My Friend is the mistress

[jellibean]

Hello. I am disturbed when I found out that my friend is having an affair with a married man. She wants to bring the guy over to our annual beach trip, pero ayaw namin i-tolerate [textspeak!] relationship nila.
I dont know what to do... I dont feel like joining the beach trip anymore if she'll insist on bringing the guy over.
We want to confront our friend, because we feel na wala talagang patutunguhan ang relasyon nila.
Your thoughts??

[kreez]

nako sis mahirap nga yan, what I would suggest is talk to her in an understanding way, para naman hindi nya mafeel na she is being judged instead mafeel nya na kaya mo sya kinakausap eh concerned ka sa kanya.  Maybe you can express your concern na baka masaktan sya sa huli and makasakit sya ng ibang tao because of this.  I'm sure dahil friends kayo you'll know how to handle her.  God bless on this sis!

[Tigershark09]

Well, if you don't feel comfortable then don't go. Plain and simple. I will do the same thing. But I won't tell her what to do or I want force things on her. Malaki na siya, alam niyang mali pero ginagawa pa din. What can you do about that? That's right! Wala.

So kung hindi ka sang-ayon sa ginagawa niya, naaasiwa ka at feeling mo mali, huwag ka na lang sumama para hindi masira ang bakasyon mo. Ngayon bahala na sila kung ano ang gusto nilang gawin, respect their decisions. 

[cati]

Just tell her straight that you're not comfortable with her relationship with the married man.  Bakit ba may ganyan kasi na pumapatol pa sa me asawa, na...why settle for less, excuse ha, I just hate mistresses.

[moonie]

Yes.  Kausapin niyo.  You can't do anything if she wants to keep on seeing the married guy.  But she can probably be persuaded not to bring him along to your beach trip.  Sabihin niyo na you love her but you cannot support her relationship with a married man and that you are not comfortable with her married boyfriend around.  If that doesn't work then consider not going to the beach trip na rin.

[kaye27]

i agree with the sisses here.. talk to her and tell her na di kayo comfortable na kasama nyo yung guy.. tell her you dont tolerate her affair kasi you are a friend to her and always wants whats best for her.. Ngayon kung di makinig at pilit padin sumama.. wag ka nalang sumama para di masira bakasyon mo.

[showermist]

Don't go if you don't feel like it and if you're not comfortable. OR you can tell her straight that all of you aren't comfortable with her idea of bringing that married man to your gathering.

[ysa.belle]

If you're not comfortable with her bringing her ka-affair in your annual beach trip the do not go. Or if nawawalan ka ng gana dahil sa gusto niya, tell her straight to her face na hindi niyo siya kokonsintehin.

She is your friend, maybe she would still listen to you and your other friends if you tell her that she is already starting to destroy a family with what she is doing. As of now, I know super inlove yang friend niyo at marami siyang i-re-reason sa inyo and kasama doon na mahal na mahal nila ang isa't isa and she will also say bad things about the wife na siyempre sinabi ng guy sa kanya.

She is lucky to have you as a friend kase hindi niyo siya pinu-push lalo sa putik, unlike yung kilala ko.

[blushydamsel]

sis jellibean, tell your friend na hindi kayo comfortable na makasama yung guy sa outing.
and then, kausapin nio yung friend niyo. tell her that you love her, that's why kinakausap mo sha.
tell her first na hindi tama yung ginagawa nia, kasi kasalanan yun kay God. second, masasaktan lang sha pati yung family ng lalaki. third, walang patutunguhang maganda yung ganung affair kasi magugulo lang ang buhay nia.

i pray for your friend's enlightenment.

[ReservoirDogs]

Naku, I was in a similar situation before.  My friend was a mistress, not once but TWICE.  She knows na I would never condone such act, so she hardly brings him to any parties.  Just tell your friend na you and others are uncomfortable if she's bringing the guy.  Siguro naman sana maintinidhan nya yan.

[jellibean]

Thank you mga sis sa lahat ng advice nyo! Sana maging maayos naman ang lahat. As of today, hindi pa kami naguusap, sana within this week magkaron kami ng chance to talk.

[aquacharly]

Hello. I am disturbed when I found out that my friend is having an affair with a married man. She waou do nonts to bring the guy over to our annual beach trip, pero ayaw namin i-tolerate [textspeak!] relationship nila.
I dont know what to do... I dont feel like joining the beach trip anymore if she'll insist on bringing the guy over. I
We want to confront our friend, because we feel na wala talagang patutunguhan ang relasyon nila.
Your thoughts??

People choose to be what they are.  Hindi naman yan musmos na nadenggoy ng pedophile eh.
IF all of you have strong opposition to what she is... eh di cancel the annual beach trip and make other plans that you do not reveal to her.  IF this is a beach trip planned by friends. Pag later on sinita kayo bakit you excluded her... tell her that you did not want her feelings hurt or risk mabastos ang BF nya. Kasi if she is considering bringing him, eh di ibig sabihin kayo each can bring someone else.  What will your mother, sibling, friend, or single BF say nga naman?  So iwas pusoy na lang tell her if she should confront you.

Now, if this is a company thing.. and you cannot freeze her out...  eh be cold to her, depende nga yan sa prinsipyo mo.  You gotta make a stand, and distance yourself from a person you cannot see yourself in di ba. Kasi di ba, your friends are extensions of your self definition in a way.. kaya nga sabi sa atin ng mga mothers natin noong bata pa ang mga Sabel:  Choose your friends wisely coz birds of the same feather fck together.  Shucks, hindi nga ganon the words of the last part.. pero ganon ang message conveyed.  lol 

[rhed]

hai, threadposter i can so relate..... my closest friend naman sa office not sure if she's a mistress tho.   pero 2 years na kami magkasama pero never ko nameet si bf niya, once sinundo siya sa office hindi naman bumaba sa car. kahit name hindi niya sinasabi, tapos one time may nagtag ng pic sa kanya sa FB may kasama siya guy, naka tag din yung guy... i dont know pero out of curiosity i checked the profile of the guy, sobrang konti ng pics ng guy and then may 3 pics nakatag sa kanya na may kasama siya lady naka embrace sa kanya and 2 kiddos. pero sige baka naman relative or close friend...

si friend, super close kami na we take trips abroad and bantay sa hosp when one gets sick, pero never ko nakita yung guy, and minsan 1 month siya hindi tinetext, one time our company phones got mixed up, naiuwi ko phone niya, nagtataka ako walang laman inbox yung pala phone niya nauuwi, nagtext yung name ng guy sa FB and said "sorry can't call anymore, family is with me"

ano yun? ano meaning nun? nag aalala ako for her, she's pretty and smart naman.

[carmel]

Sabihin mo dun sa friend mo pag dinala nay yun mister, dadalhin mo yun misis! Tingnan natin Kung sisipot pa yun. Sometimes kabits lumalakas ang loob kasi somehow people around them look the other way. The kabit sees it as approval. A true friend would not stand for what is wrong esp if it is damaging to the friend and other parties as well as in the case of the legal wife/family.

[ebiko]

to TS, necessary ba na kailangan kasama ang mga partners? kasi kung hindi, then pwede ninyo sabihin na "exclusive" na para lang sa inyo ang lakad na niya, meaning NO partners allowed.

ang hirap kasi niyan, kapag magkakasama na -- hindi maiwasang ma-OP, yung dalawang mag-partners kasi nga hindi niyo gusto yung situation nila. 

[mistiqshannen]

I dont think you can do anything about your friend having an affair with a married guy. The fact that she wants to bring him sa outing meaning she dont care what people will say.. Me mga tao kasi the more na sabihan mo lalo pa magagalit kahit mali sila. Maybe you could honestly tell her that you are not tolerating her act. Atleast she knows na hindi ka pabor sa ginagawa nya. dalawa lang naman yan e... wag ka pumunta sa outing or sabihin mo sa kanya na wag nalang nya dalhin yun guy kasi people might look at her differently lalo alam nila na married yun guy..

[jellibean]

Updates mga sis.. we decided to make this an "exclusive for friends" trip... no partners allowed to join!! haha.. i think this way, fair ang decision.
we all hope to enjoy this trip...

[ysa.belle]

^that's much better...

[kaye27]

mas maganda nga yan sis walang ilangan issues!! have fun!

[m_lim]

pano kung si friend na pumatol sa may asawa eh nagka anak na sila at mga 5 years na nagsasama pero hindi pa rin pinapatahimik ng legal wife ? ano maganda gawin ni friend?

mag abroad para makalayo sa gulo na walang katapusan?

close friend ko ito at shempre concerned ako lalo sa baby nila na lumalaki na rin at pangit magka isip ang bata na magulo pa rin ang sitwasyon.

ang hirap kasi mag advice dahil mali ang simula nila pero ginawa pa rin.