a supportive relative

[victim]

i am sending my cousins to school, both college. one is in PUP and the other one is in a not so expensive school somewhere in cainta. i pay for their tuition fee every semester while the everyday baon is provided by their parents, who is my uncle, but the extra expenses in school, is shouldered by me.

almost weekly, i give my uncle P200 - P300 and sometimes, if the electric power has been disconnected, i pay for it. it happens like twice a year for about P1,500.  if they get sick, i give cash for the medical expenses.

every start of the school year, i give money to buy for their school supplies and every christmas, i give them P3,000.

my uncle is not the abusive type of person and i am very happy to be of help to his family. my uncle also is very hard working and a good provider to his family although most the time, the earnings is really not enough that is why i am here to support them.

there's just one thing that i complain about. i just wish na sana lang, since i've been a supportive cousin, these kids have concern about me. i'm a working mom, 3 kids and i don't have maid. all i wanted was a bit of concern like "lika puntahan natin si ate, tanong natin kung ano maitutulong natin sa bahay nila". kahit man lang sana visit nila ako once a month and check what's happening with me. that's it. but i don't feel any concern at all.

i don't have plans of making them "helper" in the house. for godsake, all i wanted was just 1 hour of their time even once a month just to visit me in the house. actually, not really to help me with the household chores, but maybe i am just looking for the "concern" i am telling you.

like last christmas, i told my uncle to bring this whole family and spend the new year's day in the house but his wife and the only son were there. the 2 daughters, wala. Why? Sabi masakit daw ang ganito at ganun. I don't know

what they normally do if they need money is text me and say "ate kelangan po ng ganito ng ganun, may kelangan [textspeak!] bayaran sa school etc etc".

well, maybe i am just looking for affection from them sa lahat naman din ng nagawa ko for their family especially from my cousins. i've been a supportive to them for 12 years already. bihira na din naman ang kamag-anak like me who is as supportive as me. and i am sure about it.

[CityHunter]

I opine this happens because of the environment kids are growing up in nowadays.  Just look at what TV shows are featuring and even the lyrics of songs.  And sadly, a lot of religious officials - not just in the Catholic Church - have neglected to do their duty.

It is not yet too late though.  Though how to go about this problem is highly debatable as each has unique issues.  Your best move is to pray to Him that He grants them clarity of mind to return your support with their affection.

[prettykhae]

sis, siguro maganda kung i-open up mo sa kanila what you feel.. siempre, dapat lang na lambingin ka at tulungan diba? godbless you. u rili have a kind heart.

[victim]

hi sis cityhunter, i felt excited upon seeing your name on my post. you are known here in gt for a "certain talent" that you have. i admire you for that.

anyway, am i expecting too much?

btw, i'm an only child and both of my parents already passed away. also, they're the only relatives i have...

[victim]

^^prettykhae, you got the right word sis, lambing is all i need.

all i wanted was for them to visit me even once a month. i'll even cook for them :-)

[prettykhae]

^^prettykhae, you got the right word sis, lambing is all i need.

all i wanted was for them to visit me even once a month. i'll even cook for them :-)

sis, ako naman nakikitira kami sa pinsan ko kasi we're working here in manila... 4 kaming pinsan nya na andun sa haus nila... when ever we have extra cash or savings, tumutulong kami sa haus kahit di nila tell... every sahod, nagggro2cery ako. nahihiya naman kami kung di kami tumulong diba? kasi libre tirahan namin dun e. kaya pala kasi ala kana parents... hehe... asan hubby mo?

[moonie]

Kausapin mo kaya yung uncle mo.  Parang nagiging ingrates na yung mga anak niya e.  Dapat pagsabihan niya yung mga yun. 

I bet if you miss or delay sending money for their needs, magiging maaalahanin mga yun.  Are you sure that these cousins of yours are still in school?  Baka ayaw lang magpakita dahil hindi na pumapasok sa eskwela.  Baka nahihiya o nagtatago.  I know of someone na ganyan ang drama e.  Yung tiyahin na nagpapaaral sa kanya nasa middle east so di alam na di pala sa tuition o school allowance napupunta perang padala niya.

[victim]

sis prettykhae, working din sya and we divide the chores in the house...
yes sis, wala na ngang parents, wala pang kapatid..

[icee_star]

Hi sis! Hugs to you! I understand how you feel. Try to talk to them about it and ikaw na lang magreach out. Try mo paringgan like "kayo naman di nyo man lang ako madalaw dito" something like that, see kung ano isasagot nila. Magbonding kayo like go to the mall, eat out, to know what's happening to them and let them know how you feel. Sabihin mo na gusto mo nakikita at nakakasama mo sila even once a week lang. Kahit once a month na lang wouldn't harm them naman. Kung busy sila sa school or malayo ba yung house nila sa inyo? Even text or call di ba nila ginagawa? Pati ba yung uncle mo ganun din sayo, naalala ka lang pag may kailangan?

[victim]

^^ sis moonie kinausap ko na several times, sabi ko sabihin naman sa mga anak nya visit naman ako once in while. sabi ko pa, bakit ayaw ba nila pumunta dito. ano ba tingin nila sa akin...monster..bakit ganun...

i am sure naman sis that they still go to school. mababait naman sila na bata who knows their limitations. yun nga lang siguro, kulang sa affection with me. yun naman kase ang hanap ko. sis prettykhae is right, kase wala ako parents and siblings. they're the only relative i have.

one time, the wife of my uncle went to the house crying. she was complaining about their neighbor who initiated a fight with my uncle. this neighbor as they said, is somewhat siga or rowdy in the neighborhood and he happened to kick and destroy the house gate of my uncle made of wood. my uncle is the opposite, a peace loving person and very kind.

the following day, i fearlessly went to the house of this rowdy neighbor. i introduced myself and talked to him. can you imagine a scene where a 5'2 woman talking to a  brusque man. after the conversation i called someone to fix the gate of my uncle to install a metal gate, something sturdy, this time..

[victim]

thanks sis icee_star.

i also plan that sis, to invite the whole family to go to the mall and eat out. i even want them to come here in ortigas where i work. maybe one time, i'll do that.

sis, my uncle visits me twice a month brings me 1 kilo of dalandan or lanzones for pasalubong which i appreciate so much. in exchange i give P200 - P500 as pamasahe, depending on the frequency of visits.

not quite far sis from where i live. let's say P30 fare back and forth.

yes sis yung mga cousins ko..kapag may payables lang sa school nagtetext...

[showermist]

ts, kung hindi nila maipakita ngayon, malay mo they will do it in the future.  siguro pag kaya na nilang 'ibalik'  ang tulong na ibinigay mo sa kanila.  i don't mean the monetary part ha.  sobrang nahihiya lang siguro sila ngayon. 
yung mga kapatid ko nga, effort sa kanila ang humingi sa akin ng pera. kasi nahihiya sila. kaya pag text na sila sa akin na kailangan nila, i know it's urgent na.  paano pa kaya kung anak ng mga uncle mo? nahihiya pa siguro sila sa stage na ito sis.

'kung ano itinanim mo, yun ang aanihin mo'

[victim]

^ at the back of my mind, i sometimes believe that they are still too young to think about what they're supposed to do towards me, as their benefactor...

[CityHunter]

Hi, victim.

Ha ha.  Para naman ako si Madam Auring nun.  What I sensed sa chi ng message mo is that sad ka with such events but nothing that depressing naman.  He he, besides the feel of the message ay I observe rin yun the way the sentences are constructed, etc.

There are some na talagang manhid and doing it by direct approach especially this year is a no-no.  What may be better is to seek a compromise on this.  One idea is to let these kids go to you to get their support.  Another would be to do it on a regular get-together ninyo para wala silang ligtas but this won't appear pa rin as strong arming them to what you want.

Ha ha.  You definitely did good on that bad neighbor.  Bullies are really like that.  Kapag scaredy cat ang karamihan ay they take advantage of it.  When one stands up against them ay they hide in their shells.  FYI.  IF only someone stood against the oncoming German forces back then when they first initiated their blitzkreig ay hindi na sana nangyari ang World War 2.  Hitler had explicit orders na even if just one stood defiant against their invading army then ay the retreat order will be sounded - forgot na which country they first invaded

Back to topic.  Yun mga kids you are supporting kasi must realize that so-called modern version of respect and comradeship are purely hogwash.  Yun lang mahirap mangyari ito as most often kids would rather listen to their friends who either have missing or irresponsible parents or similarly have no idea of what is right and wrong.

Isipan na lang natin ng alternative means to get these kids to see the light. 

[raven03]

Victim: you are just like my aunts halos half sa ming mga pamangkin tiulungan nila while in college.
sadly,parang ako yung mga cousins mo while still in school ang mindset ko kasi the arrangement is between my parents and my aunts. Yung father ko kasi is not like your uncle na provider, pinabayaan niya kami and all my cousins were sipsip to them kaya I cringe away from pagiging close sa kanila (i know, ang kapal ko). Pero sabi ko when I finish college I'd be just like them and show them na grateful ako sa tulong nila. Ayoko lang talaga to look sipsip and user.

Fast forward to 5 years after, sa lahat ng pinag-aral nila ako na lang halos akikipag-communicate sa mga auntie ko. The others na sobrang makapag-e-mail dati professing their love and thanks to my aunts eh may kanya-kanya ng pamilya at ni-hi eh hindi na nakakapag-e-mail. My aunts have complained about this to me. And now, ako na lang natu-tuloy ng ugali nila.


About your present case, how about you directly give the money to your cousins? Like they pick it up from your house para makadalaw din sila and they know you better, Kasi minsan kasi since kayong mag-uncle lang ang nag-uusap hindi nila nararamdaman ang presence mo and help mo and they take you for granted. Kasi ako when they started giving the money directly to me when I turned 18, I felt the responsibility na to update them over school and how I am spending the money they give me. 

[tiggerlily]

I agree with sis raven. Kapag may kailangan sila, sila ang magpickup. And the get together is also nice. if you can do it monthly, much better. aba, nakakapagtaka naman na every month e may masakit sa kanila. hindi naman natin masasabi kung sino talaga ang tatanaw ng utang na loob at kung sino ang hindi. pero kung gusto mo ng presence nila, siguro naman it's not too much to ask since wala ka namang pinahindian sa kanila. e paano kung mamatay ka na bukas (knock on wood: wag naman sana), kailan mo pa sila makikita? baka hindi na.

[Longhair]

Sis Raven is right. You have to train your cousins to go with your uncle whenever he visits you. I agree that they're probably young and they feel awkward but be firm that you're interested to get to know them better. They have to follow your rules if they want your help. Aside from financial assistance kasi, you can also help in giving sound advice especially pag close na kayo.  Napaka impersonal kasi yung tinetext ka lang. Para ka naman ATM nun,  plus wala ka man lang update about their progress.