sis chastee,
im sorry for your loss. ano ba cause of death niya sis? i can really relate sa yo, kasi since I was just 22 nung naging kami na ng mister ko
ganun din ako sa kanya, super pala-away. And i can feel your pain, kasi a few months ago, I opened his email (alam ko kasi lahat ng passwords niya)
and meron pala akong sinend sa kanya around 3yrs before he died, nagtampo yata ako and I said sa email, "kaya kong buhayin ang anak natin
kahit wala ka na, I can be happy without you, kasi strong ako"... which nasabi ko kasi di ba normal sa atin mga babae
na gusto natin marinig sa mga partners natin na tayo lang ang happiness nila. and he told me "bakit parang ayaw mong maging masaya ako,
masama ba ang lumabas with friends just to forget the homesickness I feel kasi malayo ako sa mag-ina ko?".... and until now sis,
kahit sabihin natin na naayos namin lahat sa marriage namin, I still feel a twinge when I remember it, kasi sana hindi ko nalang sinabi,
Sana lahat ng sinabi ko ay puro magagandang words...pero impossible naman yun, wala namang marriage na ganun, at kung meron man,
aba hindi perfect yun, kasi ibig sabihin PLASTIC kayo hahaha.
Ang mahalaga ay, dapat alam ninyo na petty issues are not worth fighting for,
kahit big issues actually. Kasi i really remember what my husband said to me one time inaway ko siya about my selos. "Di ba
katuwang kita sa buhay, why do I feel like I have to compete with you, that I have to prove myself to you pa? Hindi ba dapat
sa lahat ng bagay ikaw ang kakampi ko, na ikaw ang tao na unang uunawa sa akin at susuporta sa lahat kasi wala naman akong ginagawang mali,
at kung lumalabas man ako with friends eh dapat ikaw ang unang makaintindi na homesick ako"... yun natauhan ako dun. and yun nga ang sinulat ko dun sa 1st post dito,
about making your husband feel na siya ang pinaka importante sa buhay mo, making him feel na no matter what, maasahan ka niya,
na binigay mo buhay mo sa kanya, with all your love and trust...and dahil naramdaman niya yun, in return, he will want to prove himself worthy
of that love and trust, na in return he will also make you feel that you are the center of his world, kasi alam niya ikaw ang kakampi niya
at katuwang sa lahat ng bagay..he doesnt have to be on the defensive side palagi,kasi wala namang asawa na nang-aaway/ nag sa kanya eh.
sis chastee, forgive yourself. merong reason why all these happened to you. masakit, but trust that the Lord has bigger plans for you.
hanggang doon nalang ang buhay ng asawa mo, he has fulfilled his purpose on this life na. Naiyak din ako nung nabasa ko yung post/reply
kasi alam ko talaga ang pain that you're going thru. Forgive yourself sis, be strong for your baby. And in everything you do from this point on,
you entrust it to the Lord, do it as unto the Lord. If doing things which you think would have made your husband happy will make you happy, then do it,
but don't let it be a burden to you. For now sis, just grieve, let it all out. Dont mind what other people say na 'move on', kasi sa totoo lang
yung emptiness and pain nating mga widows, is something of a different level. Other half mo ang nawala, ang taong inakala mong
makakasama mo habang buhay...and Biblically di ba, widows are precious to God's eye. dahin nga sa Bible nung unang panahon,pag widow ka,
wala kang "protector", kaya marami promises si God para sa atin na mga widows, because He is now our defender.
Basta respect your emotions, if you want to wail, then do it. Wag mo lang kalimutan yung obligasyon mo sa anak mo, kasi honestly,
sila ang magbibigay sa atin ng lakas ng loob to go on. sa ngayon you are experiencing pain na hindi ma explain, na parang wala kang
direction sa buhay... but in time sis, that throbbing pain will become a dull ache. Masakit pa rin, but it will no longer be the kind
of pain na halos mamamatay ka sa sakit, and dahil yun sa mga anak natin, na kelangan maging strong tayo for them, so it will be them
who will save us from this excruciating pain. God bless you sis, and kung ano man, if u need someone to talk to , Im just here, you can PM me anytime.
*hugs*
