After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?

[Ann_2128]

I never thought my husband would cheat on me ever, so my world was really shattered when he did.  And it was not just one woman, it was multiple women.  Although fault yun ng guy to begin with, you can't take it away from the girl who knew from the start that she was being paid for by a married man.  Ang dami pang hinihingi.

Parang pamilyar  ang sitwasyon

[undecided2]

OT: sis Ann, hindi talaga kita ma pm. I dont know why?

[naizlabonita]

I guess once a guy cheated and the girl cant understand why it might never be healed and often times whenever a couple argues the girl would always throw that at their husband.. its been seven years since i last cheated, a lot of things has changed and i thought that what i was doing would work apparently i was wrong.

so i guess its always going to be this way para nakaming kriminal even if we do 1000 good things it always comes back to one bad thing and everything that wife does to her husband is justified just because the guy did it first

Unfortunately yes..that will always be the case..unless santita ang napangasawa mo ba kaya talaga kalimutan ang nakaraan..hehe try to put yourself in your wife's shoes..what would you feel? Do you think kaya mo din kalimutan and would never bring it up ever again? If you can then good for you. Hehd

[Girltalker2]

^ kung ganun din lang, it just shows na wala na talagang respect yung Wife sa husband. So what?s the point of being together?

Sakin kasi bilang asawa, you should be able to accept your hubby?s PAST (assuming past na naman yun). If you can?t, why be miserable? Why make his life miserable as well? Ipilit magsama kahit na nagkakasakitan (verbally kahit Hindi physical).

[kvandenhaak]

^I don't the get the point either of being together. I mean, I understand there's kids involved but how can you move on as individuals and as a family if there's an excess baggage that's keeping you from doing so? I understand masakit naman talaga gawing t**** but either you choose to forgive or move on separately. You can't be like this for the rest of your lives.

[plumpolka]

^ for the mom, i think iniisip nila na they are staying for the sake of their children na buo yung family nila. Or maybe at the back of their minds, talagang mahal na lang nila yung lalaki kahit napakawalang kwenta naman.

But sa perspective naman ng bata, madami ako nabasa na mas masaya pa daw sana sila na maghiwalay na lang yung parents nila kesa lagi nilang nakikita nag aaway parents nila or andun nga, di mo rin naman ma-feel na family kasi my kanya kanya din namang buhay.

I think modern family naman na ngayon, maganda if complete yung family pero sa dami ng single parents ngayon, it really doesnt matter anymore and it doesnt make your child less of a person if wala yung other parent.

[confusedkelly]

Just read this perfect thread as I am going through this right now. Matagal na akong may hinala that my husband is cheating but no proof. Until recently nakita sya ng friend ko may kasama, naka angkla sa kanya. He denied it saying mga tropa nya kasama nya, take note ang layo ng mall na pinuntahan nila kesyo may nagpa dinner daw sa kanila. Partially moved on after that pero, my instinct and his actions are telling me something is wrong. There's this one number that I suspect (previously saved as . ) and i know who owns it kase I saw HER name sa viber when I saved it to my phone. It was his former officemate na naconfirm ng friend ko na kasama nya sa mall. Deny pa rin saying hindi daw yun ang kasama nya. Just last week, i checked his phone with SIRI asking her to call that number and to my surprise, saved under a different name. So i asked Siri to read text messages.. lo and behold, sabi ng text " tulog na ako hon, good night po" I just confirmed my suspicions but the thing is he is still denying it. Hindi daw nya alam sinasabi ko at sya pa galit.

How can I forgive him and move on kung sa part nya wala man lang acceptance and remorse? Ang sakit sakit mga sissies! Magkasama kami sa house pero not sure how to treat this. Hindi ko alam pano mag move on from here. How do i forgive him kung hindi man lang umaamin at walang effort as if wala syang ginawa.  

[Girltalker2]

Just read this perfect thread as I am going through this right now. Matagal na akong may hinala that my husband is cheating but no proof. Until recently nakita sya ng friend ko may kasama, naka angkla sa kanya. He denied it saying mga tropa nya kasama nya, take note ang layo ng mall na pinuntahan nila kesyo may nagpa dinner daw sa kanila. Partially moved on after that pero, my instinct and his actions are telling me something is wrong. There's this one number that I suspect (previously saved as . ) and i know who owns it kase I saw HER name sa viber when I saved it to my phone. It was his former officemate na naconfirm ng friend ko na kasama nya sa mall. Deny pa rin saying hindi daw yun ang kasama nya. Just last week, i checked his phone with SIRI asking her to call that number and to my surprise, saved under a different name. So i asked Siri to read text messages.. lo and behold, sabi ng text " tulog na ako hon, good night po" I just confirmed my suspicions but the thing is he is still denying it. Hindi daw nya alam sinasabi ko at sya pa galit.

How can I forgive him and move on kung sa part nya wala man lang acceptance and remorse? Ang sakit sakit mga sissies! Magkasama kami sa house pero not sure how to treat this. Hindi ko alam pano mag move on from here. How do i forgive him kung hindi man lang umaamin at walang effort as if wala syang ginawa.

Sis, can feel your pain. Went through the same. Kaso at that time, wala pa atang GT so I also didn?t know what to do. Took me 10 years to have the guts to finally end my misery.

If I?m to do it all over again, I would do the following:
1. Fix and prepare myself for the worse
a) care for myself - health physically, mentally, spiritually
b) take care of my kids, if any
Be there ALL the time and don?t allow na nasa kanya LANG ang bata
c) never ever neglect your career, if meron. If wala, better start one. Study if needed. I-sponsor nya if possible
Sya paggastusin mo ng capital.
Babait naman sana sya kung ma konsyensya sya
d) amass as much ?secret? savings if possible (Para sayo din iyan and kids)

2. Habang di pako ready, I cannot declare war or awayin sya all the time. So have to maintain that status na di mag away. This is the most difficult part (like hell, parang nakakasira ng ulo to the point na kelangan mo lokohin sarili mo to be ok temporarily). This was a daily struggle for me. Kasi feelings mo at isipan mo ang kaaway mo.

3. Pag ready nako ng separation, Kakausapin ko sya by
a) Set a so-called ?date?
b) Tell him everything na alam ko kahit ideny nya. At huwag sya magalit since I?m not there to quarrel/fight with him. I just want to
- leave the marriage
- make arrangements for separation and financial support (kids support)

Pray for God?s guidance. Di ka nya papabayaan.

[confusedkelly]

@Girltalker2 thank you sis!

We have a teenager and a baby. I just promised to focus on building my self worth (kahit alam kong mas maganda ako sa kabitch nya) to be more confident. Focus on work as I do work and be there for the kids.

Tama ka, it's an agony to be with him sa same house knowing na alam mo mga ginagawa nya. Nakakabaliw to be honest to pretend that you are okay. I can still be a wife but we'll see until when ang threshold ko. If he leaves, I am ready. I don't care if wala syang financial support, I can do it for the kids. Inisip ko lang yung baby, walang dad if maghiwalay kami. But then, hindi lang naman ako yung ganito and I'm sure he'll grow to be a fine young man even without his dad.

Yes, right now God is my go to person whenever I feel pained and week. I just kneel and cry and ask for his guidance and strength. One day, I will be okay and a better person. With or without him.

[preciousjulia]

Aww! sana hindi mangyari samin to ni hubby. Hindi ko alam pano ko iha-handle if ever.. 2 years pa lang kami kasal. Na-experience ko to be cheated by my ex bf. Ang sakit sobra! what more kung asawa mo na. But looking back natatawa na lang ako and nagpapasalamat na nangyari yun kasi hindi ko siguro makikilala si hubby kung hindi nangyari yun. It made me realize na may plan si God for everything. Sana lang naging mas matalino ako sa pag handle ng heartaches ko dati at sana lang dati ko pa nalaman na may GT.  Anyway, lesson learned and sabi ko nga buti na lang at bf ko pa lang and bata pa ko nun. Now, i believe i'm smarter and braver when it comes to relationship.. pero syempre iba pa din pag nasa mismong sitwasyon ka na..kaya siguro if ever mangyari to i will just pray and pray for the divine guidance and lift everything to HIM, hinga lang muna and analize ko muna everything..baka again may better plan ulit SYA for me..pero sana hindi mangyari!!! 

[dismembered]

2. Habang di pako ready, I cannot declare war or awayin sya all the time. So have to maintain that status na di mag away. This is the most difficult part (like hell, parang nakakasira ng ulo to the point na kelangan mo lokohin sarili mo to be ok temporarily). This was a daily struggle for me. Kasi feelings mo at isipan mo ang kaaway mo.

Confused with this part. Ibig sabihin, you won't try to fix the problem first? Mag pretend na ok ang lahat and prepare for the grand plan of leaving the marriage then pag ok na leave agad? Wala ng sorry sorry part? Even if he tried to fix things wala na talaga?

[Girltalker2]

^ ayaw umami kasi
Anong puede mong gawin?

Wala ka naman magagawa if matigas talaga mukha at walang konsyensya.

[dismembered]

^ I get that part. Pero to prepare for that grand plan, it will took years. If for example, for you it took 10 years, so 10 years ka mag pretend na ok? Para pag ready na leave na? Or within that 10 years, you still hope na somehow magkaroon sya ng change of heart and mind to confess and ask for forgiveness and try to start again?

Confused po ako sa part na nag plan ka sa simula na after you prepare for everything, aalis ka na. Ibig sabihin ba nun umpisa pa lang nung naisip mo na yun decided ka na? If for example during your preparation, yung ika 8th year, umamin sya at magbago sya, mababago pa ba ang decision mo? Or tuloy pa din sa plan?

[kvandenhaak]

^I understand what she meant because I did that too. Not that long though because me and ex were together for 8 years only. On the 5th year I told him that if things don't change, I will leave. I went back to work, opened my own bank account and then one day I said I found a place for myself. Moved out and never  looked back. Now, the preparation was in case there's no improvement. Kumbaga, my resources ako in place if I decide to push thru with the plan. If things improve then the funding is still there. During those times though we tried to fix things. We attended marriage counseling. Leaving him was also my sole decision. The elders in his church was involved. His brother was also involved. We thought that at that time, it's the best decision for us. I am definitely happier now.

[Girltalker2]

^ I get that part. Pero to prepare for that grand plan, it will took years. If for example, for you it took 10 years, so 10 years ka mag pretend na ok? Para pag ready na leave na? Or within that 10 years, you still hope na somehow magkaroon sya ng change of heart and mind to confess and ask for forgiveness and try to start again?

I didn?t pretend it was ok. I wished I could. Hehe
I thought I tried everything within that time span, pero I made sure I still have a career, saved money, considered options on the side. In case things don?t improve.
Urong sulong ako emotionally. Sa totoo lang nakakasira ng ulo. If I?m to do it all over again, I wouldn?t have waited for 10 years. It?s just that di ko alam San ako pupulutin.
The 10 years is not pre-determined. It just dragged on hanggang umabot ng 10.


Siguro nagkataon din on the 10th yr nalaman ko nagkaron ulit sya ng anak sa labas, and that was the point that broke the camel?s back.

[dismembered]

^ I'm trying to understand women kasi. Based dun sa sinabi mo, nung una mag plan to leave na, parang ang dating kasi sa akin is may grudge na parang seeking for revenge, or captive na seeking for liberty pag dumating na yung right moment. Iniisip ko if pag nag decide ba kayo dun, amenable pa ba ang decisions mo if in case magkaroon nga sya ng change of heart and change of mind. Worst thing kasi na mangyari na dahil prepared ka na, kahit nag sorry na at na-forgive na, dahil anytime pwede ka na umalis, kapag nagkamali si partner even for a different reason, eh iwan na din sya.

Siguro nagkataon din on the 10th yr nalaman ko nagkaron ulit sya ng anak sa labas, and that was the point that broke the camel?s back.

But hearing this from you, made me think na, hindi ka naman talaga nag plan ng 10 years nga. You just prepared for the worst, and nung "napuno" ka na dahil sa dinagdagan pa yung kalokohan na ginawa sayo, umalis ka na talaga. You didn't plan this on your 10th year. Napuno ka lang talaga nung ika-10th year. I guess I would do the same if I'm on your shoes.

[mysterioza_me]

Bro ang babae bago layasan ang bf or mister nagtiis na yan ng matindi. Nagtanong na kami sa sarili namin if magse-settle lang ba kami na ganito at magdadasal or gagawa kami ng Plan B habang inaantay na matupad dasal namin? Pwede kasi na siya ang iwan ko or ako ang iwan niya. So atleast alin man dun ang mangyari nakahanda na ako.

Worst thing kasi na mangyari na dahil prepared ka na, kahit nag sorry na at na-forgive na, dahil anytime pwede ka na umalis, kapag nagkamali si partner even for a different reason, eh iwan na din sya.

Personally ako nakakapagpatawad pero di ibig sabihin nakalimutan ko na ang ginawa mo. Natanggap ko na may ginawa kang kasalanan pero hindi kita binibigyan ng karapatan na gumawa uli ng panibagong kasalanan. Nakakasawa din naman na puro sa sorry na lang at patawad ang nagsalba sa relasyon namin. And yes pwedeng-pwede ko siyang iwan maski ibang reason pa ang cause ng bagong conflict. Kung feeling ko na-violate ang values at pagkatao ko sa bagong kasalanan niya bakit di ko siya iiwan? Ano puro sorry nalang? Magpapatawad lang and maghihintay kung kelan siya uli gagawa ng bagong kasalanan? Nasan naman ang peace of mind sa ganyan?

[dismembered]

Bro ang babae bago layasan ang bf or mister nagtiis na yan ng matindi. Nagtanong na kami sa sarili namin if magse-settle lang ba kami na ganito at magdadasal or gagawa kami ng Plan B habang inaantay na matupad dasal namin? Pwede kasi na siya ang iwan ko or ako ang iwan niya. So atleast alin man dun ang mangyari nakahanda na ako.

I think iba iba din siguro. Meron kasi talaga decided naman talaga umalis sa isang relasyon, Yung tipong wala ng makakapigil pa. Pinatatagal na lang pero in the end aalis din naman. Doesn't matter kung nagtiis or not. Iba pa din yung buo na yung mind. Hindi man lang bibigyan ng chance ang partner to haggle and bargain.. Wala lang, nagiisip lang ako minsan. Sa ibang thread kasi, sabi gaano katagal ang adjustment ng buhay mag asawa... Then most of the posters agreed na lifetime. Lifetime ang kailangan kasi lagi kayo mag adjust sa isa't isa. So naisip ko, na baka part din ng adjustment if merong lokohan na naganap?

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Ano puro sorry nalang? Magpapatawad lang and maghihintay kung kelan siya uli gagawa ng bagong kasalanan? Nasan naman ang peace of mind sa ganyan?
Ang nakakatakot lang kasi dito, kahit napatawad mo na, mag stack up naman sa patience meter yung kasalanan na yun. Worse is after makagawa ng kalokohan si partner, kahit magbago na at humingi ng forgiveness, yung isang partner naman ang maghahanap pa ng more and another reason or pagkukulang ni partner para iwan na nya ito.

[Girltalker2]

< Iba pa din yung buo na yung mind. >

Pag bf/gf, usually acceptable naman iwan agad kasi di pa naman kasal. Kung baga bf/gf you will think twice. Pag kasal a kayo, think 100x siguro kung tama iwan mo sya.


<<<Hindi man lang bibigyan ng chance ang partner to haggle and bargain.. Wala lang, nagiisip lang ako minsan. >>>

Lalaki man o babae, May ganyan. Especially if bf/gf. It?s for the best kesa makasal pa pero wala na feelings.
Basta ako once nagloko, wala nang chance. At this point of my life, I don?t need this.

There are negotiables in a relationship. And there are the non negotiable na di mo Kaya iaccept. That?s reality.

<<< Sa ibang thread kasi, sabi gaano katagal ang adjustment ng buhay mag asawa... Then most of the posters agreed na lifetime. Lifetime ang kailangan kasi lagi kayo mag adjust sa isa't isa. So naisip ko, na baka part din ng adjustment if merong lokohan na naganap? >>>

Lokohan?

Kaya ka nga nagpakasal kasi you?re ready for a commitment. Tapos magloloko ka lang? Eh di sana di ka na nagpakasal muna.

Pag May lokohan nangyari, it just shows gaano ka hindi-ready yung nagloko na party sa marriage.
Ito feeling ko Isa sa mga factors sa atin kung bakit marami nagloloko. People just get married thinking of the ?good things? But forget about the commitment and readiness as a couple.


<<< Ang nakakatakot lang kasi dito, kahit napatawad mo na, mag stack up naman sa patience meter yung kasalanan na yun. Worse is after makagawa ng kalokohan si partner, kahit magbago na at humingi ng forgiveness, yung isang partner naman ang maghahanap pa ng more and another reason or pagkukulang ni partner para iwan na nya ito. >>>

Relationships are about trust. If you don?t trust your partner, there?s no point in staying in the relationship. Regardless if ikaw yung nanloko na matatakot ka that your  partner will take your past mistakes at heart or matatakot ka iwan anytime.
Kung ikaw naman yung naloko, natatakot ka magloko ulit.
Sobrang stressful naman nyang relationship na iyan. Buti pa magsolo nalang kesa magtiis sa ganyang Set up. Toxic.

Naniwala ako na both parties dapat palaging striving to be at their best, para maging successful yung relationship. If you are trying your best na and your partner is not happy parin, something is really very wrong in the relationship.

[glamorosa_09]

Hmmm...

Pag isang beses lang nag-cheat pwede pa... Kailangan talaga isalba. MUST. Baka may pagkukulang din si wife or pareho kayo.

Pag chronic cheating with chronic lying. Ano ba ang nature?
-- sexual addiction?
-- attachment disorder?
Kailangan pa-therapy... Kung sexual promiscuity lang ang prob ha, at maayos naman sa maraming aspeto ng marriage. Pwede pa yan basta may professional intervention. Meron namang husbands na willing pa-therapy, willing aminin may mali sa pagkatao nila, at takot talaga mawala ang wife. Pero kung maraming pang problema na kasama (e.g., anger management, tamad at walang trabaho, pabigat sa bahay), parang di naman yata worth it. Ikaw wife ang kailangan magtherapy para magising ka. Hindi ba naiparamdam ng magulang mong you are important, you are loved, and you deserve a good life? Why are you settling for this?

Kung ang nature ng chronic infidelity eh
-- narcissistic
-- antisocial/sociopathic tendencies
Eh mahirap ito. Kasi di marunong tumanggap ng pagkakamali ang mga ito. Meron pa, absence of conscience. Pupunta ng therapy, pero asawa ang ituturong may mali. Save yourself and leave. Otherwise, tanggapin mo na lang at ikaw na lang mag-adjust. Like what I mentioned above, Ikaw wife ang kailangan magtherapy para magising ka. Hindi ba naiparamdam ng magulang mong you are important, you are loved, and you deserve a good life? Why are you settling for this?

PS. I'm not saying parental emotional abandonment/neglect is a direct cause for one to settle in a toxic relationship. May correlation lang. I don't have a study at hand. Pa-google na lang.

There are different kinds of infidelity based from its nature. There's an infidelity that has a good prognosis, and an infidelity that couldn't be addressed.