For wives with byenan.. opinions please

[krisle703]

*** tinitingnan ko picture ni @@@@ ang pogi niya sa mga pictures ang pangit lang yung kanyang damit .next time pag pinasali ninyo si @@@@ siguraduhin ninyo na maganda pati suot niya. ibili ninyo at babayaran ko

@@@@@@:
sagot ko na lang parati

@@@@@@:
pati sapatos

@@@@@:
ibili na ninyo ng mas maaga .para mapadala ko agad kung magkano

@@@@:
ayaw ko talaga ng suot niya
----------------------------------

Okay.. I checked my hubby's mail and this is what I saw. My mother in law complaining about my son's wardrobe..

A little background: My son was asked to be an escort sa santacruzan. Initial plan was hihiram na lang ng barong and pants and shoes since once lang naman gagamitin.. wala kasi leather shoes baby ko he's only 2.5 years old. Nanghihinayang naman ako ibili pa sya since mabilis lang sya lumaki and wala rin naman syang pag gagamitan.

Come santa cruzan day, malaki pala yung nahiraman ng barong so I rushed to market to buy barong and pants.. since maliit baby ko nahirapan ako maghanap ng sakto sa kanya.. pero luckily I found one pero tutupian ko pa.. I did all this because lam ko nga na excited MIL ko kasi nabanggit ko na magpapadala ako pics ng escort ng baby ko so kahit may papalit na escort sa baby ko pinilit ko parin.


Nahurt and and medyo galit ng mabasa ko tong comment na to although sinabi na sakin ni MIL na pangit nga daw pero after kong sabihin na sa palengke ko kasi binili ang sabi lang nya "Kaya poala.."


Kung kayo sa position ko ano mafefeel nio? oa lang ba ako para magreact ng ganito sa kanya?

btw.. eto samp;e pics.. will erase these after a day of posting this.

[aquacharly]

Oh, he's a cutie!

Yes, normal lang to feel hurt... who wants to be criticized anyway

Pero, look at it positively. 
Hindi ka naman nya di-nown personally.
Yes, she said kaya pala .. kasi nga galing sa palengke the barong.
She did not say:  kaya pala, kasi hanggang palengke lang alam ng Mrs mo.  Or something like, uryab/baduy/cheapo  talaga yang Mrs mo.
I have heard MILS say that (no, not my MIL   hello, exchooz me?  sino baduy?)

And the fact that she said, next time... tell her and she will send money... alam nya you are being a good home manager and being practical.  Como wala na sya masyadong constraints siguro at this time in her life... And she understands how it is when a couple are just starting out in life...  Kaya she is willing to pay for it all next time. 
So let her.   

Another angle to it is... ang cutie pie nga your kid.  But she can't be there for times like that.   Ang mga MILs/lolas  gusto nila kasama sila sa mga happenings ng mga apo... tayo naman kung minsan tingin natin pakialamera.  pero hindi, gusto lang nila kasama sila sa excitement, happiness nila makita ang cutesy cutesy nang kanilang apo ...
Now, her way of participating is to spend for it.. because she cannot be there to physically  participate.   So, let her participate that way, next time.

Atchaka for sure, naalala nya ang past when she was in your shoes na you really make each peso gooo a looooong way... and now she  has money,  inisip nya she can make it a little more maluwag for you, hsuband and the kids. 

[kaiz]

don't take it personally na lang sis. baka ganyan lang talaga magsalita MIL mo.. isispin mo na lang na she was smiling while typing those words. makulit lang kumbaga

[krisle703]

^ thanks aquacharly.. but no matter how I try to justify her reactions that way.. I don't know why I can't..

Maybe because she has history of not so good memories to me when it comes to money..

That's another story.. you see my husband resigned from his job to fulfill her mom's ambition to work abroad and being the sole provider now I felt like she doesn't appreciate the fact that I try to provide well for my baby and for her son.

Now my husband is having a hard time finding work and whenever we're having money problems.. My mil would be the first to say the she has no money (but will later say she spent $$$ to buy new iphone or sends cash to her sisters in the province etc). and then say "if only my husband is working abroad.. etc.. etc.. "

I also recently found out that she was bragging to her friends in the states that she is giving us monthly allowance and that she is proividing everything for us.. which are all LIES! Yes she sends us clothes and shoes for my son which I thought were gifts not monthly sustento. At times, she would offer money to chip in during my son's bday yun pala sa kanya e sustento na yon. So since then, I kinda reject or said "wag na po.." alot of times to her..

[krisle703]

and after months of trying to be financially independent.. so wala na syang masabi etc.. Eto mababasa ko.. that's why I felt so disappointed.. it's like I'm not doing the best pala..

[aquacharly]

KIRSLE703 -- do not base your self worth on your MIL's actions.

Getz ko na why you reacted that way.
Count your blessings she is far far far far away.   hehe

Now, what is important is you maintain your equanimity, even if she rocks the boat with malice.
So, do not put your husband in the middle ha... na later on itatago nya what his mother writes out.   

Frankly,  your kid's outfit looks okay. 
It would have been foolish to spend more than necessary.

Some people cannot be pleased.
Do not let them color your life negatively.  Ignore her as much as you can.  But never be rude.  Smile her down to death.  hehe

As for the other things she says that are not true...
old people are like that oftentimes ... tactless.  hehe  must be a trait of oldies, most of them.
Basta isipin mo na lang,  The Truth always comes out...

[krisle703]

^ thanks.. I'll try not to get affected next time.. kaya lang parang sobrang hirap..

[aquacharly]

Kaya mo yan.
Basta isipin mo, every marriage has  its problems. 
Buti ang sa yo hindi philandering husband, hindi a child with physical or mental problems... cutie nga eh!   

The problem of a bungagera/taklesa MIL?  Kaya mo yan... she is soooo far away, that is already a big advantage.  Just discipline your mind.. ganito:  do not let anything you cannot touch affect you.  hehe, kahit na dumating yan sa bakuran mo for a bakasyon.. don't touch her!  Baka you give in to temptation and slap her... hehe, just kidding!

Take care of yourself.

[twelvth_goddess]

Sis mejo ganyan yung mom ko sa 2 nephews ko. Yung SIL and brother ko kase very simple lang ang lifestyle nila. My brother's the simplest among us in the family so nadadala nya yon with his kids. My mom kase picky with their clothes, shoes, etc kase gusto nya sya lage bumibili eh syempre as parents, gusto naman ng brother ko and his wife to be able to provide for their kids on their own. My mom kase kahit pangbahay gusto nya super kabonggahan. I once told my mom na hinde naman pwedeng ultimo pangbahay na damit eh branded noh.

Hinde ko nakita pics ng son mo blocked kase dito sa office yung site. But I think it's normal na ma-offend ka with what you read. Minsan din napapag-awayan na yan ng brother and mother ko kase admittedly may pagka-pakelamera talaga si mother and may mga times na hinde maganda ang dating ng comments nya. Hello, it's not as if gusgusin clothes ng nephews ko noh. They wear branded clothes naman but I told nga my mom, it can't all be Guess Kids or Baby Gap.

Just let your MIL be, ignore her but be polite pa din. Basta wala kang ginagawang masama sa kanya.

[chengkii]

agree with aquacharly. Deadma is the name of the game. Hindi naman na niys mara-run iyun life niyo. At least, wala siya dito...

Pero I think, fetish na ng in laws iyan...makialam sa life ng anak nila.

[twelvth_goddess]

^^you're right. naisip ko tuloy na lucky ako with my in-laws kase hinde sila yung pakelamero type. siguro enough na yung pagka-pakelamera ng mom ko hehe.

[wella]

honestly, I dont see anything wrong with the attire. I mean hindi naman panget. Hindi rin naman siguro panget ang taste ko at naappreciate ko di ba.. It means kanya-kanya lang tayo ng taste. Its okay to feel that way, pero hindi ka naman siguro pinipersonal.

[krisle703]

Thanks po sa lahat ng replies.. after a day.. nakaget over na rin ako..  hindi na masama loob ko pero I still can't deny any malice from her message..

Atleast now dedma na lang talaga ako.. 

[pompz]

naku sis maswerte ka pa nga at hindi mo naririnig on the spot yan- pano na kung kasama mo pa sya sa bahay! kaya swerte mo talaga... hayzz well ganon talaga tayo very sensitive tayo kahit maliit na bagay na may kinalaman sa atin once nag react ng di maganda ang MIL natin- ako naku sobra sobra na ginawa kong pananhimik- ang point ko kasi sis bakit ako papaapekto sa'yo, ikakasira pa yan ng relationship nyo ni hubby di ba, and payo lang sis ha, wag kang mag react ng negative kay hubby- magulang pa din nya yan, keep it for yourself muna, ako now na malaki na anak ko dalawa na kami nagbubulungan hehe, saka ganon talaga ang mga LOLA OA talaga sila pag dating sa apo atleast diba loves na loves nya si baby mo, lambingin mo na lang lagi ang byenan mo, ask mo din opinion nya.. ikakatuwa pa nya, IMO

[krisle703]

^ i understand.. but you know nasasabi ko inis ko sa mil ko kay hubby but never nagreact si hubby na oppose sya sakin.. sya pa nagsasabi intindihin na lang kasi ganun talaga.. siguro kasi alam nya talaga na may attitude yung mom nya and minsan naiinis narin sya

[Pookiekai]

^ i understand.. but you know nasasabi ko inis ko sa mil ko kay hubby but never nagreact si hubby na oppose sya sakin.. sya pa nagsasabi intindihin na lang kasi ganun talaga.. siguro kasi alam nya talaga na may attitude yung mom nya and minsan naiinis narin sya

yeah... me too. kilala ng hubby ko ang ugali ng mom nya, at mas kilala nya ako kesa sa pagkakakilala ng mom nya sa akin. so for me, hindi mahirap mag-open ng problem ko with MIL sa hubby ko. sya pa nga ang nahihiya sa akin pag "nagpapapansin" ang MIL ko. mas i-appreciate naman siguro ng hubby ko na sa kanya na lang ako magkuwento about my problem with his mom kesa ikuwento ko sa mga girlfriends ko hehe.

[bytchgoddess]

Am so lucky with my inlaws since they are sooo into me.. hahaha! they love me and they also respect my opinions... they even ask my opinions on most ideas before they do something.. it pays to show how you respect them and how you balance everything out... at first medyo di din kami ok when we were gf/bf pa lang but later on when my MIL got to know me better naging ok na lahat...

I guess it should be give and take... you let them know your stand then try to adjust or meet in the middle.. although ako kasi firm on what I want and they see it in a good way... strong nga daw personality ko kaya mas nag coconfide sa aken ang MIL ko compared to the other manugangs...

and since technically pareho kami ng birthday ng MIL ko, altho late registry sha kaya the next day na ang registered birthday nya medyo nakukuha nya ang ugali ko kasi pareho lang daw kami... sobrang baet pero pag nagalet... lagot! RESPECT is the key word... you dont ask for it, you earn it diba... same goes for them... 

[zandystar]

they are all external monsters! hehe.. live your own and do what you want as long as you dont hurt someone or nalalamanangan ang kapwa.. who cares!

[mcenyll]

iba naman ang case ko, sa amin ng hubby ko mas strong ang personality ko..hindi naman masyadong pakialamera inlaws ko kasi nga medyo deadmatic ako..

ang sa amin, yung attitude naman ng asawa ko...sila parati ang nagka-clash ng father nya..although mabait naman [textspeak!] ko so parati hindi sya pumapatol sa kaartihan ng anak nya..natatawa lang ako kasi sa aming dalawa ako parati n agre-remind sa hubby ko na hindi nya dapat ginawa yung ginawa nya or parang iba ang dating nung sinabi nya...

pero all-in-all, okay naman kami ng in-laws ko.  kahit nakapisan kami sa kanila, hindi naman kami pabigat kasi kami naman gumagastos sa pangangailangan ng pamilya namin tapos sa bahay may 2 kaming katulong/yaya for the kids..minsan kasi nag-attempt kami na umalis na sa kanila, ayaw nila kasi sila na lang dalawa ang maiiwan. so hanggang ngayon nasa sa kanila pa rin kami nakatira...pero target ko magkabahay within this year na talaga.

[eimerej5]

sis, slight lang yan sinabi ng MIL mo.. though ofcourse it hurts pa din coz you did ur best d b to keep your son look good..

ako, sinabihan ako ng MIL ko ng sobrang masakit na salita. It happened pa nung time that my dad is really ill and that me and my son will be going home to manila.... She told me that hindi kami pede tumira sa haws nila at hindi ko pede gamitin ang sasakyan nila... Noon kasi nung nasa pinas pa kami ng hubby ko dun kami nakatira sa kanila kasi wala naman ibang titira dun kungdi maid lang.. kaya dun kami, dun nalumaki anak ko...

Ang what hurts most is that sinabi pa niya n doon kami sa nanay ko tumira, magsama sama kami dun mahirap kami... eh hindi naman kami ganun kahirap.. my gosh!

O di ba, mas matindi to and worst is my dad died a week bago kami dumating sa manila. And i never had not even a single phone call from my husbands family... dahil nga upset sila (my MIL and my husbands sisters) na uuwi kami at iniisip nila na ang gagastos eh ang husband ko since siya lang ang nagwowork sa amin dahil hindi naman ako pede magwork... Pero mga sis, sister ko ang nagbigay ng pamasahe namin ng anak ko.. though nagbigay din ng pera asawa ko, e asawa ko naman un saka gusto naman niya na umuwi ako to see my father.. hindi naman vacation ang inuwi namin dun di ba..

That time nasa pinas yung isang sis ng husband ko na nagpunta sa wake ng father ko, ok naman, kinausap niya mommy ko at nagbigay ng abuloy which is gusto ko ibalik kung hindi lang talaga kabastusan yun.. hay! then sabay sinabi na dun kami sa house nila magstay at pwede ko na gamitin yung sasakyan, may driver naman daw.. etc... I didnt stay sa house nila at hindi ko ginamit yung sasakyan... May sarili kami car at house.. kaya nagstay ako sa mommy ko...

until now,,, wala pa din... deadma na lang... BUTI  na lang at magkalayo kami ng haws at state...

Hindi ko alam kung bakit sila galit sa ken. wala naman ako ginagawa sa kanila na masama... at saka lam niyo ba paguwi ko sa pinas ang dami pa palang kwento ng MIL ko sa mga tao dun pati sa tita ko.. na ayaw ko dw magwork, wala naman ako ginagawa dito.. etc.. etc... hay! eh hindi naman kami magkasama sa haws para malaman niya kung ano ginagawa ko dito!

sino b naman ang ayaw kumita... wala nama ako yaya para pagiwanan sa anak ko.. at saka special child ang anak ko.. hindi siya pede basta lang iiwanan sa ibang tao...

si hubby hindi nagkwekwento sa ken about sa family niya... but i can feel na miss niya family niya... saka hindi siya nagsasabi ng mga problems niya sa ken.. di ba lahat naman ng tao dapat may makausap regarding sa kung ano ang naiisip at nararamdaman niya?! ewan ko ba, ganito yung nagyayari sa amin ngayon.. though we talk but not about problems and feelings...

ano masasabi nyo mga sis?