In-laws becoming your parents, too

[akireyhoj]

kami ni bf tawag niya sa mom ko tita (di pa niya na mi meet daddy ko nasa abroad pa kasi) ako naman sa dad niya tito (his mother died na kasi). pero when we talked, we address our parents as mommy at daddy like pag may tatanong ako about his daddy "ano sabi ni daddy?" or si mommy ko pag may tatanong sya "ano sabi ni mommy?" like that.. medyo nakakalito lang kasi pareho kami ng tawag sa parents namin hehe

[Kady_14]

It depends on your in-laws din, if you can see naman that there's an effort on their end to be close to you, grab it or reciprocate the action. I can say that mas close ang MIL ko sa akin kesa sa anak nya (asawa ko), ako pa ang tinatanung nya or kakunchaba ko pa sya kung minsan. Back then, di talaga kami close, civil lang, pero I realized that when I decided to marry her son, kasama yun sa package.  Parents nya yun, I must love and accept his family as well, kahit hindi ok yung ibang relatives, but i can say civil naman kami. Mahirap talaga sa umpisa, I have to prove them a lot of things, panganay kasi si husband and favorite nang lahat, female-dominated pa ang family nila, puro girls halos pinsan nya so anjan ang mga chismis and kung ano-ano pa.

There were times then na pag new ang maid, akala nila ako ang anak nya (when we were still living with them)

But we also had our "ilang and away-bati moments" din nuon. I say that you have to reach out to them as well, Kilalanin sila and mag-bigay galang. It's not enough to be civil.

I go out with my MIL and what I really like about her is i don't have to ask twice. We go malling, out of the country, kung saan-saan. hehe. even if it's just a mani-pedi or a facial. Minsan ngtatampo n ang Mom ko, kasi mas madalas na si MIL ang kasama ko kesa sya.  

[glamorosa_09]

^galing mo naman sis... hindi ko kaya yan... nyahaha... ilang ako nung una, pero minsan ko nga lang din syang tawaging mami, ngayon ko lang narelaize.

I so can relate with sis clueless and that's my present struggle. My MIL kasi, if I don't have a strong personality, malamang sunud-sunuran ako sa mga plans nya for us. eh ayaw na ayaw ko pa naman may nagpaplano for me, or pinapangunahan ako.

My MIL knows I don't like her. I don't know how she sensed it. Siguro kasi malakas radar nya at hindi ako magaling magpretend or mamplastic. Good thing, nag-eeffort naman syang i-limit yung sarili nya.

[Kady_14]

well at least alam nya ang hangganan nya. As long as wala ka ginagawang pabalang, Ok lang yun.

[glamorosa_09]

oo nga sis, hindi ko nga sya nakakausap nang pabalang, kaya na sa-silent treatment ko sya. Kasi naman ang kulit, paulit ulit magtanong. Minsan di ko na sya sinasagot.

Kasalanan ba sa Diyos kung hindi mo gusto ang MIL mo? Nagiguilty kasi ako. Hindi ako makapagdasal dahil feeling ko ang sama ko.

Tulad nyan, ngayon pa lang may plano na agad sya for April na vacation. Hmp! ayaw kong sumama. Hindi ako mag-eenjoy when I'm around her.

[Kady_14]

She plans for you and your hubs? hehe kaloka si MIL mo. My MIL is a bit like that at times, she feels that sometimes she needs to decide for us. If I don't agree with her plans - very rare occassions - what I do is I discuss with my husband why I don't and he tells her. Kasi mas naaabsorb nya ang motive namin if he talks about it. Mas casual kasi sya sa akin. If it comes from her son, natatakot sya. Baby nya yun eh and si husband ko very intellectual so nagigimbal sya if si baby nya ang nagpapangaral sa kanya. lol

Alam ko ang ibig mong sabihin, minsan me mga taong ang hirap mahalin di ba or you really just can't be "near" them, least fav persons mo sila. Pero kailangan mo pa rin pakisamahan - Just be civil and kung maaari wag mo na sila samahan. Me mga relatives akong ganyan, di ko sila ininvite nun kasal namin and my Mom heard from relatives abroad pa bakit daw di ko ininvite yung mga relatives na un dito. Wala kasi kong ka-amor amor sa mga yun.

Pero iba yung case mo. MIL mo kasi yun. Mahirap, isipin mo na lang na nanay yun ng asawa mo. If you love your husband, you should at least respect them. If meron kang di gusto, tell your husband in a nice way. Mas maganda if he will talk to your MIL. I'm sure he'sthe right person to talk to them, he's had a lifetime practice. PM mo ko if you need someone to talk to abt it. hehe.

[boity]

sa case ko naman, nahiya ako syempre nung una na tawagin silang daddy and mama. kasi syempre hindi ko sila nakikita lagi dati, kasi nagmigrate sila kagad mag asawa sa US. pero nasanay rin ako. kasi nakita ko naman sa asawa ko yung pagtawag nya sa parents ko ng mommy and daddy rin na para bang totoo na nyang parents, na hindi na sya ilang. tsaka siguro sa nakita ko sa parents ko and sa relationship nila with their in-laws, maganda talaga. at yun rin ang palaging sinasabi sa akin ng mommy ko nung nag asawa ako. dapat daw, i respect ko in-laws ko, matuto akong makisama, at syempre mahalain sila kasi mahal sila ng asawa ko and kahit anong gawin ko, part na sila ng buhay ko. nakita ko rin ang pagmamalasakit ng mommy ko sa parents ng daddy ko. yung pangaral na yun ng mom ko sa amin about in-laws, pangaral rin daw kasi yun ng mom nila sa kanilang magkakapatid. at eto, ngayong sila na ang mga byenan, lalo nila na appreciate yung pangaral na yun. in a way, karma karma rin di ba.

ngayon naman, hindi ko alam gagawin ko. hindi ko lagi nakakausap mom ko kasi hindi sya lagi online unlike my in-law. ngayong ang dami kong issues sa asawa ko, gusto ko ng payo ng magulang. hindi lang ako makapagdecide kung tama ba na sa in-law ko ako mag open-up or dapat hindi kasi parang ang dating e puro reklamo ako sa anak nila. nakabukod kasi kami ng asawa ko and wala kami sa pinas pareho and wala kaming guidance ng matatanda/parents. not that i don't like to open-up sa friends ko, kaya lang, syempre pare-pareho lang kami ng experience sa buhay, wala pa kaming masyadong alam about marriage in general kaya gusto ko talaga sa matanda/parent/s. ano kaya??? hhhmmmm.....

[yaskulet]

Ako naman mag sis, ang tawag ko sa future in law ko ay Kuya at Ate. Hahahaha! Kasi yun tawag ni Mami sa kanila kasi Amiga at Amigo na sila bago pa kami maging kami. Pag kaharap ko relatives ko address ko sila ng Si Ate (name) and si Kuya (name) and pag kaharap ko naman sila ang tawag ko sa kanila Tito and Tita. Pero pag kausap ko sila never ako natawag ng name, ever. Tas one time, inas ako ng future father-in-law ko kung ano daw tawag ko sa asawa nya. Sabi ko tita po. Tas sabi nya bat ayaw mo pa tawaging mami, mee or ma? hahahaha! funny! tas nung kausap ko siya sa phone last time, sabi nya ui (name ko), tatay mo to. hala, ang awkward. para kasi saken ang daddy ko lang ang daddy ko, same with my mom.

pero si fiance, ay mami tawag nya ke mami pag kaharap nya mom ko. pag kaharap nya ang nanay nya Ate (name ng mom) ko din ang tawag nya.

Kaya kasi ganun, ganun tawagan sa born again christian sa mga elders e members kami ng church na yun. Ate and Kuya

[heavensent]

Almost 9 years na kami together ng partnet ko pero ilang ako na tawagin parents niya ng mama and papa, close naman ako sa kanila, minsan kasama ko siya sa mall mag grocery, nag SG din kami ng daughter ko with them, without hubby dahil ayaw niya sumama.

When I call them mama/papa + [textspeak!] name nila, pero hangga't maiiwasan hindi.. Hehe..

[rhyza03]

hi,

at fist i just call my in-laws as TITO's and TITA's then one time my father-in-la asked me if why i am calling him TITO instead of PAPA like my husband used to call him. Super i really don't know how to react on that i just said sorry coz im not used to it pa. Then after that i starded calling them PAPA and MAMA na din. 

[det060403]

[Apologies: I cannot seem to come up with an aptly descriptive subject head for this post  ]

So... after you get married, your spouse's parents become your own na rin, right? And you call them mom-dad/nay-tay/ma-pa, right?

has anyone of you ever had a problem with this? iniisip ko pa lang kasi, parang naiilang na ako. i'm not really close to my boyfriend's parents, so that might be the reason. and i've always found it weird when somebody calls her/his boyfriend's/girlfriend's parents the abovementioned terms nang hindi pa sila kasal. but i wonder if my mindset would change when the time comes na my boyfriend and i marry. iniisip ko kasi parati: i have my own parents, they'i already have my own mommy and daddy. why would i refer to anybody else as such? 

Im a little worried with this too.. Im used to calling my bf's parents as tito and tita kasi were not in the same "household"... kasi hindi pa kami kasal ng anak nila. LOL  Pero when I got engaged, mukhang si fiance ang nagsstart magpractice to call my parents as how i call them... not infront of them though. during our conversations lang. example he'll say "bigay mo na kay mommy yan?" or "kumain na si daddy?". Pero pag kinakausap niya parents ko he still calls them as tito and tita. hehe.. I think ok nga na strategy yun para masanay. Oooh smart!

[Myealexis21]

before we got married tawag ko sa kanila "tito" at "tita"... Ang hirap nung una pero eventually nasanay din. 

[chedz.03]

Bf/gf palang kami nay at tay na tawag ko sa parents nya and ganun din sya sa parents ko. Nauna sya tumawag ng ganun since mas nauna nya na-meet ang parents ko. Wala naman ako ilang na nafeel kahit nung first time parang automatic na hehe...

[Lizi]

oo nga sis, hindi ko nga sya nakakausap nang pabalang, kaya na sa-silent treatment ko sya. Kasi naman ang kulit, paulit ulit magtanong. Minsan di ko na sya sinasagot.

Kasalanan ba sa Diyos kung hindi mo gusto ang MIL mo? Nagiguilty kasi ako. Hindi ako makapagdasal dahil feeling ko ang sama ko.

Tulad nyan, ngayon pa lang may plano na agad sya for April na vacation. Hmp! ayaw kong sumama. Hindi ako mag-eenjoy when I'm around her.

sis parang parehas tayo, my MIL is not "kontrabida" to us, pero since mama's boy ang hb ko, i feel really uncomfy when she's around. pero hindi naman sha super pakialamera. Naiinis lang ako kapag naalala ko the time na mag-bf/gf pa lang kami, parang sabi ni bf sakin sabi daw ng mama niya 2012 daw kami pwedeng mgpakasal. that time siguro 2yrs back before 2012, parehas pa lang kaming nag-uumpisa as OFW. and he did. we married 2012. now ang sabi naman niya if kung magkaka-baby na kami pwede bang sa bahay na lang daw nila. parang hinigh blood ako don. hindi din kasi kami super close ng mom niya. as in super nakikiasama lang ako every time magkakasama kami. ang siste kasi para kaming nag-aagawang 2 sa attention ng asawa ko. but then i still give them both time together kasi nga ilang years din kaming mgkasama abroad so sila naman.

i feel bad din sa thought na hindi ako close kay MIL but what will i do? ang feeling ko kasi kung yung sa nanay ko nga mismo hindi ko nagagawa yung mga bagay bagay sa MIL ko pa kaya?

in response naman sa thread na to, first acquaintance namin ng IL's ko, i called them tito/tita until we got married i call them now MA/PA as my HB call them. Kasi kahit hindi pa kami kasal Nay/Tay na tawag ng HB ko sa parents ko. Although may times na natatawag ko pa din silang tito/tita pero hindi na madalas unlike nung newlywed pa kami

[hisana]

I actually think it's sweet when my friends call their in-laws Mom or Dad, or Ma or Pa, but I don't think I'll be wholehearted in calling someone else Pa. I'm 100% daddy's girl, at sya lang ang Pa ko! Yung Ma, baka pwede pa, haha.

[seven82]

nagdaan din ako sa ganito  after my husband and i got married, natawag ko father in law ko ng uncle. kinorect niya ako na dapat daw tama ang itawag sa family members. hindi ko naman intention na gawin yun but lumabas lang sa bibig ko.  kapag naguusap kami ng husband ko ganon din sinasabi ko mama mo o papa mo hehe pero kapag kaharap ko naman sila natatawag ko naman sila ng tama.

swerte ang husband ko as wala parents ko dito kaya wala siyang ganyang dilemma.

[mommylyn]

I call them mama and papa out of respect. I also treat them the way I treat my own parents but, I don't think I'd be really close to them nor feel for them the way I feel for my parents... mejo malayo rin kasi ang ugali nila.

[nageinna]

after me and hubby got engaged, sila inlaws na mismo nagsabi kay hubby na i should start calling them mama and papa. and sinabihan din nila si hubby to do the same sa parents ko. at first hindi din ako sanay, may times na nag slip ako, i would call my MIL auntie, and she would correct me agad mama daw dapat. until i got used to it na. mabait naman inlaws ko, but since we're living sa isang building lang, hindi maiwasan na makialam sila samin ni hubby. especially MIL. at first, talagang nagagalit talaga ko, kasi nasanay ako in making my own decisions. kinakausap naman ni hubby si MIL pag nakikita niya nag ooverboard na sa pakikialam. now lang na preggy ako na naging totally hands on nanaman si MIL sakin. but i just let it pass. may times na sinusunod ko gusto nila, but there were times na i stand firm talaga sa ibang bagay. just to let them know na family na namin to now ni hubby. i just learn to pick my battles. infairness MIL is very thoughtful naman. i know good intentions. but may times lang siguro na hindi maiwasan na magoverboard

but i agree with one of our sissies here, i dont think i would be able to call someone mama and papa wholeheartedly aside from my parents since im super close with them

[kmm]

I remember a few days after the wedding, when the hubby & i stayed over at the in-laws, everybody (hubby's sisters and brothers-in-law) laughed when my [textspeak!] asked me something and I answered "Yes Sir!". Although I already knew my parents-in-law since the
hubby and I were kids (my parents & his were good friends & colleagues), we weren't close. But thankfully, they accepted me
as their own immediately after. My own parents died years before I got married, so it didn't take me long to get comfortable calling them
'Moms' & 'Dads' (ganun tawag ng mga anak nila eh sa kanila eh) kasi sobrang na-miss ko na having parents.
So grateful I have awesome in-laws (parents & sibs). In the 3 years we've been married, never ako nakaranas na nahirapan ako mg-adjust.

[blackgreen]

Nung mag bf-gf pa lang kami Tito and Tita rin tawag ko sa kanila. After the wedding medyo nahirapan ako mag-adjust na tawagin silang Ina and Ama. Pag naguusap nga kami ni hubby palagi ang reference ko pa rin "nanay mo, tatay mo, kuya mo, kapatid mo" ganyan. Palagi niya ako kinocorrect na nanay natin, tatay natin, kuya natin, kapatid natin. Eventually parang nakasanayan na rin. Siguro kasi parents ko Mama and Papa tawag ko nung buhay pa kaya parang okay na lang din tawagin silang Ina and Ama.