After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?

[zanabee]

sis i am not adding insult to injury ha...
this also happened to me, nung ma discover ko na may ka affair siya, he said sorry at nag promise siya that night na tatapusin na niya yung affair nila. ako naman si t***** naniwala. we had a date and we even attended mass and was very happy. then kinabukasan lang nagkita na naman sila. they even had a dinner together at binigyan pa siya ni girl ng gift.
my point is....
sis hindi ganoon kadali mapuputol yun. it will take time. nag-away kami ng paulit ulit non til mag give up nako. naghiwalay kami at maybe na realize niya na mas masaya siya with me and with our son kaya humingi siya ng tawad and we are together again....
but things will never be the same again. lagi na lang akong may doubt sa kanya. pinag iisipan ko siya lagi na nakikipagkita pa siya dun sa girl na yun. pag nag aaway kami lagi ko pa din sinusumbat yung nambabae siya. i don't know kung magiging okay pa ako. i hate that woman to death!
just pray sis. this helps a lot. tell your mom too... she will love you more.

[Girltalker2]

Mababaliw ako sa nabasa ko, I never comfronted him about it. I just ask him kung may sasabihin pa sya. Nasabi na daw nya lahat. I even ask the name of the girl. Ibang name ang binigay nya. Muntik na kung mapamura. Gusto ba nya talaga na magkaayos kami? Do I need to tell him my discovery? Or wag na. Gulong gulo talaga ako...

Sis Ann_2128, may mga guys talaga na ganyan. Hirap lang tanggapin na yung taong pinakasalan mo pa ang gagawa nyan. It's like he is a totally different person.

Worse is nakakabaliw talaga. Di ka makatulog thinking you are over analyzing things. But actually, Sila ang pathological liar. Pag magsalita, sobrang expert maglie. Like second nature to them.

I've been in your shoes. And napakahirap. Hardest thing I had to face in my life. I would encourage you to reach out to your trusted family and friends for support kasi this is the time you will need them the most. And if possible, move away from your evil husband muna. Not hiwalay agad but you need to clear your mind muna so you can think what is the best to do next.

In my case, how it turned out? My purgatory experience went on for 10 long years. I wasted my years waiting for something that never happened (for my husband to be like what he used to when I married him, for him to be faithful). Until di ko nakayanan then I had to leave and file annulment. I gave him so many chances. He just blew it. And now he is not in my life anymore, yung peace of mind na na e experience ko now is priceless.

[glamorosa_09]

Ann_2128, do you find confrontation uncomfortable? Kasi in your case, you need to confront him about what you discovered. And if your husband has a history of lying, you need to show him the proof of their conversation.

Are you aware of your emotions, do you trust them, do you feel entitled to feel and express them?  Kasi with your posts, parang you're not sure whether to get angry or not. There's a war already and it seems like you don't know how to react. Suppressing your anger will not help you.

Infidelity is not a simple away-mag-asawa which you can choose to overlook. Infidelity is traumatizing to the core. You were violated.

But I understand you are so lost right now. Baka sobrang shock mount pa.

You are asking if you need to know the truth.  You seem to second-guess your reaction. Actually,  it's quite common for betrayed wives to pounce on their questions. They obsess about the affair story, they want to know everything, they want to understand what happened and how did it happen. Knowing all the truth helps if you want to recover. Confession and honesty from the betraying spouse is vital.

You also need to tell him what is going to happen should he reconnect with the other woman. Usually, for women with strong personalities hiwalayan na pag niloko sila ulit. Parang tama naman di ba. If you aren't firm and didn't send it cleary, he will think that he can get away it. This is hard to do if you're too emotionally dependent on your husband and if he has become your world.

And most importantly, he must end the affair with the other woman. Otherwise, your healing is close to impossible, unless you can accept na dalawa kayo.

Can you demand total honesty and complete cutting of their affair?

In the end, kailangan mong maging firm at matapang.

[Ann_2128]

Honestly, void ang emotion ko.. wala akong feeling right now..I'm still searching for  I don't know what.. ganito ba talaga ito? My husband is the only man I love. He's my first and last boyfriend.. Kaya siguro ang hirap sa part ko.. I tried to be calm as possible.. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung mahal ko pa sya dahil sa ginawa nya. Mind you after 15 years ginawa nya yun sa akin..

Siguro nga di ko na kilala ang sarili ko.. di ko alam ang depth ng emotion ko at naghihintay na lang ako ng pagsabog ko.. after this..makakalaya na siguro ako..hopefully

[super bratinella]

Sis Ann_2128, my simple advise for you is for you to go through the process since recent lang naman discovery with your husband infidelity then process your emotion muna, but better if you want to get mad you have all the right if you want to cry then do it, if you want to write and document all your hurt (this is what I do) if that will help then do it, or no reaction at all just blank then if that helps you kasi you can not register the pain yet, but make sure to move on the the next process. You can not stay long there kasi it will make or break the next process.

When all things get clearer and clearer then that is the time you may decide what is the solution kasi stable na ang feelings mo, deal with your husband and completely know the details and make him tell the truth, expect that he will not talk much about it or still lie since he is guilty but he have to face the consequences, because if he really want to change then telling the truth is the first step.

[glamorosa_09]

^^I see, para bang you feel numb? Baka nga you're still in a state of shock or disbelief. You feel disoriented and disconnected to yourself. It can be an initial reaction to trauma. Especially in your case, you've been married for 15 years, maybe infidelity is unthinkable. Or it's something na hindi kayang gawin ng husband mo.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis Anne, Pareho Pala tayo. Ganyan din ex hubby ko, one and only bf ko then after over a decade, Ganun din sya man loko. Iniisip ko nga kung sakit ba iyan ng mga lalaki na maaga nagpapakasal (in their 20s)... and when they reach their 30s, dun lumalabas mga sungay?

Ann_2128, do you find confrontation uncomfortable? Kasi in your case, you need to confront him about what you discovered. And if your husband has a history of lying, you need to show him the proof of their conversation.

For me lang ha, it is not that simple. Una una, if you're very emotional pa, walang hahantungan ang confrontation. Especially if your personality is not that strong.

Secondly, you first have to plan your next move before you confront him.

Nabanggit ko na din ito before. If you confront at umamin. Nagsorry. What do u plan to do? Alam mo nanga sinungaling, so what's the use of confrontation?
If, on the other hand, mega deny. What can you do? Wala rin di ba? Then the third scenario, what if umamin but wants to keep both of you, may magagawa ka ba? Fourth thing that can happen - what if umamin and he wants out of the marriage? What are you gonna do?

So para sakin, best to know what you want to do muna tsaka ka na mag confront. 
Tsaka if ever you confront, ni di mo alam if he is telling the truth or not. Lalo ka lang masiraan ng bait.

Can you demand total honesty and complete cutting of their affair?

Demanding is one thing. But him being honest? That's close to impossible. Seeing the history of lies and deceit.

[glamorosa_09]

For me lang ha, it is not that simple. Una una, if you're very emotional pa, walang hahantungan ang confrontation. Especially if your personality is not that strong.

Unang una, she couldn't feel emotions yet. Kaya nga when she was asking about the affair, parang common discussion lang.

And second, it is but natural to be emotional when you confront your spouse about his affair (especially with proof). This is betrayal to highest degree anyway. Usually the accompanying emotion is anger or despair.  Expression and feeling of anger --the assertive one, not the vindictive, destructive anger-- will signal you and the other person that you were violated, you were hurt, you don't deserve it, and will not tolerate it. It is like protecting and fighting for yourself. Wala pang ganito sa kanila (or kung magkakaron man), kaya it's my hypothesis/guess na kinaya-kaya sya ng husband nya, thus the lie of ending the affair.

Even people without strong personalities can be angry. There must be something kung walang expression or feeling of anger or any other emotion that's why I checked with her.

Ngayon kung inexpress nya na yung totoong nararamdaman nya, and the husband did it still, then that's a different story. Baka pareho nga ng ugali yung husband nya at ex mo.

Pero sa ngayon, nandun pa sya sa point of numbness.

[OT ang inconvenient mag edid at submit ng reply, ang tagal pumasok]

[latte]

^^ I agree with girltalker2 ang best na magagawa mo ngayon ay humingi ng support sa family and friends whom you can trust. Hindi din madaling mag confront without really being sure Kung Ano nga ba ang next move na gusto mong gawin given all the possible outcome after confrontation. And ok Lang to give yourself time to process everything . 

 Being betrayed by the man whom I have given everything is the hardest that I have been through. And ang pinakamasakit pa yun siya na yun May malaking kasalanan and has seen how much I was hurt but still nagawa Nya pa ring mag lie again. Nakakabaliw talagang isipin na napaka heartless pala ng taong minahal ko ng buong puso at buhay ko. Hindi ko alam before na may Tao palang ganun kasinungaling.

[Ann_2128]

Thank you mga sisses for the support. Ngayon ko lang na realize na mahina pala ako. I've been quiet all along because of my kids. Ayakong mag away kami sa harap ng mga bata. I'm giving myself a break may offer ako for scholarship sa Australia and I'm taking it. I'll bring along my kids and bahala na sya dito sa pinas. If pagbalik ko nandito pa sya then kami pa rin, pero if pagbalik ko wala na sya then that's the time to move on. I am decided to leave him. For sure magugulat sya na di ko sya isasama sa Australia..

[glamorosa_09]

Sis, what you're planning to do is passive-aggressive, which commonly happens to people who couldn't express themselves. If your quietness for 15 years is a result of some emotional abuse, then yes, by all means leave. Dahil kahit anong galit mo, hindi ka nila maririnig. Kaya lang willing ka pa rin syang balikan kung andito pa sya, yun ang sign mo na magbabalikan kayo (medyo kakaibang thinking, but to each his own).

On the other hand, kung ang quietness mo ay dahil lang hindi mo ma-express sarili mo, unaware ka sa nararamdaman mo, that needs to be improved, especially if you'll be in a new relationship.

Anyway, whatever happens to you and your family, good luck!

[Girltalker2]

Thank you mga sisses for the support. Ngayon ko lang na realize na mahina pala ako. I've been quiet all along because of my kids. Ayakong mag away kami sa harap ng mga bata.

Sis, don't worry. After this trial, you will come out to be a stronger person.

Naisip ko, ako din before, ayoko mag away or magalit or kahit umiyak in front of anyone. And there's so little opportunity to talk to him kasi lagi nga sya wala sa house and the moment umuwi sya, either pagod or tulog or busy sa work.

I'm giving myself a break may offer ako for scholarship sa Australia and I'm taking it. I'll bring along my kids and bahala na sya dito sa pinas. If pagbalik ko nandito pa sya then kami pa rin, pero if pagbalik ko wala na sya then that's the time to move on. I am decided to leave him. For sure magugulat sya na di ko sya isasama sa Australia..

Sis! Go for it!
This happened din to me, but not scholarship. It was a job offer and I took it. I brought my kids with me and even asked him to join me. Kasi nga kako Baka we can start a new life. Pinasunod ko sya, ready na papers nya. But he just came for visits. Hanggang eventually, nagdecide nangako na wala talaga sa loob nya ayusin ang pamilya namin. Worse, nagkaron pa sya ng anak sa labas, the second time around after forgiving him the first time.

So for you sis, ikaw lang din makakapagsabi if he is still interested to have a happy family life with you. If puede pa sya sumama and you can start anew. But then it takes a whole lot talaga for someone so sinungaling to be truthful and loving, but it happens din kahit bibihira.

Based on my experience naman, moving to a new place can be challenging din without him. There are times na malulungkot ako especially if may mga occasions. Just be strong and pray for The Lord's Guidance. I also look at it on the bright side, it helped me heal and discover more about myself. Mas naging close din kami ng kids ko kasi kami kami lang. mas naging independent din sa sa chores etc. and most of all, na wala din ang feelings ko for him. And once you're totally decided to move on and make him non existent in your life (aka annulment done), you can still find a better (much much better) partner, 1billion times more than he is worth.

Good luck on your endeavor and always take care of yourself. Malay mo your destiny pala ay nasa Australia!

[Ann_2128]

thank sis.. by the way medyo OT ito.. do you know of a counselor? I just really wanted to  release this feeling of mine. I don't want to bother my family and friends on this problem of mine.. gusto kong mag move on na walang nasisirang tao. I just want to let this go peacefully.. I know my family will get hurt once they found out. and I want to protect my children also.. Gusto kong sabihin sa mga anak ko ang sitwasyon namin ng Daddy kapag stable na ang emotion ko so I could be rational as possible

[blushberry]

Ann_2128 you are such a nice person.  I'm a bit confrontational so people are trying to pacify me and asking me to leave peacefully if that is my decision eventually.  If you want counseling, try sophie sim bate, you can google her contact number. She's very perceptive and helpful.  Moving forward, we really need therapy since this is not easy to accept.  Lahat pala tayo hindi naisip na kaya to gawin satin ng husbands natin.

[undecided2]

-- After my hubby admitted na my other woman, natulala ako hindi naka react at hindi ko alam paano ko tatangapin ang sorry niya. almost every day akong iyak ng iyak.

Is your relationship still ok? Are you still together?

-- still fresh, it's been 3weeks pa lang after the big pasabog.
Nandito pa din ako sa house namin ni hubby, trying ako na maging okay and he's trying to win me back pati yon trust.

Do you still feel the pain of what happened?

-- Yes sobrang fresh pa din. sobrang sakit.sobrang stress.sobrang galit din.

Do you still trust him after that? what did you do to bring the trust back?

-- i still don't know

do you still feel that maybe he is still with someone else or still with the old sl*t that broke your trust and faith in him?

-- wala na, my case kase na on going sa other woman niya.

Share your experiences and thoughts about this....

-- sobrang sakit! Araw araw masakit pa pa din. Araw araw galit ako pero hindi ko inaaway si hubby. Tahimik lang ako. Inaasikaso ko pa din siya pero hindi nababawasan yon sakit at galit ko. Hirap na hirap na ako.

[undecided2]

Until now, pagka gising ko every morning natutulala pa din ako. Tinitignan ko husband ko habang natutulog and tinatanong ko sa isip ko bakit niya nagawa saken. Hindi ko din alam kung ano pa ba dapat kong maramdaman.

Bakit ganon no? Tayo na yon nasaktan pero parang dapat tayo pa din yon mag asikaso or mag alala sa mga husband naten.

[blushberry]

You should ask him to move out so you can have a breather.  It's not fair for him to be in the same house as you.  I know, I'm on the same boat.  And I will fight for my rights.

[kvandenhaak]

^Then wag mong asikasuhin! There's no law that says you have to especially if he cheated on you. You don't have to so don't do it. Hirap kasi sa karamihan ng mga babae lalo sa Pilipinas, feeling mga martir! Di naman kayo ipagtatayo ng monumento if you do. Giseeng!

[angese10]

i forgave him pero hindi naman nagbago so nasira ng tuluyan

[mysterioza_me]

Bakit ganon no? Tayo na yon nasaktan pero parang dapat tayo pa din yon mag asikaso or mag alala sa mga husband naten.

Well, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. Actually siya pa nga dapat ang nag-aasikaso sayo if he's really sorry for what he did. Ang paghingi ng tawad kasi hindi lang sa salita kundi pinapakita din sa gawa.