avoiding being too possesive and obsessive..

[Miss.Pancake]

^Ganun talaga. If only I knew back then what i know now, things could have been better sana.

[simang]

^well in my case, everything was way better sa current relationship ko, so no regrets. Hope all goes well with you too.

[Miss.Pancake]

^I hope so too sa next relationship ko...

[nixiquita]

Eto talaga weakness ko forever. Paulit ulit sa mga relationships ko although dalawa pa lang naman hehe So talagang problem ko siya I need to start learnin kung paano ito iwasan at controlin. Bilib na bilib ako lagi sa mga babaeng kayang kayang tiisin at hindi pansinin mga bf nila. Kasi ako i have a hard time na pigilan sarili ko from being too clingy and posessive. Nature ko na talaga. Siguro kasi napakainsecure kong tao maya pati sa relationships ko i act very needy and insecure onti onti step by steo i promise to avoid this attitude and behavior. kakayanin ko. para sa sarili ko. kasi i always end up feeling unhappy and unloved dahil sa insecuriities ko

[Miss.Pancake]

Sis it takes a lot of practice im telling you. It took me 5 yrs with that guy to learn this.

[nixiquita]

Magsstart pa lang ako ngayon. Hayy. better late than never haha will focus on selfimprovement

[Miss.Pancake]

Go sis push mo yan! Supportado kita. I'm here naman everytime you need to open up.

[nixiquita]

^ actually sis, thank you talaga

Yung cellphone ko nga pinahihiram ko sa iba para di ako matempt tawagan siya, yung officemate ko na alam din prob ko sabi niya, wag ko daw gawin yun para matuto akong controlin sarili ko kahit andyan yung phone ko at anytime pwede ko siya tawagan and im proud to say na hindi pa ako naglalapse, wahaha, achievement na to Feeling ko everyday, mas nagheheal ako at natututo.

IDK lang kung if ever siya ang magparamdam, ang bilis ko pa naman bumigay. BUT I NEED TO BE STRONG AND INDEPENDENT THIS TIME :|

[Miss.Pancake]

Naku sis ako para na kong sira tingin ng tingin sa cellphone ko. Hindi ko naman pedeng pamigay phone ko kasi baka may emergency.

[nixiquita]

^hala ako rin napapacheck lagi ng phone. Kaso ngayon hindi na masyado parang convinced na akong im waiting for nothing and expecting for things na imposible.

----

to answer the Q:

Mukhang alam ko na ang only way to avoid being too possesive and obsessive, self love and respect for partner.

[Miss.Pancake]

Agree ako sa answer mo sis.

Sa wakas nakuha mo rin. hehe

[khaleesiCersei]

agree to sis simang that's what i do kasi, i don't cut myself from my friends and other things that i enjoy doing.. kumbaga i still have a life outside my relationship. sya din hinayahaan ko sya lumabas with his friends or kung may hobbies like sports, hinayaan ko din basta magpapaalam kung nasaan sya or what time uuwi. hindi din ako makulit sa text kasi tamad ako tumingin sa phone hehe. pero kidding aside ganon kalaki yun trust na binibigay ko kasi malaki din ang consequence pag nasira yun haha! tsaka para sakin kasi ang boring na nun kung kayo na lang lagi magkasama na halos magkadikit na yun bituka nyo.. parang ano pa pede nyong pagkwentuhan dba? tama yung self love. at walang masama sa pag prioritize sa sariling needs and wants paminsan minsan, hindi parating yung needs lang ng partner ang dapat lagi unahin.

[estelle21]

lalo lang mawawala si guy kapag possesive tayo saka obsessive

men want to chase and to be challenged. they don't really like being chased

so i guess we should become women who are challenging in a sense that we also have a good career, an interesting hobby, passion for stuff and passion for life itself.

boys tend to get eventually fed up with clingy gfs

clingy gfs tend to be insecure.

so mas ok na iimprove sarili. para di ma insecure. we should always be beautiful and presentable for our men. we should have a life separate from them. para they will keep on chasing us.  kasi we're interesting

[nixiquita]

may nabasa ako, here goes:


Psychologists speak of the Anxious-Preoccupied type (who we will call the Anxious.) They are the third-largest love type, at about 20% of the population. Because they never got enough love as children, they crave intimacy but tend to feel doubtful about their own worth, making it harder for them to trust that they are loved and cared for. At their worst they are viewed as “needy” or “clingy,” and can drive others away by their demands for attention.

The anxious-preoccupied find it hard to venture away from their partners or loved ones to accomplish goals. The classic clingy child or parent or partner is acting out their anxiety about abandonment. But they are deeply motivated to love.

For an anxious person, the key to finding a good partner is to avoid dismissives and other anxious people who will never make them feel secure. A Secure partner can help an anxious person become more secure with time, improving their sense of assurance in life in general and allowing them to achieve their other goals.

[imyourangel]

Ako I notice I'm getting possessive and siguro annoying na rin sa kanya kapag he's busy doing something (MA, work as a professor) while I'm not. Syempre dahil I have idle hands, first thing that goes in my mind is to talk to my boyfriend. To the point na nagiging possessive na hehe. Kaya I believe that it's important for you to focus on other aspects of your life, too. Not the life where your world is centered around your partner.

[estelle21]

^imyourangel. sis kahit wala nga ko idle hands kasi i also work and take graduate classes, kulit pa rin ako kay ex. isa yung reason kaya ayaw na nya ko balikan. kasi im too dependent on him

lesson learned talaga!

dapat wag tayong maging too clingy. sabe rin to ng kumare ko. pretend pretend na nga lang raw sya na she is independent at na kayang kaya nya wala mister nya...gusto raw kasi ng boys ng mga babaeng dependent, confident (na hindi mayabang), at me sariling desisyon sa buhay

[imyourangel]

^Correct! Wag tayo maging clingy. Nakakairita yun para sa partners natin. Kahit ako din naman kung may mga ginagawa ko na mahirap magrespond sa mga texts, nakakainis yun diba. So we really should have a life of our own. A life that is whole even by ourselves.

[klariza_yabu001]

Medyo problem ko to. Pag minsan 30 mins na sya hindi nagtetext or nag mmsg sakin sa fb or kakao inaaway ko na sya tapos mag sosorry sya kasi inutusan pala sya or something. Sya naman gusto palagi ako kausap sa phone the whole day pag walang pasok. Semi-LDR kasi kami every weekends lang nakakapag meet so bumabawi kami thru communication nalang. Minsan nga nagpapalusot pa ko para lang di ko muna sya makausap sa phone para chat lang muna kasi nanonood ako tv or may ginagawa ako hahaha. Pero pag sya na busy nagagalit na ko but he never complained actually, he likes that better daw kesa mag act ako na wala akong pake sa kanya. In fact kinikilig nga daw sya pag inaaway ko sya ng ganun hehe. I think it's one of our ways to make lambing lambing to each other. Sabi nya mas feel nya daw love ko for him na umaapaw daw hehe. I'm an introvert kasi so medyo off talaga social life ko kaya sya lang inaasikaso ko aside from myself and my family. Sya naman college student pa so he has friends pa na niyayaya sya minsan mag inom pero he always declines kasi nga alam nyang ayaw ko tho I tell him naman na okay lang sakin makipag bonding sya with his friends basta no girls involve. Yet he still chooses not to go with them parin kasi nga ako iniisip nya.

So I think hindi naman risky sa relationship namin kung possessive or obsessive kami sa isa't isa. After all, he's all I have and he understands me super happy girl here

[zarazan]

We have very a very similar set up sis. My boyfriend is still a student, tas ako working naman na. But the thing is, my boyfriend is kind of an introvert too. Kaya medyo same kami ng ugali. Nagagalit pag hindi nagtetext agad or tatawag na yan pag matagal hindi nagrerep.

In terms of "lakad" naman, pwede naman pero avoid as much with the opposite sex din. He really is so understanding. Siguro dahil medyo seloso rin kaya parang quits nalang.

BUT BUT, I am trying my best to change. It can't always be this way too. So medyo may improvements na. Whenever he's in school, I try not to text as often. Minsa nga, the whole time he's in school, di nalang ako nagtetext. Tas after nalang, tas ayun, mas maraming kwento.  What I am trying to work on now is being comfortable with him being with his friends, even with girls. Super selosa ako and this is really hard for me. Pero yun lang, ayaw na niya rin sumama sa kanila. Out of choice naman, tsaka parang may past siya na people had hurt him so iwas tao talaga. So ayun.