moving to the next stage

[books_mags]

i am currently in a confused stage. 
i have a new bf, he's actually my crush before he started inviting me out, meeting his friends and dining out.  In a month's time, he became my bf, no formal courtship, like friends hanging out then nung nagtapat cya, i confessed that i like him as well.  he's good looking and madaming girls feeling close to him nag react nung naging kami.  they question how and why naging kami... na ooffend ako minsan, kasi never ko naman hinabol si bf, i just didnt prolong things when he confessed his feelings. i wanted to be more practical this time, kaya hindi ko pinatagal kasi ayaw ko na nung best foot forward.

we're ok naman, no fights, getting to know stage... without me saying anything, he makes an effort to make me feel special.  he give me gifts, send me flowers, pero when we are not together, parang wala rin lang akong bf. minsan no text and no calls.

i can still feel a wall between us. parang reserved pa rin siya sa feelings niya. other than saying he likes me and sobrang minsan he'll complement me, wala ka maririnig masyado about feelings. hindi ko rin siya matanong if he is ok with the relationship kasi nagui guilty ako. ayaw kong matanong how much i care for him.  napakilala na niya ako sa relatives niya and i can see the effort naman, pero pag we're apart parang hindi kami.  parang napaka formal setting namin, he only calls when he needs to tell me something.  i tried being sweet, sending messages daily pero hindi siya nagre reply.  parang hindi niya kaya maging sweet.  i got tired sending messages nightly and inakala niyang galit ako nung hindi na ako nagte text.  but he waited the next day nung nagkita na kami to ask.  i asked him why he needs to wait the next day kung akala niya galit ako, his only reply was, wala lang.

Now i am confused, after 2 months, i still dont love him.  i like him a lot. i wont deny that i am very attracted to him, but i cant move past that stage. i cant say i love him.  parang may hinahanap ako na wala sa kanya na hindi ko ma-pinpoint.  sometimes i want someone to talk to, sa ibang friends ko pa rin ako nagco confide.  i am so confused. i have never been so attracted to anyone like this.  i know i like him a lot, but i cant make my feelings progress.  has anyone felt this way?

[mooncake and leaves]

i haven't experienced this but what i do know is that, attraction, physical, mental, etc. can not hold two people together. even compatibility. these logical, reasonable factors are not enough to  guarantee success in a relationship. while they may be important, you have to have chemistry with someone and who you have chemistry with is actually pretty difficult to tell.

i don't know how you guys are like when you're together. it's possible that because you're still getting to know each other, you really can't expect to be comfortable enough. on the other hand, it's also supposed to be the most blissful period in a relationship. you're falling in love. you should have the butterflies and you should really be happy right now. and if you're not experiencing that or you haven't experienced that in the time you've known him, can you really expect it will happen sometime in the future? only you can answer that.

but goodluck and never settle.

[aquacharly]

Perhaps you just do not know each other well enough, hence your discontent.

As you cited, kinda short-circuited and poof!  kayo na.
The longer courtships are not necessary, true... but generally, these are periods taken to know each other better than friends just hanging around and getting along very well... it is not just a period to "put forward one's best foot".

1 thing one may learn from a longer courting period is that... one has to take the good with the bad, nobody is perfect.  So you have time to assess if the other person's over-all potential for a long term relationship with you is promising or okay, vs "tinimbang nguni't kulang".

Communicate more with him.
Do not bombard him with demands or critiques... tell him in a loving way about your needs/requirements.  As in, for example lang,.. instead of pouting as to why he does not text you on his own, or text you back... Hon, I get happy when you text me back.. or, just out of the blue text me. 

Now, kung wala pa rin mangyari after.. and you are still discontented.. after  mapag isip isip mo if your wants/needs are non-negotiable to you talaga... you will know by then how far or how long you will let this relationship play out.

In the meantime, enjoy!   You do not have to decide in 24 hours, after all.  Take yoru time, give him the chance of time... but do not delude yourself  a "puede na" relationship is worth your time.

[kutingpie]

maybe you just like him lang talaga but walang 'spark' between sa inyong dalawa..siguro, kulang lang kayo ng 'kilig moments..sounds baduy but isa yun sa spices ng isang relationship.

[books_mags]

thanks sis mooncakes and leaves, aquacharly, and kutingpie.

we're happy when we are together. we laugh and joke around. he's the only bf that i have who is observant enough to know what i want and almost everytime na we're together, he does things na nakakakilig, na you will feel special.  sometimes i will catch him just looking at me and smiling, pag i ask why, kahit malambing na way, ayaw niya ako sagutin.  and pag kinulit ko pa, parang maiinis and sasabihin, m just happy to be with you.   

some of my friends say i should give it time. some say i'm spoiled daw kasi in my past relationships, clingy daw exes ko. yung tipong kakahiwalay pa lang, nagte text na and always available pag magpapasama ako or i need to talk.  i dont know rin if it's because of his background, na model siya, so may confidence and hindi clingy.

m just so confused. dami dami pumapasok sa isip ko.

[muahmuahmuah]

ay goodluck.

its a difficult spot to be in. i was in that situation for around 9 months.  marking you his without much effort or even less, without much conversation or attention.  gifts dont cut it eh. but even with the little effort he shows it doesnt seem like youre part of his life or its not enough that he's making i so. if you couldnt  find any other reason why youre with him but just because you were strongly attracted to him you could wait it out and see if therell be any improvements in the next months. if your only reason naman is to make him happy and yet you cant even seem to bring that out of him and its not satisfying you and everything is so pilit and it takes too much effort, then plainly you have nothing going, maybe your his sumkinda reserve or flavor of the month. again you can wait it out and let him be until he  budges a little bit.

thing is i think thats how doormats came to be. it would be good if you were actually the mat at the door but if he is dissing you off like you were from a neighboring village living in the highest mountain at the farthest end and its a long way to travel waiting for him to get close to you, youll tire yourself waiting and waiting. if you can hang on doing the opposite of what your doing now and show disinterest see how far he'd go. its all fair if you do like each other and a relationship is what he wants with you it wouldnt be this hard...unless something else in him is, that could be another reason why he wants you.

i would suggest dating other people or just go out and be your single self having fun. youll meet other people and not get tied down to emotions that you want this to work just because he's goodlooking.   

[Joycy]

parang may hinahanap ako na wala sa kanya na hindi ko ma-pinpoint.  sometimes i want someone to talk to, sa ibang friends ko pa rin ako nagco confide.

Sis, you must be complete as a person first before you can even begin to have a happy relationship. Relationship in itself is hard enough, eh ano pa if marami ka ng issues that you carry over to your relationship? Di ba? I mean, you should not expect your bf to be your everything. I remember kasi my ex na nag-comment sa akin na ginagawa ko siyang `emotional punching bag kasi when i need to rant or need someone na kausapin, kailangan andyan siya.

As for your feelings not progressing, take your time muna. Dont decide while you're emotional kasi most often, the decions made are wrong. Mahirap nang mag-regret. Just remember na sa lahat ng relationship, iba-iba ang mga issues. Maybe this is yours. :-)

Good luck! 

[lovemeagain30]

eto lang un eh.. ayaw magtext or mag call kapag di kayo magkasama? c'mon HE'S NOT INTO YOU!

wag ka ng gumawa ng excuses para pagtakpan ang kakulangan nya. madalas kasi tayo nagbubulag bulagan pag love of your life na ang topic. kahit alam mo sa sarili mo hindi ka masaya, kaso mukhang good catch kesyo gwapo, habulin ng babae, malambing naman etc.. etc.. the thing is kung nafefeel mo sa sarili mo may kulang ibig sabihin nun may kulang talga!

sorry ha pero para sakin kapag ang bf eh walang care magparamdam kapag di kayo nagkikita or di man lang nag eefort maging sweet sayo, ibig sabihin nun di ka talga nya gusto! hindi acceptable yung reason na busy siya or di cya sweet.. eto yun eh, kahit ang pinakamanhid na tao makakaramdam ng sweetness yan kung totoong in love sila! kasi pag mahal mo yung tao gumagawa ka ng extra effort. kung pede nga lang gumawa ng himala, ginawa mo na!

try mo basahin yung librong "he's not into you" at matatauhan ka. para sakin ang first stage ng relasyon ang pinakasweet, pinakamasarap at pinakakakilig na stage! yung ba halos kulang nalang droga ka na hinahanap hanap ng lalake. ngayon kung mabait at sweet lang cya pag magkasama kayo, hindi kaya pang seasonal gf ka lang?

[chrisann]

^ i agree. in your situation now, para lang kayong friends. kasi if he values you as his GF, he will make time and give effort to make you feel that you are part of his life, regardless if you are together or not.

[oceana]

we're in the same situation, dati ko siyang classmate, gusto ko na siya before pa when were still in college. nagkita kami ulit after 10 years i did not expect na liligawan ako, he said he likes me and he wanted me to be his gf.  Hindi ako naging clear pero parang kami na rin. Kaya lang na fi feel ko rin ang na fi feel mo, di pa siya tumatawag sa phone, puro text lang pag text bilang pa tapos unti lang.  Pag out ko sa work di ko siya makausap kasi tulog na siya 2am to 9am kasi sched niya.  Parang di ko rin na fi feel na may bf ako:( although na mimiss ko rin siya, 1 mos pa lang kami last may 25. Nagkikita once a week lang kasi busy din ako.  Puzzled tuloy ako parang di normal ang relationship namin para lang may masabing bf/gf?

[Serena.]

Sis, importante pa din kasi yung "gettin to know stage". Hindi dapat minamabilis yan, baka maging mabilisan lang din ang relationship nyo. Try to savor every phase.



xo