After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?

[kvandenhaak]

Bro ang babae bago layasan ang bf or mister nagtiis na yan ng matindi. Nagtanong na kami sa sarili namin if magse-settle lang ba kami na ganito at magdadasal or gagawa kami ng Plan B habang inaantay na matupad dasal namin? Pwede kasi na siya ang iwan ko or ako ang iwan niya. So atleast alin man dun ang mangyari nakahanda na ako.

I couldn't agree more on this. I couldn't agree more. Walang babae na nagpakasal thinking I will leave him (at least none that I know of). Lahat tayo til death do us part talaga ang intention. But there has to be an end of abuse. Yung dati naming receptionist, they were together for 25 years. Her reason for staying? Lifestyle. She thought that it will be difficult for her if she left him early on. Still ended in divorce but imagine the torture for that long? I thought 8 years of mine was too long but I gave him all the chances. And like I said, at the end it wasn't my sole decision. The church community and his family was involved. Even after we separated it still took me 3 years to finally file the divorce. I prayed and researched and read. At the end of it, I am in peace with the decision.

[Girltalker2]

Pag isang beses lang nag-cheat pwede pa... Kailangan talaga isalba. MUST. Baka may pagkukulang din si wife or pareho kayo.

Understand sis. Especially marriage.
Pero if bf/gf palang, huwag nalang.

Problem naman kasi kahit May pagkukulang ang asawa, cheating is still cheating. Whoever did it has to own his mistakes kahit pa sobrang sama ng wife nya.

Pag chronic cheating with chronic lying. Ano ba ang nature?
-- sexual addiction?
-- attachment disorder?
Kailangan pa-therapy... Kung sexual promiscuity lang ang prob ha, at maayos naman sa maraming aspeto ng marriage. Pwede pa yan basta may professional intervention.

Problem kasi bakit sila nagpakasal with these tendencies. Regardless of the type of infidelity, they are not fit to be a Husband/Wife.

If may husbands willing pa therapy and umamin, kudos nalang sa kanya. But I haven?t heard of this case, bibihira. Siguro pag na paralysed na from accident/illness or mamamatay na sa cancer, tsaka sya magsisi kasi wife parin mag aalaga.

[dismembered]

Pag bf/gf, usually acceptable naman iwan agad kasi di pa naman kasal. Kung baga bf/gf you will think twice. Pag kasal a kayo, think 100x siguro kung tama iwan mo sya.

I agree.

Lalaki man o babae, May ganyan. Especially if bf/gf. It?s for the best kesa makasal pa pero wala na feelings.
Basta ako once nagloko, wala nang chance. At this point of my life, I don?t need this.

Basta BF/GF, makakita ka talaga ng sometihng problematic, run away while you can. Pero iba pa rin pag kasal na. Ang hirap i-bring up na once nagloko, end na.

Lokohan?

Kaya ka nga nagpakasal kasi you?re ready for a commitment. Tapos magloloko ka lang? Eh di sana di ka na nagpakasal muna.

Pag May lokohan nangyari, it just shows gaano ka hindi-ready yung nagloko na party sa marriage.
Ito feeling ko Isa sa mga factors sa atin kung bakit marami nagloloko. People just get married thinking of the ?good things? But forget about the commitment and readiness as a couple.

If lokohan with feelings, I could understand. Lalo na kung paulit ulit ulit na nagsisinungaling para lang makapunta dun sa kabit. But what about yung nagkamali at naulol ng isang gabi at nagkaroon ng pangyayaring hindi inaasahan sa ibang babae. Ma-trigger na din ba kayo to leave the guy already?

Minsan naglalaro lang naman sa isipan ko. Kung babaliktarin ko kasi yung sitwasyon, yung fact na nagloko at nagkamali si lalake, parang kasama sa worst part of him yun na kailangan panindigan na pinangakuan noong kinasal? Ewan ko, pero kapag nakikita ko yung dating mga babaero na ikinasal at ngayon ay babaero pa rin, di ba dapat hindi na mag complain yung mga asawa nila kasi alam na nilang babaero na nga dati pa, bakit pinakasalan pa rin?

Relationships are about trust. If you don?t trust your partner, there?s no point in staying in the relationship. Regardless if ikaw yung nanloko na matatakot ka that your  partner will take your past mistakes at heart or matatakot ka iwan anytime.
Kung ikaw naman yung naloko, natatakot ka magloko ulit.
Sobrang stressful naman nyang relationship na iyan. Buti pa magsolo nalang kesa magtiis sa ganyang Set up. Toxic.

Marriage is more than just a relationship.  Bukod sa feelings, sa trust, meron din legal stuff. Hindi madaling mang iwan at hindi madaling magpalit. But tama ka, kung toxic mas mabuti na lang magsolo, at hindi maghanap ng panibagong sakit ng ulo.

There are different kinds of infidelity based from its nature. There's an infidelity that has a good prognosis, and an infidelity that couldn't be addressed.

Ito yung gusto ko malaman. Kung narcisstic si lalake at goal talaga makadami ng kabit, BF/GF stage pa lang malalaman na yan. Dapat talaga iwasan sila umpisa pa lang. Pero madami kasing nahuhulog at umaasang magbabago sila. Kung dati ng ganyan at alam mong ganyan, parang mahirap mag complain kasi partly may fault na pumayag ikasal sa ganitong klaseng tao.

Siguro dahil sa legal implications, best na ipa-assassinate mo na lang sya, Nakalaya ka na, nakatulong ka pa na nabawasan sa mundo ang katulad nya at mababawasan ang maloloko nya.

At the end of it, I am in peace with the decision.

Ito yung mahalaga. Na at peace lahat tayo sa decisions natin.

[Girltalker2]

But what about yung nagkamali at naulol ng isang gabi at nagkaroon ng pangyayaring hindi inaasahan sa ibang babae. Ma-trigger na din ba kayo to leave the guy already?

Not sure. Pero sa pinas kasi, sadyang maawain tayo at easy to forgive others. Kaya madali makalusot ang lalaking ganyan sa pinas, kaya dami din iyan ang reason.

Sa Ibang Bansa, yes. This can trigger separation. Para sakin, it takes conscious effort to be in that position. Di naman 1second na natisod ka lang eh. It is a series of events. Simula pag punta mo palang kunyari sa pub, pagpili ng Maganda sa paningin mo, pag small talk and bili ng drinks. Pagpunta pa sa room at maghanap ng private place, pagtanggal ng damit. Lahat iyan conscious effort, kaya di acceptable sakin na ?nakalimot ? lang ang 1 lalaki to do that.

Nung Bata pako and don?t know any better baka iaccept ko pa iyang reasoning. But now I?m Older and wiser and having to go through heartaches, I cannot anymore accept any of that crap.

yung fact na nagloko at nagkamali si lalake, parang kasama sa worst part of him yun na kailangan panindigan na pinangakuan noong kinasal?

I don?t think normal na mag expect magloloko ang asawa mo Kung ikakasal kayo. Kaya kayo Kinasal, part of the expectations sa kinakasal is being loyal to each other.

Ewan ko, pero kapag nakikita ko yung dating mga babaero na ikinasal at ngayon ay babaero pa rin, di ba dapat hindi na mag complain yung mga asawa nila kasi alam na nilang babaero na nga dati pa, bakit pinakasalan pa rin?

May iba ineexpect magbabago. May mga nagbago naman talaga eh.
May iba naman, akala nila Kaya nila maging loyal pero Hindi pala.
May iba naman nagbago talaga, loyal nung binata, Kung kelan nag asawa tsaka nagloko (case ng ex ko)

Ito yung gusto ko malaman. Kung narcisstic si lalake at goal talaga makadami ng kabit, BF/GF stage pa lang malalaman na yan. Dapat talaga iwasan sila umpisa pa lang.

Not necessarily. The environment is also a big influencer sa change ng isang tao at kung iallow nya ito maka influence sa kanya.

Kaya ako eh nadala na. I promise, or at least try, to never ever stay there or allow my partner to stay there, ever. Feeling ko dami talaga bad influence dyan.

Siguro dahil sa legal implications, best na ipa-assassinate mo na lang sya, Nakalaya ka na, nakatulong ka pa na nabawasan sa mundo ang katulad nya at mababawasan ang maloloko nya.

Hahaha
I was close to that! Pero di ko kaya, don?t have the heart. May nag volunteer na, May amount na haha
But never ko nagawa at di ko kaya talaga.

Ito yung mahalaga. Na at peace lahat tayo sa decisions natin.

Life is too short, really.
Back to topic tayo nitong thread. If you are sticking to your marriage, just let go of all those grudges. It?s not worth harbouring on them. Just cherish each other and your family.
Pero pag tingin mo di mo talaga kayong kalimutan ang kalokohan nya, just leave. And you will definitely be more at peace with yourself kesa magsiraan kayo or magbitaw ng masasakit na salita.

[glamorosa_09]

Problem naman kasi kahit May pagkukulang ang asawa, cheating is still cheating. Whoever did it has to own his mistakes kahit pa sobrang sama ng wife nya.

Nothing justifies cheating, but that's beside the point. My point is, with this nature of cheating, the marriage is workable, so long as two of them are willing to work on it.

If may husbands willing pa therapy and umamin, kudos nalang sa kanya. But I haven?t heard of this case, bibihira.

In my side of world naman, meron. I can't quantify nor tell the frequency, kung madalas o bihira, because I don't have anything to support it, just that, my experience.

Sexual addiction is like alcohol and drug dependency. All of them brings a sense of elation. Some deny, some seek help. It can be addressed if the individual is willing to work on it, and this is what I'm trying to say.

Ito yung gusto ko malaman. Kung narcisstic si lalake at goal talaga makadami ng kabit, BF/GF stage pa lang malalaman na yan. Dapat talaga iwasan sila umpisa pa lang. Pero madami kasing nahuhulog at umaasang magbabago sila. Kung dati ng ganyan at alam mong ganyan, parang mahirap mag complain kasi partly may fault na pumayag ikasal sa ganitong klaseng tao.

Chronic cheating is not really a symptom of narcissism, so pwedeng hindi nag-aappear agad ito during bf-gf. But other symptoms that are possibly related to chronic cheating are there already like fragile self-esteem, lacks empathy, sense of grandiosity, takes advantage of others in relationships. Not to mention, these men are usually charming, kaya nakaka-ilan.

And then look also into the profile of women who fall in love with them and take the freudian approach. Basing from anecdotal reports and my counseling experience na rin, it is not uncommon that these women are daughters of unaffectionate, cold parents, especially mothers. Hindi rin usual to hear na meron silang authoritarian and domineering parents. They never feel loved and worthy by their parents. Then someone came along, who made them feel seen and special, something they didn't feel from the parents. Take note, may pagka-controlling, manipulative, and exploitative na itong mga lalaki, pero carry lang ng ibang mga babae, basta hindi mambabae.

So to continue, their partners have been an integral part of their identities. And when the time time comes nawili si lalake in extra-marital affairs, ang hirap kumawala because they are emotionally dependent on these men. At tska may good and sweet moments din naman pakonti-konti, enough to make them hope that things will change, kaya tumatagal.

I likened the emotional needs of these women to water. They were almost dehydrated by their parents for not supplying this water. Someone came along with a dirty water which is unhealthy for them, but they still take it. With a dehydrated person, mukhang mas okay na ang dirty water sa no water at all.

Anyway, here's a related article:

Unloved daughters fall for narcissists
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2016/09/why-unloved-daughters-fall-for-narcissists/

[undecided2]

Ofcourse! Ikaw ba naman lokohin or gawin t*ng* hindi overnight ang pag move on or pagpapatawad. Parang bangungot ng paulit ulit sa mga babae yan! Agree din ako kung wala ka ng peace of mind or toxic na then leave diba. Kahit my kids, pwede naman ayusin in legal way regarding sa mga kids (if any)
Sabi ko nga sa Hubby ko, aanhin ko ang buong pamilya kunh paulit ulit naman akong lolokohin, huwag na lang. K! Thanks! Bye! hehe but seryoso ako nang sinabi ko yan.
 😊

[undecided2]

Hi sis, gather all the evidence,infos and pakita mo sa kanya para hindi na makapag deny. Sobrang sakit sa ulo ng ganyan huli mo na nga magde deny pa ng magde deny.
Oo nga naman paano ka mag m move on or magpapatawad kung sa pag amin hirap na siya diba. Pray sis ask for more guidance and strenght.

[It_hurts]

WHAT I DID, AFTER DISCOVERING THE BETRAYAL:
Inamin nya ang lahat sa akin 3 days before our marriage. As in tumahimik lang ako nun. Nag-isip, Umiyak. Well, sobrang disappointed ako sa kanya. Sinubukan nyang mag-explain pero hindi talaga ako handa pang makinig noon.

WHAT DID I DO TO MOVE ON?
Inunawa ko sya. Sinubukan ko ring magloko pero sabi nga hindi matatama ng isa pang mali ang pagkakamali na kaya pinagdadasal ko na lang sya hanggang ngayon.

IS OUR RELATIONSHIP STILL OKAY?
Yes, sa part nya. Pero sa akin hindi na sya ganoon ka-Okay.

DO I STILL FEEL THE PAIN?
Yes I do, lalo na kapag napapaisip ako sa gabi.

DO I STILL TRUST HIM?
No, Pinipilit pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa talaga kayang pagkatiwalaan sya.

DO I THINK HE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW OR THAT EX KABIT?
Nope.

SHARE MY THOUGHTS ON ALL THIS...
Pagdasal nyo sila makakatulong yun.

Kung tatanungin ninyo ako kung bakit ko itinuloy ang kasal kahit ganoon na ang nangyari. Mahal ko sya eh.

[Chubby_cheeks]

most men kahit may evidence mag dedeny parin.  or kung walang evidence, hindi talaga aamin.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Truth, haha super in denial.

[Girltalker2]

Hi sis, gather all the evidence,infos and pakita mo sa kanya para hindi na makapag deny.

The problem with this kasi is what if ikaw mismo di ka pa ready to leave him?
Kahit anong pilit mo sa pag amin nya, tapos wala ka rin naman magagawa Kundi to watch him do his stuff habang nasa isang bubong parin kayo. Mas masakit pag umamin then kayo parin kasi di mo din naman ma iwan.

Kaya para sakin if you?re ready for war and ready to leave him entirely, ok lang mag gather ng evidence. Pero kung di ka pa ready, you?re doing this just to hurt yourself more and just be ready to suffer more.

[mysterioza_me]

^I agree sis. Kapag napaamin mo na he?s cheating then what?s next? Dapat may plan ka. Kapag tumanggi then you have to support your claim with an evidence or kung umamin agad dapat alam mo na what to do next. Nakahanda ka na. May ipon, may work, may plan para di ka lang iiyak sa isang tabi kapag kinonfront mo na siya. Hindi pwede na ico-confront mo lang at sisigawan na walanghiya siya tapos makikisama ka pa.

[happysoull18]

Medyo long read. We are married for 10 years with two kids.  I believed that my husband would never cheat and hurt me because he is responsible, kind, generous, religious.... a family man. I confirmed that my husband was "cheating" about a month ago.  I felt something was off in October but thought it was stress related to work. He was impatient with me, hindi na masyadong nangangalabit and medyo cold.   Ako pa ang naginitiate ng intimate moments namin. During those times, napaguusapan namin ang cheating and he said wala daw syang babae.

We had an argument, mababaw lang, but I had a light bulb moment then.  I was so sure that something is wrong.  I'm not the type to go over messages but that night I did.  I found out he is exchanging very sweet messages with his college ex.  Unfortunately, I only read about a few weeks' messages bec my husband used password/hid their viber messages around October.  So maybe kaya sya naging cold because he was trying to woo his ex again (separated with kids).  And I also found out there have been others and he has been cheating for 3 years. There could be more that I dont know about. 

WHAT I DID, AFTER DISCOVERING THE BETRAYAL:
When I finally got evidence of his recent betrayal, I was devastated. Umakyat ang dugo sa ulo ko. Then I cried, got mad and then became calm.  I confronted my husband.  He denied everything but since I saw messages, he could not deny anymore.  I asked for details of his cheating.
 I searched the web for articles on cheating and moving on.  I also read the GT forums.

WHAT DID I DO TO MOVE ON?
Its a continuing process.  I saw my kids happy and unaware of our issues and decided to give my husband another chance.  I could not give up.  It is hard but I try to think of his good points.

IS OUR RELATIONSHIP STILL OKAY?
Hmm, we are trying to move on from what happened.  We are trying to be sweeter, more touchy with each other.  We also go on weekly dates na kami lang.   

DO I STILL FEEL THE PAIN?
Yes though not everyday na.  ang daming pedeng magpaalala sakin ng mga ginawa nya so i get emotional and break down.  Minsan sa CR ako nageemote so he and the kids will not see me.

DO I STILL TRUST HIM?
Not yet.  And I dont know when I will completely trust him again . Sometimes I check his FB.  When we agreed to continue to be married and move on, I required him to give me his FB password.  I also check his phone sometimes.

DO I THINK HE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW OR THAT EX KABIT?
I cant be completely sure.  But i think he is faithful right now because it has been one month pa lang since i confronted him.

SHARE MY THOUGHTS ON ALL THIS...
1)   We had been together for 20 years, no major arguments, we were on the same page most of the time.  Since he had no complaints and he said he was happy, naging panatag ako.  No additional effort on my part to be more malambing, maalaga, maasikaso, etc.  Bring the romance back into the relationship.
2) We spend a lot of time with our kids, bihira na kami lang. It is really important to have date nights na light conversation. dont focus on problems at home or work,  Ask about his day, etc.
3) Be more involved in his activities.  If he will work overtime or has to go out, ask him details.  But dont nag ah.  Check up on him from time to time.  but dont snoop.  If he said he will be in the office, try to call him there. 
4) Sex is still important.  About six months after I gave birth, I was still breastfeeding.  I was expressing milk at work and was tired most of the time so I wasnt interested in sex.  This is around the time he first cheated (if he was telling the truth).  So when there was an opportunity to cheat, he took it. 
5) Dont take the stress of your day into your home.

[Baby Ruth]

We have been together for 22 years, married for 18 years  with 4 children ages 23, 18, 15 and 7.

This is the first time that it happened to our family kasi yun iba walang evidence puros haka haka lang..

It started 12 days ago...

Maybe nakipaghiwalay ang mister ko sa kabit nya so the girl started texting and calling me ng madaling araw ng Feb. 1, 2018. I missed her calls kasi we were sleeping that time.

Naalipungatan ako akala ko alarm ko na yun ang naririnig ko missed call pala then binasa ko mga text messages. Galit na galit si babae. Hinahanap nya ang mister ko. na magbabayad daw ang mister ko sa mga ginawa sa kanya.

Apparently, I have to wake up my son kasi I have hypertension and heart prolapse nagpapalpitate na ako. Ako naman si patola I called her and exchanged text messages with her using my son's cellphone. Nalaman ng anak ko ang nangyari. Sa sobrang galit ng anak kong lalake nagising ang mga kapatid nya at 2am.

Alam ni babae lahat ng information about us, saan ako nagwork, ano sked ko sa work, school ng mga bata.. yun pala na-access nya at nacontrol na FB page ng asawa ko....at walking distance lang ang nirerentahan nyang apartment sa house namin.

She called us names. She created fake fb account then cursed my kids who are minors via messenger. She even messaged me na magpakamatay na daw ako kasi problema daw ako ng "asawa" nya. na dapat nun hinimatay daw yun panganay ko dapat hindi na daw magising. mga tirang super below the belt na.

Kinukutuban na ako last year pa pero I let it pass kasi we have major problem financially kaya sabi ko stress lang siguro asawa ko kaya parang naging irritable. Uuwi after work after dinner aalis ulit pupunta daw sa tapsihan ng friend namin para uinom or tumambay then madaling araw na nauwi. Minsan inaabutan n sya ng 4am. I let him be. Unfortunately, my 2 daughters (aged 18 and 15) found out about their dad's kabit last year pa di lang nila sinabi sa akin hanggang sumabog sa mukha naming lahat last Feb. 1, 2018. Sinugod ng mga anak ko yun tirahan nun babae at isa pang masakit na katotohanan, yun kabit ng asawa ko tenant ng tinuturing kong tunay na kaibigan. Alam pala ng mga kaibigan ko ang tungkol sa pambabae ng asawa ko wala man lang silang nasabi sa akin.

When my husband woke up ng Feb. 1 I confronted him pero alam mo ang lalake di aamin kahit anong pitpit ang gawin mo...Then he left for work, he returned home the following day, Feb 2. our birthday...

Noon umuwi sya  I confronted him again this time I printed out our text messages pati yun face nun babae and showed it to him.  i told him to read everything...hindi na sya makapagsalita.. I asked him if nabuntis ba nya? hindi daw. Sabi ko mahal mo ba? hindi daw. Pinangakuan mo ba na iiwan mo kami at magsasama kayo? hindi daw.

My kids forced their selves in sa bedroom namin because they too wanted to confront their father.

My daughters were so angry that they asked their dad to leave our home but he never did.

Nawala respeto nila sa father nila.

The girl even threatened us kasi debut ng panganay namin babae at birthday ko last Feb 2, 2018. Gusto ko ba daw maging duguan debut ng anak namin. may papadala daw syang gift nasa yellow wrapper at sana sumabog kami. Gusto talaga nya sirain ang isa sa pinaka importanteng araw sa buhay naming magpamilya. She even mocked us by saying sya ng sinamahan ng asawa ko ng Feb 1 the whole day nun sumugod kami sa nirerentahan nyang apartment. Umalis ang asawa ko ng Feb 1 to go on sa fieldwork sa cavite and he went home the following day.

He said sorry kasi nagkamali daw sya pero ang sakit sakit sakit. Yun sakit na parang pinipiga ang puso mo at hindi ka makahinga...

Pag nakikita ko sya naglalaro sa isip ko na may ginagawa sila.

Yung pagsisinungaling na ginawa nya. pagdedeny nya.

Hindi ko mapigil ang sarili ko na magbulalas ng tungkol sa nangyari until now dahil napakasariwa pa ng lahat para sa akin, para sa amin.

I'm devastated I can't focus sa work ko. I only sleep for 4 hours a day considering I work on graveyard shift.

Our whole world was shattered.

But I won't give in sa gustong mangyari ng babae ang masira ang family ko.

Alam nyang may asawa at may apat kaming anak, pinatulan nya asawa ko.

Ipaglalaban ko ang marriage ko. Ipaglalaban ko ang family ko.

I told my husband, I'll give you another chance kelangan mong bumawi sa akin at sa mga bata.

I told him you have to earn their respect, our respect.

I'm trying my best to act normal, my children are trying their best to act normal na para bang walang nangyari pero ang hirap super hirap pala.

Trinatry kong maging OK kami pero sirang sira na eh.

Sana with constant prayer, God's grace and guidance and support ng family at friends I hope na maging okay kami.

Pinablotter ko na ang babae at nagsampa na rin ako ng kasong Child Abuse, Harassment, Paninirang puri, Cyberbullying at death threats sa brgy.

Pero I want to get even, okay lang if ako yun tinira nya ng tinira pero hindi pati mga anak namin.

Gusto kong mag-create ng fake FB account then isend ko sa lahat ng kamag anak at kaibigan nya ang mga text at fb messages nya sa akin para malaman nila yun paninira na ginagawa nya sa family ko.

Kung sino pa mga kabit ngayon sila pa matapang pero etong naging kabit ng asawa ko matapang lang sa likod ng cellphone at fb chats. Hintayin nya pag ngkaharap kami.

[cupcakejane]

^ We are on the same boat.  I'm also trying to fix my relationship at the moment, just to see that i'm really doing my part to make it work.  Same with you, he hid it from me for 3 years but the signs were there.  I was just too confident and narcissistic to see it.

[happysoull18]

^buti Sis that you also decided to work on it.  Agree, I was too confident and narcissistic too. And i also believed his lies. He can look straight to my eyes and lie about him being faithful, na walang iba.
Kaya mahirap din talga  mag move on and trust him again. praning Ako both online and physical movements nya.  And sometimes I worry, na can he stay faithful for the rest of our married life? I'll be older and it might be more tempting for him. anyway, nakita ko naman efforts nya lately. I'm also able to sleep more peacefully these days.

[lilu]

What did you do after you discovered that he cheated on you and what did you do to move on?

---> It didn't sync into my mind at first. Hindi kasi kapani-paniwala na magagawa nya yung ganun. Knowing him na religious ang side nya, laging nag-Bible study, nag preach and everything. I never ever thought na pwede nya yun magawa. What I did was I gave him an ultimatum. I let him choose and pag pinili nya yun, hindi na nya kami makikita ng anak nya.

Is your relationship still ok? Are you still together?

---> Yes, because he begged us to stay and he made a promise na he will fix everything at hindi na nya uulitin. 9yrs have passed since the affair and we're still together.

Do you still feel the pain of what happened?

---> Hindi na, pero before? lalo na yung months palang nakakalipas, whenever I hear the roach's name on TV, or read somewhere sa Social Media, inoobserbahan ko reaction ng husband ko. Palihim syempre. Hahaha napaka common kasi ng name eh. (pwede mo marinig yun everyday sa tv most especially if you have a kid at nanunuod ng disney channel) Ngayon kahit naririnig ko, naalala ko lang pero I'm not that affected anymore.

Do you still trust him after that? what did you do to bring the trust back?

---> A year after sya nagloko, we decided to work abroad para fresh new start. Kahit yung mga panahon na yun, struggling. Lagi akong doubtful noon sa kanya. Every move, lagi ko syang sinisita. Lagi kong binabantayan. Kasi na-stuck na sa isip ko. Sya naman, sweetness overload. Pero hindi ako basta-basta kumakagat. Haha Nag iba sya in a way na pabor na sya sa lahat ng gusto ko.. Not like before na parang nasasakal ako na sya na lang lagi nasusunod. It took so long for him to gain my trust back. At talaga namang pinaghirapan nya. Tinulungan ko na lang din sarili kong makalimot, sya din naman todo bawi. It takes two to tango ika nga..

Do you still feel that maybe he is still with someone else or still with the old sl*t that broke your trust and faith in him?

---> Hindi na.. I knew, kasi kinausap ko yung ipis na yun over the phone. Sya ang tumawag at willing makipagmeet to ask for forgiveness kaso ako na tumanggi dahil sabi ko mabait talaga ako pero sa case nya, I might kill someone. (Sorry matindi lang talaga ang galit ko, dahil nalaman ko din na dinala yung ipis sa bahay, while my kid and I stayed at my parent's house for a short time). In the end, naconfirm ko naman na pinili kami ng asawa ko.

Share your experiences and thoughts about this....

---> Moving on is not easy.. Ito yung masasabi kong nasa lowest point ako ng "buhay-may-asawa". And after reconciliation, may times na kahit 2-3yrs pa lang nakakalipas feeling ko kahapon lang yun nangyari. I've planned to seek medical help pero mejo pricey kasi nasa ibang bansa kami. Sobrang sakit kasi marami din akong pagkukulang, alam ko naman yun, actually pareho kami. Pero sa 5yrs na pagsasama, it all went down the drain. Sabi ko pa nga void na ang kasal namin kasi hindi na din totoo yun. Nakatulong din sa akin ang pag share ko ng problem sa kaibigan, and somehow, nakahinga ako. Eventually, nakikita ko ang effort ng asawa ko na magbago, naging matured and alam na nya priorities nya. Ngayon we're 14yrs already. 9yrs na kaming ok since the affair. We're planning to renew our vows pero plano pa lang.. Hindi ko pa masasabi na happy ang ending, but we made significant progress. We figure out how to be a couple again. We also took family vacations, and dates minsan. Binigyan ulit kami ng blessing, a baby boy again. So dalawa na ang knights sa tabi ko plus my King. I'm glad I stayed, kasi totoo yung "Love is sweeter the second time around." Marami pang years ahead of us kaya I couldn't be more excited to embrace them. We have to build a foundation for more joy, less pain, and more of us together. It hasn't been easy but it's been completely worth it.

[happysoull18]

^@lilu, galing 9 yrs had passed and hope tuloytuloy na yan. Ang Dami ko pagdadaanan para umabot sa stage na wala ng hurt and doubt.

Sis baby Ruth, hopefully maka move on kagad Kayo pati ang kids. 18 years of marriage is admirable. Ang Hirap sa case mo bec 1st, your kids knew or found out, 2nd, some people knew he was cheating but chose to be quiet and 3rd, ang KAPAL ng kabit.

[lilu]

@happysoull18 kapag nga talaga ramdam mo na something is off, totoo yun. Women's instinct talaga di ka bibiguin. You're right, when it comes to sex, nung time na nangangalabit sya, I often resist kasi minsan wrong timing, and because of exhaustion (taking care of our kid) or wala lang sa mood. Naalala ko mga sinabi nya na "Pasalamat ka nga ikaw ang inuuwian ko at di ako titikim ng ibang ulam eh" <-- Nung time na sinabi nya yan, I didn't took it seriously.. pero may meaning na pala. Months after the affair, ang hirap talaga, naalala ko kasi lahat traces, evidence. Ang sakit, literal na masakit, yung dibdib ko bumibigat tapos umiinit yung pakiramdam ko from neck to ears. Mapapalagpas ko pa kung chat chat lang, kaso huli na dahil nagkasama na, nagtratravel pa etc. I hope tuldukan na ng hubby mo yang flirty messages nya sa ex or sa kung sino mang babae. Jan talaga nagsisimulang magloko dahil hightech na ang form ng communications ngayon lalo na pwedeng password protected.

[happysoull18]

^sis lilu, ganun nga ang sakit. Dun sa ex, I hope natuldukan na un. So far daw he never thought or messaged the ex since I confronted him. But unfortunately, he had sexual relations with many girls for 3 years na. On-going un while he was communicating with the ex. And like you, parang may linya sya na wala nga syang babae, etc. Todo deny and Naiinis pa na I?m doubting him. I was breastfeeding my 7month old during the time he started cheating. he was the one encouraging me to breastfeed for at least 12 months..  I was working then so madalas pagod and the baby was in the middle. Wala tuloy sa mood. Nakakainis na he was cheating na Pala. Grabe talga. Until now I can?t believe he did this to us. Hindi ko rin maisip kung San ko hinugot ang lakas to give my husband another chance.  i was too trusting and he took adavantage of that. If I found out he was cheating while bf/gf pa Lang kami, i think I would have broken up with him immediately.

Anyway, I learned a lot and it seems I will never be the same bec of what he did. I was idealistic about love and marriage since he was my first in everything.  Nakakahinayang so I hope time will heal me and fix the break in our marriage.

I hope to move on like you. Congrats and good luck as well. That your success story is forever. Sana #may4ever.