Single MOM (with 2 children)

[Priceless]

I think the TS wanted an honest opinion, and Mr.Punch & Argento gave theirs. I think it is wrong to react kaagad on their personal opinions - and you may think it is judgmental, but they are just speaking based on their own experiences or perhaps of people they know. 

I think it was Mr.Punch who clearly said having one or more children with the same father is possibly acceptable, pero I agree that Filipinos in general (not just the future bf/gf/spouse ha - kasi sa atin you marry someone, you marry the rest of the family na rin) tend to quite conservative. Put it this way, if you were single, and came from a traditional conservative family, would your family whole-heartedly accept you marrying a man with children from several women? Being single, would you readily date someone who has fathered children with different women? I would say it's even worse for women kasi our society have typically more conservative views about women (which may not necessarily be correct or fair).

[cristina]

^^yes they can express their honest opinion but i hope they can be more sensitive on the words they are using 

[Girltalker2]

^ that's what people think, that's how they say things, so let it be. kawawa nalang siguro ang mapapangasawa nila at di sila sensitive, so hayaan mo nalang na ganun. you cannot change people if you do not agree with their thoughts.

^^ sis priceless, you have a point. depende din nga siguro sa exposure ng tao at kung ano ang nakagawian nya when it comes to these topics.

I remember na sobrang taboo for me din to be "separated".  Kaya ako siguro matagal nagstruggle sa marriage ko kasi hindi ko matanggap na I will be a single mom.  No offense again, but at that time, I was younger, I was more narrow minded, so hindi ko matanggap na kapag hiniwalayan ko ang philandering husband ko, I will be no different from a single mom na nabuntis at di kinasal. That was then. But eventually, I had to accept.  Paano magpakumbaba since I am not perfect.  And times have changed.  Society now is kinder to single moms compared to 20 years ago.  Moreso, mas marami narin ang mas open minded kasi. 

Pero concerning having different kids from different men, I must admit, slowly matatanggap din iyan ng madla. For now, 50-50 pa siguro ang pagtanggap nito.  Parang Melanie Marquez nga daw - mas grabe pa sya kasi when it happened to her, more than 10 years ago pa, so at that time, sarado pa utak ng mga tao, not to mention, one of her kids was from a married guy.

Sis Cristina, mahirap for people not to judge women in these situations. Most would probably think - di na natuto? One mistake puede pa, pero twice or thrice?  But again, in your case naman kasi, you do not have 3 kids from 3 different fathers. Because the last one is your partner na now.  So technically speaking, twice ka lang nagkamali. 

We cannot predict our circumstances. Nangyari na ang nangyari, puedeng minalas lang talaga ang lovelife, or puedeng hindi lang talaga natin ginamit ang utak natin.  Nasa situation natin tayo ngayon because of our own doing din, and in order to avoid criticism or at least save face, we have to learn from our past and just move forward and prove to ourselves na sa future, we will be definitely be in a better position because we will be wiser.

^^ feeling ko di tayo makakapag generalize, the TS also asked for POV and opinion, saka di natin alam utak ng mga lalaki, pero posible naman talaga na maka meet siya ng guy na magmamahal sa kanya despite her past, kaya lang opinion ko very slim yung chance na yun, knowing na sa panahon ngayon mas maraming choices ang men when it comes to choosing lifetime partner. napakaswerte ni TS kung may guy pa na ganun sa panahon ngayon

Kung lalaki at lalaki rin lang. Marami dyan. The only problem is quality goods ba iyan? 
Sa panahon ngayon, ang hirap nanga maghanap ng quality na guy.  Halos lahat manloloko, sinungaling at babaero.  Kaya mas madali na manalo these days sa lotto kesa makahanap ng lifetime partner that will treasure you for the rest of your life.  Ke single ka man o hindi.

So, I am sure there will be guys to come into your life.  The only question is baka another sakit ng ulo na naman ba iyan?  How is he different from the exes?  Tatanggapin mo nalang ba kahit sino along your way kasi you want to have a "happy family"? And to make it feel more like a happy family, kelangan may anak ka rin sa guy na ito?  So madadagdagan na naman ang anak? 

I see guys (especially these days ha), may nag aaligid sa single moms. Kasi alam nila they are taking lesser of a risk, lalo na yung mga loko loko.  They flirt with you, have sex and leave. Never allow this to happen.  Mas lalo ka kelangan maging makilatis kasi ayaw mo masisira ang buhay mo (even your reputation) dahil may mga anak ka that look up to you. 

I guess bottomline is, we single moms do not want this to happen to us. Pero for some reason, dito tayo nadala ng tadhana.  The only solution is to be more discerning, to always ensure to take care of yourself and your kids as your top priority (now and future - education etc).  No matter what, may Bf man o wala, we should make sure we are financially independent, emotionally and mentally stable,  for the sake of our kids.

[argento]

Sa panahon ngayon, ang hirap nanga maghanap ng quality na guy.  Halos lahat manloloko, sinungaling at babaero.

Kaya pala hindi ka makahanap eh ganyan tingin mo sa mga lalake.

[p0isonIvy]

^ i think sis @girltalker has a bf. so nakahanap na din sya 

[Girltalker2]

Kaya pala hindi ka makahanap eh ganyan tingin mo sa mga lalake.

I don't need to brag about it.  Pero reality check, may katotohanan ang mga sinabi ko. And threads in GT can vouch for this.

^ i think sis @girltalker has a bf. so nakahanap na din sya 

Yes sis, pero masasabi ko I "stumbled" on him hehe  When I started dating, hindi ko naman inisip - "maghahanap ako ng BF or ng partner sa buhay ko".  I just decided na I should start enjoying life on my own by mingling and having friends (gals and guys ha).  And just see what comes next.  Dito ko na realize na marami din palang manloloko talaga.  Pero of course hindi lahat.  Pero people can take advantage if you are not cautious, and you can easily be a victim.

The trick is if you ever stumble on an extraordinary guy that meets your minimum requirements, and meets 70%-80% of your ideal qualities checklist, wow.  Pero if not, life goes on.

4) MOST IMPORTANT RULE: Always be a mother 1st before anything else. Put your children's well-being above all. Remember that YOUR CHILDREN WILL BRING YOUR MORE HAPPINESS THAN ANY MAN CAN.

Thanks sis for reiterating, couldn't have said it better.

In no way should the children's well being should ever be compromised, ke nasa dating stage ka, BF stage or cohabitating/marriage na.

The man who is loving you should also love your kids. Hindi sila puede ma-eche puera. Lives are at stake here, and you being the mom, holds full responsibility over them.

Again, some day a man will love you more because he sees how good you are as a mother. People will always admire you for being a good mother; but will shun you if you neglect your children while you party your days away.

I think this is secondary nalang. What others will say.  Kasi ang pinaka importante, your children are taken cared of, hindi lang education ha, pati well being nila, social skills, enhance whatever talents they have, facilitate small achievements ... to make them shine. fill their childhood and young adolescent stages with happy memories, kahit na alam mo your family may not be as "normal" sa paningin ng iba.