Early in our marriage when we still lived abroad, my spouse and I pooled our scholarship grants and we would agree on how to budget our household expenses from that.
When we got back home, and my spouse was the only one working while I stayed at home to take care of our baby, he gave me his take home pay intact. And then he would tell me I have so much amount budget for household expenses that I must list down to the last centavo, and the rest we will deposit in the bank for future needs. I initially cooperated, but I felt bad over being dictated upon, and being made to make that list to the last centavo! Me? A CPA/MBA being made by an MScEngineering to do that? Kiber mo!!!! So, I upped and looked for work and found one, that offered a pay much higher than my spouse's pay - even as he had already worked almost 2 years. He didn't like it. Then began the language of "pera mo yan, pera ko ito" - "gastos mo yan, gastos ko yun"
Then it got worst, I did not even know where he was putting his money anymore, because my earnings was the one going into all expenses: household, our children's school expenses, etc. One day I just said, "Not anymore! No more "pera mo iyan, pera ko ito." And I resigned from my job. He was surprised. He told me he did not have enough for all expenses. Then, I knew why. He had a kabit on the side, and more por kilos almost every night. He had to make a decision: he would work abroad, to afford our expenses. He would send me half of his total earnings each month and then tell me that I could only spend so much each month. "Ganun ha. Balik sa dati ha!" I said. But I did not complain. I saved up, and then pooling what I saved up with the moneys from when I was working, I told him I wanted to set up a consulting business, but that since I am a wife, I must get his written permission, legally documented, for me to engage in business. He questioned my ability to run a consulting business, in his area of expertise. I just said, "Wait for the day when this business can pay your salary there. When that day comes, end your contract there and come home to work for me!"
That day came. He came home to work for me - with me in our consulting business - and we flourished. We had definite roles - me in charge of finances, he in charge of engineering. At home, our finance were pooled, and I decided on how much to spend, how much to save and where to save it. Then he again balked, when he started to work on a special project where he was getting the same amount of honorarium as his pay from our company. He insisted on holding on to the monthly honorarium. He put it in a small bank, where he was "siga" because he is one of the large amount depositors. Our daughter asked us to buy her a condo near her medical school, and I reckoned our finances and told her we could buy it, if she could convince her dad to cough up some of the honorarium he was holding on to. My spouse, her dad, replied with a vehement, "No!" And in addition, he made me give up control of our home finances. He transferred most of it to the same small bank. Then the bank folded up, and all we could recover was the amount insured with PDIC, a small percentage of all the total savings - all because my spouse wanted control of the moneys he and I both earned!
Back to square one. "Pera ko ito, pera ko yun!" and slowly I built up savings again. When he saw that, he suggested pooling our savings together, because according to him, we were growing older and we must jointly managed our resources, for old age. I agreed. Now, it is "pera natin." Sometimes I earn more. Sometimes he earns more. But it all goes to "pera natin."
Mommy Fe
