avoiding being too possesive and obsessive..

[IronLady]

^waw sis tama yan! if i hadnt been studying yan din ang gagawin ko. haha. kapag nag-aaral ka kasi minsan nakakadown pa din kahit di mo na sya naiisip, gusto ko maggym para mas maging fit at healthy sana while keeping myself busy.

[riceann]

haha mga sis nakakarelate me dito...i think ilang months din akong ganito, possessive and obsessive about my boyfriend...dumating na sa time na nagagalit ako and sinasabi ko na ayoko na and everything...kasi sa mga simpleng bagay...hehe 
like hindi nakakareply, hindi nakakatawaga or nakakatulugan...
tipong feeling mo wala xang time sayo...and feeling that he's making excuses not to text or call...pero hindi namn talaga gano..over thinking lang...hehe
and tama si ORANGERAIN "it's important to see the root of your obsessive/possessive behavior."
and same lang kami ng reason for being obsess and possessive..ito iyung takot na bigla ka nyang iiwan.
like what she said FEAR OF ABANDONMENT.
kasi ako hindi ako ang tipo na hindi mabilis mainlove...and take note for 22yrs of being single he is my first boyfriend...and he's younger than me for 4yrs...diba...
he's too young and it scares me na makakita sya ng ibang girl na malapit sa age range na at ipagpalit ako dun..
although aware naman sya sa insecurity ko na ito and he understand...were too open with each other about things...too honest, kasi nabuild up ko namn na maging honest kami sa isat isa eh....

but this relationship almost end because of my obsessive and possessiveness. pero buti nalang hind...cool off muna to think things over...then i realize how obsessive i have become...nung time ng cool off nabigyan me ng chance to go back to what i am b4 ako nagka boyfriend and namiss ko yun...na open ako na ang dami ko palang nakalimutan nung nagka bf ako...at nung nagkaayos kami i tried to control it..hehe
so now i try to not focus on him too much... and keep myself busy with my girlfriends, hobbies and etc.
sa umpisa kala ko di ito mag work out pero it turns out na kaya ko pala...hehe
I NEED TO BE STRONG!!!
i don't want to lose the person i love...hehe

[mariaclara-]

read WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES. very helpful and the reason why okay na okay lovelife ko.

[alexii]

Guilty! I am obsess with my bf too. Yung tipong katext ko talaga siya araw2 at katawagan to the point na wala na nga kami mapagkwentuhan. Tapos pag may net connection siya at papasok na ako (bawal cp sa work) todo chat pa din kami. At twing weekends sakanya ako nagsstay. Super obsess lang talaga ang peg ko..

Well ganon din naman siya. Ayaw niya nawawalan kami ng communication. May time pa nga na nawalan daw ako ng time sakanya at inaway niya ako talaga..

Minsan gusto ko din talaga lumabas kasama ang mga co-workers ko kaso mas masarap kasi yung feeling na siya kasama ko. And even pag nagsshoping ako siya kasama ko.

Is it healthy ba?

[Girltalker2]

Minsan iniisip ko is it us girls na possessive or is it just sometimes some guys make us feel that way.

Dapat we also maintain our own circle of friends din at hindi lang sa kanila umiikot ang mundo natin.

[alexii]

^for me, i guess it is, coz the feeling is mutual! i kinda got jealous nga while i was reading your post. pero naisip ko, pag tumagal, paano na? baka magsawa agad kayo sa isa't isa? i guess ok lang yun if you're in the earlier part of the relationship pa lang...

1 year and 8 months na kami. Early stage pa din ba siya macoconsider?

Dapat we also maintain our own circle of friends din at hindi lang sa kanila umiikot ang mundo natin.

I agree. Pero mas masarap kasi kasama siya eh. Mas comfortable ako.

[simang]

Ako i would suggest ba whatever you were doing before you were with the guy, you continue doing it.

If you go out with friends every weekend when you were single, continue doing it kahit boyfriend mo na sya. If you surf the net every night for whatever reason nung single ka, do that still. Basta yung lifestyle mo nung single ka, keep that. Hindi mo kelangan baguhin yun just because you're in a relationship.

In short, keep your identity. Yun ang nagustuhan nya sayo. Kung malolost yun inside the relationship, baka mawala rin ang interest nya sayo.

[zarazan]

Hi girls, what if pareho kayong possesive and obsessive? Like tipong pag hindi nakapag-text yung isa, takang taka agad, HAHAHA

Anyway, my boyfriend kasi doesn't have a lot of friends. Marami kasi nag take for granted sa kanya before so he kept his friends to a really low number. So medyo ako lang talaga lagi niya kasama. And same with me. I have tons of friends, pero medyo busy rin kasi sila madalas so minsan minsan lang din kami makalabas. Pero ever since naman, hindi talaga ako yung super magimick like todo.

Pero nung nagka-boyfriend ako, siya na lagi ko kasama. Gusto niya kasi na we meet atleast twice on weendays and every weekend. Naka-schedule na yan samin. He would cancel plans with his friends pag nagffall on Saturday kasi samin lang talaga yun.

Is this healthy?

[jobelle1984]

i can relate this,my previous ex-ito lage ang complain niya saken, ang kulit ko daw, hirap ako umintindi pag sinabi niyang busy siya or me importante syang ginagawa, parang gusto ko ako na lang palagi, and i tend to compare like sa time niya with his friends, with families, or with hobbies ,sa time na binibigay niya saken,. ang bad ko..:-(, and its true that trust and respect will really change that behavior. when we decided to let go things, don ko narealize lahat ng ginawa ko sa knya. lahat ng pang babadtrip ko kapag nasa office siya, sa gimmick/outing, pag me laro siya sa basketball...just because i think he is doing something bad doesnt mean he is actually doing it, minsan product na [textspeak!] ng guni2 ko.kaya lagi ko siya pinipigilan sa lahat.
now, i have a new boyfriend-we've been together like almost 7 mos. believe me super behave ko sa knya. i learned to trust and respect my boy.when he said di ako makakapunta dyan kase me lakad kami,etc.etc,all i can replied is "ingat baby" and i can sleep better without the negative thoughts running in my mind...maybe its self awareness and the right guy na din...

[sugardrop]

I don't think I am that obsessive and possessive
because I don't want my world to revolve around him and vice versa. However, I get these idle moments too - sometimes, I freely entertain these thoughts, most of the time, I do things to keep myself busy. But we text and talk to each other usually in the afternoon/evening before we sleep to catch up. That way, may space pa din kami. We make it a point to see each other as often as we can, though.

Kaso sya yung medyo possessive and admits na ganun sya. Selfish nga daw sya. And ayaw nya ako lalabas especially iinom without him. I know why he's being protective naman and he makes me feel safe so natutuwa ako.

Kaya sabi ko, if I want to go out and have a few drinks with my friends, lalo na pag guy friend, isasama ko na lang sya. Para uminom man ako, he's there. I guess compromise na lang so I can still see my other friends too. And to show that he is part if my world without it revolving around him lang or us.

[zarazan]

What if your partner never gave you a reason to doubt pero you just can't make yourself feel at ease with all the sad and negative stories about relationships. Hirap hindi maging possesive pag may fear kasi talaga Feel ko maagaw lagi sayo.

[iamgorgeous27]

Guilty much! Akala ko ako lang ang nagkakaganito sa boyfriend ko. Tama, I'll just keep my self busy nalang pag wala din siyang time for me. Napapansin ko na din kasi sarili ko na parang masyado na kong nagiging dependent sa kanya feeling ko pati happiness masyado ng nakadepend sa kanya kaya pakiramdam ko  tuloy parang depressed lage pag wala siyang time.
Atleast, ngayon alam ko na. Super helpful ang nabasa ko dito para mabago na kaisipan ko.

[sarah29]

Hay nako. Ganto ako ngayon! Nung nagsisimula palang kame, sobrang baliw na baliw sya saken kase sobrang busy ako sa ibang mga bagay. Eh ngayon nagkataon wala akong work at lumipat kame ng new city so medyo nga-nga ang buhay ko. Sobrang clingy ko talaga. Maya't maya gusto ko sya kausap o katext. Long distance kamen ngayon, eh. Nung magkasama naman kame enjoy naman namen company ng isa't isa at walang problema na 24/7 kame magkasama. Pero ngayon long distance, ang dami nya gusto gawin.. ako naman gusto ko lang makaskype sya at makatext. Ang hirap! Kailangan ko na talaga makahanap ng new hobbies and friends.

[chichi143]

i have a dear friend who went overboard with this.

she always ask the colleagues of her bf if he's already at work, on break or is already out. even if she's asking this to the guy, she still ask some people.

nakakaloka talaga.tapos merong bagong colleague yong bf nya na single at maganda naman. naku! stalker mode siya kay ate. to the point na alam niya kung san na to nakatira. she's like obsessed already!

now the guy just told her na nakakasakal siya and did not talk to her again. hay. i don't want to talk to her narin because i know she might plot revenge and dump all her drama to me. am i a bad friend? hays.

ipagdasal ko na lang siya. ok lang po magselos minsan pero pag sobra nakakasakal nga.

[lady_avoidant]

ngayong busy busy han ako online to the point na di ko na natetext , na a update yung bf ko e eto tuloy ang nagtatampo sa akin.. nagsasabi na na binabalewala ko raw siya.. hayst.. bumaliktad na ang pangyayari..lol ano kayang appropriate actions ko para di siya mag isip na nabalewala kuno siya..

[simang]

Yes your relationship with your boyfriend is important, but it's not or it should not be the only thing significant in your life.

Here's an analogy my Literature professor (now my colleague) gave once: we exchange energies with the things that make us happy. If i like working, then i give my energy to my job, and in turn my job gives me a certain sense of satisfaction and happiness. Same is true with our friends, our hobbies, when we travel, and when we are in a relationship. Mostly what happens is that when we are in a new relationship, meron tayong bagong source ng positive energy. So dumadami yung source of satisfaction natin (work, friends, hobbies, travel, and then boyfriend) kaya feeling natin mas masaya tayo at mas maganda tayo haha. But what we (mostly girls) think is  that dahil mas masaya tayo when we are in a new relationahip, we think na that's our only source of happiness. So what we do is cut off the other sources cause we believe we dont need them, as this new relationship can make us happy and satisfied on its own. Eventually what happens is that because we already cut ties with the other sources, we become sad and we feel incomplete. So we resort to being possessive and clingy to our partners, kase to us, he's the only source of happiness. But little are we realizing that there are a lot of things we can do to make us happy (and being in a relationship is just one of those).

So my point is, as most of you have already mentioned here, don't make your man the center of your universe. Whatever you were doing before you met him, keep on doing that (except maybe for dating and flirting around haha). I swear he will appreciate you more if you made him a part of your world, and not your whole world.

[nixiquita]

^wow thats something new and fresh ty


anyway this is something i cant seem to get rid of. dito naiinis madalas si bf eh. huhu. ang hassle. kahit ayaw ko sana ang hirap controllin at pigilin. parang lumalala pa. haha.

siguro to take my mind off of him, i focus on work. then go window shopping. go out and talk with friends. or if di makakalabas, telebabad with friends. visit sa salon or spa. read a book. watch tv, which sometimes aggravates the sitch esp if youre watching romantic flicks haha surf the net.

and one thing na effective lately? membering in GT and posting here promise hehe

[Miss.Pancake]

Yes your relationship with your boyfriend is important, but it's not or it should not be the only thing significant in your life.

Here's an analogy my Literature professor (now my colleague) gave once: we exchange energies with the things that make us happy. If i like working, then i give my energy to my job, and in turn my job gives me a certain sense of satisfaction and happiness. Same is true with our friends, our hobbies, when we travel, and when we are in a relationship. Mostly what happens is that when we are in a new relationship, meron tayong bagong source ng positive energy. So dumadami yung source of satisfaction natin (work, friends, hobbies, travel, and then boyfriend) kaya feeling natin mas masaya tayo at mas maganda tayo haha. But what we (mostly girls) think is  that dahil mas masaya tayo when we are in a new relationahip, we think na that's our only source of happiness. So what we do is cut off the other sources cause we believe we dont need them, as this new relationship can make us happy and satisfied on its own. Eventually what happens is that because we already cut ties with the other sources, we become sad and we feel incomplete. So we resort to being possessive and clingy to our partners, kase to us, he's the only source of happiness. But little are we realizing that there are a lot of things we can do to make us happy (and being in a relationship is just one of those).

So my point is, as most of you have already mentioned here, don't make your man the center of your universe. Whatever you were doing before you met him, keep on doing that (except maybe for dating and flirting around haha). I swear he will appreciate you more if you made him a part of your world, and not your whole world.

Very well said. Good thing you had a professor that made you realize this. Ako kasi i had to learn this the hard way.

[sugardrop]

Keeping yourself occupied with things that wouldn't remind you of your s.o. When I was still doing full time home-based jobs, madali ako ma-aning. But when I worked again sa office, hindi na kasi work keeps my mind occupied and not wandering elsewhere.

[simang]

Very well said. Good thing you had a professor that made you realize this. Ako kasi i had to learn this the hard way.

I learned it the hard way too. I was in an unhealthy relationship for 7 yrs because both of us were possessive in our own ways. It was draining and to say the least, nakakaloka. Haha.