Is it right to avoid a "friend"?

[chubbycheeks]

^^ sis seven82, tama lang na lumayo ka. I think you've done what you could for her. Sayang lang yun effort if you persist kasi you can't really make her see the light kung ayaw nya.

[purple.strawberry]

I think it's better to surround yourself with positive people. Ako kasi before I tried to keep friends. I realized later on that sometimes you're better off without some people. Lalo na with history of betrayals or those who talk behind your back, people whom you call "friends" pero won't understand you and feeling nila they're above you. Hay andaming types ng ganyan.

After I decided to unfollow them in fb and stopped communicating/replying to them, I felt so relieved.

Don't be guilty. Remember that you're doing yourself a favor. If magkakaayos kayo, then magkakaayos kayo in time. I don't see any point in keeping a friendship that's no longer doing you any good.

[molybdenumstudios]

I don't see any point in keeping a friendship that's no longer doing you any good.

Ditto. Anyways, I learned later in life that it is better to be surrounded with people whom you can relate to, hindi 'yung pipilitin ang sarili just to get something blah blah. Nah. I am not the type of person who will be close to a certain group na OP lang at the end.

[honeybunny]

I dont think it is not right.  it's up for u to decide who u would want to keep in your circles. I had a long time friend since gradeschool. And just recently i realized layuan na sya due to the following reasons:

1. We dont have common interest except shopping. We became close nung college and yun ang common interest namin. Since that was more than 10 years ago na, syempre iba na gusto ko.

2. As much as possible gusto ko mag tipid. E tuwing aalis kame lagi na lang gastos lagi. Pwede naman minimal gastos pero kasi sya parang gusto nya lagi sa mamahalin.  E kuripot na ako ngayon dahil nag iipon ako.

3.  She has a kid na and still parties. Acts like dalaga. And materialistic din.  It's totally fine with me. Pero ang ayoko is she keeps buying things without thinking kung may kakainin pa sya the next day, just to maintain being "in" tapos mangungutang sa akin saying wala na pantuition anak nya, etc etc

May time na i let her borrow (500-1000) pero hindi ko na sinisingil. Ang kinakainis ko pa, i will see her post sa FB partying sa club, then pag may needs ang anak nya about school, ako pinapaattend nya kasi may work pa sya. Sa isip ko naman, why dont you ask yung girls na kasama mo sa gimikan to attend to your child's school activity? Bakit ako inaask mo? (i guess may konting jealous ako sa part na to)

4.  Wala na rin kameng connection kaya feeling ko not worth it na rin. When i ask about what's going on with her she will make kwento about a problem, then when i ask further, she will say "long story" so parang isip ko maybe she has no time to share it with me or she thinks sharing it to me is not worth it.

She noticed nilalayuan ko na sya, kasi one liner na lang sagot ko sa FB, then inaway nya ako then blocked nya ako.

Please tell me kung may mali ako. Or bagay na dapat ginawa ko pero hindi ko ginawa.

[icee_star]

tama lang yan, kung etong friend na tinuturing mo eh kahit kelan di ka naman tinuring na kaibigan.

[may12]

Naalala ko dito ang ex-bestfriend ko na super tagal na din naman naming walang komunikasyon. But recently, message nang message sa akin. I already explained to her na ayaw ko na makipag-close ulit sa kanya kasi she kind of 'betrayed' me in the past, and honestly, ayaw sa kanya ng family ko kahit dati pa (di ko na to sinali sa pagsabi sa kanya, of course). Pinaliwanag ko naman na wala na akong sama ng loob sa kanya. In fact, 2 years ago, I did try to be friends with her again, pero na-realize ko na hindi na talaga puwede.

At ngayon, iniisip niya na bitter ako. Na I'm holding grudges, whatsoever. Kesyo ang lonely ko daw... hindi daw ako masaya. Lol. At sino siya para magsabi kung ano nararamdaman mo?       
Nagpost pa siya ng patama sa akin sa FB.

Nung nainis na talaga ako, sinabi ko sa kanya na baka siya ang bitter. Di maka-get-over na ayaw ko na sa kanya kasi ayaw ako tigilan. 

[molybdenumstudios]

^ That person is toxic. I remember this one guy friend na tinawag ko pang supposed BFF but he's more like of a user who is a lonerphobe. Meh. Tapos the nerve pa na I shoudl apologize to him. Kasalanan ko ba na ganyan ang ugali niya at the first place?

[amethyst028]

as we get older we should learn to cut our losses. there are people who we cannot take with us in our journey coz they are just weighing us down.

i have a friend like this. best friend ko siya in high school and college. but due to different life choices we drifted apart. after so many years we are able to get close again pero iba na e. people change. i tell her everything and she always makes nasty comments about me. ako naman kahit ano pa ka shungahan na pinag ga**-gawa niya i don't make comments.

in the end i just ended up avoiding her. she doesn't add value to my life. hanging out and talking to her is making me more depressed rather than feel good about myself.

[laidbacklei]

I think avoiding a friend is kinda harsh if the reason doesn't justify it or is too shallow and childish to resort to such. We consider one a friend if we trust the person and know that he or she is someone we can always rely upon. But just like any other types of relationships, a friendship can also undergo hardships and falling outs sometimes. A friendship usually fails if its foundation isn't strong enough to stand any test that comes its way.

Before making a final decision about avoiding a friend, one must weigh things first and determine if the friendship is worth keeping or better thrown away.

[tennisgirl]

I also have an "ex-friend" (kasi nilayuan ko na) dito sa office. Kapag may meeting, training or may kainan, lagi ko syang niyayaya (mahiyain kasi) pero sya di nag-aaya. Yung wala bang pakielam. Ni kalibitin di ginagawa. Hindi lang ako ang naka-experience ng bad attitude nya. Yung isang oficemate namin binigyan sya ng gift, then nagyaya na sabayan syang kumain. Akalain nyo, hindi ba naman nya pinagbigyan eh samantalang tumanggap sya ng gift! 

[erza0916]

I didn't know about this thread until now. Dito ko pala dapat pinost.

http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,287803.0.html

Anyway recently she's been messaging me, out of the country ako kaya online ko lang sya nakakausap. Last conversation namin I kinda gave her a sermon. She wanted to go to a friend's bar daw to see if her boyfriend's there talaga. Kasi bar ng friend nila yun. So she told me she's going, she just had a baby so of course I asked to whom she'll leave the baby, she said sa mom ng bf nya. Ok lang sana kaso prior to that lagi sya nagrereklamo sakin na kesyo ang dami daw sinasabi ng mom ng bf nya about her. Kesyo di naman daw nakikita yung efforts nya sa baby and inaalagaan naman daw nya anak nya etc. So I mentioned that to her, na it's not a good idea to leave the baby just to spy on her bf. She didn't reply. Deadma sa messages. So I left messages saying that I'm against sa ginagawa nya and sana hindi nya gawin and pathetic na ng tingin ko sakanya.. basta I used some pretty harsh words. Then I deleted our conversation sa Fb.

Now, a few days passed, she's messaging me again na parang wala lang, as if hindi nya nabasa messages ko. Hindi man lang inacknowledge yung sinabi ko sa kanya? Naiinis ako dahil parang bnrush off lang yung opinion ko. I really don't want to talk to her anymore. Pero part of me gustong paramdam sakanya yung idismiss, so I just put her in the seenzone.

[Ahim de Famille]

May iniwasan na rin akong friend.. Mga High School Friends ko mga yun. Kasi naman ako nalang lagi una kumukumusta sa kanila. Parang ang dating wala na silang  pakialam sa akin. Sana naman sila naman mauna mangamusta sa akin kahit sa fb lang. Kaya nainis na rin ako iniwasan ko nalang at gumawa nalang ako ng bagong fb account. Ngayon nagtataka sila kung bakit ako bigla nawala. Wala na silang contact sa akin at nawala yung fb ko. Bakit di muna nila tanungin sarili nila kung bakit ako nagbago? Eh sila din naman may problema. Sana naman kasi marunong sila makiramdam. 

[hazelbrown_eyes27]

I think its right!:) if you think that its too much already. I have a close friend who wrote on my wall in FB, that I think is not appropriate. Something like " hope you meet someone as sarcastic as you, for you to be able to have a dose of your own medicine."  That I commented also. " excuse me, the reason why Iam being sarcastic is when, and only when a person is also sarcastic. If there is no reason for me to be one, then why should I be?" Which she didnt like! She avoided me.. And told her sister that I changed. Even her twin sister told me that we are alike when it comes to attitude.and between what she and I said.. I think I have the right to be offended, the nerve to even tell that to me via my wall! Now, she is making it appear like its all my fault?! Wow!! I have to let her go. I even asked her to watch movie with me, she declined and said she isnt fond of watching movies. Then, next thing I know, she blocked me, and then she got mad!  So, think yeah! We all have the right to avoid a friend. specially if she isnt worth the friendship!

[snowflakes]

Feeling ko yung friend ko iniiwasan ako everytime i talked about my sentiments in life. Siguro ayaw nya ng problems or negative. Pero it hurts lang to know na every time mag oopen ako ng ka badtripan ko nagiging cold sha and worse di na sha nagpapa ramdam. Sad lang kase sha lang napapagsabihan ko ng problema ko, kaya last time sabi ko sa sarili ko dna ko magsasabi sa knya umiwas na rin ako. Kaso last week nakapag open ako kase sobrang sama ng loob ko ayun sumagot naman sha pero after that di na sha nagparamdam.

[heartfortress]

^sis baka naman nasstress na din sya sa mga sentiments mo? Lalo siguro kung pare parehas ang mga issues mo. I believe that a true friend would always be there for you no matter what, parang for better or for worse din. anjan sila di lang pag masaya ka, kundi pati pag may pinagdadaanan ka. pero baka naman sis puro sentiments mo ang topic nyo? instead na positive things ang pwedeng maging topic nyo pag magkausap o magkasama kayo, bka puro nega issues. Ikaw din naman siguro di mo gugustuhin na laging makasama ang isang tao na toxic na para sau. Siguro sis labas kayo minsan na enjoy lang kayo, no nega vibes. Atsaka, Alam mo naman sa sarili mo kung 'friend' ba talaga siya sayo.

Ganyan din kasi ako dati na puro reklamo ang sinasabi sa isang close friend. Di niya naman ako iniwasan pero pag issue ko sa buhay na paulit ulit nalang ang bukambibig ko e di na sya nagccomment, parang ang dating saken 'ok next topic please' which na-gets ko naman na baka nagsasawa na siya na paulit ulit ako kaya ako na mismo sa sarili ko nagsabi-ok bawasan ang ka negahan sa buhay.

Meron ako high school friend na kahit klepto siya at harap harapan nya ginagawa ang pagnanakaw nya saken, e hindi ko siya nagawang iwasan nun dahil isa siya sa 'few' friends ko. Kahit nung college kahit magkaiba kame ng university, nagkakasama pa din kame. Pero nung nagkahiwalay na kame ng landas, dun ko lang narealize na it's better that we're not friends anymore.

[snowflakes]

^siguromnga sis, kase wala wala ako friend dito sa abroad simula ng nag stop ako mag work so 4 years na ko wala nakakausap na friend. kaya wala ako mapagsabihan. para na ko mababaliw minsan kaya kahit ayaw nya sa pakiramdam ko sinasabi ko pa rin. pero natauha na ko since last year sa nangyare. kaya sinabi ko nga sa sarili ko hinde na ko mag oopen up sa kanya kahit ano. kaso nga naulit na naman last week. ayun, deadmana naman ako. but its ok i understand naman gaya ng sabi nya nauubos ang energy nya sakin, hinde ko naman gets why. kase pag may friend naman ako dati na nag confide sakin ng paulit ulit di naman nauubos energy ko. hehe siguro mahina energy nya kaya ganon. but were still friends yun nga lang for good times na lang siguro.

[heartfortress]

^natawa naman ako sis sa sinabi mong mahina energy ng friend mo hehe. Hmm abroad ka pala sis, sana sis may maging bff ka jan kahit ibang lahi. Pero sis lahat naman tayo may iisang bff, si Lord. Sa kanya mo ilabas lahat ng nararamdaman mo, masaya man o hindi. I'll pray for you din sis. Kung ano naman pinagdadaanan mo sis sana maging ok na din soon.

[snowflakes]

^awww thanks sis... Im so touched.... Kaya nga siguro sensitive din ako at luka luka kase nga wala ako kausap na ibang tao dito kundi mga kiddos ko hehe aside from my hubby. hehe salamat talaga

[heartfortress]

^ur welcome sis. Hugs!

[calin22]

ever since i experience (3x) betrayal from a best friend, I avoided her. I stop caring and became bitter over the years. medyo natrauma ako.. aloof na for most girls in the office. nakadagdag pa na nasa IT dept ako, Servers hawak ko na mostly lalake ang kasama. when i talk to girls,  medyo di nadin ako makasabay at nahihirapan na ako to make conversation. 


answering the thread question, I believe its right to avoid a friend lalo na if sobra na.. I was hurt 3x na from her and i don't think I can trust her anymore. Btw that friend i'm talking about, she recently contacted me and said sorry. I already forgiven here pero I dont think we can make a lot of conversation anymore. Its just awkward, maybe next time we can pero as casual friends nalang.