Not Happy Anymore

[purplerainne]

5 months ago since I got to experience what it is to have a perfect relationship. Everything went well, everybody including my parents were happy for me. Some were even asking when we will get married.

Not until last month. I left my boyfriend for vacation. I had full confidence that everything will turn out to be ok since it was just for two weeks. One week has passed and the biggest turn around of our relationship happened. I learned that he has still other gf (long time gf) who visited him while I was away. I was full of anger and hatred upon learning it. But then I have to face the truth because I need to go back to my work. I was really devastated but I never showed it to my family. I pretended I was strong but the moment they left me at the airport, I cried and cried until I reached this country.

When I came, he wanted us to talk. So i talked to him. It was a long story but it ended by being us together again (plus I know that the other girl is still on the picture). I know how foolish decision it was. I kept it to everybody. I was blinded by all his promises that he will fix the problem that I just need to give him time because he doesn't wanna hurt the girl. I agreed. After all, he is here with me.

I was strong. I know to myself I could let him go anytime. I became numb. I know, even if we get back together, things will never be the same anymore. But I held on because everytime I am with him, I am happy. I don't care anymore.

So there we were in his win-win situation. He got the best of both worlds. He has promises and future plans with me.

But the other girl was still fooled. I can understand how she felt. Until the other day, I got an email from her telling she is letting go of the guy. I didn't reply. I have no plans of communicating with her (The guy stopped me from communicating with the girl. He said he will fix things and break with the girl gently so I did.) but that afternoon of the same day, I chatted with her and told her everything. I knew I had to do it. Seems like she couldn't hear more from me and said she had to go. Then yesterday, I received an e-mail once again saying she's really letting go of the guy. But also said some things to warn me that I have so much more to know, blah blah blah. I find it pathetic but at the same time I pitty her.

I told my bestfriend about it and my conscience was struck when she said "kaya ba ng konsensya mo? nakasira ka ng isang matagal ng relasyon?". I was guilty but I know the fact that I was just also a victim here. I never intended to ruin because first of all, I never knew that they still have a relationship.

Today, I can see that the guy was also hurt by what happened. I was hurt seeing him that way. So I told him if he needs time, I am giving it to him.

I am fine. Very very fine because in the middle of this, I got the dream I am dreaming of. I am now undergoing training for a higher position. Most of the time, I am thinking of finding a way out of the relationship. I feel like I am not in love anymore. It's just that I was used to have him around. I don't see him the way I see him before. All the dreams/plans in the future with him have faded away.

[ysa.belle]

purplerainne,

you love him so much that you agreed in a win -win situation on his favor.

and with what happened, you and the other girl are the victims. even if he is hurting right now, he deserves everything that is happening to him because he was selfish. selfish that he did not let go of the other or he did not face the real problem of making a decision, he even had the nerve to decide in a win-win situation.

whatever you had or you still have is already tainted after what happened. maybe it would be best if you let him think, think well of what he has done & since you already gave him time, give yourself time to think as well.

you said that:

Most of the time, I am thinking of finding a way out of the relationship. I feel like I am not in love anymore. It's just that I was used to have him around. I don't see him the way I see him before. All the dreams/plans in the future with him have faded away.

maybe you are right, you are just used to having him around, you are just inlove with the idea of being inlove with him.

i've been there & the sooner that i realized that i did not love the person anymore, only the idea of being inlove with him, i realized that it was over for me & the guy a long time ago... i was just like that because i never had the chance to mourn for our relationship...

[luckyfernz]

sis ysa.belle is right! that man is selfish. so give him time to think and enjoy loving yourself right now after all his not a big loss for you and the girl, what happened to that long time gf he has might also be happening to you in the future, we will never know. the two of you girls are the victims, don't just let this underestimate the power of woman that they can easily do this to women. have a love life for yourself to surpass this one. have a great day!

[ysa.belle]

technically he cheated on both of you and even if you give him another chance, are you 1005 sure that he will not cheat on you again?

remember, if a man makes you cry, then he does not deserve you because someone who does will never make you cry.

i assume that you gave him all the love that you can give, but he still wanted more, he was not contented with what you have & with what you can give... he wanted the best of both worlds... he wanted it for himself without considering that you are getting hurt in the process.

love yourself... you do not deserve a man like that...

[purplerainne]

Thanks for the comments.

I'm almost there. Pero hindi rin naman ganun kadali. I tried na layuan sya, pero hindi kaya, mas parang na-sa-sad ako na biglang wala na (dahil nga sa siguro nasanay na) so what I am doing now is i let the situation hanggang sa tuluyan na lang ako magsawa at mapagod (and i know im getting there).

There are times na gusto ko rin sabihin sa kanya na wag rin nya pakawalan yung girl, dahil I can't promise at nararamdaman ko, someday, it is not impossible na maibalik ko sa kanya lahat ng mga ginawa nya sa akin, or baka sya rin, magawa nya ulit.

Ang gulo, i'm bad. Hindi ko alam kung mahal ko pa ba sya talaga or parang im just playing games

[gurlzat03]

hugz sis.. ang hirap talaga mag-move on.. pero we have to... I just want to share with you a small line which I always remind myself 'pag namimiss ko ang ex ko..
"If you feel like missing him, then miss him.. If you feel like loving him, then love him.. THEN DROP IT ALL OFF! "

[Giri]

I am fine. Very very fine because in the middle of this, I got the dream I am dreaming of. I am now undergoing training for a higher position. Most of the time, I am thinking of finding a way out of the relationship. I feel like I am not in love anymore. It's just that I was used to have him around. I don't see him the way I see him before. All the dreams/plans in the future with him have faded away.

Just think of this as a blessing in disguise, at least you have known this early the personality of your bf, It would be much more disaster if you learn this things, but your are already married with the guy. Concentrate at what you are doing, and along the way love will just find its way to enter your heart again.

[prettykhae]

Thanks for the comments.

I'm almost there. Pero hindi rin naman ganun kadali. I tried na layuan sya, pero hindi kaya, mas parang na-sa-sad ako na biglang wala na (dahil nga sa siguro nasanay na) so what I am doing now is i let the situation hanggang sa tuluyan na lang ako magsawa at mapagod (and i know im getting there).

There are times na gusto ko rin sabihin sa kanya na wag rin nya pakawalan yung girl, dahil I can't promise at nararamdaman ko, someday, it is not impossible na maibalik ko sa kanya lahat ng mga ginawa nya sa akin, or baka sya rin, magawa nya ulit.

Ang gulo, i'm bad. Hindi ko alam kung mahal ko pa ba sya talaga or parang im just playing games

SIS, at first, it is really hard to move on and forget him... but that is just in the beginning. sa una lang yan mahirap, eventually, MAGIGING OK KA NA RIN. BELIEVE ME... wag mo sayangin yung mga ganun. kasi ala ka mapapala sa mga manloloko.

[purplerainne]

^yeah korek mga sis.

He dumped me last week. Hindi daw nya kaya mawala yung isa. Naghabol ako for one day, pinuntahan ko pa sya pero kinabukasan, i stood up at tuluyan ko ng inaccept ang lahat.

Guess what, mabaliw baliw sya ngayon dahil mahal na mahal daw nya ako. Ginagantihan ko daw sya dahil sya yung super nasasaktan ngayon. Sa side ko naman, hindi talaga ako gumaganti. Talagang I learned to let go na kasi.

[mavhy]

Sis, I don't think that kind of guy deserves love from you. Masyado kang madaming iooffer na pagmamahal for him tapos sya hindi sya makapagdecide kung saan ba nya talaga gusto. I don't believe that he should have the best of both worlds. Just my two cents

[ysa.belle]

^yeah korek mga sis.

He dumped me last week. Hindi daw nya kaya mawala yung isa. Naghabol ako for one day, pinuntahan ko pa sya pero kinabukasan, i stood up at tuluyan ko ng inaccept ang lahat.

Guess what, mabaliw baliw sya ngayon dahil mahal na mahal daw nya ako. Ginagantihan ko daw sya dahil sya yung super nasasaktan ngayon. Sa side ko naman, hindi talaga ako gumaganti. Talagang I learned to let go na kasi.

iniwan ka niya kase hindi niya kayang mawala yung isa, ngayong nakita niya na ikaw eh kaya mo siyang mawala & nakapag move on ka na eh ikaw ngayon sinasabihan niya ng gumaganti sa kanya. what kind of a boy is that? nag-po-point ng fingers para hindi sa kanya ang sisi?

you do not deserve a guy like him. buti nalang at nakapag move on kana. siya, hayaan mo na siya. he cheated on you once at kaya niyang ulitin yun... malas lang niya at you are smart enough na hayaan nalang siya. its his loss sis, not yours... at narerealize na niya yun...

[purplerainne]

Hay naku korek sis.
Eto nga nag comment pa sa blog ko...
Eto sabi nya:

Touch ako and naiiyak ako you dont know too, how much he loves you may mga bagay na ang hirap ipaliwanag pero i know someday you will understand. Nahihirapan na din siya everyday pinipilit niya kalimutan pero hindi niya kaya araw-araw siya umiiyak at hinahanap hanap ka may mga plano siya at babalikan ka niya sana lang mahal mo pa siya kpag dumating ang araw na yun malapit na yun magintay ka lang he wants you he needs you, miss na miss kana nya and he loves you so much. Take care and wait for him.


Lagi na lang nya sinasabi someday maiintindihan mo rin.. blah blah blah. Naiirita nako sa kaka someday nya.

Kahapon din pala, pinuntahan ako, may ipinapa save tapos umalis agad. Yun pala slideshow ng mga pictures namin. Naiyak naman ako, bigla ko naalala kung gaano kami kasaya dati. At na touch ako dahil pati mga e-mails ko sa kanya, naka save pa pala until now. Pero hindi ako nagpadala, mas inisip ko pa rin lahat ng mga nagawa nya, na sa kabila pala nung saya na yun, niloloko lang pala nya ako.

[ysa.belle]

nakita ko na yung post sa blog mo sis...

madami narin ang nagsabi sa akin ng "someday you would understand" and sinabi ko na rin sa iba yun. pampalubag loob lang iyon sis. wala ng someday... parang hindi lang ganun kasakit if kahit paano eh may pinanghahawakan pa yung tao dahil sa "someday" na iyon.

there is nothing wrong dun sa pag reminisce ng past. masaya naman siguro yung past niyo di ba? kahit na may kaakibat na pain eh i know meron din happy memories... pero let those stay nalang as memories... at least may baon ka habang nag-momove on ka di ba?

[aquacharly]

PURPLERAIN  ... you are waffling... being indecisive... you are letting events dictate on you.   

Do you hear yourself?  You knew you were in a bad place with this guy before... yet you let it go on, perhaps your pride just needed to win over that girl.  then what happened?  You must know deep in your heart your BF is unreliable... yet you went on with the relationship even if you knew it was in your best interest to dump him... you hang on long enough until he dumped you... then hinabol mo, na reject ka pa rin... then sige sabi mo, quits na.  tapos eto.. aliw aliwin ka again in BF with mga bitin na promises, etc etc.   Darling, how long will you waffle?

If you are unhappy now, it is your fault.. you let others put you in that situation.   

[bravo86]

5 months ago since I got to experience what it is to have a perfect relationship.

One week has passed and the biggest turn around of our relationship happened. I learned that he has still other gf (long time gf) who visited him while I was away

hannubayaaan! 5 months pa lang, at 1 week ka pa lang nawala, nangati na sya agad?

warning: TOXIC!

sinabi ko na before that if mag bf-gf pa lang at nagloko na, sisantihin na agad.
but if married na, please give another chance


this post may be late (since nagkabalikan na kayo, right?)

Goodluck na lang sa yo sis.

balik ka na lang dito uli pag nagka-litex-litex uli... at tatawanan kita. har-har-har-har! 

no... i'm wishing you the best of luck talaga sis.
 

[purplerainne]

^ lol and thanks!

Malamang nga babalik ako dito kapag nagkalintek lintek na naman. Pero i'm ready na when that time comes. And alam nya yun, na kaya ko sya i-let go.

He even gave me a ring kasama ng boquet of roses nung Valentines day.

Somehow, may advantage din sa akin yung mga nangyari. Dati sobrang parang hindi ko kaya na mawala sya, na sya lang ang mundo ko, lahat ng dreams and plans ko are with him. Pero ngayon hindi na. Na realize ko na I have my own life na hindi ko dapat pabayaan ng dahil lang sa kanya or kung sino mang magiging partner in life.

Go with the flow na lang ako sa ngayon.
Mas naging open na sya akin, sumusunod na sa rules ko at naging clingy. Long story na inintindi ko na lang kaya I tried for another shot sa relationshiT namin.

Lots of luck yata talaga siguro kakailanganin ko. 

[bravo86]

don't worry... with prayers pa from me sis.

i may not be a good Christian, but i know how to pray naman oy.

[theryanne]

Heya purple,

5 months would mean youre still in the "honeymoon phase".
Maybe you can move on without entirely breaking up with him.  Minsan ang girls, even if they know its wrong, pinagpipilitan nilang right.  The fact that youre still writing about it, means you cant just walk away.  I mean mag date nga lang, bad na, sheng sheng pa??? 

Put things in perspective -- paganda ka, magshopping ka, magpa promote ka.  In no time, nicer, hotter and even more successful men will flock around you. Promise   

But for now, if you cant survive without him around, status quo.
Just know at the back of your mind to keep your options open. 

[qwrty88]

am currently struggling on this kind of situation. marameng similarities. tsk. mahirap nga yung ganyan lalo na yung the fact na nakasira daw ng long time relationship sa paningin nila. [textspeak!] sis kung ikaw nga talaga yung mahal nya kase he still wants to choose you over her long time gf. let him prove to you that. don't make things easy for him. dapat sayo pinaghihirapan. kung di nya yun kayang patunayan, then you know what to do. i know you're a smart lady. God is up there to and us down here to support and pray for you.

[kaye27]

^ why don you tell him that sis.. Di naman sex ang sukatan ng relationship eh.. sure it adds fire in the relationship pero dapat you both agree to it. If napipilitan ka lang, bat kapa magstay sa ganyang relasyon.. Since matagal na naman kayo, baka naman lack of communication lang yan? possible din dahil sa tagal nyo na at kumportable na kayo sa isat isa, akala nya lang ok lang sayo ang ganun.. since di ka naman [textspeak!] tumututol at dimo sinasabi ang nararamdaman mo.. Open communication sis  but if nagsabi kana wala pa rin start to think na if you will continue the relationship pa.