In-laws becoming your parents, too

[isobel]

[Apologies: I cannot seem to come up with an aptly descriptive subject head for this post  ]

So... after you get married, your spouse's parents become your own na rin, right? And you call them mom-dad/nay-tay/ma-pa, right?

has anyone of you ever had a problem with this? iniisip ko pa lang kasi, parang naiilang na ako. i'm not really close to my boyfriend's parents, so that might be the reason. and i've always found it weird when somebody calls her/his boyfriend's/girlfriend's parents the abovementioned terms nang hindi pa sila kasal. but i wonder if my mindset would change when the time comes na my boyfriend and i marry. iniisip ko kasi parati: i have my own parents, they'i already have my own mommy and daddy. why would i refer to anybody else as such? 

[chengkii]

^Ganyan din ako noon, sis.
Kaya lang, nauna si hubby. Mag BF pa lang kami, after niya pa lang mag propose, mama na din ang tawag sa mama ko. Feeling close diba? Hahaha.

Siguro kung ganoon din si BF sa parents mo, you will feel somehow obliged to follow. Parang isipin mo nalang na ang stranger nga, natatawag mo na nay, ate, why not sila na magiging related talaga sa iyo. When i say strangers, I am referring to the ones who sells something sa road, or mga ganoon. Diba when you ask them, parang, "nay, magkano sa ganito?"

I guess it would be safe to say that it's a matter of getting used to din.

[freeswan]

i have a friend she still calls her mother in law tita. when she tells stories to us about her in laws, she calls her tita and her [textspeak!] "kap" kasi baranggay captain yun dati. pero when she's in front of them, she doesn't call them. when she wants to say something, she just tells them. example "kain na po kayo" instead of "ma, kain na po kayo". weird noh? pero it works for her.

[tinkerpot]

me and my hubby were good friends for a long time bago pa kami naging romantically involved so naturally, tito and tita tawag ko sa parents niya. then nung naging kami na and eventually nagpakasal, nahirapan talaga akong masanay na tawagin silang mama and papa. at times natatawag ko pa rin sila ng tito/tita. lol. but i guess understandable naman.

[honey_iya]

Nung mag bf palang kami ni hubby kahit tita/tito di ko sila tinatawag ng ganun. basta kapag kinakausap ko sila wala ng ganung tawagan tsaka naiilang at nahihiya ako eh feeling ko ang sipsip ko kapag tinawag ko sila ng ganun hehe for me lang yun ha. nung kinasal na kami naiilang padin ako na tawagin silang nanay/tatay. pero nung tumagal na nakasanayan ko na,ngayon komportable na akong tawagin silang nanay/tatay at makipagusap sa kanila ng parang tunay na magulang ko. di kasi ako lumaki sa parents ko,so sa kanila ko naranasan paano magkaroon ng magulang

[clueless]

pero when she's in front of them, she doesn't call them. when she wants to say something, she just tells them. example "kain na po kayo" instead of "ma, kain na po kayo". weird noh? pero it works for her.

this works for me, too. i very seldom spend time with my in-laws din naman because they're abroad but when they're here, ganyan din strategy ko because i also find it weird to call them mom/dad.

but my husband naman, parang natural sa kanya to call my parents mom/dad. minsan nagb-bonding pa sila ng dad ko sa true value or sa ace hardware. i don't see myself doing that with my MIL - going to the mall to shop for shoes or something. 

my dad said kasi na it's the boyfriend who usually spends more time with the girl's family, not the other way around. so when the 2 get married, the husband usually has an easier time adjusting to these things. i think to some extent, totoo siya.

but when it comes to in-laws becoming parents din, as in parents na parang my own parents, hindi ko pa matanggap yan.

my tendency is to compare my mom with my MIL and a lot of the time, i resent my MIL for doing what she does. she likes to meddle kasi and my mom doesn't do that. whenever she's in manila, she stays with us for part of her vacation and she makes all these comments that my maid doesn't do some things well, like how she peels carrots. ganon ka-simpleng things. mali daw, eh it was my mom who taught the maid. does it mean mali mom ko? in that sense, i don't see her in the same way i see my mom. ewan ko ba. mas naniniwala pa din ako sa sarili kong nanay.

[honey_iya]

^Ako sis ginagawa namin ng MIL ko yung mag shopping mostly mga gamit sa bahay,naka-akbay pa nga sya minsan sa akin or naka angkla yung kamay nya sa akin medyo ilang nga lang ako kasi lumaki nga akong di nakasama parents ko.

[isobel]

i have a friend she still calls her mother in law tita. when she tells stories to us about her in laws, she calls her tita and her ... pero when she's in front of them, she doesn't call them. when she wants to say something, she just tells them. example "kain na po kayo" instead of "ma, kain na po kayo"

hehe, feeling ko sa ganito ako mauuwi     problem is, mahilig mag-get-together family nila, as in with cousins and uncles and aunts pa. and i can see them visiting often (not naman to meddle, but they're just really as tightly knit a family as we are) so parang hirap i-keep up yung hindi mo tatawagin na anything. feeling ko nakaka-offend rin kahit slightly 

my dad said kasi na it's the boyfriend who usually spends more time with the girl's family, not the other way around. so when the 2 get married, the husband usually has an easier time adjusting to these things. i think to some extent, totoo siya.

your dad has a point. although in our case, my boyfriend doesn't really spend that much time with them either. pero between the two of us, mas marami syang exposure sa family ko and mas at home sya with them than i am with his.

i have yet to ask my boyfriend about his take on this, if he feels it'll just come naturally to him or ilang din sya, if he would take offense na i'm not inclined to call his parents mom and dad. hmm, mabring up nga.

i have to say, i was surprised to see similar mindsets. until now kasi ang naririnig ko pa lang are yung cases na readily natatawag nila parents ng spouse nila na ma-pa, etc. and nahihiwagaan talaga ako paano nila nagagawa yun. thanks for the insights, girls 

[isobel]

@honey_iya: ang cute naman, at least your MIL feels close to you

[honey_iya]

Actually sis mag bf palang kami ni hubby lagi na nya ako ini-invite sumama sa mga lakad nila,nauuna pa nga sya minsan mag invite keysa kay hubby (bf then). magugulat nalang ako tatawag sa bahay,sama daw ako punta sila SM bibili TV

Siguro kaya ganun na din kami ka close kasi sa tatlong anak nila,si hubby kasi bunso at di nalayo sa kanila,ako din yung manugang na malapit sa kanila. si hubby yun ang bihira makasama ng family ko kasi nasa province sila pero ilang din sya tawagin sila kasi minsan sasabihin niya "mama mo or papa mo" or magkwe-kwento tapos sasabihin "mama ni honey_iya",although minsan sinisita ko

[isobel]

ohh, so kahit pala guys naiilang with it...

gosh, now that it's starting to sound normal (since a lot of people seem to share the same thoughts/experiences), i feel ridiculous for wondering if there's an 'on' switch to this thing once you get married, and worrying that i might not have that built-in 'on' switch   

[mcenyll]

In my case, it was my father in law who told me to call them Ma/Pa...for me naman, no problem even if close din ako sa parents ko...Nakapisan kami sa kanila pero never naman sila nakialam sa aming mag-asawa even sa pagpapalaki ng mga bata, at never din silang naging burden sa aming mag-asawa like sa financial...Tingin ko, alam lang nila yung limitation nila, pero I'm just glad na okay sila kasi yung minsan kakulangan ni hubby (in my mind lang ha, na yung gusto ko na hindi ginagawa ni hubby), napupunan nila...

The funny thing is, hindi ako masyadong showy eversince, pero sa kanila required ako to kiss their cheek after magmano..so eventually I got used to it.

My father died last year...and now my sister is also calling my father in law Papa...lol.

[isobel]

ahaha, aww...surrogate dad, hehe

[aquacharly]

ISOBEL, Phil culture -- it is one of the changes you must embrace when you get married.   Go with the flow, just call them what your hubby calls them, even if the "feelings" still aren't that deep/there...  some things, you just do not sweat over.

Besides, everybody knows it is more a sign of respect and acceptance that you are part of another family now, and not of deep love -- as what we have for our own parents.

Now, IF you are in the US -- there, you will get away calling your in laws by their first names. 

[ysa.belle]

syempre mag-bf palang kaya tito at tita pa di ba? pero pag married na eh kung anong tawag ni hubby sa paretns niya eh yung din ang itatawag mo sa kanila. hindi naman pwedeng tito and tita pa eh kasal na kayo at technically anak ka na rin nila.

[SheDevil!]

 
   My hubby call his Mom by her first name so I call her
   by her first name too.
 

[rhed]

we were best friends kami ni bf so ngayon we're on the wedding preps ok naman kami with his mom so far  when we were still friends we go to the cementery na to visit my grandparents and his dad, sabi ni bf dun daw natuwa sakin mom niya so medyo ok ok na ko sa kanya before pa, when she was confined nag camping ako sa asian kasi busy mga daughters niya ako lang nagbabantay tsaka si then-bestfriend so ayun medyo ok na before pa naging kami 

[twelvth_goddess]

Kame ni hubby ok naman with addressing each other's parents. yung wife ng brother ko, in all the years na kasama namin sya, I never heard her call my mom 'mama' which is probably why hanggang ngayon mabigat pa din loob namin sa kanya 

[chen]

I found it awkward at first to call my father-in-law "papa" and I remembered after ng wedding reception namin, nung nagpa alam na ako na aalis na kami, kasi naiwan pa sila sa venue, ang natawag ko sa kanya was "tito", at sinita ako ng Mom ko. Same goes for hubby na sometimes "auntie" pa din natawag niya sa Mom ko nung umpisa. Pero I guess masasanay lang din after a while. Ngayon, madali nalng for me, parang automatic na sya when I see my father-in-law. It's a sign of respect din naman more than anything eh.

[C-loves-A]

Practice makes permanent

Siguro ilang nung una pero pag lagi na tinatawag/ ginagamit ang mama/papa, daddy/mommy, nay/tay sa ating mga in laws, in the long run makakasanayan din mga sis 

Close nga kami ni MIL