After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?

[johnlennon1968]

Good day sa lahat.. from a guy's point of view who have been cheated by his wife..

Actually di ko alam kung paano sisimulan..
Though wala namang sexual na nangyari sa kanila at sabi ng misis ko hindi naman daw sila nagkikita though dalawang beses nilang try na magkita o dalawang beses na magpapasundo sana si misis dun sa guy pero hindi natuloy. Kasi daw laging umuulan at motor lang gamit nung guy.. TExt at phone calls lang communication nila..

Nalaman ko [textspeak!] tungkol sa kanila last September 3, 2010 to be exact (hindi ko pwedeng makalimutan).
 Nag create ng bagong facebook account misis ko using her MAIDEN name na labis ko pinagtaka kung bakit at pictures lang niya yung nandun.. She had this attitude of using only one password in every YM, old FS and FB and other account on net which I memorized. In short nabuksan ko yung bagong account niya sa FB. Then nakita ko [textspeak!] exchange of messages nila so nalaman ko na there's something "fishy" talaga..Also, I discovered through her cellphone about messages , calls that she had to the guy and vice versa.

To make the story short.. I confronted her twice about the guy and she always insist to me that their only friends and nothing is going on with them.. September 3, 2010 (first confrontation), September 23 (second confrontation, massive away talaga!).
[textspeak!] second confrontation ang medyo matindi talaga kasi ako ang lumayas sa condo unit namin( decided na ako na iwanan siya) at alam ko ganun din siya..  Nag-usap kami nung gabi ..pero biglang lumambot [textspeak!] puso ko.. Hindi dahil sa pinatawad ko [textspeak!] misis ko dahil nakita ko [textspeak!] 2 years old baby girl ko na umiiyak.. Nagsama uli kami..

We already attended two marriage encounter weekend from different organization last Oct 15-17 and Dec 3-5 ( both are initiated by me!) to totally rebuild our marriage..

@lulay23
Gagamitin ko [textspeak!] format mo maam to answer some question..Thanks

WHAT I DID, AFTER DISCOVERING THE BETRAYAL:
Confronted my wife.. In which I received full of her lies...

WHAT DID I DO TO MOVE ON?
Trying to move on also though marriage encounter helps a lot in rebuilding our marriage. but still the pain is still there.. sabi nga ng mga kaibigan ko dapat nga ikaw ang gumagawa niyan tapos sau ginawa..! Hindi sila makapaniwala na naloko ako ng asawa ko..

IS OUR RELATIONSHIP STILL OKAY?
Right now, I can say we are ok.. But the trust I have with her before is not the same now.. I don't know if I can still bring that trust back to her.. I told her and myself that if the same scenario happens again, it's totally over na talaga..!(ayoko ko maging martir!)

DO I STILL FEEL THE PAIN?
Yes! pero di tulad dati.. I just can't accept the fact that my wife cheated on me.. Despite me being loyal, faithful and good provider our family. I am not a perfect husband but a good husband that I can tell it to anyone.


DO I STILL TRUST HIM?
I give my 70% trust on her right now..


SHARE MY THOUGHTS ON ALL THIS...
I  always pray to GOD to bring back "without boundaries" my 100%trust to my wife.. It's hard , very hard especially for me because I am a GUY. I started to read some inspirational thoughts and stories. And started to read some bible verses to give me hope and to hold on to my marriage.
I love my wife and I love my daughter.. my daughter is my booster that keep on showing me what is the right thing to do.

DO I REGRET MARRYING MY WIFE?
At some point yes!... by the way we are 4.5 years married in church..


 last september 2010 ko lang nalaman [textspeak!] tungkol sa Female Network. nung naghahanap ako ng marriage encounter seminar na-direct [textspeak!] link dito.. Retrouvaille [textspeak!] isang marriage encounter na na-attenddan namin..

Eto [textspeak!] isang phrase ang applicable sa akin ngayon...

"I am not angry that you tell lies to me, I am afraid that I cannot believe you anymore"

Thank you for reading!

[honey_iya]

^Awww. So, hindi niya talaga inamin?

Bihira nga yung case na katulad nung sa inyo na yung wife ang nag cheat. Goodluck bro,sana maging ok na kayo ng wife mo. Just pray

[johnlennon1968]

Inamin niya naman sa kin lahat lahat during our marriage encounter na nga lang.. Kasi yung first at second confrontation ko sa kanya.. Hindi siya nagsasabi ng totoo kung may totoo man 10% lang talaga..

Masakit talaga para sa akin hanggang ngayon tinatanong ko pa rin sarili ko kung bakit siya nag-cheat sa akin. Kasi hindi naman ako nagkulang sa kanya at sa baby ko..Nag-double job na nga ako minsan para medyo lumaki kita ko.!

[gorgeousmama]

well its hard to comprehend why the husband chose the other woman rather than his wife and child...

these are my thoughts lang naman since this is stories ive heard with friends and sa ibang chikahan...

1. STORIES OF OFFICE WORKERS BEING LOVERS

Ive heard lots of stories of officemates who became lovers, why? kasi if you are always together there is really a tendency that something might develop esp. if one is attacted physically..or one is flirting
and sometimes daw sa part ng girl she wont feel a tinge of guilt coz married na sya e, suddenly she forgot this thing called morality, what important is she's getting pleasures and enjoyment at the moment, plus the attention

on the part of the guy naman sympre it boost his machismo plus by nature men are hunter so it excites them that somebody is giving back excitement in their dull and boring life'..
And masarap daw ang bawal...we can compare this kind of feeling like when your having sex its so thrilling when you know that you'll be caught, o di ba mas mataas ang libido mo pag ganun ang scenario

2. WHY DID THE HUSBAND PREFER THE WOMEN WITH CHILDREN FROM ANOTHER OR DIFF. MEN:

perhaps one of the reason,: because this is a new love wherein he only sees the sweetness, excitement and all the good things the other woman is showing, its always like that sa umpisa di ba?, they are on the HONEYMOON STAGE, plus sa kabit wala pang tension, away , or friction' why? syempre, sila ang magkakampi eh,, its YOU, against THEM, kaya nga me KABIT  she gives SOLACE, PEACE, HAPPINESS,
kasi NEW LOVE  nga eh, he have'nt  seen the ugly side of the girl coz he is focusing on the good side or mybe that is oblivious at the moment since nasa cloud nine pa sila

NOW sisses im not saying you are to be blame or you drive him away to  the other woman, im not saying mag paka martyr ka..



1. IF you think you love him enough and want to spend your life with him.. putup  a good fight,,,FORGIVE AND FORGET, if you forgive it means you will delete all that happened before in your memories as well in your system for you to start a clean slate.. trust him again, love him more,,, hard as it may seems,, but di ba when we want a person to like/love us we will do antyhing just to win him..

 be patient dont give up as if your courting him and youll make him fall in love with you again,,,until you see the fruit of your labor

BUT...
if after you have done everything in your power and nothing stays the same. .. and if you feel its tearing you apart and you just cant let go of what he did... i dont think its still healthy to STAY,, then GO.. MOVE ON...afterall... he is not worthy of you... and they deserved each other because they are birds of the same feather...

[johnlennon1968]

BUT...
if after you have done everything in your power and nothing stays the same. .. and if you feel its tearing you apart and you just cant let go of what he did... i dont think its still healthy to STAY,, then GO.. MOVE ON...afterall... he is not worthy of you... and they deserved each other because they are birds of the same feather...

+100 Ganito gagawin ko sa wife ko kapag nag cheat pa rin siya sa akin in any form hihiwalayan ko na talaga siya. Sa aming dalawa , parang ako yung babae at siya yung lalaki. Lahat na ginawa ko para lang ma-save marriage namin. As I have said above, 2 marriage encounter weekend na yung napuntahan namin. I can see changes naman sa kanya. Pero sabi nga nila "cheater" lang ang makakapagsabi kung gagawin niya uli o hindi na yung gawain niya.

Ayaw kung dumating yung araw na manhid na ako sa sakit at pagbabalewala niya sa akin. Kasi kahit cool headed ako, lahat ng "pisi" may dulo din. sana lang mahaba pa yung pisi ko..
 

[mariedairy]

I want to know what did you do after you discovered that he cheated on you and what did you do to move on?
-- Kinausap siya nang mahinahon.

Is your relationship still ok? Are you still together?
-- Yes.

Do you still feel the pain of what happened?
-- No.

Do you still trust him after that? what did you do to bring the trust  back?
-- Yes. Forgive and forget.

do you still feel that maybe he is still with someone else or still with the old sl*t that broke your trust and faith in him?
-- No.

[honey_iya]

johnlennon1968, bro natanong mo ba sa wife mo kung bakit niya nagawa yun? Sabi mo nga naging mabuting asawa ka naman at ama kaya wala sa iyo ang problema kundi nasa asawa mo. Kung tinanggap mo naman siya after all what she did,accept mo nalang na nagawa niya yun at mag move on. Huwag mo na isipin kung bakit nagawa niya yun. Forgive and forget ika nga,madaling sabihin pero yun ang kelangan mo gawin para makapag move on ka. Pray ka din na alisin lahat ng galit sa puso mo

[johnlennon1968]

@honey_iya

Sabi niya magaling daw magsalita yung guy (in short mabola). At magaling din daw mag-english. At sabi pa niya, nahiwagaan lang daw siya kasi kahit alam ng guy ng may asawa siya decided pa rin siyang manligaw (eto yung rason niya na sobrang badtrip ako). Kaya nga natatakot pa rin ako ngayon kasi madaling mabola si misis kung ganun?
Ngayon nga araw araw ako nag-send ng text at e-mail sa kanya just telling her how much i love her.
Yung nakaka-alam ng istorya ko maiintindihan kapag nilayasan ko siya sa dami ng sakripisyo ko sa marriage namin. Tapos puro sakit lang makukuha ko.. Sabi ko nga lahat ng "pisi" may dulo din.
Forgive nga mahirap gawin [textspeak!] forget pa kaya. I will try my best to forget what happen (which I think will take many years).

Sana lang hindi niya uli gawin sa akin yun kahit text lang. Tatapusin ko talaga pagsasama namin kahit may anak pa kami.. Masyado ng maraming martir at ayoko ng sumama sa kanila..

Mahirap tanggapin kasi napaka baba na ng self-esteem ko.
Akala ko nung una lalaki lang cheater, may babae din pala. At wife ko pa!

[eimerej5]

hello! happy holidays!

i was reading all your replies and stories...

sometimes it is really surprising to know that the person we love can hurt us that way and can betray our trust...

some relationships still work, some don't...

but life goes on no matter what happens...

I still feel the pain, sometimes i get too paranoid knowing that they are together in the same department, the same office still.. well, i dont know... i dont ask him about the girl anymore... nakakapagod na...

[yusof0881]

@JOHNLENNON

mhirap ba [textspeak!] pra sa guy na klimutan pag babae na ang nag-cheat?? khit na after 5yrs of being faithful after [textspeak!] happened??un tipong nramdaman nman ng guy na nagbago na c girl after cheating incident??

[erriane]

so you mean,ok pa rin kayo until now?

i agree with you, na nakakapagod..
ako,minsan,i tend to overreact.
im afraid i became over possessive na.
natatakot na kasi ako..
pero sabi nya,napapagod din syang idefend sarili nya..
kasi nagbago naman daw sya,pinapatunayan na ako lang..

[che2008]

WHAT I DID, AFTER DISCOVERING THE BETRAYAL:
away din and eventually nag hiwalay kami after giving birth pa ha. 

WHAT DID I DO TO MOVE ON?
never na ako nakipag usap sa kanya at sa pamilya niya.
(pero now okay na kami after 1 year na hiwalay)

IS OUR RELATIONSHIP STILL OKAY?
Yes, stronger than ever pero paranoid pa rin ako paminsan minsan.

DO I STILL FEEL THE PAIN?
yes, sometimes. still have nightmares about it.

DO I STILL TRUST HIM?
Yes.

[johnlennon1968]

mhirap ba pra sa guy na klimutan pag babae na ang nag-cheat?? khit na after 5yrs of being faithful after happened??un tipong nramdaman nman ng guy na nagbago na c girl after cheating incident??

Napakahirap para sa akin na kalimutan yung nangyari. Though hindi ko na binabalik sa mga pag-uusap namin yung nangyari pero sa isip ko pumapasok pa rin siya.
Mahirap kalimutan kasi fresh pa yung mga pangyayari sa amin. Hindi ko masabi kung after 5 years makakalimutan ko siya . Sana makalimutan ko yung mga nangyaring yun.
Though masasabi kung mas naging mature yung relationship namin pero iba pa rin yung sakit na naramdaman ko. Mas ok pa yung sinuntok ako.

Payo lang sa mga couples na still in the process of rebuilding their marriage.  Huwag niyong uungkatin o isusumbat sa mga asawa niyo yung mga nangyari. Siguro sa unang pagkakataon na nalaman niyo yung pangyayari , natural lang yung galit.

[eimerej5]

so you mean,ok pa rin kayo until now?

i agree with you, na nakakapagod..
ako,minsan,i tend to overreact.
im afraid i became over possessive na.
natatakot na kasi ako..
pero sabi nya,napapagod din syang idefend sarili nya..
kasi nagbago naman daw sya,pinapatunayan na ako lang..

sis, nakakapagod na nga magtanong at magisip pa pero ask ko lang din kasi
we talked na hindi na niya erased msg nung girl sa kanya. wala naman daw kasi yun, work related. sabi ko kung wala lang yun bakit need nya erased d b, sagot niya baka dw kc magalit ako. sabi ko bakit naman ako magagalit kung wala naman meaning yung text....

hay, nakakapagod na nga din. hindi ko na chinecheck yng cellphone bill nmin pero minsan kapag may nafefeel ako, tinignan ko, so yesterday may text na nman, then when i looked at his cell, nabura na niya... i wanted to ask him pero pinigilan ko sarili ko... naiipon na sa loob ko yung mga ganun na ginagawa nya.. it hurts me because he learned to lie and ngsikreto na  cya because of that b*tch... nakakainis  na...

ano ba dapat kung gawin? confront ko siya and let him know that i know or pabayaan ko muna? hayz....

[eimerej5]

Napakahirap para sa akin na kalimutan yung nangyari. Though hindi ko na binabalik sa mga pag-uusap namin yung nangyari pero sa isip ko pumapasok pa rin siya.
Mahirap kalimutan kasi fresh pa yung mga pangyayari sa amin. Hindi ko masabi kung after 5 years makakalimutan ko siya . Sana makalimutan ko yung mga nangyaring yun.
Though masasabi kung mas naging mature yung relationship namin pero iba pa rin yung sakit na naramdaman ko. Mas ok pa yung sinuntok ako.

Payo lang sa mga couples na still in the process of rebuilding their marriage.  Huwag niyong uungkatin o isusumbat sa mga asawa niyo yung mga nangyari. Siguro sa unang pagkakataon na nalaman niyo yung pangyayari , natural lang yung galit.

Mahirap nga talaga na once nasira na ang trust at nasaktan ang isang tao, lalaki man o babae, i think pareho din ng nararadaman.. Hindi naman naheheal overnight yung sugatan nating puso... it takes alot if time lalo na kapag bago pa lang or kahit nga matagal n nangyari kapag naalala mo may pain pa din...

Sana lang maayos na ang lahat...

johnlennon168, nagpost ako dito ng question.. since guy ka ano ba ang masasabi mo sa action ng hubby ko? hindi ko siya maintindihan minsan.. hayz...

[erriane]

ganyan din dati guy ko..sa cellphone logs nya ko tumitingin..
so nakita ko how often sila nagpalitan ng messages..
sabi nya,work related daw..haler?!ganon kadami?OA!
nung nalaman nya na kung saan ko nalalaman kahit
binura na nya,aba nagerase din sya minsan ng logs..
sabi ko,bakit kailangan magerase ng logs?
sabi nya naghahang daw cellphone nya..
lame excuse..why?kasi walang kaugnayan yung logs
sa paghang ng cellphone..

sa galit ko,pinaputol ko line namin,and switched back
to smart..pest*ng globe yan..
tapos nung dumating yung bill,nakita ko how often
he called that b*tch when i was looking for him..
sabi nya dumaan lang daw syang nbs,nagcanvas..

ewan..basta nung may enough proof na ko,minura ko sya
ng todo..pati yung b****,minura ko sa text...hindi kasi sinasagot tawag ko e..oo,namemorize ko na no. nya..
at takenote,memorize din ni guy..

anyway,hanggang sa umamin at nagsorry na sya..
bumawi sya,in short..hindi nya na nicocontact yung girl,
though minsan,doubtful ako,pero hindi sya nagsasawa na iparamdam sa akin na nagbago na sya..

ngayon, he's sweeter than ever..no more texting
ang calling na ganon..no more erasing logs..
messages din,di na masyado..there's nothing to hide..
kaya hindi binubura..

set rules sis..na kapag galing sa B*TCH na yun, e wag buburahin..you won't get mad naman..gusto mo lang alam mo..tulong na rin kamo para makampante ka at maibalik tiwala mo sa kanya..

[passionfruity]

I want to know what did you do after you discovered that he cheated on you and what did you do to move on?

-what did I do?I asked him why he cheated on me,and he told me everything,as in EVERYTHING ha.wala siyang dineny sa akin.he even admits na mas mahal na niya yung girl kesa sa akin(that time ha) at hindi na niya alam kung mahal pa niya ako.Next,I did ALL my best to win him back,to make him realize my worth.kahit alam ko nun na may relasyon pa sila.minsan napapagod ako gusto ko nang sumuko pero alam mo yung feeling na parang may nagsasabi sayo na wag kang susuko.

Is your relationship still ok? Are you still together?

-Never better!nag level up yung relationship namin.nagmature kungbaga.

Do you still feel the pain of what happened?

-its been a year na rin.honestly hindi na.siguro nakatulong din yung sinabi niya yung lahat sa akin.syempre napakasakit nung una,pero ngayon nalulungkot lang ako pero hindi ko na mafeel yung pain.

Do you still trust him after that? what did you do to bring the trust  back?

-YES.hindi naman sa nagpapakatanga ako.pero kusa yung feeling na pagkatiwalaan ko siya ulet.we talk everyday,lahat ng nangyayari sa amin,kung ano mga iniisip namin.we bond and bond and bond!

do you still feel that maybe he is still with someone else or still with the old sl*t that broke your trust and faith in him?

-NO...confident ko noh? LOL

Share your experiences and thoughts about this....
It helps talaga yun nagpakakumbaba ako(kahit ako yung nasasaktan).some may think na napakamartyr ko,well it works sa amin.kasi i made him realized kung ano talaga ako sa buhay niya.na sa akin siya magiging masaya(well,sabi niya ha).pero syempre nasa partner mo rin yun.if he is willing to work things out and to bring back your trust,he will do anything to make you feel secure and love,hindi sa paraan ng pagsisiningaling ha.mararamdaman mo naman yun e.

Kung lahat ng misis has same perception as yours I could surely know wala ng kerida ang liligaya sa mundo.

[eimerej5]

ganyan din dati guy ko..sa cellphone logs nya ko tumitingin..
so nakita ko how often sila nagpalitan ng messages..
sabi nya,work related daw..haler?!ganon kadami?OA!
nung nalaman nya na kung saan ko nalalaman kahit
binura na nya,aba nagerase din sya minsan ng logs..
sabi ko,bakit kailangan magerase ng logs?
sabi nya naghahang daw cellphone nya..
lame excuse..why?kasi walang kaugnayan yung logs
sa paghang ng cellphone..

sa galit ko,pinaputol ko line namin,and switched back
to smart..pest*ng globe yan..
tapos nung dumating yung bill,nakita ko how often
he called that b*tch when i was looking for him..
sabi nya dumaan lang daw syang nbs,nagcanvas..

ewan..basta nung may enough proof na ko,minura ko sya
ng todo..pati yung b****,minura ko sa text...hindi kasi sinasagot tawag ko e..oo,namemorize ko na no. nya..
at takenote,memorize din ni guy..

anyway,hanggang sa umamin at nagsorry na sya..
bumawi sya,in short..hindi nya na nicocontact yung girl,
though minsan,doubtful ako,pero hindi sya nagsasawa na iparamdam sa akin na nagbago na sya..

ngayon, he's sweeter than ever..no more texting
ang calling na ganon..no more erasing logs..
messages din,di na masyado..there's nothing to hide..
kaya hindi binubura..

set rules sis..na kapag galing sa B*TCH na yun, e wag buburahin..you won't get mad naman..gusto mo lang alam mo..tulong na rin kamo para makampante ka at maibalik tiwala mo sa kanya..

buti sis nagbago na so hubby mo...

cheers to that!

[chichi03]

ako nalaman ko that he did it kasi sinabi nya mismo sa akin that he had a one night stand...i notice na ilang days na syang masyadong sweet sa akin saka may iba sa kanya so i asked him ano ba ang nangyayari sa kanya and he confessed...He cried and said that he wouldn't do it again...para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig hearing that...I cried and cried...hindi ko matanggap na nagyayari sa kin yun nung time na yun...I told him na hindi ganun kadali mabalik ang tiwala ko sa kanya...i didn't tell anyone about our problem kahit hanggang ngaun...ako lang magisa ang nagdala...super hirap..everytime na maalala ko yung ginawa nya para akong laging froze in time, super sakit but he tried all his best to prove na worthy siya to have another chance...i'm convinced naman and i love him so much para hindi sya pagbigyan ulit...until now (after 3 years) i'm sure na wala na ulit na ganung pangyayari...he said na takot syang mawala ako (and our 2 kids) sa kanya...takot din sya sa karma baka sa ibang paraan sya singilin...ayaw din nyang masira ang pamilya namin and he don't want our kids to have negative thoughts on him...i know and i feel that he really loves us now...

[johnlennon1968]

johnlennon168, nagpost ako dito ng question.. since guy ka ano ba ang masasabi mo sa action ng hubby ko? hindi ko siya maintindihan minsan.. hayz...

@eimerej5
  Sa totoo lang mahirap talaga maintindihan kung bakit pa rin ginagawa ng asawa mo yung ayaw mo o kung saan ka naiirita. Ask ko lang sis, nararamdaman mo ba na mahal ka ng asawa mo? na hindi niya kaya kayong mawala sa buhay niya?  Kapag OO ang sagot mo, huwag mo na siyang kulitin pa o pasaringan kapag may napapansin kang kakaiba sa ginagawa niya.

At ang mas importante kausapin mo asawa ng masinsinan, alam ko "corny" para sa husband mo. Pero kailangan mong gawin, sa pagkakataong eto ipaamin mo sa kanya ang lahat at ikaw naman pakinggan mo sis kung ano sasabihin ni husband. Huwag na huwag mong huhusgahan si husband, at kung talagang mahal ng asawa mo pamilya niya o kayo sasabihin niya sayo lahat.

At syempre, mag set ka ng rules na kapag ginawa pa uli ni husband yung ganung bagay tapos na kayo  (kahit pananakot lang!). Karamihan ng mga lalaki though hindi lahat, natatauhan kapag tinakot ng hiwalayan ng asawa at anak nila. Marami na akong narinig na effective yan!

At ang pinaka-importante "don't stop loving your husband". Hindi naman siguro ganun kasama asawa mo para mawalan siya ng "kunsensiya". Maging sweet ka uli sa kanya, kung kakayanin maging extra sweet pa. Mahirap ang sitwasyon mo kasi officemate niya yung girl. Pero ipamukha mo sa asawa yung mga bagay na mawawala sa kanya kapag ipinagpatuloy niya kalokohan niya.

Hindi ko sinasabi na huwag mo ng paki-alaman ginagawa ng mister mo, maging vigilant ka pa rin. "Hanggat maliit pa ang apoy, PATAYIN mo na." sabi nga "daig ng maagap ang masipag".

Ikaw ang asawa ng mister mo, ang kasama niya kaya alam mo kung iba na ang kinikilos niya o nagsisinungaling na siya like "OT daw".

Lastly, LOVE is not a feeling, LOVE is a DECISION
Pag-isipan mo sis....