  Buti na lang talaga we don't have a child, otherwise hindi na namin talaga kakayanin....

[aquacharly]

IMO, if you survive the first 2 years, you're good for the long haul.   

You never do stop adjusting, as ARTEGIRL stated. 
There is always a big change or development that will require both of you to fine tune your relationship again, and again, and again.   Not necessarily against each other or at the expense of the other, but more of synergizing yourselves to be a better team.

You will learn:
  That, Patience is a virtue.
  That, being open and having good humor will make adjustments easier.
  To be open to becoming more efficient, and a better person.
  &  To not expect to achieve a make-over of  your husband;  coz he probably married you thinking he was good enough  for you to be happy with him as-is

When stressed out:   breathe deeply, step back,  and do not make decisions based on emotions.

                                                     
                   
       

[a_y_e_n]

my husband and i have been together for 5 years before we got married. i must say pareho kame nahirapan for the first (more or less ) 6 months of our marriage. mas madalas ang away namin for the first 6 months compare sa first 5 years na mag bf-gf kame. ang hirap pala, kala ko sobrang compatible na kame since lahat naman napaguusapan namin. pero nung kinasal na kame, kahit yung mga simple things like closing the cap of the toothpaste pinagtatalunan namin noon. siguro kung di lang talaga malalim yung pagsasama namin, baka di kame umabot ng 1 year.

sa ngayon medyo "adjusted" na kame sa isa't isa as a married couple. masusubok na naman nga lang pagkapangank ko. im hoping na mas magiging madali na para samen ang adjustment period na to.

[shatygabrielle]

my husband and i have been together for 5 years before we got married. i must say pareho kame nahirapan for the first (more or less ) 6 months of our marriage. mas madalas ang away namin for the first 6 months compare sa first 5 years na mag bf-gf kame. ang hirap pala, kala ko sobrang compatible na kame since lahat naman napaguusapan namin. pero nung kinasal na kame, kahit yung mga simple things like closing the cap of the toothpaste pinagtatalunan namin noon. siguro kung di lang talaga malalim yung pagsasama namin, baka di kame umabot ng 1 year.

sa ngayon medyo "adjusted" na kame sa isa't isa as a married couple. masusubok na naman nga lang pagkapangank ko. im hoping na mas magiging madali na para samen ang adjustment period na to.

       Pls never give up adjustment is a process. Wanna share these ways to a healthy realtionship:
1.Don't nag!

2.Resolve arguments quickly... and REALLY resolve them!

3.Forgive and truly forget.

4.Don't bring up past problems when addressing a new one.

5.Constantly remind your love of how much you love them.

6.Never lose your respect for your partner.

7.Even though you are a couple, never lose your self-identity.

8.Schedule and never break a weekly date with your partner. Even if the date involves staying home.

9.Don't lie or be unfaithful to your partner.

10.Make it a point to say and show that you love your partner every day!

[tiggerlily]

I agree! It's a never-ending adjustment. Kaya nga you need to marry the one person you cannot live without kasi if not, hindi kayo magkakasundo and eventually magkakahiwalay rin kayo. my husband and i have been together for 7 years before we got married. 2-3 years of that live in. we went through a lot already but we're still adjusting.

[suikorayne]

agree rin. everyday is an adjustment day... kami naman ng hubby ko, 1 1/2 yrs kaming bf/gf. weve been together for 8 yrs na pero 6 1/2 yrs kami live-in. kahit ganon na kami katagal na nagsasama, may adjustment pa rin. pero give and take pa rin. pag galit ang 1, quite lang muna un other side para di mag explode.

[princessleia]

Never ending adjustments talaga. sabi nga e ang pag aasawa e walang katapusang adjustments dahil everyday may mga ugali kayo sa isa't isa na madidiscover at kadalasan sa mga ugali na yon e pangit pa  pero pag nalampasan nyo naman lahat ng trials pagtatawanan nyo na lang lahat ng pinagawayan nyo 

[snooky]

mga 10 - 20 years ang adjustment stage then another 10 years pag nagka-anak na

[yndy]

kakabati lang namin last week... tapos kahapon nag away nanaman kami... haist...

[sweetsorrow]

akala ko ako lang nahihirapan. Madami din pala. Buti nga kayo years na ang pinagsamahan niyo before you marry your husband. Ako months. Imagine, para kaming getting to know pa din na hindi na pwedeng maghiwalay. Nabuntis kasi ako ng December, nung sinabe ko sa kanya na buntis ako we became bf-gf, March when i had miscarriage. then May 5 nagpakasal na kami. So imagine how short ng time we knew each other.

Aside from adjusting everyday, alisin ang pride. Sobrang pride ko dati, ngayon nababawasan.

Pagod ka na sa trabaho. Pagod ka sa chores(cook dinner pagdating sa bahay, laba plantsa) at pagod pa sa away bati.

Challenging talaga ang role na 'to.

[rygel]

4 years kame ni hubby mag bf. And i really thought, i knew him soooooooooooo well. Pero totoo pala yang adjustment period na yan. Yung mababaaw, i hate that he controls the remote , and his tv's sooooo loud. Pero [textspeak!] worst struggle ko is that i knew him to be soooooooooooooo patient and giving and humble. Pag nagalit ako na feeling ko naman valid , he's quick to say soryy or make amo.. Ngayon 2 months in the marriage, nakikipag matigasan na.. The good thing is i learned to make peace even if i knew it was his fault. Kaya lang minsan sobrang fault na nya, iniintay pa din nya na ako ang lumapit. Feeling ko, naging OVER CONFIDENT AND COMPLACENT sya.. Nakakainis!!! Kanina ii was furious kase ayaw nya tumigil sa internet, facebook, etc. He has been on the net for 5 hours or so.. Naiinis ako kase akala ko we were going to have ":sexy time", (!) grrrr.. so i cpovered my face with blanket and slept.. He knew that i was furious.. Normally, he'd shut the cmputer off na .. pero this time, wala dedma!!! kaya ginagntihan ko sya n gayon, ng nenet ako kahit madaling araw na and he hates it kase eto paikot ikot sya sa bed at alam kong di sya makatulog!!!!!!!!!!!! kairita!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[akaticzon]

We have been together since 1st year highschool. Maaga kasi ako naglandi. Anyway, the first year of marriage is really hard kasi I'm pregnant kagad after honeymoon period, so super emotional ako nun. Simpleng bagay, pinagaawayan namin. Pero now, naghahanap lang kami ng pagaawayan..  Sabi kc, kelangan may spice daw ang relationship namin. O talagang baliw lang kaming dalawa hehe...

[daveigh]

I am only less than 3 years married. Bago nun we've been together for 6 yrs. At totoo na iba na pag mag-asawa. We went through a somewhat rough adjustment period on our first three months. As in biglang, wow, away na may taasan ng boses which only happens to us once in a blue moon talaga when we were just bf/gf. With that, I learned to :
- Communicate.  Hindi mind reader ang mga asawa natin. better blurt it than keep silent stewing by yourself, mabigat ang pakiramdam. And with that, makinig din sa partner kung ano man ang hinanakit nya.
- Compromise - Meet halfway, hindi importante ang manalo against your partner, iisa na lang kayo eh.
- Commit. Keep promises. Grow together. Have time for yourselves. Nurture yourselves as a couple.

Alam ko marami pa akong matutunan from him & vice versa. Mabait naman mister ko pero may times na may bagay na ipagmamatigasan talaga sya pero tanggap ko nang ganun sya. Hindi naman yun ang totality nya eh. I know from there na nagevolve na talaga ang love ko sa kanya into something more na hindi lang mushyness. hehe...

[sistah!]

my husband and i have been married for a year. the first few months were extra difficult. until i got married, i had never experienced living away from my parents so to move into a new house with a guy (even if i've known him for years) was difficult. it's the little things din kasi. sleeping next to someone when you're used to sleeping alone, having a maid to cater for your needs and then finding yourself alone with a ton of laundry and dirty dishes. LOL. hay, im not spoiled by any means pero yung mga maliliit na bagay na nakaka-trigger ng small inis, yan ang mahirap.

and then there are those decisions that you need to make together. iba ang spending habits namin ng asawa ko kaya nung shared na yung money talagang hindi ko alam kung pano mag-compromise. but we vowed to be very patient with each other so eventually, medyo we found our rhythm. we're still growing as a couple so masaya naman but i think after this year, we already know how to pick our battles

[airwaterfire]

me and my husband have been married for 1 year pa. plus bf/gf ng 2 years. pero sa loob ng 3 taon, hindi pa umabot sa 1 year na magkasama kami. LDR. kaya ang hirap sa pag adjust sa mga ugali namin.

[paulka]

hi mga sis, nice to have a thread like this.  Maybe right now, this is what my bf and I are experiencing.
We have been bf/gf for 10 years but we are living in together for more than 2 years and i could say that
i have experience the worst of him since we move in together.  I was amazed to discover more negative traits
that i never knew that he is when we were living separate houses.  I thought it was just a cliche
that you get to know someone only until you live in one roof but i have experience it and it
was very TRUE!  Right now we have been separated for a week and we both need to think things over.
I might really want to think that we are just adjusting and hope to work and improve things out.

[wanderlust2011]

me and my husband have been married for 1 year pa. plus bf/gf ng 2 years. pero sa loob ng 3 taon, hindi pa umabot sa 1 year na magkasama kami. LDR. kaya ang hirap sa pag adjust sa mga ugali namin.

hay sis, same situation tayo. kami never pa umabot ng 30 days ang time na magkasama kami. sometimes I feel neglected kasi isang tawag lang ng client, fly agad sya. samantalang kami ni hindi makapag bakasyon. He always visits his family pa, on an average andun sya sa probinsya 1 week every month. Parang he can't live without them, but definitely can, without me. Hay drama. Sa airport na nga sya nakatira eh!

It's always adjustment period, twice the effort than normal relationships. Sometimes I ask myself sana yung taga Manila na lang napangasawa ko.  five months kami married pero less than half of those magkalayo naman. mas madalas pa sya dito nun bf-gf pa lang kami.