Dating Someone na Hindi Pinoy --- Share Experiences

[The Lioness]

hi sis angeljolie, relate ako jan sa sinabi mo. how long have u been talking(or together)? mejo nagulat lang ako na 7 months into the relationship na kayo and he realized he isnt ready to settle with someone na may kids. hindi ba parang unfair naman. i mean, he could've been honest right from the start para nakapag move on ka na. it's kind of a waste of time kasi.

the one thing and the one hard part i realized having a relationship with someone who's not your kids' dad is that you really have to watch your words or actions. kasi feeling ko, it's easy for them lang to say goodbye and find someone else. so kapag nag away kayo or something, minsan napapaisip ka na mag concede na lang.

[angeljolie]

^Ayoko na sana balikan yung kwento namin kasi right now hindi talaga kami okay. He still says he loves me pero nararamdaman kong umiiwas sya makipag usap. Puro standard messages lang, parang templates. Pero for the  sake of sharing na baka may mapulot kayong aral, sige magkwento ako kahit masakit (chos!).

Wala kaming label kung kailan naging kami talaga but we consider yung first month na nagusap kami was the time we got together. Una pa lang nagtanungan na kami kung ano ang expectations. Ako sinabi ko talaga gusto ko mag asawa. Sya ayaw nya kasi he had a very traumatic divorce. As in the ex wife kicked him out of the house to the point na tatawag pa ng pulis. She put all his stuff outside, pati yung mga iniingat ingatan nya. So anyway sabi ko since magkaiba kami ng gusto siguro stop na kami to avoid wasting each other?s time. Pero sabi nya itry daw namin kasi nung nakilala nya daw ako, he might consider getting married again. Might consider. Red flag na yata yun na hindi ko pinansin. We went on with it, masaya naman. Four months later, nagkita kami. Pumunta ako sa US (sagot nya naman ang gastos) to see him and my family and some friends. Andun ang sister ko at tita ko. Pero ang main agenda is magkikita kami. Okay naman kami the 2 weeks we were together, masaya. Nakilala nya sis at tita ko at yung friends who came to meet me. Hindi nila sya masyadong type hehe. Hindi sila impressed. Another red flag () na pinalampas ko. Bago kami nagkita inulit ulit ko sa kanya kung sure ba sya na gusto nya ako kasi 2 ang kids ko and it will always be the case. And every time he would say ?You think I?d forget that? Of course I?m sure.?

Two months later, napansin ko parang wala sya masyadong kibo. Maguusap kami pero wala masyado sinasabi. So I asked what?s going on. Nung una deny deny pa sya. Wala naman daw nagbago. Later on umamin din na something?s bothering him. Hindi daw nya alam kung ready sya for a big family. He did not want to lose me daw pero hindi nya alam kung ready sya. Kasi ngayon daw okay naman sya kung asan sya sa buhay nya. Nagre-rent sya ng 2-br apartment. Yung isang room para sa anak nya. If we continue with the relationship daw, he needs to find a bigger place. So I asked him if he wanted me leave him alone. Kung ano ano pa sinabi na kesyo ang gusto ko daw kasi lagi kami magkausap which is hindi naman daw pwede. Sabi ko answerable by yes or no lang ang tanong ko. Ayun he said yes. We stopped talking then a week later nagtext. Nagsorry pero hindi na napagusapan yung tungkol sa future plans, except dun sa plano na isasama nya ako sa France pagbisita nya sa nanay at sisters nya. Natuloy kami sa France just this month pero nung last 2 days medyo nagkainisan na kami. May tension na talaga between us. Hindi nya ako masyado kinakausap. Medyo nag tantrums din ako kasi. Nagpi-PMS ako. Na hindi naman nya maiintindihan. After namin makabalik sa respective homes, it was never the same. Bago pa kami maghiwalay sa airport, lutang na naman isip nya. Nagkukwento ako at hindi sya nakikinig.

Ngayon, feeling ko maghihiwalay na talaga kami for good. Napapagod na din ako. Gusto ko na mag move on.

Sorry ang haba. Dun sa feeling mo na minsan gusto mo na lang mag concede, hindi ko yan naramdaman. Ayoko mag concede nang dahil lang ayoko sya mawala. Ayokong masanay sya na laging ako yung mali. Pag mali sya, he has to own up. Pag mali ako, nagsosorry ako. Hindi tayo desperado sis. Ako I was super okay before he came into my life. Now, hindi ako okay. So ibig sabihin, may mali. And i am not going to live with it just because I want to be with someone.

Sorry napakahaba. Hehe.

[Gaysha]

^Thanks for sharing. I can relate to you, everything pa kamo. I also went to the US and we also went to Europe (uk). Tama yung sinabi mo na ok ka before him, and now you're NOT OK with him. I guess we have to go through things before learning and then take it from there na in the future someone na binigay talaga satin ang darating. No crying over spilled milk ang drama ko.

[angeljolie]

^Hi sis. What happened?

[lalee888]

Joining this thread because I am married to a non-Pinoy and I've dated a few non-Pinoys too, when I was still single.

@angeljolie -- had a similar encounter with a guy like in your story. I was still single and met a divorced guy with one kid (met him at a superbowl party). He was my type but he told me he didn't want to have more kids and get married again, especially after his failed marriage. The attraction between us was off the charts but I told him it's a no-go for me, because it didn't fit my life plans. That was difficult, but a pill I swallowed and moved on.

Anyhow, I am happily married now. Although I don't exactly have tips on dating someone from a foreign culture, I do recognize the nuances of being with a foreign partner. Like, having to explain context when necessary, and he likewise has to do the same for me. One of the challenges I have, though, is trying to be very respectful of his family's values/belief system. I mean it's not that hard, but it's something I am conscious of (maybe out of paranoia?)?

Has anyone else experienced this? Like when it gets serious (within dating), and you've moved to the phase of hanging with family, what are your experiences?

[angeljolie]

^Buti you decided not to push thru with it early. Kasalanan ko din, umasa ako sa probable consideration nya of remarrying. Dapat hindi na talaga. By the way, we are back together. He initiated communication after 1.5 months of silence. I think one of these days I should ask him about his plans, if at all.

Regarding hanging out with family, isinama nya ako sa France earlier this year para makilala family nya (mom, sisters, nieces, cousins). Medyo napressure ako sa sister na super close sa kanya. Parang bawat kilos ko tinitignan. At ewan ko, the last 2 days, hindi ako masyado kinakausap nung sis. I guess dahil nagkatampuhan kami ng bro nya one time. Everyone else was nice naman though feeling ko eventually na sway din nung sister yung mom, the other sis, and the nieces. I think it was one of the reasons he asked for a break. The cousins had been graceful. Sila pa yung mas friendly saken up to now. Yung core family nya dedma. Anyway, kung mas importante sa kanya yung opinyon ng kapatid nya about me than his own opinion, wala ako magagawa. Hindi naman ako desperate para iprove ko ang sarili ko sa kanya.

[lalee888]

^sis i think you should stand your ground, you deserve to be fully happy, not half-happy. So if his plans/ideals don't fit yours, then move on. I know it's easier said than done, but i can assure you it can be done.

I think sis @ShadowAngel just posted something similar in the online dating thread. If it doesn't work for her, she doesn't waste time. From personal experience and with people close to me, those women i know who know exactly what they want, get what they want. Those who are 'hoping' or have fantastical hopes, are usually the ones who don't get anything at all (and hurt pa, if anything). I am speaking from personal experience and these may all be a small sampling pool, but even with celebrities, the power women (beyonce) get what they want, while the ones who are not (rihanna), don't.... my apologies if i went off-topic there, from one woman speaking to another, you deserve to get what you set your heart out to get. I don't think anyone should settle with a "maybe" type of guy. It gives the guy 'power' advantage in your relationship, even if let's say magkatuluyan kayo.

Anyway back to topic -- do you think your experience with the sister and family were cultural nuances or more, personality related? Disregarding what I wrote in the previous paragraph, sounds like your guy is serious as he introduced you to the family, and the sister is basically assessing you. Taking that positively, maybe ask your guy if there was anything you may have done that was not taken well by your family, or a cultural faux pas that you were not aware of?

My hubby's family is great and very loving. They want us to have kids already. I am just so mindful of the cultural difference so i always ask hubby to guide me, in case i fall to a social faux pas without my knowledge! I am getting tired of my paranoia though.

[kvandenhaak]

My ex's family are very nice to me kahit hanggang ngayon. Always willing to help when I need it. My son may not have the real father figure through his dad but his uncles and my late father-in-law were pretty much the one who took that role.

[angeljolie]

^Thanks, lalee888. Tama naman, everyone deserves to be fully happy. I don't want to think I'm wasting time. Naisip ko, hindi naman din ako ready to get married now. Ewan ko, feeling ko nga parang okay na yata na mag isa ako. Relationships sound so complicated. Baka pag malalaki na ang mga anak ko saka na lang ako magiisip ng lovelife ulit hehe. That won't be in another 13 years!

[graezieylicious]

My cousin from Florida introduce (reto) to me (not personally though) her long time friend/classmate from her school in Florida, we've been talking thru messenger and having video chat here and there for a month now.
And boy, he looks hot and cute, looks like the actor who usually potray Jesus Christ.  I was cultured shock at first when he was talking about oral sex and stuff to me which I asked my cousin if ithats normal to talk about in their country, she said yes its not a taboo to talk about it as long youre comfortable. The american explained to me that he only talked that way when he sees potentian future with the girl. We like bantering and flirting with each other online and he is planning to tour here with me for 10 days and if we are also compatible  with each other or really has a strong connection personally.


How many are you who experienced this with an american?

[amethyst028]

^i don?t know sis pero he seems agressive to be talking about oral sex. Pero kung bata pa yan baka nga yan na ang norm these days. And with his looks you think he cannot find a girl in the u.s.?

I suggest proceed with caution. Makikita mo naman sa actions niya yan e. If consistent siya, attentive, sincere, etc. Baka kasi naghahanap lang ng excitement. Also if your conversation has substance or purely flirting lang?

I guess depende din sa age ng guy. Baka he is not looking for anything serious, gusto lang ng mga adventures. Ako kasi sa online if the guy is just visiting hindi ko na pinapansin. Ayoko ng LDR, it?s so hard to make those things work. 

[kvandenhaak]

Pinoy, American, Canadian...whatever, they won't talk about sex especially that early. You are probably responding and entertaining the idea. Otherwise, he won't do that. My guts says, sex lang hanap nyan

[graezieylicious]

^i don?t know sis pero he seems agressive to be talking about oral sex. Pero kung bata pa yan baka nga yan na ang norm these days. And with his looks you think he cannot find a girl in the u.s.?

I suggest proceed with caution. Makikita mo naman sa actions niya yan e. If consistent siya, attentive, sincere, etc. Baka kasi naghahanap lang ng excitement. Also if your conversation has substance or purely flirting lang?

I guess depende din sa age ng guy. Baka he is not looking for anything serious, gusto lang ng mga adventures. Ako kasi sa online if the guy is just visiting hindi ko na pinapansin. Ayoko ng LDR, it?s so hard to make those things work. 

^^Well he did held back at first, i asked about that to my cousin and she said that its not a taboo there to speak about sex so its kinda normal. Long time friend siya ng cousin ko so magaganda yung feedbacks about him. He also held back nung medyo awkward na for me.

Pinoy, American, Canadian...whatever, they won't talk about sex especially that early. You are probably responding and entertaining the idea. Otherwise, he won't do that. My guts says, sex lang hanap nyan

^^ I told him na I will only have sex within the ambit of marriage, i like you but I have standards too, sabi naman niya "that's very respectable"

His reason for that is "the greatest connection is to learn to turn your partner on and have a lot of trust amongst each other, you lern each other's buttons and what each other likes"

[kvandenhaak]

^Well, it sounds like gusto mo naman sya so it doesn't matter what everyone says, it's not gonna change your mind. I feel you're just trying to find some validation so, if you think you are ready for the consequences then who are we to say don't. But guys, regardless of where they come from don't normally make sex and intimacy the center of the relationship. If he is more interested in the talk about sex then my $CAD20 says, he is in it only for sex.

[Girltalker2]

But guys, regardless of where they come from don't normally make sex and intimacy the center of the relationship. If he is more interested in the talk about sex then my $CAD20 says, he is in it only for sex.

@ aprilgal, I agree. Just be careful kung gusto mo ito patulan.

Medyo skeptical ako sa mga foreigners na Bibisita lang to meet you. Kasi they can disappear anytime lang. Mas ok sana yung pareho kayo ng area para mas madali Ma gauge.

@grazielicious, have you checked his background. I assume he is a Muslim, and are you willing to be one. Usually Kasi they prefer same religion so they will ask you to convert.
Good to be able to discuss freely his background and his future plans para makita mo if the Guy has potential to be your future partner. Kung wala, better not pursue.

[graezieylicious]

@ aprilgal, I agree. Just be careful kung gusto mo ito patulan.

Medyo skeptical ako sa mga foreigners na Bibisita lang to meet you. Kasi they can disappear anytime lang. Mas ok sana yung pareho kayo ng area para mas madali Ma gauge.

@grazielicious, have you checked his background. I assume he is a Muslim, and are you willing to be one. Usually Kasi they prefer same religion so they will ask you to convert.
Good to be able to discuss freely his background and his future plans para makita mo if the Guy has potential to be your future partner. Kung wala, better not pursue.

As i said, He is my cousin's (girl ang cousin) long time friend/ schoolmate so I assume my cousin won't introduce me to someone na di kilala. Di rin ako nakikipagkilala sa internet lang or any dating website.  He is a non denomination christian, a private pilot, contractor and a future nurse. We discussed future plans naman, kilala din siya ng tita ko since nameet niya sa graduation party ng cousin ko. He has plans to go here even before na ipakilala kami ng cousin ko.

[Girltalker2]

^ good for you, kakaiba lang siguro ang guy mo. Kasi wala pako na meet within a few months na oral sex agad ang topic 😁

Good luck sis! Pls update us after 6 months. This can prove na Di lahat nagb-bring up ng oral sex ay sex lang ang pakay, and they can be serious if we consider other factors din.

[kvandenhaak]

^LOL! I am wishing her the best at balitaan mo kami @graezieylicious after nyo magkita. Just be prepared for whatever happens and don't get your hopes high. Goodluck!

[hotsie_pink]

Dated a Chinese years years ago. And it is so horrible.

I'm only 19 years old then, nagkakilala lang kami somewhere when we bumped each other. Then he have my number. Texted me immediately and ayun niyaya niya ako magdate.

Come to our first date, he held my hand agad agad and niyayaya niya akong uminom after namen magcoffee. I'm so shocked. First time kong makameet ng ganun lalo na I'm not into hook ups.

Nagsuper dahilan nalang ako tapos nung nakaramdam niya sigurong wala siyang mapapala saken ayun bigla na siyang hindi kumibo. And ayun.. Naghiwalay na kami sa mall.

Masasabi ko lang talaga "whew!" Buti nakawala ako. Nakakatakot. Ayun ever since naman careful ako when I'm dating but ever since then takot nako makipag-usap sa foreigner especially Chinese. Hahaha!

[three8one]

^ ang alak ko, alak muna bago kape... pero yung kape muna bago alak parang nakaka sakit sa tyan yun? hehe..

thanks for sharing ng experienced mo.