eldest child ginagawang breadwinner

[young_maiden]

pansin ko lang karamihan sa mga panganay nagiging breadwinner na ng pamilya nila pag nakapagpatapos na. yung mga pera na nakukuha nila sa work lagi na lang sa parents o sa mga younger siblings napupunta. halos they don't have time for themselves. yung iba naman gusto man mag-asawa hindi magawa kasi pagsasabihan ng parents na "KAYA KA NGA NAMIN PINAGTAPOS PARA MAKATULONG KA SA MGA KAPATID MO TAPOS IIWANAN MO LANG KAMI AGAD."

for me, mali ang ganitong set-up. di naman kasalanan ng eldest kung siya ang eldest di ba. hindi niya naman obligasyon maging breadwinner dahil nandyan naman parents niya. ok lang siguro yung magbigay ng konting budget kahit papano pero ang i-deprive yung eldest na maging financially stable sa career niya at magkaroon ng sariling buhay, MALI na yun ha.

i am the eldest in the family. nangako talaga ako sa sarili ko na di ako magiging breadwinner. magbibigay lang ako ng konti pero ang i-asa sa akin ang buhay ng mga kapatid ko, aba, di na tama.

ano ang tingin nyo sa ganitong sitwasyon?

[1choi_ko9]

err honestly, just my pov...i dont see anything wrong...

[aquacharly]

^  I agree, there is nothing wrong per se with that.
Besides, what can you do if you happen to belong to a family wherein the parents are unable to provide for their children?

Either you play along, or turn your back on them.
Generally, people play along -- kahit na gigil.. kahit na pikon na di ba.
What one can do in a family where ang laking inaasa sa eldest, unfair though it may be (since after all, it is the parents who brought their children into tihs world, and should be the ones to provide for their children's basic needs) --   is to put a time limit on the assistance given. 

Like for example,  okay the bulk, if not almost all, of the eldest's earnings go to the family UNTIL the next one gets done with school and gets employed.   Then, sya naman toca for the next in line... 

[wuvshoe]

Well, some parents do invest more on the panganay  - like sending him/her to the best schools, laging bago yung gamit, sunod ang luho, etc. I think it's okay to give back if you are that favored one lol. Kawawa naman 'di ba the younger siblings who grew up with your used stuff (haha, bitter ako). But if equal opportunity kayong lahat, then I understand where you are coming from. It shouldn't be an obligation nga naman... you have your own life and even future kids to raise. Hindi dapat sinisingil ang anak - they never asked to be born. So tama that you give only what you can and leave something for your rainy days.   

But there are also 'walang cuentang' anak ha... I know someone - like I said, eldest and had the best things. His parents struggled to send him to the best schools even if lubog na sa utang, mairaos lang siya. His younger siblings never had the same opportunity, drop out pa yung isa. After graduation? He got married agad and never gave his parents anything (not even man lang to pay off the school debt) kahit he secured a high-paying job. Imagine a sales manager with 2 flashy cars and his younger brother is a tricycle driver with nothing in the province. Hindi siya obligado to give back to his parents/family. So yes, technically he did nothing wrong - but he also did nothing good for the people who sacrificed a lot for him, right?

So reflect muna siguro. Helping our family is a way of acknowledging and thanking them for the person we have become now. True it's their parental obligation to provide our needs, but I'm sure there are a lot of times when they went out of their way so we can have the best in life. So give them what they deserve

[mademoiselle]

I'm the youngest yet the breadwinner in the family, im even supporting my siblings children. Personally at times I feel like I want to explode specialize everytime i realized that why do I have to be responsible for my elder siblings particularly their children, Imagine my eldest brother even pleaded me not to get married yet kasi kawawa naman daw his kids, ofcourse I still got married ano siya hilo lol.You can still extend some help with your family without depriving yourself and make sure you tell your parents about your plan like you eventually want to settle down and stuff.  Don't feel so bad sis it's better to help than to be in need

[damen]

I'm the eldest and breadwinner, as in walang natitira sa sweldo ko, everything goes to my family, allowance lang ang natitira sa akin.

When I was a kid pa lang my parents would always tell me to study hard and always behave kasi ako ang bubuhay sa mga kapatid ko in the future

It was okay, I thought it's every panganay's fate to be the next breadwinner

Imagine I'm 29 and my youngest sibling is only 10. SO by the time she finishes college I'm already almost 40. Wahhhh!

To be honest, there are times na naiisip ko na unfair sa akin yong parents ko, nag-anak sila ng madami tapos sa akin na lang inaasa. I'm the only one working right now.

Pero I feel so guilty when there are times na naiisip ko ayaw ko, na gusto ko na mag-give up. I'm so scared na magsawa ako at iwanan ko sila, I hope hindi mangyari because I love my family so much....

[aquacharly]

^  yeah, that is what I hear from a BFF who is soooo pissed coz he provides for his entire family and some nieces/nephews.

He says he calms himself down by focusing on the ways his family members make the most of his financial aid -- hindi naman daw slackers, they really work hard to finish their education, or find ways and means to augment their livelihood.
      So, he says, there IS gonna be light at the end of the tunnel.... na darating din the day they will be able to stand on their feet.

In the meantime, they reciprocate by spoiling him in their own limited ways, deferring to his preferences, and giving him the respect due him.

That is why I am all for responsible parenthood -- have only that number of children (less even) that you are confident you can provide for.  In our old age later  on, it will be truly a golden old age if we are not dependent on our kids, AND no kid and grandchildren are financially dependent on us.

[pumpkin13]

I'm the youngest and the breadwinner. It used to be our eldest. I've seen his sacrifice in life to help me and my other brother not only in our studies, but he also stood as "haligi" ng tahanan. he was the provider.

si second brother got his gf pregnant when they were 20 then they got married. hindi pa tapos mag-aral. so hindi na namin inasahan na masusupport pa kami when he graduated. the good thing is, he was responsible enough for his actions. he would sometimes seek help from us pero not totally inasa ang pag-aaral nya at pangbuhay sa mag-ina nya. he adjusted himself to the situation. and now he's a professional.

me, on the other hand, naawa na sa kuya ko (eldest) so I gave him his freedom. hindi matuloy-tuloy wedding nila ng gf nya, it was their 8th year together na, just because he was still taking the responsibility sa family. so i took it from him. right now, he has a very simple life but a very nice family. and i'm proud. and i'm happy that i'm supporting my parents. they inspire me. it's all for them. kasi they are contented with what i can give and they're thankful. so mas masarap magbigay.

yesterday, my kuya sent me a text message, asking for help kasi bday ng nephew ko and gusto nila ipaghanda kahit konti. walang isip-isip, i told him yes.i'll send him money right away. he doesn't have to pay me back kasi balewala lang yun compared sa ginawa nya before when he was the breadwinner. he thanked me a lot of times and ang sarap sa pakiramdam. kasi mas thankful ako sa kanya. he deserves my help.

haay, nakakaiyak.hehe.

[young_maiden]

sobrang nakakadepress talaga maging breadwinner no. parang deprived ka magkaroon ng sarili mong buhay.

[orangerain]

I'm the eldest as well and everyone my parents expect me to be the breadwinner. Sometimes, di nila alam sa boyfriend ko na nanggagaling yung pera na binibigay ko sa kanila. Minsan kasi abuso na rin. Instead of using the money sa important stuff, sa luxuries nila ginagamit. So, instead of giving them money, I decided to save and give them a business of their own. Kanila lahat ng earnings basta sila na bahala magbudget ng pera nila. Out na ako doon.

I guess minsan you have to teach them to value the money you give them. Hindi pwedeng sa iyo nakaasa palagi kasi may sariling buhay ka rin. Like me, I'm planning to settle na and we're having a baby na rin. Pero, hindi rin pwede na pabayaan mo ang pamilya mo. So the best thing to do is give them a source of income OR give them a set amount lang na kaya mo ibigay.

[kwinchesters]

I guess minsan you have to teach them to value the money you give them. Hindi pwedeng sa iyo nakaasa palagi kasi may sariling buhay ka rin.

Tama!
Di ba ganyan din naman turo ng mga magulang sa anak, i-value yung money na pinaghihirapan nila kasi mahirap kumita ng pera. Pero bakit pag tayo na ang kumikita,kaylangan todo bigay kahit masagasaan na yung future natin.
Wala namang masama sa pagbibigay,pero sana yung tumatanggap marunong ding magpahalaga. Maaappreciate ka lang ng taong binibigyan mo masaya ka na, pero kung nagbibigay ka na nga,umaabuso pa at pipintasan ka pa pa pag nagkulang ka sa bigay,pati pansugal sayo pa iaasa, di na tama yun.

[pumpkin13]

^ that's true sis. kung ano lang ang kaya mo then let them adjust their expenses and budget it wise. swerte pa din pala ko kasi hindi pa naman ako umaabot sa point na naiinis na ko. kasi i have a set amount na binibigay in a regular basis and my mom handles it well. so far so good.

pero i believe naman na may magandang kapalit ang mga ginagawa natin as breadwinners. more blessings from above. 

[kwinchesters]

Kung senior citizen na ang parents at may mga kamamdaman na, eto ang malinaw na obligation na dapat nating ishoulder. No more question about that.
Pero pag ang parents mo walang work (in my case,eversince the world began walang trabaho both parents) dahil sa di malamang rason, malulusog ang katawan at walang mga sakit, obligasyon pa ba natin na buhayin sila, or dapat we help them na magumpisa lang tapos tulungan naman nila mga sarili nila. So the cycle will end there, eh di pwede pala akong mag early retirement,tapos obligahin ko ang anak ko na wag magasawa at kumayod to death para suportahan ako and the rest of the family? Ano naman kayang VALUES ang itinuro ko sa mga anak ko, eh di pag nagkaaanak sila ganito din gagawin nila sa mga anak nila.

[thebratinella]

it's okay to help out as long as they will learn to stand on their own two feet and you know that they put the money you give them into good use. sana nga parents will stop having a lot of kids if they can't feed/educate all of them. my former officemate used to support her brothers, father and lola. her father simply stopped working kasi gusto niya. wala lang. basta ayaw na magwork. walang sakit or disability. iniwan sila ng mom nila kasi nasawa na yata sa ugali ng dad. my friend had to pay for the bills, tuition of her brother and everything that needed to be paid or bought. she looked tired and lonely all the time. her brothers would get failing grades pa in school so hindi siya namomotivate to support them. naawa ako kasi she didn't get her diploma. she wasn't able to finish her thesis because she had to work dahil walang kakainin ang brothers niya. i feel so blessed that my parents work so hard for our family. they have their own business para daw they have money for retirement. they have insurance too.

[orangerain]

^ May ganyang ugali minsan parents ko. Yung wala lang, ayaw na magwork since may income naman ako. But I remained firm sa condition ko sa kanila, which is to give a set amount only. And, when I have enough money, I'll give them a business. Sila na bahala mamahala nun.

My theo prof told us that parents should never oblige their children to work for the family. In the first place, they are your children. Kayo gumawa sa kanila at kayo ang responsable sa pagpapalaki sa kanila. But, it doesn't mean na utang ng mga bata sa iyo yung mga ginastos mo kasi pinagkagastusan mo sila ONLY to prepare them for their own lives apart from yours.

[kwinchesters]

Dati sabi ko sa Nanay ko,magloloan kami ng hubby ko sa Pag-ibig para mapatayuan sila ng bahay dun sa dating bahay namin na nasunog.
Akala ko matutuwa nanay ko, di sya natuwa sa idea ko, kasi ano daw pambabayad nya ng tubig, kuryente, pagkain etc, eh wala silang trabaho ng tatay ko. By the way, wala pa silang 50 years old nung time na to.
Ngayon ilang years na nanay ko sa poder ko, tatay ko sa poder ng kapatid nya. Parehas sila walang trabaho. Sabi ng asawa ko, kuntento na daw nanay ko sa ganitong buhay kasi wala syang pinoproblemang babayarang bills, okay na sya na nakikitira, libre lahat. Pag me sarili na silang bahay, problema na nila yung bills kaya ayaw ng nanay ko bumukod.
Hay mga sis, tama bang ikulong ko sarili ko na magkapisan kami ng nanay ko sa isang bahay eh kung magagawan naman ng paraang maibukod sila. Ang problema kasi pati kakainin, tubig, kuryente at allowance sakin pa ba iaasa? Andaming mas matatanda sa kanila ang kumakayod pa din, masisipag. Sila na binigyan ng malakas na katawan ng Diyos,ayaw gamitin at pakinabangan ang lakas nila...

[ghellybeans]

pansin ko lang karamihan sa mga panganay nagiging breadwinner na ng pamilya nila pag nakapagpatapos na. yung mga pera na nakukuha nila sa work lagi na lang sa parents o sa mga younger siblings napupunta. halos they don't have time for themselves. yung iba naman gusto man mag-asawa hindi magawa kasi pagsasabihan ng parents na "KAYA KA NGA NAMIN PINAGTAPOS PARA MAKATULONG KA SA MGA KAPATID MO TAPOS IIWANAN MO LANG KAMI AGAD."

Can relate? CHECK! Panganay and breadwinner.

And I hear all of you. Wala rin namang masama.. but it's hard when you've taken wholeheartedly the responsibility yet your parents still feel your efforts aren't enough.

[hairt mini]

pasali ako!
I'm the eldest and the breadwinner.
In fairness to my parents di naman nila ako inoobliga na mag bigay or maging breadwinner lalao na nung may work pa si mommy at buhay pa ang business ni daddy. kaso year 2008 pinag resign ko na si mommy sa work and binigyan ko na lang sya ng puhunan same with my dad kaya lang late that year nagkasakit ang nephew ko and talagang na bankrupt kami and nabaon pa sa utang. Nag abroad ako to support them then nung mejo stable na kami uli si mommy ko naman nagkasakit napasabay pa na ikakasal na ako. Thanks God at maunawin si hubby ko. Until now ako lang ang nag su-support sa kanila, mag eenroll pa next year ang younger bro ko sa college, nag maintain pa ng gamot si mommy ko. But then okey lang naman sa akin and kay hubby pero syempre hindi forever kasi soon magkakaroon na rin kami ng baby so plan ko is bigyan uli sila ng puhunan para at least kahit yung pang everyday na gastos nila eh may pagkukunan and yung tuition na lang ng bro ko ang sasagutin ko. Naiintindihan din naman ng parents ko ang sitwasyon ko nagyon so happy pa rin

[kwinchesters]

That's nice to hear sis. At least di tulad ng iba na inoobliga talaga ng parents and siblings na magbigay tapos ang ending masama pa din ang kapalit,tapos dagdag pa sa stress yung di pagapproved ng spouse.

[chakchuk]

sis depende siguro.... yung ate ko... never as in never syang tumulong .... we don't expect anything from her... siya pa nga yung laging nanghihingi....