Single Motherhood

[wickedorange]

If you're not living with the father of your child (i.e. separated, etc.), then that can still be considered single motherhood. That person is just lucky to have the father acknowledge and support his child.

[SamanthaJones]

single mom here with 2 kids from 2 different mom. My eldest is a girl around 12 and my youngest is a boy who's already 5.

Being a single mom is never an easy task. Yet, it has it own perks - no husband to worry about (infidelity, irresponsibility), no in-laws who are too nosey, freedom to do as you please. But of course there are times when you'd fel lonely and would long for somebody to be there for you. When it happens, i fight the feeling and give myself a breather and go out with friends.

[|:AyemZia:|]

i don't want him to grow up in an environment na puro away at violence ang makikita nya sa amin ng dad nya.

i agree with you sis. ganyan din aku kaya i decided to give up on our 3-yr relationship. sobrang thankful tlaga aku na ndi natuloy yung marriage namen. although ndi naman aku battered partner, mas malupet yung emotional torture na binigay sa ken ng ex-hubby ku. i'm super natakot para sa anak ku kase babae pa naman siya. may salita kase noon akung naririnig na magiging pambayad-utang daw yung anak na babae pag maraming kalokohan ang tatay. pero sabe ku, over my dead body! kung totoo man yun, ndi ku naman hahayaang mangyare yun sa anak ku! sa naun, i'm really trying to balance things between work and my role as a single parent sa 2-yr old daughter ku. mas mahirap pa nga sa part ku kase wala siyang permanenteng yaya or tagapag-alaga. thankful na lang aku kase yung company na pinagttrabahuhan ku, mejo understanding and considerate sila. and sa naun, wala pa din aku nakikitang worthy to be a dad to my daughter. puro mga pasaway nakikilala ku e. same with one of our sis, gusto ku din bago siya matutong magtanong or maghanap, sana meron na ku makuhang dadie for her.

as for our TS, make sure lang po na ready ka for anything or sa magiging result ng actions mu, mapa-bad or good man. kase parenthood is really difficult, lalo na pag nag-iisa ka. kahit pa financially stable ka, you will still need to focus on other things that your son/daughter might need, including yung guidance and support. sabe nga nila, it's not the material things that your children will be needing in the long run, yung kung panu mu sila pinalaki at sinuportahan in a manner na magiging mabubuti silang bata. anything is possible naman. try to socialize pa rin para makakilala ka ng guy for you. baka kase nakakalimutan mu na rin makipagmingle. hindi kase advisable na basta ka na lang magpabuntis kung kninong herodes dahil lang sa napepressure ka. sorry for my words. just my opinion lang po!

[Serena.]

Please, do consider your baby. Lalaki syang walang ama. Malaki pa din yung difference non sis. Maghahanap pa din sya ng father figure. Think about it a million times before doing that. I hope you make the best decision for your life.



xo

[slickchick]

hi mommies! just want to remind you of the Solo Parent ID. malaki tulong nito especially for those single moms who are working. having this ID and if you have worked in a company for 1 year or more, entitled na tayo sa Solo Parent leaves. this is a additional 7-days leave (apart and separate from VLs, SLs, and ELs) na pwede natin gamitin in case may occasions na kelangan natin mag-leave for our kids (i.e. school functions, check up sa doctor, etc). 

[runaway_bridesmaid]

hi wickedorange.  first post pa lang ang nabasa ko so i would like to share to her my thoughts about that matter.

i am a married woman, but it's been six years, pero wala parin kaming baby because of my health condition. yes, i want to become  a mom so bad, pero ang reason ay hindi para magkaroon ng mag aalaga sa akin or sa amin ng husband ko pagtanda ko. it's because i really want to live the life my mother, grandma, at lahat ng ina sa buhay ko na maranasan lahat ng joys and pains of motherhood kasi alam ko na doon marami akong matutunan at lalago bilang isang tao at babae. pero para gawing taga alaga ko pagtanda ko, hindi po.

hindi ako nawawalan ng pag asa pero binuksan ko na ang isip ko sa posibilidad na hindi magka anak. ngayon maaring sabihin mo na iba ang situation ko sayo dahil may asawa ako pero dahil sabay kaming tatanda at maaring hindi magkakalayo yung panahon na sabay din kaming mawawala at darating kami sa panahon na isa sa amin ang maiiwang mag isa..nakakatakot kung iisipin diba?

maaring ganun ang karanasan ng landlady mo pero that does not mean na mangyayari din yun sayo. unang una, magkaiba kayo ng pagkatao.  ayoko siyang husgahan pero, sa tingin mo bakit wala siyang kamag anak o kaibigan man lang nung nabubuhay pa siya. ako naman may tita na single nasa early 60's na siya, at love na love namin siya, ng buong family in fact. financially stable siya at dahil dito maraming siyang natutulungan sa family namin, financially at morally, pangalawang ina ang turing namin sa kanya ng mga cousins ko, dahil naramdaman namin sa kanya ang totoong pagmamahal. minsan nga feeling ko mas mahal pa niya kami kesa sarili naming mga magulang (minsan lang naman, hehe) at dahil sa kagandahan ng kanyang kalooban kahit kailan di namin siya pababayaan dahil sa pagmamahal niya sa amin, ibabalik namin iyon sa kanya.

[abbmg]

i never thought i'll find myself in this thread. totoo nga na malalaman mo lang ang tunay na ugali pag mag asawa na kayo, how i wished na nabuntis na lang ako at hindi na kami kinasal ng asawa ko, at least i won't have any expectations from him as a husband or even a father to my child. 5yrs din kaming mag bf/gf before we decided to get married, stable naman kami pareho at walang major quarrels. then i got pregnant after a month lang into our marriage at ngayon, manganganak pa lang ako pero hiwalay na kami ng asawa ko since hindi pa rin ako at ang baby ang priority niya.

i was back reading, and most said na dapat andyan pareho ang nanay at tatay. pero what can you do if it really doesn't turn out the way you want it to be? sino ba naman ang gusto ng broken family? i think the most important thing is to fulfill your duties as a responsible parent at punuin mo ng pagmamahal ang bata. inspiring yung stories ng mga single moms who are very successful in the careers as well as bringing up their kids to the right path. saka hindi naman na rin ganun ka "uncommon" being raised by a single parent, which provides a healthier environment for the kid instead of constant quarrels, misunderstandings, hatred inside the household kung nagsasama lang kayo dahil sa bata at walang pagmamahalan.

[ieiky]

I'm a single mom too. Wala kaming communication ng father niya at wala maski anong help suppprt from him. Much as I've wanted my son to have a complete family, it's beyond my control.

4 yrs old na ngayon ang baby ko and I have to go abroad since mas malaki ang offer sa akin dito at di lang naman baby ko ang responsibility, pati mommy ko din na SC na at nag mamaintain ng gamut. It's hard being a single mo, kailangan mo maging strong emotionally and mas ok pag dinancially stable ka para hindi mo na need mag abroad. I'm just giving my self 2 year enough para makaipon, babalik ako sa pinas kase wawa naman si baby ko.

As for a partner, I've tried to have a bf. Kase parang if ever mag aasawa ako, sana habang maliit ba ang bata para kalakihan na niya at may father figure sya. Feeling ko kase mas mahirap  ata pag nasa puberty stage na siya saka pa ako mag iintruduce ng 'bago' sa pamilya eh. Kaya lang... FAILED. hindi nag work ang pag tatry ko mag BF.

So ngayon, mas ok ako na single at every day magkausap kami sa facetime ng baby ko. Naguguilty ako sa setup namin pero, iniisip ko na lang hindi lang ako nag iisang single mom. I should still be thankful na nabigyan ng ganitong opportunity para ma secure ko din ang future ng baby ko.

[Girltalker2]

To answer TS' question, IMO, I'd rather stay single than bring a child in this world para s sarili ko. Naniniwala parin kasi ako sa father-mother-child set up. So if magagawan ko ng paraan, uunahin ko parin ang pag aasawa, then anak. However kung di ako makapag asawa, hindi ko siguro iisipin pa mag baby. Malamang I can consider having a dog nalang siguro.

Kumusta na kaya si TS? Did she pursue kaya having a kid from a friend who has a gf na?

one of the reasons why families exist - may purpose sya. Just think of a world na pag naisipan ng isang tao magkaanak e hahanap lang ng partner at lahat ng bata isang magulang lang ang kinikilala. Parang may mali di ba?

I'm not against single mothers, kasi ako mismo ay nasa situation na iyan. But I would do anything in my power not to bring a child in this world if he/she doesn't have a legit father. Pov ko lang naman ito.

Kaso ibang usapan na kung may intent ka talaga mag pamilya pero di nag workout yung relationship.

Life can still be meaningful kahit walang asawa/anak. If you will live your life helping others, achieving things for others, mas hindi mo siguro mararamdaman na 'Kawawa' ka pagtanda mo (like landlord ni TS as TS pointed out). And it doesn't matter if the landlord wants sa niece nya napunta assets nya, if it is in good hands naman.

Also, you don't bring a life into this world for you. Having a child should never be about the parent/s, but all about the child, being his/her guide and making him/her live his/her life to the fullest din - responsibly and making a positive difference in this world. Knock on wood, what if maging pasaway yung bata, what if magka problem later say lumayas or gusto nya pumirmi sa abroad far from you, so hindi mo rin ma achieve goal mo na having an heir or to make your life meaningful. In other words, bringing a child in this world is not the answer to make your life more meaningful. Marami pang ibang paraan.

[mjane74]

newbie here. just read this topic and got interested.

I was also thinking about the lines of having a baby instead of getting a hubby just like ms. ts.

Anyway, that was two years ago. And my mindset changed as I have pondered the pros and cons and imagine how the set up will be in case it comes to that.

Reading this, made my mind set all the more not to take the plunge, so to speak. Besides having friends with similar situations (single moms), I dont think I could have a child of mine asking about his father, and I couldn't come up with an justifiable answer.