Break ups after 3years in relationship

[bronze]

it happened to me... super sakit pala nun ah..

pero narealize nya na we have to make it work...

kami na ulit ngayon...
i am positive we can make it again.

[sweetestCORN]

The question that intrigues me -- why is it (it appears) soooo easy for guys to move on after a relationship breaks up  --when they do not even know what kind of GF they are getting next.?)

I think when a relationshship starts to fray at the edges, we women react positively and aggressively (well, generally we do so) -- as in, we think of what is going wrong or causing us discontent... and how or what can we do to put the relationship back on track.

As for men, they do think differently from us.
They just let it be, let it go. 
Even when they already are in the process of psychologically abandoning the relationship  (sure he is physically around, but you know when there is no more "connect"?)   --  they generally  have no guts to ask  what's wrong?  what can we do to get this relationship back on track?   Hindi nila gagawin yon.  They will let things slide, until the woman wants out, or the woman exhibits behavior that can be used as grounds for wanting out of the relationship.

Remember, we are nurturers, we repair, we persist, we bring things to life.   Sila, they conquer, they roam, they abandon and look for greener grass.  They look, the Divine Justice in all that is ... they do not necessarily get something better.  The better Divine Justice is that they get what they deserve.  LOL

very well said sister

[krisle703]

bebe_eiram: I undestand how you feel.. but remeber this If a man loves you nothing can take him away.. If he doesnt anymore nothing can make him stay. My advice? LET HIM GO. Wag ka magbeg.. Leave some dignity to yourself..

Ganyan din nangyari sakin.. I was the typical nagger gf.. He broke up with me when we are almost 4 years na.. Sinisi ko sarili ko because aminado ako na may pagkukulang ako(binago ko lahat pati ugali ko, kulang na lang lumuhod ako sa harap nya).. ginawa ko lahat just to know na mayroon na pala syang iba.

 All the while sinisisi ko sarili ko yun pala kaya ganun kadali sa kanya magmove on e dahil sa may nagpapasaya na sa kanyang iba..

TRUE din na hindi sa tagal lang yun . I married my husband 1 month before our anniversary. 2 months before our wedding my ex sent me a letter saying "Alam ko na magtatagal kayo ng bf mo kasi alam ko kung paano kang gf.. hinihintay ko na lang ang chance na magbreak kayo at mabawi kita pero hindi ko ineexpect na ganto ka kabilis kayo ikakasal. Well maybe he doesnt want to experience what I am experiencing now for losing you."  Nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi.

[mimiku]

TRUE din na hindi sa tagal lang yun . I married my husband 1 month before our anniversary. 2 months before our wedding my ex sent me a letter saying "Alam ko na magtatagal kayo ng bf mo kasi alam ko kung paano kang gf.. hinihintay ko na lang ang chance na magbreak kayo at mabawi kita pero hindi ko ineexpect na ganto ka kabilis kayo ikakasal. Well maybe he doesnt want to experience what I am experiencing now for losing you."  Nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi.

Kudos to you!!!!

 

The question that intrigues me -- why is it (it appears) soooo easy for guys to move on after a relationship breaks up  --when they do not even know what kind of GF they are getting next.?)

As for men, they do think differently from us.
They just let it be, let it go. 
Even when they already are in the process of psychologically abandoning the relationship  (sure he is physically around, but you know when there is no more "connect"?)   --  they generally  have no guts to ask  what's wrong?  what can we do to get this relationship back on track?   Hindi nila gagawin yon.  They will let things slide, until the woman wants out, or the woman exhibits behavior that can be used as grounds for wanting out of the relationship.

Remember, we are nurturers, we repair, we persist, we bring things to life.   Sila, they conquer, they roam, they abandon and look for greener grass.  They look, the Divine Justice in all that is ... they do not necessarily get something better.  The better Divine Justice is that they get what they deserve.  LOL

I heard my X told one of his friends about this "na hindi sa tagal nasusukat ang pagmamahal... probably he was referring to our relationship when almost everyone of our friends asked him why he chose to end it.



Well he has a point. Although sometimes, you still couldn't thrash the idea na the people who chose to be with you all through out those years are the people who trully loves and appreciate you. I think everybody would agree naman with me that it takes a lot of patience and trust to build a lasting relationship and if you found that someone who's willing to share his/her life with you by all means then you should value them dahil "LAHAT NG TAO PWEDENG MAGMAHAL PERO HINDI LAHAT NAGTATAGAL..."

True love only comes once in a lifetime ika nga nila... pero anyway we all have our free will.. if somebody wants to let you go then let them be... Hindi natin sila hawak. Isipin mo na lang na God would give you a better person to love in due time because He knows that people who know how to love deserve people that know how to love as well. *redundant pero may sense* 

[aquacharly]

To add to MIMIKU's thoughts ...   

             Good things happen to those who wait. 

[baliya15]

may advantage din pag nasasaktan, magiging mature kayo at magiisip sa magiging next relationship nyo..(based sa experience ko yan.

[dys_realbeauty]

hay...mine ended after 6 years..itong Friday lang

[irma68]

meron ngang saying na:
"hindi basehan ang tagal, totoong mas mahal niya ang ipapalit sayo kahit sandali pa lang niya ito nakikilala, kesa sa'yo na taon na ang binilang na mag-bf/gf pero hindi pa rin nag-workout.."
-simply because lahat ng hindi niya nakita sa'yo eh nakita na niya dun sa ipapalit niyang bago.
pansin niyo rin ba na magugulat ka na lang na bigla na silang ikakasal nung ipinalit sa'yo kahit months pa lang na nagiging sila.

your right sis!  hindi basehan ang tagal ng relationship.   like in my case, more than 4yrs kami ng bf ko, my first bf when im in my 30s..(wag nyo na tanong age ko today.. )  kala ko kami na talaga kasi dami nyang plans for our future,  although napaka-jealous nya at possessive, palagi nyan sinasabi sa parents nya at parents ko na wala na syang hihilingin sa akin dahil napakabait ko raw na gf.  tanggap ko ugali nya (being possessive and jealous guy).  hindi ako selosa and i gave him my 100% trust.  so kampante ako na he loves me too very much, as what he always says to my relatives.  until one time, after we watched a movie the following day, he texted me na he "falls out of love" ganun lang kadali.  hindi na raw nya ko mahal, iba na mahal nya, mag-move on na raw ako, kalimutan ko na raw sya, next chapter na, close book na,. etc.. etc... all are just text messages.    sabi nga hindi  makikipag-break ang guy ng walang kapalit.  korek ka sis!  kaya sya nakipag-break may gf na pala sya.  duwag sya! nag-text lang sya ayaw nya makipag kita sa akin or pag-usapan, buo na isip nya na mahal na nya yung girl..  yung girl naman gusto pang makipag-meet sa akin.. hehe for what? Lol    oooppsss sobrang haba na ng kwento ko mga sis... anyway,  nakapag-move on na ko of course, that was 6 yrs ago na eh..   im very happy now with my girl friends bonding and travelling...  minsan pag naaalala ko, natatawa na lang ako,  nakakatawa katangahan ko..  LOL   

[charmed30]

shucks. kami now mismo. grabe hirap.

[crazy_krizsa]

its very hard to accept, lalo na when you thought everything was okay, then at the end hinde na pala. Just broke up with my BF for almost 3 years. I was devastated, lalo na he's the main reason why I'm here in Singapore, yes I followed him, according to our plan. But he broke up with me 2 weeks before my flight. Telling me he likes to focus on his career for 5 years and he's not ready to settle down. Napaka selfish ng reason nya and never had the guts to break up on me over the phone, he broke up thru an email and chat. I have to agree that guys can move on easily. Hinayaan ko na yung ex ko. Magkita man kame dito, I don't care, at least hinde ako yung iiwas. Just don't feel sorry, Its okay to be sad, sabi nga ng friend ko... He did you a favor, so move on.

[paper_doll]

natatakot naman ako, malapit na kami mag three years ng bf ko, 2 years and 5 months na kami.. and super saya namin now

[kettlekorn28]

This thing happened to me & my hubby nung mag-bf/gf pa lang kami. I got bored kasi. Parang wala na yung thrill, everyday kami magkita. Hatid-sundo ako sa work & magkasama pa lagi mag-dinner. Parang routine na lang lahat.

On our 3rd year, we broke up. He found out about my textmate/bf. But after only a week, nagkabalikan na kami. I realized how important he is to me.

Actually, I didn't know about this "3rd year" thing. Ngayon ko lang narinig. Ang alam ko yung "7th year itch" which applies to bf/gf & married couples. This also happened to us.

Our 7th year as bf/gf was really rocky, and this time, it was his fault. I don't wanna elaborate on this one coz it's painful. We broke up for the second time. But my friends told me that I should give him another chance kasi he's very repentant naman about the thing he did. They also reminded me na mas matindi pa yung ginawa ko before.

Well, we'll be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary next month. I couldn't ask for more!

Sa mga sisses out there na nakabasa ng mga posts dito, wag kayo paapekto. Coincidence lang ang mga ito. It doesn't mean na dahil nangyari ito sa akin ay mangyayari na rin ito sa inyo. Pamahiin/kasabihan lang po ang mga ito.

[andeng_maldita]

mine was 3 years 4 months, we broke up last July but got back together September, he even asked me to settle down. though we never reached the planning stage.

then last Feb 18, we had a super major fight and pushed him to ultimately break up with me for the last time. since I told myself that I wouldn't be the one who will initiate the break up. and so he did. but after a week, he started calling me and texting me. we were okay. or so I thought. then yesterday he dropped the bomb-he did the deed with his ex-gf 2 weeks ago!!! the girl visited him, got drunk and boom, yun na!!! saying that I was devastated is an understatement. then he's explaining na "pinagbigyan" niya lang yun girl and that it was nothing and that I should be considerate because he is a man. complete bull talaga! and so I sent him the harshest and meanest of words which I never thought would come out of my mouth.

I know, we broke up already, it's just that bakit ganon? ambilis naman niya itapon yun almost 4 years. 

*big sigh* I wanna move on but I don't know how to start. 

[mimiku]

mine was 3 years 4 months, we broke up last July but got back together September, he even asked me to settle down. though we never reached the planning stage.

then last Feb 18, we had a super major fight and pushed him to ultimately break up with me for the last time. since I told myself that I wouldn't be the one who will initiate the break up. and so he did. but after a week, he started calling me and texting me. we were okay. or so I thought. then yesterday he dropped the bomb-he did the deed with his ex-gf 2 weeks ago!!! the girl visited him, got drunk and boom, yun na!!! saying that I was devastated is an understatement. then he's explaining na "pinagbigyan" niya lang yun girl and that it was nothing and that I should be considerate because he is a man. complete bull talaga! and so I sent him the harshest and meanest of words which I never thought would come out of my mouth.

I know, we broke up already, it's just that bakit ganon? ambilis naman niya itapon yun almost 4 years. 

*big sigh* I wanna move on but I don't know how to start. 

It takes time. I've spent the last 6 months trying to forget everything. And I admit sometimes, I still remember the memories and couldn’t' help it.

What happened to your bf is just one those classic scenarios where boys would just blamed their “manhood” if they get themselves tangled in an affair. Don’t ever let yourself be fooled by these lame excuses. For God sake, they wanted it and went for it. That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

So if I were you, dump your guy. Move on (I know it’s hard but you’ll get by.) Never ever give him another chance. Believe me once a cheater will always a cheater. I learned that in a hard way. Show him that you can go on with your life without him. That’s the best revenge you can do for him.

Soon you’ll be able to forgive what he’d done. But for now, stay away from him.

You need a break.

Go travel or go out with your friends often.

Pray.

You’ll need these for the next few months.

Good luck.

[andeng_maldita]

^ thanks sis mimiku.

I know that I shouldn't dwell on this for so long but it will take time.  Ang sakit lang nun malalaman mo na meron ng iba 2 weeks after.  He was the longest relationship I had and whom I have "invested" the most kaya yun pain na naramdaman ko when my previous 3 relationships ended, 10x.

I'm looking forward na lang to our trip on May, then timing na rin that I'm going back to school this June, beautiful distraction.

[mimiku]

^ thanks sis mimiku.

I know that I shouldn't dwell on this for so long but it will take time.  Ang sakit lang nun malalaman mo na meron ng iba 2 weeks after.  He was the longest relationship I had and whom I have "invested" the most kaya yun pain na naramdaman ko when my previous 3 relationships ended, 10x.

I'm looking forward na lang to our trip on May, then timing na rin that I'm going back to school this June, beautiful distraction.

No problem. You shouldn't force yourself in forgetting everything. It's okay. It's not that easy. Like I said, from time to time you'll always feel the pain of loss and that's normal. Just say to yourself that you'll be able to surpass it. That's it. If you find yourself crying then don't stop. You will never escape the stages. Soon you'll find yourself smiling and laughing sa mga katangahang ginawa mo. I swear.

It helps to bear in mind that you're not the only one who suffered from a heartbreak. There are some people out there who experienced greater loss than you have. Isipin mo minalas ka lang sa aspetong yan. And it's just so teeny compared to other people who don't even know where to get their most basic needs. I know it sounds ridiculous, pero it will help you clear out your perpectives.


Hoping for the best.


Don't worry all will be well. Soon. 

[Juricks]

The question that intrigues me -- why is it (it appears) soooo easy for guys to move on after a relationship breaks up  --when they do not even know what kind of GF they are getting next.?)

I think when a relationshship starts to fray at the edges, we women react positively and aggressively (well, generally we do so) -- as in, we think of what is going wrong or causing us discontent... and how or what can we do to put the relationship back on track.

As for men, they do think differently from us.
They just let it be, let it go. 
Even when they already are in the process of psychologically abandoning the relationship  (sure he is physically around, but you know when there is no more "connect"?)   --  they generally  have no guts to ask  what's wrong?  what can we do to get this relationship back on track?   Hindi nila gagawin yon.  They will let things slide, until the woman wants out, or the woman exhibits behavior that can be used as grounds for wanting out of the relationship.

Remember, we are nurturers, we repair, we persist, we bring things to life.   Sila, they conquer, they roam, they abandon and look for greener grass.  They look, the Divine Justice in all that is ... they do not necessarily get something better.  The better Divine Justice is that they get what they deserve.  LOL

wow, very well said sis.  Really.
Can I quote your post in my blog?  Hope its ok with you.

[hersmart4ever]

Ang span daw kasi ng emotion ng tao when it comes to love is 3 years lang. Hence, the third year is critical. Partners should find ways ata to refresh the feeling then.

[jamiecabascos]

mine was 3 years and 8 months. i broke up with him last week. found out na may babae siyang iba. someone sent me a photo (ex at gf niya ngayon? not confirmed kasi tinatanggi niya), siyempre, na-trigger ang emotion ko, i texted him 10 pages (1 message lang), ayun!

IMHO, if a guy is not contented with you, may pagkukulang ka. yun lang, hindi dahil sa hindi ka na niya mahal. hinahanap niya lang sa iba yung kulang mo. (alam niyo na siguro yung dahilan).

it's so hard to move on. 1 week pa lang kaming break (literal na 1 week ngayon). i'm making a positive outlook in life para hindi ma-down ang sarili ko, but while typing this, walanjo, naiiyak ako! i gave everything naman to make him stay or happy para hindi siya maghanap ng iba. but apparently, it didn't work. siguro mali sa part ko yung nagtiwala ako sa nagsend ng photo pero ang hirap din kasi siya pagkatiwalaan dahil may history na siya na parang he's cheating over me. it's a long story to pack up in a short story.

ayokong magbago, ayokong ma-down sarili ko because of him, ano siya? sinuswerte? pero deep down, bursting and blasting palibhasa kasi mga lalaki mabilis makahanap.

 If your love breaks your heart, don't be sad. Just hug him and say:
"If you will miss me, just watch over the star."
and if he asks you why, just simply reply,
"cause after you break me, i'll just be a star for you,
you can always stare at me and dream for me,
but you can never get me once more."

[boaVista]

If a relationship breaks up before marriage, consider yourself lucky.
Sure it is a heartbreak, but less of a disaster than a broken marriage.

IMO, it isn't the number of years that is the major heartbreak. 
It is the "cost" of the relationship that is the underlying issue of break-ups:   what you gave up, how far you compromised yourself, how you changed yourself... to keep that relationship going.

People who lose themselves, and have difficulty "recognizing" themselves after some time in a relationship (a month, a year, 50 years.. whatever...)  ... those who decreased their options/self empowerment in so many ways while in the relationship/marriage ... these have the bigger heartbreak, the harder time moving-on when the sh1t hits the fan.

You're not married to him and he left? 
Look at it this way:  you can always find better.
You're married to him and he left?
Look at it this way:  you can always do better.
He left, before or after marriage -- look at it this way:  You can always be happier.

indeed.