Na-shock lang ako.

[Joycy]

Awhile ago, wala akong magawa and i was bored so i began checking my facebook. Hindi kasi ako active na dito because i prefer Twitter more. 

One of my friend is also a friend of my ex-mom-in-law so chineck ko lang yon kasi i'm curious din. I don't have news about my ex-hubby ever since i filed for annulment last year and even when it was granted Feb of this year.

Imagine my surprise when i found out that my ex-hubby is already married. I mean, wow! Didn't realize na ganun lang yun kadali to move on. Well, i didn't expect him to be a monk or something. I even wished that he has gf na para maging happy din siya and to have someone to take care of him, kumbaga. I just didn't expect him to get married right away. He was not the type to rush.

And we separated in April 2009 lang and i filed Aug 2009 din. And it was just granted Feb of this year. But in the facebook album, they spent last Christmas together with his family in Ireland. When you think about it, it was kinda fast. It's not even one year. But it's his decision, of course, and i respect it. Na-shock lang talaga ako. Especially when i know now that they got married while we're still married. 

UK and Ireland kasi...they don't scrutinize documents too closely. For them, if you have the necessary documents then it must be real. It's hard to get documents here eh. They trust too much. I guess na finorge yong documents niya to make it look like he's single and pinadala dun sa Ireland (they live there) where they got married.  We know naman that in Philippines, a lot of people can falsify documents for a fee.

Wala lang. Gusto ko lang i-share.    Aside from the surprise, di naman ako na-hurt. Yung pride ko lang kasi i didn't think it would be him to moved on first. I remember only dating after the decision from the court was final kasi ayokong maging unfair sa next guy na di pa ako totally free. And even if there's no more feelings, i also didn't date before it was granted kasi i felt guilty na parang, nakatali pa rin ako. I felt that i was still married in God's eyes.

I remember, even in Sept of last year, nagdadalawang isip ako to move here in UK because of him. Kasi when i move, parang, it's final na. Di niya kasi alam na magma-migrate ako so how can he communicate with me, kumbaga? Even if naka-file na ako, in my heart, there's there small hope na maaayos pa. It's not easy to forget 11 years of your life with someone, di ba? Tapos pala, while i was still in doubts, they're planning a wedding! 

Another thing...nahiya din ako ng konti kasi i emailed him on May of this year informing him of the courts decision of finality and extending my friendship din and telling him not to worry about me kasi i have bf na rin noon. Kasi i don't hold anything against him and it's 11 years of my life. Sayang din na mawala ang one of the good things in my life. Marami ding magagandang nangyari and he was not so bad. Nahiya lang ako kasi i didn't know that he was married na. Baka anong isipin niya at ng new wife niya.  Dinedma nila yung email ko. 

Gusto ko lang ilabas to.  I don't have any plans of making his life difficult. Kasi decision niya yun and i respect it. He looks happy na and i'm honestly happy for him. Baka nahanap na rin niya yung happiness na di niya nakita sa akin. I remember saying in my email na i will always wish him the best kasi he is a good person, kahit di nag-work out yong sa amin. 

Ayan, nailabas ko na. Okay na ako. 

[jaqaine]

wow ah.. nakakagulat nga naman agad iyon noh. nakapag asawa na agad siya.. i wonder kung alam nung wife niya now na napagsabay kayo...

pero ok yun at least nailabas mo na ang nararamdaman mo and im sure you will feel better now, and well you should go ahead and find your own happiness already. =)

best of luck to you!!

[Bubblin]

it's ok if you felt shock when you learn about him and his relationship status.after all,11 years din kayo nagsama.sa akin lang its quite expected that a guy will move on more easily than the girl.after all,the dating scales are quite tipped in favor of males because they can make a move with a girl they like,while most women have to wait for men to make the romantic advances.

[Joycy]

@jaqaine : Actually, we're not together anymore when he got married so in a way, hindi naman kami napagsabay. Emotionally, wala na. We communicated through our lawyers lang. But if we're going to be technical about it, legally, married pa kami when he got married again.  I also think that his wife knows about it. He's always been the honest type.

@Bubblin' : It's funny because i thought it would be me who's going to get married first.  Guys may have the advantage as they can make a move first...but girls only have to wait for guys to approach. So, madali lang talaga if you're not choosy, which i happen to be (based on my other posts). Besides, guys have this pressure to be more financially stable before they will get married as oppose to girls who can only get married when they're bf proposed to them. But, no harm done naman eh. As long as he's happy! 

[aquacharly]

Do not regret e-mailing him good wishes last May.  That was just you being you... a decent, caring person.  Nothing to be embarassed about.  If the 2 did not respond, well... perhaps they are not ready to have you in their lives.   But for sure, the time will come when you will all be friends.     

You are fine where you are.  Junk the hurt pride thing.   Junk the embarassment at initiating contact last May. 
You are what you are == a fine, independent person who has gained more wisdom and knowledge of herself from that 11yr relationship.    You really have moved on coz you choose to dwell on the positive memories and your   ex's positive traits. 

Take care of  yourself.   God bless.

[Bubblin]

@Bubblin' : It's funny because i thought it would be me who's going to get married first.  Guys may have the advantage as they can make a move first...but girls only have to wait for guys to approach. So, madali lang talaga if you're not choosy, which i happen to be (based on my other posts). Besides, guys have this pressure to be more financially stable before they will get married as oppose to girls who can only get married when they're bf proposed to them. But, no harm done naman eh. As long as he's happy! 

good for you sis.so what if he/they didn't answer your email? at least you sent him/them warm wishes.shows that you have truly moved on.

[Joycy]

@Bubblin' : Oo nga.  Thanks nga pala for the response and the advice. I just wanna share what happened.

@aquacharly : Ganun pala 'no? You can stare at the person's picture for so long and not feel a thing. I'm glad i've truly moved on and it seems ganun din siya. Although i'm not yet contented with my life right now, at least i can honestly say that i'm not burdened by the past anymore. Inspite of everything, i learned a lot and hassle na rin to worry about what they thought about my gesture. I'm just happy that i am able to do the right thing by extending a hand of friendship. The ball is in their court and i'm not going to stress myself out over their choice, whatever that may be.  Thank you for always giving excellent advice and i really learn a lot from you and your posts...which i apply in my daily life.  God bless!

[freeswan]

hay sis, kahit papano tayong mga girls, napupukaw ang EGO kahit gaano tayo kabait or kaayos sa mga past relationships natin. kahit ako magugulat ako about the wedding. yes, i may not be hurt pero parang may kurot sa pride natin, noh? but if you said you're ok, then you should be able to continue to move on. ganun talaga eh, naunahan ka talaga ng ex mo. at least ngayon, he's become the very least of your concern na talaga. goodluck sis!

[twelve5]

maybe his current wife's an old friend so it was easier for him to move on. just thinking out loud here. 



i dont want to think that she's a "rebound" wife. 
.. btw, meron bang ganun? hehe

[Joycy]

@freeswan : Yup, meron talagang ganun na feeling.  Parang, OMG! Nauna siya! But at the end of the day, at sa kaiisip ko na rin, i'd glad it turned out this way.  It's good that he's moved on and hopefully happier so hindi na ako nada-drag down over my guilt for whatever's my part in the breakdown of our marriage. Kasi, aminin na natin, it was BOTH our fault. I'm happy he didn't turn out bitter over what happened and not let our past became a hindrance to his present and future happiness. It wouldn't be fair naman not to wish him happiness when it's something i want for myself.  All's well that ends well, kumbaga.

@twelve5 : I don't know his current wifey so i can't judge. It's not my place to, anymore. But she looks nice in the picture. Mabait. A better wife, kumbaga, compared to me.  I'm not dissing myself because i'm just telling the truth. My strength talaga is not geared towards yung typical housewife na nagse-serve sa husband eh and yun yung hinahanap niya talaga. It seems that his new wife is more that type. I'm  more modern and outspoken.  I hope hindi siya "rebound" kasi sayang naman eh. But he's not the type to play in a relationship and i don't wish the girl ill. I mean, siya man yung pumalit sa place ko in my ex's life but hindi naman siya yung reason na naghiwalay kami. So i can never hate her. I wish them well. 

[twelve5]

^ im impressed with how you're handling the situation. very mature of you. 

i wish both of you well... not together (obviously) but separately as individuals with his and her own life to live.

[Joycy]

@twelve5 : Aww.  Thanks for the good wishes, sis. I definitely wish you the same! 

[gorgeousmama]

 well your initial reaction is understandable, i think both species will feel that way, whether we admit or not we felt a sting in our ego, sort of why did he get over me so soon..kasi we have this belief na he is still holding on the memories,,

 but as they say the best way to move on is to fall in love again and that's what guys usually do for them to recover,, unllike us we still wants to savor the memories and the time we shared, we still wallow,and let time healed the pain..

i think your sending them an e mail was to your advantage, kasi they would think that your'e okay with your status now and you dont feel a thing for him anymore but, still as an ex wife would like to wish him well.. meaning you dont have grudges or ill feelings towards him.

mybe the reason why they chose to ignore you at the moment.. was because its still fresh and its  akward at this point for all of you to be friends soon, so to play safe for his new wife and for himself na din..
that's why they did not reply,, mybe in due time ....

[Joycy]

^I'm not holding my breath.  I've gotten over the shock na din so based na rin sa mga advices...acceptance lang talaga. Kind of weird din naman kasi to have sort of a friendly relationship with an ex and siguro, to protect na din their marriage and respect to his wife's feelings. Babae din ako and i understand. Whatever it is...nasabi ko na what i need to say.

All's well that ends well. Thank you for the reply. 

[skysenshi]

Pahamak talaga yang Facebook na yan. Na-shock ka tuloy. Glad you're feeling better now.

[Joycy]

^Oo  nga. Dami nga daw nag-divorce ng dahil sa Facebook. =) Thanks sis.

[daria]

wow, nakakagulat.. parang nakakatakot nang magmahal ngayon. what with broken relationships and all. i just recently went through a break up, and i told God na yung next na ibibigay niya sakin, hopefully, i won't go through this hurt again. i am not expecting that things will run smoothly from hereon with the next guy, but what i am praying for is that i find that someone who is willing to work things with me, and will not let me go.
good for you joycy, that you don't get jaded.. after all, that's the worst thing that can happen.

[Joycy]

^I'm not the type to get jaded eh, even if i will get hurt far too many times. Maybe in part, i'm such a hopeless romantic and in love with the idea of love. But i think, it's largely because i live such a good life. Sure, there has been trials but what i and my family has gone through is quite negligible in comparison to others. So, wala akong karapatang mag-complain. 

We may not be rich but we've been comfortable enough to always have extra. And my parents kind of sheltered us from bad elements. Even now that we're old enough and married (has been, in my case), we can still run to our family. Having strong support system is a big factor in having a healthy reaction to what life throws at you.

So, wag kang matakot. Love until you cant love anymore. There's nothing worse than being alive and not really living, if you get what i mean. People get hurt everyday and the heart is a very strong muscle that can take all sort of abuse. After all, time heals everything. 

[daria]

i can't help but be afraid sometimes. there are a lot of single females waiting for that guy to come along and rescue them from single-blessedness. as feminist as i am, i know that we shouldn't rely our happiness on to someone else but let's face it: we want love. we want to be loved, we want to love, we want to be in love.
ano na ba ang ratio ng boys to girls ngayon? grabe. parang being in a relationship ngayon has become a heirarchy.

[Gladz31842]

They reply or not reply to your email may not matter anymore at this time...but i just want to share my thoughts as to why they did not reply..one factor could be the fact that he married even before the annulment was granted. getting married isn't a small thing not to be at least mentioned man lang, so re-opening any line of communication with you would also mean him mentioning about his getting married especially before the annulment. eh sabi mo nga he is the honest type of a person, baka lang di niya kayang i-deal yon (hiding something from you)....