Frequent Visits and Over-staying Parents di type ni Hubby

[leela1025]

^^may pinakita bang masama ang parents mo sa hubby mo that would require that kind of treatment? if your parents have always been nice to him, your husband is being insensitive and inconsiderate.

[marose17]

^ Ruthie, how long na kayo married ng hubby mo?  If short pa lang, baka naman he feels na hindi ka niya nasosolo or na-affect yung bonding time niyo pag andyan ang parents mo?  Hindi kaya ganun kaya may tampo siya?

[Ruthie_girlicious]

Sis Leela, ang alam ko kay dad sya irritated kasi nga may pagkametikuloso. At times, nadidinig nya  si dad giving instructions or kino-correct yung maid and he finds it repulsive. For him, di na dapat nakikialam si dad dun. 

Sis Marose, 8 years na kami married, no kids.  I don't know if yung lack of bonding moments pag nandyan si parents lang talaga ang concern ni hubby. It's more on ayaw daw nya na may ibang tao sa bahay. Naasiwa sya pag ganun, which I understand din naman.  Kaso parents ko yun eh at gusto ko din talaga sila makasama dahil sabi nga, they're not getting any younger na rin. Ang akin lang, wag lang siguro ganun kadalas para di rin kami magka problema ni hubby...Pano ko ba gagawin yun ng hindi sila masasaktan?

[leela1025]

^^medyo mababaw na reason kasi yun para umalis siya ng bahay everytime nandiyan parents mo. you ought to talk to him on why he's bothered with your parents' visits. i have a feeling na may mas malalim pa na dahilan.

[midnight]

sis ruthie, if i may ask, no offense meant ha pero: how comfortable is your parents' place in batangas?

I just asked kasi that might also be a reason why napapadalas sila sa pagdalaw sa inyo? I am not saying na they don't miss you and the only reason why they are there is because of that nga, pero the comfort they are experiencing in your place can also be a reason. Naisip ko lang ano, since parang masarap nga tumira sa inyo. Kasi ako before, yun sabi ng sisters ko whenever they visited me. "Kala mo namimiss ka namin, gusto lang namin dito kasi may swimming pool ka!" (i moved out kasi pero we all live in the city parin) Couldn't blame them naman, kasi oo nga, mas maganda lugar ko kesa sa lugar nila.

So yun lang po. If my angle could've a grain of truth in it, baka pwede nyong gawan ng paraan. Kasi mahirap aregluhin ang ganyang issue since they've more or less assumed na welcome sila anytime sa inyo.

[luckvampire]

Hay, ito rin ang problem ko, but it's not the length of stay but the volume of people, if there's such a word. Ang dami talaga nilang pumunta dito. Hahaha. Paminsan-minsan nga lang pero grabe, as in, parang buong barangay kung pumunta dito. And my hubby is not that sociable pa, so talagang stressed out ako when my family visits.

What I do is to put them in hotels/inns near our place since we don't have extra room in our house. This way, they won't stay too long. Lately, money is scarce, so naiintindihan naman yun ng parents ko. They don't visit as often as when they knew I can afford it.

As for our thread starter, don't expect your husband to change or even your parents to understand.  Kahit sabihin mo pang sobra unfair si hubby or manhid sina mommy and daddy, they're coming from two different worlds. Sasama lang ang loob mo, sis. Hay naku, ang dami na rin naming beses pinag-awayan yan kasi yung family ko din sobrang at home kapag nandito. Kung minsan, hindi pa sila nagsasabi. Basta darating na lang ang dalawang vans. Hindi ko naman sila mapagsabihan kasi alam kong they'll feel hurt because sa bahay namin, welcome lahat. Hindi issue yun. Magandang solution which I think was suggested, ikaw na lang mag-visit. Less headache for you and your husband and everyone's happy. Mamimiss ka pa ni hubby. Hehe.

[hisana]

One week is tolerable, but three weeks is something else. If I were in your situation, I'd try out sis blooming's suggestion na ako na lang magvisit sa Batangas. I have a feeling neither your husband nor your parents are going to change anytime soon. Ako din sobrang ayaw ko sa unnecessarily overstaying guests (kahit si Piolo pa yan), so nakakarelate din ako sa husband mo. Extreme pa nga yata ako. Minsan kahit anong effort sa pag-intindi, kahit anong explanation i-offer sa akin, bottomline is that someone's making me unhappy in my own home. Even if I try to bottle up the stress I feel, sasabog din ako one day. So really, if it's just a matter of them missing you, you can be the one doing the visiting.  Let's see what happens.

Good luck, sis! It's so difficult to please everyone, no? Hay, life.

[blooming]

^^luckvampire, sis, di ko ata makayanan yan pagsakin nangyari. I am thinking more moving to a different place at hindi ko sasabihin kung asan address ko. 

^ may point din si sis hisana.  bahay mo yan.  you should feel comfortable in it.

nabanggit mo narin na 2 kayo ni hubby nagw-work, so yan lang ang haven ninyo to relax.  so hopefully hindi ka naman ma-stress out tuwing andyan sila, and at the same time nag-w-worry na hindi happy si hubby. stressful!

[Ruthie_girlicious]

sis ruthie, if i may ask, no offense meant ha pero: how comfortable is your parents' place in batangas?

I just asked kasi that might also be a reason why napapadalas sila sa pagdalaw sa inyo? I am not saying na they don't miss you and the only reason why they are there is because of that nga, pero the comfort they are experiencing in your place can also be a reason. Naisip ko lang ano, since parang masarap nga tumira sa inyo.

Sis midnight, okay naman house sa Batangas. Wala naman ako makita na mas gustuhin nila dito sa amin. Could it be kaya na wala silang maid dun kaya gusto nila dito because they have our maids here at their beck and call. Parang ang babaw yata nung analysis ko hehe. 

One week is tolerable, but three weeks is something else. If I were in your situation, I'd try out sis blooming's suggestion na ako na lang magvisit sa Batangas. I have a feeling neither your husband nor your parents are going to change anytime soon.

 

Sis Hisana, one week sila at the most sa house pero every 3 weeks interval minsan hehe.  Parang gusto ko nga i-try yung suggestion ni sis blooming na kami na lang muna uuwi sa Batangas... or if ayaw ni hubby, baka kahit ako na lang umuwi  minsan..

nabanggit mo narin na 2 kayo ni hubby nagw-work, so yan lang ang haven ninyo to relax.  so hopefully hindi ka naman ma-stress out tuwing andyan sila, and at the same time nag-w-worry na hindi happy si hubby. stressful!

Haaay naku sis blooming sinabi mo pa!
Stressfuls talaga! Para ako tumatawid sa alambre lagi everytime nadito sila parents at nag e-emote si hubby...

[andreil_19]

Your husband should treat your parents as his parents na rin not as ibang tao, medyo dun lang ako nagreact. 
i understand the feeling na ayaw ng husband mo na may ibang tao sa bahay, mas gusto kasi natin ang walang makikialam sa bawat kilos natin or may inaasikaso tayo na bisita sa house minsan kasi tingin natin medyo hassle eh.  Ganoon din kasi ako 
Try mo sis kausapin ang mother mo, i think she will understand your situation. Let her be the one to talk to your father. At the same time ikaw na lang din ang bumisita sa parents mo para hindi ka nila masyadong ma-miss.

[marose17]

Ruthie, medyo na-eliminate na natin ang possible reasons why your hubby isn't keen on letting your parents stay over your home.  Now is the time to talk to him.  Sa tingin ko, tama si sis leela, baka may mas malalim na dahilan.

[Ruthie_girlicious]

Sis marose, ask ko na sya dati about it.  Ang sinabi lang nya di sya comfotable may "ibang" tao sa bahay namin.  Di daw sya makakilos ng gusto nya...

[zazhimi]

why does he feel uncomfortable kapag nandyan ang mga parents mo?... i think being the owner of the house he can do anything he wants and feel comfortable with it... unless naglalakad siya ng nakahubad sa bahay...   

[luckvampire]

haha, sis blooming, magandang idea yan! Gawin ko nga! Haha.

^sis zazhimi, may mga ganung tao talaga. Isa na rin ang hubby ko na ganito. Kasi kahit siya ang makitira, ayaw niya rin. Ayaw niyang nagpupunta sa house ng ibang tao. So kapag kami bumibisita kahit saan, he makes sure he arranges for accommodation na hindi dun sa bahay ng binibisita namin. Ang weird niya pero I've accepted that in him.

Syempre hindi ka comfortable kasi hindi mo naman yun parents. Ako, kahit na cool ang mom-in-law and dad-in-law ko, may hiya pa rin minsan...

[grumpybear]

I haven't read other posts but I can empathize with your husband. One week every 3 weeks is too much IMO.
Also, maski sarili mong bahay, aminin natin na kapag may bisita, hindi rin ganon ka-comfortable ang feeling.
Ako, I believe that honesty is the best policy. My mom and inlaws live far away from where we live but even then, may limits ang pag-bisita nila.
My inlaws stay for only 2 weeks out of a year. Same with my mom. My priority is my husband's happiness and same goes for my husband. His priority is my happiness.
When we got married, we both had the mindset na uunahin namin ang isa't isa and not our "previous" families. May boundaries talaga. Otherwise, doon naguumpisa ang confusion and gulo.

[simplemind]

mahirap nga ang kalagayan mo now sis. Parents vs husband. Bakit  parang ayaw makipag bonding ng husband mo sa parents mo?

kung nahihirapan ka na sa setuation siguro kausapin mo si husband mo and explain na ganyan di na sila bumabata pa at siguro nga na miss lang kayo ng sis mo kaya lage sila sa maynila, if hesitant pa rin  no choice na but to tell your parents ikaw nalang pupunta ng batangas during weekend pero dont lock the door kung san mo balak mag lock ha  kasi masasaktan sila talaga nyan sensitive na mga oldies.

kung sa tingin mo kaya sila bumabalik sa inyo because my maid jan at sila wala di ikuha mo yon  lang pala ang kulang nila e, kung ganun pa rin ang gagawin nila miski may maid na so di na maid ang need nila kundi ikaw ang na miss nila at gusto makasama habang kaya pa nilang makaluwas ng malayo layo...tsaka you share the expenses naman e at wala kayong kids so okey lang siguro yan sis unless no share ka at lage sila jan mahihiya ka talaga sa hubby mo....

[Ruthie_girlicious]

Update lang mga sis. Nag text si dad yesterday if okay lang daw ba lumuwas sila sa afternnon and dito mag weekend coz gusto daw nya mapahinga mom ko (napupuyat coz of mahjong with my aunts/uncles) ma-check up nung sister ko.  Di muna ako nag reply but called up my mom instead and asked her is she's okay ang really need a check up.  Sabi nya okay naman sya and walang complaint or anything.  Dad ko lang daw ay gusto lumuwas to spend the weekend with us then uwi din Monday (so 3 days lang).  Natawa na lang sya when I told her na sya ang nirarason ni dad sa pagluwas.  So I told my dad na okay lang ba if next week na lang and he said yes naman.  Kasi naman mga sis kakauwi lang nila last Saturday and 6 days din sila nag-stay with us.  Nahihiya ako kay hubby... Coincidentally, may teambuilding din yung sister ko so hindi din talaga nya ma check-up si mommy

[harlet]

^sis kung kaya nyo rin naman at may extra lot kayo why not get or build a nipa hut na pwedeng tulugan or tirhan...as in guest house at dun mag-stay ang parents mo...pakabitan mo ng sariling meter..whatever ang gastos, paghatian niyo ng kapatid mo including yung pagkain pag andyan sila...

baka ang gusto ni hubby nga na malayang kumilos ay yung kikilos siya ng walang nakatingin o baka may masabi sa ginagawa niya....or di niya lang type talaga ang nag-e-entertain ng guest.

ang downside lang nun, baka di na umalis ang parents mo...

[magichild07]

hi sis, naku i can relate to you as in! Same problem here...

[Ruthie_girlicious]

^ di pala ako nag-iisa, sis.  Ang hirap no? Haaay...