i used to suffer from depression, too. i didn't seek medical help or have myself diagnosed. pero sure akong depression yun.
- i was always in a bad mood. i snap at my parents. i berate my siblings and pamangkins at kung sinong masasagasaan ng temper ko.
- wala akong ganang kumain
- i kept punishing myself (like i will deprive myself of certain things including food and taking a bath. haha)
- suicidal thoughts and 1 attempt
- all i want to do is sleep
- frequent crying episodes kahit walang dahilan. katwiran ko nun, tears cleanse the eyes. haha
- ayokong lumabas ng bahay at makita ng ibang tao
- gloomy yung paningin ko. yung parang desaturated lahat ng kulay na nakikita ko, at may gray overcast lagi kahit maliwanag naman.
effect sakin ng depression ko:
- madalas akong absent sa school and in the end, i failed 5 subjects in college and threw away my scholarship
- i stopped school for 2 years ng walang LOA kaya nung nagtry akong bumalik, di na ako tinanggap. i remember, mag-eenroll na dapat ako nun, then bigla ko na lang naisip umuwi at wag ng mag-aral.
- lagi kaming nag-aaway ng nanay ko coz she can't understand what i'm going through
- these were also the times when i had frequent nightmares at sleep paralysis
- nagkasakit ako, which needed 1 year na gamutan at sobrang payat ko na dahil di ako masyado kumakain. sabi nga nung iba, mukha na akong bangkay kasi ang putla ko tapos humpak na yung pisngi ko.
what helped me?
i read lots of self-help books. then it helped a lot na may nakakausap ako about my angst and sentiments. yung tipong di magbibigay ng advice, pero makikinig lang.
pero what really cured me was choosing to be happy. alam ko sasabihin ng iba, "yeah, easier said than done". but in my case, it was the turning point. when i snapped out of it and chose to be happy.
sabi nila, when you're down, there's no way but up. pero it's still up to you if you will choose to stay down or to go up. kaya choose, choose to go up.
mahirap, i know because i've been there. and i've probably thought the same thoughts that you have right now. i can't even explain how you choose to be happy. because it just happens. you choose to be happy and to never look back once you've made your choice.
what i can tell you is may mga triggers. maririnig mo sa isang tao, mababa mo sa libro, sa internet, mapapanood mo sa TV or sa movie, etc. then you will just realize that you have the remote control and all you really need to do is to turn off your depression and turn on your hapiness. and keep it ON.
i'm not saying, don't go to a doctor, don't take meds. if you feel that it will help, then by all means do it. follow din yung advise nung ibang sises dito. exercise, get yourself busy, get a hobby, be passionate about something, socialize, etc.
pero ultimately, it's choosing to be happy that will only get you out of your depression.
i also realized that when you choose to be happy, everything else becomes better. parang may rippling effect, or maybe sa case ko lang. but when you choose to be happy and you OWN your choice, it's easier to stay happy. there will be times when madedepress ka ulit, but it will be easier for you to bounce back kasi in your mind, you have made your choice. you will be happy despite of.
naging motto ko din is: pain only last for a day, anything after than is self-indulgence. cliche na pero so true, you can't control the things around you, but you can control how you react to them. once you understand the power of your choices, you will see that it's easy to control yourself, thus it's easier to just to be happy.
minsan, nadedepress pa din ako and iniisip ko, maybe i'm not yet completely healed. pero, narealize ko ulit (madami ka talagang marereliaze when you come out of depression), depression is a part of life. but how long you decide to indulge in it, is what will make you "sick". kaya mas madali na akong maka-bounce back ngayon kasi i always choose to be "well".
pasensya na po, medyo mahaba pero sana makatulong kahit papano.
