hello mga sisters, i just happen to see the title of this thread kaya nagka interest ako. i have started a thread in another forum site a few weeks ago lang. i have posted replies din in other threads with topic like this thread. yun nga lang i am the one cheated on by my husband.
i have a very long posts sa mga thread ko. it was very detailed kasi, actually, hindi ko pa nga natatapos yung story ko. si mommy fe kahit papano may idea na sya about my story. i stated there all the hurt and sufferings i went through. sobrang sakit talaga mga sis, lalo na this is the first time that my husband did this to me. and i hope it will be the last coz i will never let him get away if he do it again.
anyway, just to share my POV lang, i hope you won't mind, your husband must really love you, kaya ganyan lang ang ginawa nya sa yo. sa ating mga babae, mahirap na tanggapin pag nagloko ang asawa natin, mas lalo sa kanilang mga guys. iba ang pride ng mga yan. for me nga, tapos na ang relationship ng husband ko sa mistress nya, and ilang months na din naman nakaraan pero until now hindi lumilipas ang isang araw na hindi pumapasok sa isip ko ang mga nangyari. and worse is everytime na naaalala ko ganon pa din ang intensity ng sakit. parang gusto ko sumabog. and the nightmares, grabe, halos gabi-gabi pa din. yung very clear na image nilang dalawa on the act of having sex, kahit hindi ko nakita talaga in person, yung nasa panaginip ko malinaw na malinaw and parang tutoo. may times pa din na umiiyak ako, kahit wala na sila. and yung galit ko dun sa babae, nandito pa din, and ang fear ko is kung magkasalubong kami one day, baka kung ano ang magawa ko. magkalapit lang kasi kami ng place nung girl, married din. mahirap ang pinagdadaanan ko at ng mga iba pang mga kinaliwa ng mga asawa. nakapag move on na halos yung mga kumaliwa sa amin pero kami naiiwan kami sa situation, na in the first place hindi kami ang naglagay sa sarili namin dito. we are the casualties of the infidelity of our partners. ang masakit pa dun, hindi naman kami ang nagpakasarap, pero bakit parang kami ang nagsusuffer sa consequences? we are the victims, from start to finish and beyond.
naiintindihan ko ang husband mo sis. wala na tiwala si husband mo sa yo. pareho kami ng nararamdaman nyan, yung marinig lang namin na tumunog ang cellphone nyo, pumapasok sa isip namin yung "kabit" ang nagtext, when we are making love with our husband/wife, di maiwasan pumasok sa isip namin, "nung ang ka-sex kaya ng asawa ko, ganito din kaya ang ginagawa nya?" or "baka mas nagagalingan or mas nasasatisfy sya dun sa kabit nya kesa sa akin". pag nanonood kami ng tv with our husband/wife and may mga situation na similar ng situation namin, lalo na pag dun sa story nung pinapanood namin mas mahal nung husband/wife yung kabit, we can't help but think na naaalala ng asawa namin yung kabit nya. pag nakakarinig kami ng songs like "it's sad to belong to someone else", "bakit ngayon ka lang?", "lips of an angel", "saving all my love for you", etc. etc., parang gusto namin ihagis at durugin yung radio. mga kilos at salita ng mga asawa namin, madalas nabibigyan ng ibang kahulugan. pag hindi namin kasama ang asawa namin, nag-iisip kami kung sino kaya ang kasama. madami pang iba sis, baka pag inilagay ko lahat dito bukas pa ako matapos.
just to make it short, wala kaming peace of mind. as in, mga paranoid na kami. lagi namin itinatanong sa sarili namin at pilit na hinahanapan ng sagot kung bakit nagawa ng asawa namin yun sa amin. hindi madali yun, sis. pinaglalabanan namin yun, pero believe me, sobrang hirap. when in the first place, hindi naman kami mahihirapan ng ganito kung naging faithful lang ang mga asawa namin sa amin.
sis, kung nahihirapan ka mas nahihirapan ang husband mo. at least, ikaw may nagawa kang kasalanan kaya may mga consequences ka. sobrang mahal ka lang ng asawa mo kaya pinipilit nyang tanggapin lahat kahit sobrang hirap. mahirap din magpatawad at lalong mahirap makalimot. parang habang buhay na yan nakatatak sa isip nya. at talagang tuwing mag aaway kayo mahirap iwasang manumbat. wala naman na talaga kasing mas sasakit pa sa pinagtaksilan. just imagine nga, kung ikaw ang lokohin ng taong mahal na mahal mo, and malaman mo na nakipag sex sya sa iba, or kahit nga kiss lang, ang sakit nun sis.
actually, if you are on the side of your husband, hindi naman punishment yang mga sinabi mo eh. it's just for him to be sure, kahit papano na hindi ka na nakikipag communicate dun sa isang guy. actually, hindi nga complete assurance yan for him. nakakalabas ka naman ng house nyo to go to work. even yung si hubby ko naman lumalabas din ng house to go to work, ang hirap din kaya nun kasi di maiwasan isipin na baka nagkikita sila somewhere. kung pwede nga lang 24/7 magkasama kami.
alam mo kahit gano ka kasincere pag sinasabi mo na wala na talaga kayo nung guy and si husband mo ang pinili mo, hindi ganon kadali ibalik ang trust nya for you. it will take time and a major, major effort for you. trust is not given freely, it must be earned. and once mo masira ang trust sa yo ng asawa mo, especially sa infidelity issue, i doubt kung dadating pa ang time na makukuha mo ulit ang 100% trust nya for you. para naman kasi sa amin na mga kinaliwa, nasa isip namin, nagawa mo na minsan, kaya mong gawin ulit.
pasensya na mga sis at sobrang haba. ewan ko ba, pag ganitong topic talaga at nakakarelate ako, napapahaba ang post ko.
anyway, good luck to you sis "the_analyst". advice lang, be patient with your husband, you don't know what he's been through, and still going and will go through because of what happened. if you really love him and you want to make it up to him, you have to do your best, and more than your best. you have to show him, in all sincerity that you are truly sorry for what you did and that you will never do it again. for you, it seems as if he is punishing you, pero para sa kanya, he is making you do those things because he is afraid to loose you. kung dati hindi sya insecure, but because of what happened bumagsak ang self esteem nya.
sis, ang swerte mo. kasi (this is based on what you said) loyal sya sa yo. ang hirap na humanap ng one-woman-man. i thought i married one, for the past 10 years of being married plus the five years of being bf/gf, wala akong naging problema sa kanya regarding infidelity. kaya nga sobrang sakit when i found out about the other woman and kaya nga din siguro nahuli ko din kaagad because hindi naman sya expert like yung mga habitual womanizer na ang galing na magtago.
i have not read all of the posts here. yung mga recent posts lang ang nabasa ko. i do not want to be a "party pooper" here. i just want to share a POV from the cheated wife. if ever may ma offend sa mga sasabihin ko, hindi po yun ang intention ko.
i am really not in favor of having a romantic relationship with someone else while they are still married. for me, marriage is a covenant not only between the couple but also with God. it is very sacred. i also do not think that marrying someone for the wrong reason is an excuse to dishonor your marriage. you shouldn't have let yourself be dragged into something that you do not want in the first place. as they say, it is not right to commit a mistake to correct another mistake. there are some na naforce lang magpakasal because nabuntis and nakakahiya if we will be an unwed mother, "disgrasyada". but isn't it more shameful to be an adulterer? would you rather be called a "disgrasyada" and later earn back the respect of others when they see na maayos ang buhay mo even if you have a child out of wedlock kesa magpakasal ka with someone you do not love and later on be caught cheating? mas madaming masasaktan sa latter, don't you think?
if we love a person, how can we do something that we know will hurt the person we love? and being infidel is the worst thing you can do to someone you love. if we do not love or fell out of love with our husband/wife, why don't we tell them, get separated, get an annulment, or at least let them know that we want out of the commitment with them, get a clean slate before we jump into another commitment. hindi man magustuhan or di man pumayag makipaghiwalay si asawa, at least aware sya and di nya pwede sabihin na niloko mo sya. kahit katiting siguro, mababawasan ang sakit na mararamdaman nila pag nalaman na may lover tayo. madaming dahilan kung bakit nagkakaroon ng extra marital affairs. but whatever the reason is isa lang ang contra-reason : it is a sin both in the law of man and the law of God. (NOT being ms. righteous here).
during the time when hubby was still seeing his kabit and i was all alone in our bedroom at night, i reconnected with my old friends sa FB. and i happen to get reconnected din with my ex BF. in short, i almost agreed to meet with him in baguio. an opportunity na din to get back at my husband. an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. but later on realized that i will make things worse if i did that.
i am not saying that i am a saint. i also have flaws, i make mistakes from time to time. shortcomings? yes, a handful. tao lang din eh. but in this aspect, i can say that i never have been, and never will be guilty of. pwera na lang siguro if you will count the times when i dreamed i was married to piolo pascual.
again mga sis, sorry if i offended someone with this post. not my intention. pasensya na din ang haba...mahilig talaga ako sa essay writing since elementary days...
the_analyst, sis, good luck sa yo. just be strong and be sincere, i'm sure your husband will feel that you are really sorry and everything will fall in their proper places in God's time. Prayers is your best armor to get through what you're going through. i am judging you. based on your posts, i can say that you are a decent woman. if not, you wouldn't try to correct the mistakes you have done. just find out God's message to you through what happened.
"Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto you." if everybody will follow this GOLDEN RULE, the world will be a happier place to live in.
God bless to us all!!!
