My boyfriend physically hurt me.

[bergal]

I was with my boyfriend for 3 years. Nung una, super sweet nya, ang perfect nya. tapos after a while, nag start na sya magmura. naging malaking problem yun for me but later on nasanay na ako because i thought ganon lang sya talaga magalit. i've always had a problem with him not being affectionate also. pag may kasama kaming iba, iniignore lang nya ako na parang wala ako doon. hindi din sya dependable. pag kailangan ko sya, palagi syang busy at he cant put down what he's doing para sa akin. masakit pero i learned to live with the pain. kaya lang, as the months go by, my self esteem started crumbling. palagi nya akong minumura pag nag aaway kami to the point na sobrang sakit na umiiyak nalang ako at instead na patahanin nya ako, mas lalo pa syang nagagalit at lalo akong minumura. tapos iniinsult pa nya ako at intelligence ko. sobrang sakit na ginagawa nya na natutuo na rin ako lumaban. sinasaktan ko sya para in a way maramdaman nya ginagawa ko kasi hindi ko kayang magmura like he does. pinapalo ko sya, sinusuntok ko sya pag sobrang sakit na nung una, pinipigilan nya lang ako pero after a while, lumaban na din sya. pag sasaktan ko sya, gagawin din nya yun sa akin. malaki sya at nag gygym so pag suntukin nya ako or sampalin nya ako, sobrang sakit at nagkakapasa ako. super sakit na, girls na i know i have to leave him pero i cant get myself to. tsaka feeling ko ako may kasalanan kung bakit sya naging violent. sabi nya sa akin, hindi daw sya magkakaganon if it werent for me. ako may kasalanan ng lahat.

mga sis update, sorry hindi ako makapagreply directly in this board.
tama kayo mga sis, i know for a fact that i am in an abusive, unhealth relationship pero i cannot help but feel responsible that he became that way. he said that i am the reason why he hurts me-- because pinupuno ko sya na hindi na nya alam ginagawa nya. tsaka the fact that na ako ang nagsisimula means wala akong excuse na magalit sa kanya for hurting me. wala daw lalake at babae. sinasaktan ko sya at ako ang nagsimula, sabi nya.

[annika]

tinatanong paba kung ano ang dapat gawin dyan sa kwento mo?

[StrawberryJammy]

ganyan ang abusive na tao, pabababain ang self esteem mo hanggang maniniwala ka nalang na t**** at bobo ka. at isisisi sayo lahat kahit sya ang may problema. those bastards will never change without any professional help.

i think you know the answer to your problem.

[prettykhae]

sis TS, ano bang ginawa mo at naging ganun sya? nako, hindi na healthy [textspeak!] ganyan. maghiwalay na lang kayo...

[ysa.belle]

@TS, leave him. you do not deserve a guy like that.

dapat sa ganyan pinakukulong kase wala silang respeto sa babae.
you love him pero hindi na reason yung love para mag stay ka pa dahil baka one day mas malala ang gawin niya sa iy. kahit anong love pa and understanding ang bigay mo sa guy na yan eh hindi na siya magbabago kase abusive siya.

you are in a destructive relationship, ngayon palang gf ka niya nasasaktan ka niya physically, what more if mag deepen ang relationship niyo di ba.

iwan mo na yan. yun lang ang solution sa problem mo.

[kettlekorn28]

sister, nakatagal ka sa ganong klase ng lalaki? ang dapat dyan iniiwan agad. kahit mahal mo pa sya, you better leave him kaysa naman sa sya pa ang mag-initiate ng breakup. mas lalong tataas ang tingin nya sa sarili nya, at ikaw naman iiwanang mababa ang self-esteem.

[nestea_dell]

sis bergal, ive been there kaya alam ko ang feeling. Advice ko lang tatagan mo ang loob mo para iwan siya. Ganon din ang ginawa ko, inisip ko na ayokong tumanda na kasama siya, sasaktan lang niya ako at magiging miserable ang buhay ko. Yong ex kong yon mejo bata saken, immature and insecure. Malapit sa babae, ilang beses na siya nagcheat pero pinagbigyan ko pa rin. Hirap na hirap ako noong una pero as time passed by nakalimutan ko na rin and i am happy kasi friends na kami ngayon.

We broke up last Nov 2009 and after a year doon lang ako nagka-bf ulet. Hoping pa rin siya na magkabalikan kami pero ako sa isip isip ko nlng "Ako babalik sa'yo? Ano ako t****? You are not enough for me!" HAHAHA tapang ko na eh noh?!

[lulay23]

Way to go Ms Nestea_dell!!!

Sis Bergal..hindi ka pinalaki ng magulang mo para gawing punching bag ng BF mo..hello..worst sa situation mo is [textspeak!] verbal abuse..[textspeak!] sugat sa labas..gumagaling in weeks time..pero [textspeak!] emotional abuse..tagal yan sis..at kung paulit ulit nya gagawin un..naku..darating ang araw na paniniwalaan mo na lang [textspeak!] sinasabe nya na masama tungkol syo kase un at un na lang ang naririnig mo sa kanya..

be strong..kaya mong iwanan yan!!

[jpsv72]

sis, if you love him di enough para saktan ka nya.
OMG bat ka pumayag maging punching bag, wala syang karapatang saktan ka even ikaw ang nauna, nagawa mo lang lumaban kc ang brain mo ang nag utos sayo kc you are already psychologically abused, dimo kamo kayang lumaban at mag mura so yun na lang ang panlaban mo yung gumanti physically.
habang buhay kapa iwanan mo na sya at tama yung 1 sis natin dito na tataas lalo ang ego nya pag sya ang nang iwan sayo.

Stand up and put an end to this craziness. kaya mo yan.

[raven03]

Bakit ka naniniwala na it's your fault kaya ka sinasaktan. As long as you believe that crap, your boyfriend will use it. Ang pagsabog ng temper is a choice, his choice. If he wants he could hit a wall instead of you in a fit of anger, how could he bear see you hurt? That does not sound like love to me.

Sabi niya pa, walang lalake or babae sa relationship, there is such a thing. Kung isa sa mga criteria mo is to end up with a gentleman and a lvoing partner date someone who does not say such statements.

Are you trying to fix him? Girl, kahit anong tanggap mo ng mga pananakit niya at pag-intindi sa psychotic at manipulative niyang reasoning, it will not make him any better. Kung naniniwala ka talaga that it's your fault at sobrang mahal mo siya, why not let him go? Why subject someone to a kind of "love" that tempts him to be a monster.

I've read a line way back when I was 13, Breathe Again ang title. There was a girl there that was in an abusive relationship, they were going in circles kasi the girl was feeling responsible for the guy, kasi nga naman ang tagal na nila and iniisip niya maybe its her fault kaya ganun yung lalaki, until finally she realized that, well, they are going in a vicous cycle na lang. She said something to the effect na go and rehabilitate yourself, change for the better but not on my time anymore.

Kaya ako I never waste my time on people below my standards, bata pa lang ako I knew I am never responsible to anyone I am dating and I chose my husband well. It saved me from a lot of hurt. 

[bravo86]

I was with my boyfriend for 3 years. Nung una, super sweet nya, ang perfect nya. tapos after a while, nag start na sya magmura.

sa lagay na to, makipagpustahan ako. magpa sex-change ako kung di tama ang hinala ko na naisuko na ang Bataan.
ano, sino ang aambag?

pero i cannot help but feel responsible that he became that way. he said that i am the reason why he hurts me-- because pinupuno ko sya na hindi na nya alam ginagawa nya. tsaka the fact that na ako ang nagsisimula means wala akong excuse na magalit sa kanya for hurting me. wala daw lalake at babae. sinasaktan ko sya at ako ang nagsimula, sabi nya.

eto, sa lagay na to, sira na talaga ang self-esteem ni TS. feeling nya sya lahat ang dahilan ng KABOooooooLASTUGAN ng bf nya.

bergal - so ano sis plano mo, magtiis ka na lang sa mga pananakit nya? o mag-GYM ka na rin para lumaki muscles mo at makipagsabayan ng jumbagan sa kanya?
gusto mo matutong magmura? turuan kita ng murang Ilokano, Bikol at Bisaya

sis, sa lagay na yan, hindi na magbabago bf mo! (not unless makatikim sya ng kastigo militar siguro at malumpo). kaya habang maaga pa at hindi ka pa tuluyang maging lukaret, you better SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!

ayaw mo pa rin?

ok. palagay nating kaya mong tiisin ang mga pang-uumbag sa yo at nagpakasal at nagkaanak kayo... do you think you'll be setting a good example to your kids?

kaya hindi umaasenso ang Pilipinas eh

[StrawberryJammy]

@TS, i  told you, ganyan ang abusive na tao, isisi sayo LAHAT.

Pwede bang basahin mo to?

Top 10 signs of n abusive man

1. Jealousy & Possessiveness – Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.

2. Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.

3. Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves.

4. Manipulates – Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable.

5. Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred.

6. Actions don’t match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you and then abuses you.

7. Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.

8. Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances.

9. Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters, or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless.

10. Has a history of abusing women and/or animals or was abused himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who are submissive and can be controlled. Abusive behavior can be a generational dysfunction and abused men have a great chance of becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse women also.

[angeleigh]

DROP HIM!!!!! kapal ng face nyan sis. You deserve much much better! Kung ako yan baka pinatay ko pa yan.

[ShoesAndTravel]

Sobrang nasad ako for TS when I read this thread.... Kasi sobrang abusive na tao ng boyfriend mo.. Una sweet, tapos verbal abuse tapos physical na. Malala na.... Ikaw lang makakapagtulak sa sarili mo para lumayo sa ganyang relationship. Well, isipin mo nalang pag kinasal na kayo... Mas malala pa gagawin nya sayo. Ang sad lang ng story na to.

[grace24]

pano mo nalaman na ikaw ang may kasalanan kung bakit ka nya nasasaktan...ano ba yung mga pinagaawayan nyo na napupunta sa pananakit??? tama lang na maghiwalay na kayo...what more pag kayo pa nagkatuluyan...sasaktan ka din nyan...kaya kung ako sayo...maghanap ka na lang ng iba...

[coo]

woah! super abusive niya..  alam mo ba physical and emotional na yung abuse niya sayo.. he's not worth it girl! you dont deserve him.. paki spell naman sa kanya ang R-E-S-P-E-C-T.. 

[siomai]

first off.. advise ko --get out while you can sis.

i can relate sa story mo kasi nangyari din yan sa akin. i decided to stay and now 14 years na kami together with kids, and we are very happy.
BUT the first few years were really hard for us.. nagbabago ang tao pero you should not count on it kasi paano kung hindi? it will be at your expense.

pasensya sa magulong kwento ko madalian lang ito isusulat.. singit lang sa work..

I am lucky kasi I have a very strong personality and I have very strong family support. Nilabanan ko talaga and binangon ko sarili ko. I also informed both our families so alam nila. Ayaw ng family ko noong una sa kanya pero later on naman he proved himself na kaya nya magbago. I also had to change kasi may triggers din yan sis pero the best way to help him and yourself is for you to "help" yourself. Get out of your poor self-esteem. Mababa self-esteem ng boyfriend mo kaya ganun din sya.

Mahirap i-explain nangyari sa amin dahil sa kumplikado at masalimuot, masakit sobra.. Nandun talaga na sweet kayo at okay and then meron mga away na halos madeface ako, dila lang walang latay.. tapos nagiging violent na rin ako, nagkabasagan na baso, pinggan, labas kutsilyo etc. Hindi maganda.

Hindi ko rin alam how we came out of it pero matagal na proseso sya at madaming cycles. Okay-away-hindi-okay-hindi etc.. And sa tagal ng panahon, nagkapatawaran na kami, nagheal at lahat. Wala ako pagsisisi whatsoever dahil masayang masaya kami ngayon. We have a very strong relationship dahil sa past na yun.

My dad warned me about it but I was matigas ulo. He said that there are two possibilities na mangyayari sa akin - maging masochist ako or sadista rin. Both actually happened in different times sa relationship. Ngayon, unfortunately, matindi ako magalit.. mas ako nananakit at hindi na sya kasi he swore never to hurt me talaga and he knows I am serious na the moment he does, ipapapulis ko talaga sya.

Overall, my advise sis is to get out while you can. Like I said I have no regrets kasi masaya kami and we are best friends na ngayon PERO I wouldnt want anyone to go through the same rollercoaster experience we had.

If you decide to stay for whatever reason, I have one advise. When he gets angry na or on the verge na saktan ka, or kahit in mid of it.. HUG HIM TIGHT.. The tightest HUG you can ever give. No need to say anything just HUG tight. Kakalma sya at kakalma ka.

[gt76]

tinatanong paba kung ano ang dapat gawin dyan sa kwento mo?

Sis yung mga ganyang cases di na pinag-iisipan pa. Why you are choosing the long agony? Don't expect and wait for him to change. Sometimes love ain't enough.

[sexejobe]

Sad story nga po...

Pero diba dapat you should learn to love yourself first before others.

Tingin mo sa love mo pa ba yung sarili mo kung hinahayaang mong nagsasakitan kayo.

think of it kaw lang din sa sarili mo makakasagot sa question mo..

[aquacharly]

tinatanong paba kung ano ang dapat gawin dyan sa kwento mo?

BEST answer here!

This is an open-and-shut case of an emotional abuser that of course! of course!  ends up with physical abuse also.   O kitam, classic case -- ikaw nga ang may kasalanan for his bad behavior, convinced ka pa nga!  susko, darling!

If hitting each other is your idea of extreme sports -- and if you are a masochist -- go ahead, hwag kang makipag break sa bf mong abusado.