Does marriage counseling help?

[honey-ecclaire]

yes,mas lalo if you are both willing to change for good...
minsan kase maraming bagay tayo na hindi nakikit or mali how we look those things...so we need other people who will tell us about this and that...

[jaiaquino]

when i went to cefam for counselling, i felt worse after. natatangahan na nga ako sa sarili ko and was looking for guidance on how to get myself into a better place, parang pinamukha lang sa akin na t**** nga ako n that i needed to improve my situation asap. no help in the how part though. para lang akong pinagalitan ng magulang ko.

so i tried other places for counselling, and i'd say i prefer the non-sectarian centers. there's less bias and they really work with you in finding ways to improve your situation and yourself. my only problem with the centers i went to is their locations - most of them are far from our place or mahirap puntahan.

i wish to go back though as i feel that it really helped me analyse myself in a more objective point of view and see what i've been doing wrong. what i need now really is more help on how i can improve.

[glamorosa_09]

@ayami

Parang ang hirap naman yata, if you will take God out of the marriage equation. Di ba, the three strands of the wedding chord symbolizes man, woman and God. So hindi lang kayong dalawa ang kinasal, kundi tatlo kayo.

Sabi nga ni Rick Warren, a marriage based on human love alone will not last, but a marriage based on God's love will stand the test of time. Nakakaloka kaya ang marriage kung walang pagdadasal.

But anyways, to each his own.

@jaiaquino

sad naman ang experience mo with cefam, I plan to study there in the near future. Di lang siguro ok yung naging counselor mo o baka nataong may problema din.

[kwinchesters]

Agree with Sis Glamorosa...

Kahit ilang session ng counseling puntahan ng mag-asawa at ilang self-help books ang basahin, kung wala si Lord sa buhay ng isang pamilya, magiging vulnerable lang sa conflict, temptation and sinful lives.
I've been married for 11 years, would you believe na 2 years ago lang kami naging lubos na masaya ng mister ko sa isa't isa? Because for many years we were out of the circle of blessing ni God. Nung nag decide kaming 2 year 2010 to renew our commitment and relationship kay Lord, milagro na lang talaga na natunaw lahat ng bitterness namin towards each other. And now, we are regularly having a devotional sa bahay, 2 lang kami, we read a couple's devotional book. It has a short story, a Bible scripture, mga discussion each topic then we pray TOGETHER. As in out loud prayer ha. May notebook pa kami to list what we would like to pray. we do that every morning. If there are times we do not disagree, zero na yung heated argument, sakitan, foul words tulad ng dati. Ngayon pag may issue to discuss, we discuss it during our devotional time. Mas naging aware kami sa mga salita namin sa isat isa at pati yung attentive listening natutunan na din namin unlike before pag nag-away, isa sa amin walk-out agad.
BOTTOMLINE: NEVER EVER OUTCAST GOD FROM YOUR LIVES, FROM YOUR MARRIAGE, BUSINESS, WORK, RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU WON'T SUCCEED ANYWAY. DO NOT WRESTLING WITH GOD, YOU AND I CANNOT WIN...

[Michipot]

Watch the movie "Fireproof".. meron sa youtube.. meron rin DVDs sa mga video stores... maganda sya at makakatulong sa pagsave ng marriage... try to download the "Love Dare" application sa mobile nyo... it's a great challenge based from the movie..

[Michipot]

kami naman, we attended the Marriage Encounter weekend seminar... it really helped us... napahumble kami pareho ni hubby... pero dapat both of you are ready to open up and listen to one another...

[glamorosa_09]

@kwinchesters

Nakakainspire naman kayo sis, wala kaming disiplina ni hubby magdasal ng sabay. Hindi kami consistent. But I will check that out, yang couple's devotional book.

[miss resilient]

@ayami

Parang ang hirap naman yata, if you will take God out of the marriage equation. Di ba, the three strands of the wedding chord symbolizes man, woman and God. So hindi lang kayong dalawa ang kinasal, kundi tatlo kayo.

Sabi nga ni Rick Warren, a marriage based on human love alone will not last, but a marriage based on God's love will stand the test of time. Nakakaloka kaya ang marriage kung walang pagdadasal.

But anyways, to each his own.

i so agree with you, ater!

kami ng husband ko, kapag nagaaway kami or may misunderstanding..or pag may problema..nagppray kami together (pag malamig na yung sitwasyon).

lalo na when i had surgery last year, naku panay panay ang prayer namin and we were able to survive.

nakakatuwa nga kasi bago ako isalang sa OR, bantay rin ang baenan ko..so kasama namin sha sa prayer..

[miss resilient]

Agree with Sis Glamorosa...

Kahit ilang session ng counseling puntahan ng mag-asawa at ilang self-help books ang basahin, kung wala si Lord sa buhay ng isang pamilya, magiging vulnerable lang sa conflict, temptation and sinful lives.

BOTTOMLINE: NEVER EVER OUTCAST GOD FROM YOUR LIVES, FROM YOUR MARRIAGE, BUSINESS, WORK, RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU WON'T SUCCEED ANYWAY. DO NOT WRESTLING WITH GOD, YOU AND I CANNOT WIN...

so like! 

[jaycee_mla]

In my case, it really helps. It saved my marriage. 

I mean, yong time na totally give up na yong hubby ko, ako lang yong nag-ka-counselling.  Although mas okay if both of you will participate, okay lang din ikaw mag-isa (just like me) if in case, ayaw ng partner mo.

The session gave me hope and strength. They told me stories ng mga couples na nagkabalikan who were in worst situation than us. They also taught me how to act around my hubby in everything during those crucial times. 

Hi joycy. Can i know sino yung counselor mo?  I need desperate help right now and i see hope in what u quoted.  I hope it can help me too... Thanks

[sleeping_beauty]

may counseling kami ni hubby next week. sana maging ok.
 di ko alam kung ano mangyayari eh.
i hope it helps.

may mga books ba na recommended na basahin namin ni hubby together? i mean, we read the bible but are there other you can recommend?

[kwinchesters]

Sis sleeping_beauty try nyo yung couple's devotional, gaya ng sa amin may discussion then afterwards may prayer together. Nakatulong ng malaki samin to kasi naging transparent kami ng asawa ko sa feelings namin saka nadiscuss namin yung past resentment namin towards each other kaya nagkaron ng closure.

[TysLolakins]

hindi pa namin na-experience ang marriage counseling but i think it will help.  this allows for an impartial third party to assess the situation.  sometimes when we're angry towards our spouse, we only tend to see things our way to the point of justifying our actions.  pero kung may counselor, he/she can easily point out the real issues and recommend the appropriate steps to remedy the situation.   

[Alucard]

NO. Just in case nag attend kayo ng counseling. Sino parin ang mag dedecide if you still want to stay or not? diba kayo din? you don't need another person to tell you or make you realize how important you are for each other. Its a relationship its never a one-way drive kasi hindi mo matatawag na relationship iyan kung isa lang sa inyo ang gustong kumapit at yung isa gusto ng umalis. Lokohan na iyan.

[sleeping_beauty]

^
yan din ang sabi ng husband ko re: counseling. nung una kasi ayaw nya dahil he doesnt want other people to meddle in our marriage.

but when you have tried so many times to make it work. you've tried different ways to communicate and it is still working out, then maghahanap ka na ng ibang paraan.
kung ayaw talaga, mahirap na. pero di naman pwede na lang mag give up basta basta.
i want to give it a good fight. ganun naman dapat coz we've made a commitment to each other and kay God na rin.

[fegloria1954]

Marriage counselling can work as long as the "counselling" focuses on guiding you identify your conflicts and issues, and how the two of you can manage these bu first identifying your barriers that keep you from being honest about your feelings and being kind about letting your spouse know how you feel (not by expressing and acting out your feelings, but by describing how you feel in analogies like color, scale or magnitude, picture of weather, physical sensation, etc.)

Adults do not really take it kindly when they are being told that they have been wrong and they should be the one to make adjustments, so that conflicts and or issues with their spouse could be managed.  In truth, both eventually are at fault: one for acting in a way that created the conflict, and the other one for reacting after perceiving that the one's action is an issue.

The best approach is for marriage mentors to share what they have personally gone through, and what methods they worked into their marriage relationship in order to improve the situation.  More often than not such methods include individual decisions to change.  This approach - that makes use of the principle of andragogy or adult education - fully considers the adults' desire and need to still make their own decisions, because indeed yes, bottomline  it will be the spouses' decisions pa rin that will be needed: decision to commit again to the marriage, decision to love the person one has married, decision to forgive the erring spouse, and decision to trust the spouse (two way: the hurt spouse deciding to trust the erring spouse, and the erring spouse deciding to trust that the hurt spouse has forgiven).

My husband and I underwent that kind of approach, and, we are really thankful that we did, considering that we have by then been wallowing - for at least 30 years - in the abyss of disillusionment in our marriage, and misery engendered by the hurts we each were causing and experiencing.

Mommy Fe

[glamorosa_09]

Limited naman kasi ang understanding and wisdom of both husband and wife, specially if patong patong na, buhul buhol na ang problems in a marriage. I guess it is PRIDE that keeps people from opening up to this option.

And kung hiya man ang dahilan, wala nang hiya-hiya basta para sa marriage nyo, like what sis sleeping beauty said on giving a good fight.

Need talaga ng counseling, not only in a professional sense, we need to learn from the older and wiser couples, kakilala or relatives. Daming unguided couples ngayon lalo na mga young couples, who expect a happily ever after.

[miss resilient]

Marriage counselling can work as long as the "counselling" focuses on guiding you identify your conflicts and issues, and how the two of you can manage these bu first identifying your barriers that keep you from being honest about your feelings and being kind about letting your spouse know how you feel (not by expressing and acting out your feelings, but by describing how you feel in analogies like color, scale or magnitude, picture of weather, physical sensation, etc.)

Adults do not really take it kindly when they are being told that they have been wrong and they should be the one to make adjustments, so that conflicts and or issues with their spouse could be managed.  In truth, both eventually are at fault: one for acting in a way that created the conflict, and the other one for reacting after perceiving that the one's action is an issue.

The best approach is for marriage mentors to share what they have personally gone through, and what methods they worked into their marriage relationship in order to improve the situation.  More often than not such methods include individual decisions to change.  This approach - that makes use of the principle of andragogy or adult education - fully considers the adults' desire and need to still make their own decisions, because indeed yes, bottomline  it will be the spouses' decisions pa rin that will be needed: decision to commit again to the marriage, decision to love the person one has married, decision to forgive the erring spouse, and decision to trust the spouse (two way: the hurt spouse deciding to trust the erring spouse, and the erring spouse deciding to trust that the hurt spouse has forgiven).

My husband and I underwent that kind of approach, and, we are really thankful that we did, considering that we have by then been wallowing - for at least 30 years - in the abyss of disillusionment in our marriage, and misery engendered by the hurts we each were causing and experiencing.

Mommy Fe

Nice naman! parang Counselor ang dating!

Sa akin siguro dahil kinakaibigan ko ang husband ko. minsan inaaway ko rin siya at sinusungitan pero ayun parang i treat him as one of my friends also para hindi ako mahihiya magexpress ng feelings sa kanya, and ganun din siya sa akin.

[theathoinkxzs]

pano kung yung other half mo eh hindi naman naniniwala kay God? or in any religion? or is religion is an issue. how can a couple seek counseling?

[sleeping_beauty]

^ sis may counseling services naman na hindi "religion-based"