Should I give up sa marriage namin? Pls Help...

[female01]

^sis i am not making excuses for him. share ko lang dito feelings ko kasi wala akong mapagsabihan. yung mga sinasabi ng mga sisses dito, kino consider ko. just want to share my feelings kasi nga tuliro ako. ako na lang yata ang may gusto na ayusin ko yung marriage ko. pero at least ng dahil dito, may nakuha ang insights na galing sa iba... now lang ako nagkalakas loob na i share ang marital problem ko kasi di ko na makayanan mag-isa... at least pag nababasa ko [textspeak!] mga comments dito (no matter gaano kasakit, kino consider ko). at gumagaan ang loob ko kahit papano kasi nai palabas ko ang sakit na na feel ko...

[marose17]

^ I did not mean to offend you.  Parang ang understanding ko kasi kapag nilalagay mo ang reasons ni husband, pilit mong gustong intindihin siya kahit mali na clarong-claro.  So in a way, deep inside, you are sort of making excuses for him.    I think you know very well that the problem lies with him.  So to put it bluntly, yes, I think you should give up on your marriage.  You will be happier if you stop worrying about him and expecting him to come on important events tapos wala siya.  Do not think of him as part of your family because obviously, he has stopped being that a long time ago.

Your kids will also be better if you put a closure na on your marriage.  Para hindi na rin sila nag-e-expect. 

Pray for guidance.

[PinKisH_23]

^^ true ka dyan sis, mahirap talaga pag nasa mismong sitwasyon ka na. Syempre iisipin natin agad kung ano yung tama, pero ano nga ba ang tama, yung intindihin mo ang asawa mo or gawin mo nararapat para sa family mo.

Unang una di natin alam kung ano na nga ba ang tumatakbo sa utak ng asawa mo, malay mo nga naman nahihirapan din sya, I'm not defending him or anything pero from experience sa asawa ko super dependent financially, we used to have problems din like yours, at first he didn't want to open up dun ako mas naiinis, pinoproblema din pala nya ang mga problems ko pero dahil di sya nagsasalita nakukurta ang utak ko kakaiisip kung anong tumatakbo sa utak nya. Now, he learned to open up at tinigilan ko rin kakatalak, mas naging patient ako sa pag intindi.

Ang hirap din naman kasing iwan sya sis, lalo pa if you love him, it's as if killing yourself diba, lalo pa ang thought na lalaking walang tatay ang mga anak mo.

As mentioned in my last post, time lang ang kailangan nyo, and I hope it's not too late for him to change. Hayaan mo muna sya mag isip at pag isipan mo rin kung ano ang mas matimbang sayo. Pero sana by the time you make the decision eh nakapag isip isip narin si hubby mo.

[bravo86]

naku sis, super enjoy siya sa kabataan niya. as in. sobra. kaya nga nahirapan siyang kumalas sa old ways niya

huh?! pano? kala ko ba galing semenaryo sya?
kelan ba sya nagpaka-binata? before o after the seminary?

ano sis, when will you visit your friend? the parish priest... di naman abutin ng Holy Week?


by the way, i'm a 'bro'.

[drips_silver]

Hello Sis,  I wont say that I understand what ur going through because in reality, I dont Single pa ako, but I hope that my views will help you kahit papano

First, you need to pray (magfasting ka narin, tamang tama holy week)  As in intensive prayer.  Tell God everything, kahit na alam na niya lahat ng pinagdaanan mo, ikwento mo parin...submit everyhing to Him.  Then ask Him to reveal to you the areas where you've failed as a wife and those that you need to improve on.  Ask Him for wisdom and discernment on how you will approach your situation and what you need to do based on His will.  Lastly, ask Him to touch your husband's heart and renew him.  Then trust God to answer you and expect Him to speak to you.  When God answers (He usually does and the timing is always perfect) and you are ready, talk to your husband.

Second,focus on the marriage. pagusapan niyo kung anong issues niya sa sarili niya at personal problems niya, sa iyo as his wife, ka kids, sa marriage niyo  and give him the assurance of your LOVE for him.  Tas saka ka magopen up ng side mo Marriage is a partnership...a covenant...a bond... both of you have to work together to save it.  Be ready to forgive hubby and forget ika nga "unconditiional and sacrificial love".  Now, that sounds unfair, lalo na kung nasayo ang bulk ng sacrifice...at mahirap..it might help if you try to go back to your marriage vows, ano yung commitment mo for hubby during your marriage..and also remind hubby of his vows, encourage him that he can still fulfill it kung gugustuhin niya.

Third, focus on the family.  Kung hindi niya kayang magbago or ayaw na niya (worst scenario), remind him of his obligation as head of the family, more than the financial side, tatay siya, may responsibilidad siya sa mga anak niyo.  And it is something that he cannot get away with, something that you wouldnt compromise. 

just my thoughts. good luck sis, hope it helps.  and i will pray for you

[drips_silver]

Pahabol...

To answer your question:  Don't give up on your marriage (yet)

[female01]

^^^^^thanks sa lahat ng views niyo. naiiyak na naman ako. mamaya na yung awarding ng bunso ko, till now, no news from him.

^^yun nga sis, i need to ask for englightenment kay God. ang prayer ko lang kasi lagi is for my hubby and kids to be safe and healthy. pilit ko nga kino convince ang sarili ko na i am okay without him na pero sakit sakit pa masyado now.

still trying to have some guts to approach our parish priest. first time ko lang kasi gawin if ever...

[drips_silver]

wow, congrats kay bunso, galing naman and congrats to you too for raising such kids kahit na mahirap yung pinagdadaanan mo.  I came from a broken family which is a result of a broken marriage kaya sana maayos niyo pa ni hubby.  good luck sis, at sana okei yung parish priest na maapproach mo...not to discriminate pero i have not so good experiences with some that ive approached...ang important naman dun may ginagawa ka.  And also, dont neglect yourself.  Your happiness.  Dont let the circumstances rob you from enjoying life, specially a happy life with your kids   Enjoy the rest of the day ")

[victim]

to answer your question sis, my answer is a big yes.

procrastination is just prolonging your agony. do it now and you will be happier in the long run.

hindi magbabago ang ayaw magbago..

[j a n i z]

i think ang main problem here is yun bisyo ng hubby mo.  kaya nagkalintik lintik ang business nya kase sinasabayan nya ng bisyo un business. so malamang dun napupunta kinikita nya. turuan m ng leksyon yan sis, d n madadaan sa usapan yan kase nagawa m na un dati, pero wala naman nangyari bumalik din sya s bisyo nya. d mo din maalis n isipin ng mga sis natin dito n baka may babae pa nga un asawa m s cebu. so better n pag nakausap m nga sya, sabihin m n umuwi na s gensan at dun n magbusiness since ayaw naman nya magwork as employee. kung d sya papayag, sabihin m n maghiwalay n lang kayo tutal magkalayo na din naman kayo physically for more than a year na. so i think, mas madali sayo makamove on kung d pa magising yang utak ng hubby mo.

[indigo.tulle]

pansin ko lang sis, please don't get offended ah...but lagi kang umaasa, kahit na alam mong walang magandang idudulot.  you're just prolonging the pain, damay pa rin in any way, ang mga anak mo.  you may not show them how much you are hurting but, they can sense it still.

why don't you move on?! stop calling or texting to check up on him.  stop. 
you don't need to give up on your marriage, you just stop making it work FOR BOTH of you.  It's a two-way thing.

keep all of your money to yourself and your kids.  save up (instead of throwing it away sa business niya) for your children's future.

the way i see it kasi, you're just adding fuel to the fire.  you, indirectly supporting his failed business and luho. 

[bravo86]

still trying to have some guts to approach our parish priest. first time ko lang kasi gawin if ever...

natural lang yan sis, pero pag na-umpisahan mo na, sunod-sunod na yan... you bet, gagaan pakiramdam mo pagkatapos.

basta wag lang sundays, usually busy mga pari nyan. ask mo rin sya prior if he could spare an hour at least.

[Paulo]

^

naku sis, super enjoy siya sa kabataan niya. as in. sobra. kaya nga nahirapan siyang kumalas sa old ways niya

Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha.

He's a Bro nga.

... Bro-bo.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ikaw pala ang Sis eh. Bro-bo.

ha-ha-ha ulit, Bravo and Bro-bo rhymes.



Here's what I think Female01...

You wouldn't have lasted 10 years with the guy if there was no good in him. Or at least, you didn't see any good in him. It's just that he is irresponsible and sometimes when it hits, you can't help but be vulnerable to giving up.

Sure. Calling it quits should be the easiest way out of the problem. That will give you peace, maybe another chance at a happier Single-Again life. But that's not how marriage really works. You owe it at least one more shot. That's the way it works.

"still trying to have some guts to approach our parish priest. first time ko lang kasi gawin if ever... "

That's a splendid idea. With it you pacify your needs for two things. Spiritual Enlightenment and Answers.

I suggest that you try talking to one of the Marriage Counseling Priests. They're more experienced with such problems. Maybe your Parish has one.

And you can do it even on Sundays .... Ang Misa naman hindi sabay sabay eh.

Hope you get your answers.

[PinKisH_23]

Hello sis update naman umuwi naba si hubby? I hope you guys are okay.

[female01]

wala pa rin sis, birthday nga ngayon ng panganay namin, walang any message or call galing sa kanya. he's missing na talaga. sabi ng mutual friend namin, the last time na nagkita sila nawalan na daw talaga ng pag-asa sa buhay. ewan ko lang sa kanya kasi kung gusto niya mag greet sa anak namin, gagawa siya ng way to call pero wala. so wala na talaga kami kasi wala na communication. just taking my time to recover and accept things na ganito nga... it's hard but well that's life. at least, may na discover ako sa sarili ko na no matter what happens, gaano man kasakit, i have to move on, i have to be strong para di masisira lalo life namin ng mga anak ko...

nag lunch date kami ng family ko kanina, ino oberve ko sarili ko kung ano feelings ko now. at least, kahit wala na siya, hindi na masyado kumikirot heart ko. konti na lang. so still wishing for the best of everything especially for my kids...

[piggy619]

sis, whatever decision u make, always consider its effect on your kids 

sa mga anak mo na lang ibuhos ang attention mo, ang energy mo, ang love mo. DI YUN MASASAYANG 

and HUG THEM ALWAYS  in this way, they would feel secure with you... well, there are many ways to make them feel secure  but hugging is one of them. it sure makes a difference - KASI NILALAPIT MO ANG PUSO MO SA KANILA WHEN YOU HUG THEM...

single mom ako 

[sunfire25]

If I were in your shoes, yes, i will give it up.  He has given you enough stresses and problems that he himself is so ashamed of, and he might even give you his blessings to leave him.  I can't imagine how sad your kids felt when he didn't show up during their graduation.  But it's still up to you.  I know the vows of marriage, pero if you're the only one upholding it and he doesn't respect it, then there's no marriage at all.

[eizej]

hi sis, feeling ko excuse na lang ni hubby mo yang business niya sa cebu para may dahilan siya mag stay doon..

 alam mo masakit man igive up ang marriage niyo, pero parang wala ka din namang asawa sa ginagawa niya.. imagine, hindi niyo naman siya nakakasama, wala siyang financialy support sa inyo, nakakadagdag pa ng problema, so useless din ang pagiging "asawa at ama" niya sa inyo..

kesa naman naka hang ka sa ere, and mabigat sa loob ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon, eh lagyan mo na ng closure sis, nang magkaroon ka na ng peace of mind.. atleast, wala man siya sa tabi niyo, alam mo na ang status niyo hindi yung ganyang super stressed ka kakaisip and kakahintay  sa kanya..then wala ka na pala talagang inaasahan at hinihintay pa..

[female01]

thanks sa mga advises. yeah, i am giving up. di talaga nagparamdam. the good thing na nangyari is i was able to look back and nakita/naalala ko ang lahat ng sacrifices na ginawa ko for him and yet andaming pasakit ang binigay niya sa akin. i am very affectionate kaya my kids are used with my hugs and kisses and we say "I love you" all the time. they are very secure sa love ko for them. alam nila at nararamdaman nila lagi. i am looking forward na to the days, years ahead. at least now, sila na lang ang priority ko.

kaya sa mga single moms (like sis piggy619), i need your advises na rin on how to be an efficient single mom. need ko talaga mga tips ninyo.

tia

[sunfire25]

I used to be a single mom and the hardest part is when you're just starting and telling your kids the truth.  Let them know na mahal mo sila at wala silang kasalanan.  Minsan kasi yung mga kids, bline blame nila sarili nila sa paghihiwalay ng magulang.  Wag mo nang ikwento ang kakulangan ng tatay nila.  Pakita mo na strong ka, and you're much in a better place without him.  Kung ano ang emotions mo and reaction mo, yun din ang makukuha nila, so the more positive the better.  There will be times na maiiyak ka or feel pity, just allow yourself na magmourn, kasi talaga namang nawalan ka e.  Prayer helps during these times, and ask for strength.  You will get trough these.

Don't be ashamed to ask for help and support from family, neighbors, friends.  If they're already in school ok lang.  Sa case mo pala since palagi naman wala ang asawa mo, wala ka na masyadong adjustments in terms of care.  Sabihan mo din ang trabaho mo, para maintindihan nila yung sitwasyon mo, in case your children would need you while you're at work.