Single Motherhood

[wickedorange]

I had an 80-year-old single landlady who shared her regret of not having her own children. She died alone in her apartment and all her properties went to her niece who took care of her hospital bills. Her last advice to me was to have a family, or if I could not find a guy who would marry me, at least have a baby and enjoy the life of being a mother and a father to that kid.

I have friends who are single in their late 30's and early 40's facing the same dilemma as I do. Our reproductive clock is ticking away and sooner we would lose that ability to bear children, in the same fashion that it would blow our chances of finding that one true love. I don't want to end up like my former landlady who seemed to have wasted her life without that much purpose, leaving no offspring totally erased her memory from this world and her nieces reaping the benefits of her hard work.

I've been toying on this idea of becoming a single mom. There is a guy I really liked but he has GF with whom he has a daughter. He wants to have a child with me, an idea that appealed to me. But I don't want the complication of having a GF running after me. So I plan to raise the child without a husband (although the guy wants to take responsibility and let the child carry his name). I am financially and physically ready to raise a child. And I know my family would be there for us, just in case.

Would you consider going through the process of bearing a child out of wedlock and raise him without a father?  Of course, if I was asked same question when I was in my 20's, I would definitely say no. But things tend to be different when you are in a tight situation and running against time. This is a reality I have to face and I've got 2 choices to make - either live for myself and die alone, or raise a child and have better chances to weather out the storm.

I would like to know what your thoughts are. It would help me decide, and perhaps other people too who are faced with the same dilemma.

[deck_girl_07]

sis, i have the same sentiment.. mas gusto ko ngayon baby nalang. kaso complicated, the man i want to have a baby with is may asawa na.. baby lang naman ang gusto ko and i will take all the responsibilities.. kung sarili ko lang iisipin ko yun talaga gagawin ko.. pero minsan napapaisip din ako masarap naman kung may katuwang sa buhay na bubuo ng pamilya.. isa pa lalaki ang bata ng walang tatay.. hay ang hirap pag tumatanda na..

[Bubblin]

sis,yung bang mga pamangkin na pinamanahan ng landlady mo close sa kanya?or yung maldita type na halos nag-wish na "mamatay na sana si tita para makuka ko ang yaman nya!wahahaha!!!"

regarding your question,do you have male friends who would consider being your "donor"?kasi kung doon sa guy na minention mo,it might get complicated once the gf learned about it.

[jeia]

^^^ lam mo i have the same opinion as you have there. parang mas maganda na magkaanak na [textspeak!] kesa asawa. but then sometime i think it might be unfair for the child kasi ikaw [textspeak!] ang nagdecide to be a single parent pero yung bata dapat may choice sya to have both parents.

[marrgy]

yup, the child must have a parents, but the question is, can both parents is responsible? if not, its much better walang daddy o mommy.

[rianne_mallows]

to wicked orange.. ganito ginawa ng sis ko and her bestfriend.. share ko lang story nila..

yung sis ko, 35 na.. so she decided na mag-anak na lang.. she's capable financially.. nung nalaman namin na preggy siya, kinausap siya ni mother.. naintindihan naman and supportive family namin.. ngayon 2 yrs old na yung bata and sa house namin nakatira.. mother ko at kami ng mga kapatid ko nag-aalaga pero with yaya pa din.. overseer lang kami.. so far so good..

then months ago, yung bestfriend niya pala ganun din ginawa.. nagbaby na lang thinking it will be okay kasi yung sa sis ko okay naman.. mas financially capable pa bestfriend niya compared to my sis.. (she's 38 na pala)

pero hindi naging ok.. super nagalit ang family niya.. and kino consider siya kahihiyan.. though dun pa din siya sa parents niya nakatira, hindi siya kinakausap.. madalas nandito siya sa house namin..

preggy siya ngayon and manganganak na.. untill now hindi niya alam kung paano gagawin niya sa baby niya kapag lumabas na kasi hindi niya alam kung kanino iiwan kapag nagwowork siya..


so to threadstarter, hindi lang sarili mo tingnan mo kung gusto mo.. and kung nakapagdecide ka na talagang ituloy, iayos mo muna lahat bago mo buuin si baby mo kasi siya kawawa kapag nagkataon.. kung magiging kampante ka na yaya lang kasama ng baby mo sa house sige go.. if not, weigh mo muna kung ano magiging reaction ng family mo sa magiging decision mo kasi sila yung makakatuwang mo sa baby dahil you dont plan on having a partner nga diba..

gudluck na lang

[slickchick]

hi mga sis! found this thread quite interesting. makapag-share lang po.

i am a single mom to a 4 year old boy. it was by choice that i became a single mom. my son's dad and i didn't get along very well due to irreconcilable differences (e.g. upbringing and religion) plus the fact that i was a battered gf when we were together. but in fairness to the guy, he offered marriage. but i weighed things, and i decided wag na lang.

i was just fortunate that my family was supportive of my pregnancy, though syempre, may konting sermon at the start (even if i was in my late 20's na when i got pregnant).

hindi naman sa downside, but i guess one of the challenges of being a single parent is yung sa financial side. even if i have a stable and good-paying job, and even if i still live with my parents (so free board and lodging na kami ng son and yaya ko), i still have to shoulder everything that relates to my son - from vaccines, baon, basic grocery items like milk and diapers, education, etc. another challenge would be how to be BOTH a mom and dad to the kid. as we all know, yung mga nanay ang usual na caring and nurturing, while the dads are the disciplinarians. as a single parent, you have to be both.

on the "perks" of being a single parent naman, from experience, i can say that you have the "best of both worlds" - first is freedom. the freedom to raise your child as you wish (w/o having to worry how your in-laws would react), the freedom to spend time (and money) the way i deem proper. second is the sense of fulfillment that i was able to bring forth life. iba yung feeling kapag alam mong nakapagluwal ka ng tao sa mundo. i must also say that being a single mom made me more responsible, focused, and determined. alam ko kasi na may umaasa na sa akin. na kapag nawalan ako ng gana sa work or even sa life, may isa ring inosente bata ang magiging kawawa.

naku! napahaba na pala post ko.  pero to summarize it, the choice is really up to the person. iam not telling na "go get pregnant and be a single mom". one has to be mentally, physically, emotionally, and even financially prepared.  yun lang po.

[kyutie_mom]

hi sis slikchik,while reading your post super naka relate ako we almost have the same story. im a single mom to a 3yr old boy same as yours, me and his dad dont have enough reason to be together after knowing that im pregnant i dont want to be married because of the reason that im preagnant it's very hard to pretend that everything is okay for us to get married.Good thing is my parents are very supportive when they knew that i dont want to get married they understand and respect my decision and they promise me that nothing will change they will love my son as much as they love me...
Being a mom is a very hard but being a single mom makes it more harder,you'll be a father and a mother to your child.you should work for his future but you still should be mother who will listen and understand them.
If you want to be a single mom make sure you'll never have regrets someday..you should be prepared in all aspect..

Sometimes i wonder what if time comes that my son will ask me "Mom,why don't i have a dad like my other friends?"
maybe this will be one of the hardest question..
i dont know how will i answer without hurting him and without hating his dad..
What if when he already went to school and family day come his other classmates have both parents while he only have his mom..

thats what im preparing for..

think very well thats all

salute to all SINGLE MOM!

[anacdotick]

Medyo may mga similarity pala ang mga kwento natin kyutie_mom and slickchick.

I have two kids, my daughter is 4 years old then my son, 2months old.. (different father)

[foxylady_89]

hi... gusto ko din yung idea n mgkababy na lang.. tapos kahit wlang taty.. kaso for now, hindi ko pa kaya.. si mama at papa sakin na lang umaasa at ang kapatid ko nagaaral pa ko din ang ngpapaaral.. gustong gusto ko na rin mgkababy.. kasi para pagtumanda ako parang kbarkada ko na lang sya... si mama kasi 34 na sya nong pinanganak ako at 37 naman sya nong sa kapatid ko..21 na ko ngayon, nahihirapan ako kasi sakin umaasa yung mamat papa ko,tapos natatakot ako sa presyo ng gatas, diappers at mga vaccination.. ang Halay ng price pero gusto ko na din mgkababy sana,at dumating talaga sa point na naiinggit na ko sa mga kaibigan ko.. alm ko young pa ko at andami ko dapat i-explore..

[slickchick]

^ sis, you're only 21 right? i suggest, mag-enjoy ka muna sa pagka-dalaga mo. whether it be having a child within or out of marriage, parang masyado ka pang bata to even consider it. enjoy your work, your friends, and much more your freedom. things will be different kapag may anak ka na. i had my son when i was 28. i was just thankful na medyo nagsawa na ako sa pagka-dalaga ko when i had him. just my opinion ah.. 

[foxylady_89]

^ ay wow.. thanks po ate sa payo ... ^
oo nga siguro peer pressure.. heheh chaka nakikiusao lang ang feeling ko.. natatakot kasi ako kala ko masyado ng matanda yung 28 para magkababy pa... hmm... plan ko talaga ang single parent hehe dati pa yun kahit  hiskul pa ko.. open ako sa idea na gnito.. pero mas better siguro kung happy ang buhay asawa kaso.. di ko matancha

[piggy619]

share ko lang po ang napanood ko dati sa Maalaala Mo Kaya. ang sabi ng isang character dun:
"... KARAPATAN ng bata na lumaki nay may tatay at nanay na makakagisnan.... "

single mom din ako. eventually gusto ko pa rin lumaki ang daughter ko na may nakikilalang ama. lalo na nung mapanood ko ang episode na ito ng MMK 

pero kanya kanya lang ng gusto yan  basta ang importante, lumalaki ang bata na puno ng pagmamahal....

mahirap nga sagutin ang tanong ng isang bata "mom, why do i not have daddy just like my classmates do?"  ayokong dumating ang time na itatanong sa akin yan ng anak ko. di ko alam kung pano sasagutin. kaya sana makahanap ako ng magiging father ng anak ko bago pa sya magkaisip na tanungin sa akin ang question na yun 

[slickchick]

^ ay wow.. thanks po ate sa payo ... ^
oo nga siguro peer pressure.. heheh chaka nakikiusao lang ang feeling ko.. natatakot kasi ako kala ko masyado ng matanda yung 28 para magkababy pa... hmm... plan ko talaga ang single parent hehe dati pa yun kahit  hiskul pa ko.. open ako sa idea na gnito.. pero mas better siguro kung happy ang buhay asawa kaso.. di ko matancha

just be sure sis na prepared ka for it (being a single parent) if you're decided on being one... sa iyo na nga nanggaling na mahal ang presyo ng gatas, ng diapers, vaccination, and even sending a child to school. so consider everything, hindi lang yung sarili mong gusto, when you plan to be a parent someday. 

i just watched Tanging Ina yesterday. there was a scene in the movie kung saan kinakausap ni Ai Ai yung anak nyang single mom din. maganda yung advice na binigay nya sa anak nya (can't remember the exact dialogue but it went something like this) - "alam kong gusto mong bumalik kay Troy (the single mom's bf), kaya lang, mas masarap ang ligayang nanggagaling sa anak..." 

[Federico]

I think it's okay to be a single mom if financially capable naman 
besides, good men are already an endangered specie nowadays, why take the risk of being a prey to bad men 

[sweetsorrow]

single mom is by choice. kaso selfish din ang pagiging single mom. soon to be mom ako, pero hindi ako alam kung hahayaan ko nalang bang palakihin ang baby ko mag-isa, o pipilitin ko nalang pakisamahan ang tatay niya para lang paglaki niya may makikilala siyang daddy. ang gulo..

[slickchick]

^ sis, in my opinion lang naman ah.. medyo harsh yung selfish na term. kasi it would really depend on the reason why one becomes a single mom. in my case, i don't think it is selfishness. in as much as i want my son to grow up in a "normal" family setup, i don't want him to grow up in an environment na puro away at violence ang makikita nya sa amin ng dad nya. i also don't want him to have a low respect for women, since nakikita nya ang dad nya na sinasaktan ako physically, verbally, and even pyschologically.

[piggy619]

tama si sis slickchick, sis sweetsorrow 

pwede pa rin naman kilalanin ng baby mo paglaki nya ang kanyang biological father. it is not required na magpakasal or mag live-in kayo ng bio father. malay mo, as time passes by, while your baby is growing up  may makilala kang boylet na tanggap kung sino ka

[sweetsorrow]

slickchick, naku sis. maling term nagamit ko, ndi selfish. sa totoo lang parang nahahati ako ngayon, hindi ko alam kung pipiliin ko bang palakihin magisa  ang baby ko, o bibigyan ko siya ng chance makilala daddy niya... pero mukhang palagi lang kami mag-aaway ng daddy niya..

[larxy]

I have friends who are single moms, and they are doing quite well.

In your case, who intends to have a kid without a father, I say that you consider also how your kid will feel.