@Macblush
Posting here the behavioral changes which you might want to look for in your husband. This was outlined by Lundy Bancrof, an abuser counselor for more than 15 years.
The change happens for a period of time. But then he also warned the wives that only a minority of his clients makes lasting changes. If 1 out of 10 ang magbago sa program nya, it's worthwhile na raw.
In the end, ikaw pa rin ang magdedefine what "changes" you want to see.
So here it is:
How to know if he has really changed:
Has he learned to treat your opinions with respect, even when they differ strongly from his?
Is he accepting your right to express anger to him, especially when it involves his history of mistreating you?
Is he respecting your right to freedom and independence? Does that include refraining from all interference with your friendships and giving up the demand to always know where you are and whom you are with?
Has he stopped making excuses for his treatment of you, including not using your behavior as an excuse for his?
Is he being respectful about sex, applying no pressure and engaging in no guilt trips?
Has he stopped cheating or flirting with other women, or using other behaviors that keep you anxious that he will stray?
Does he listen to your side in arguments without interrupting, and then make a serious effort to respond thoughtfully to your points, even if he doesn’t like them?
Have you been free to raise your grievances, new or old, without retaliation from him?
Has he stopped talking about his abuse as if it were an accident and begun to acknowledge that he used it to control you?
Is he actually responding to your grievances and doing something about them (for example, changing the way he behaves toward your children)?
Has he greatly reduced or eliminated his use of controlling behaviors (such as sarcasm, rolling his eyes, loud disgusted sighs, talking over you, using the voice of ultimate authority, and other demonstrations of disrespect or superiority) during conversations and arguments?
When he does slip back into controlling behavior, does he take you seriously when you complain about it and keep working on improving?
Is he being consistent and responsible in his behavior, taking into account how his actions affect you without having to be constantly reminded?
Is he acting noticeably less demanding, selfish, and self-centered?
Is he being fair and responsible about money, including allowing you to keep your own assets in your own name?
Has he stopped any behaviors that you find threatening or intimidating?
Has he significantly expanded his contribution to household and child-rearing responsibilities and stopped taking your domestic work for granted or treating you like a servant?
Has he begun supporting your strengths rather than striving to undermine them?
Have you had any major angry arguments with him in which he has shown a new willingness to conduct himself nonabusively?
For sure kung puro 'abuse moments' yung mangyayari, it's easy to make a decision to break away. But then there's also the 'good moments' where he appears kind and loving, and when he professes his love to you. And these moments spark some hope. The thing is, there will always be those 'good moments' alongside the 'abuse moments.' Holding on to one, means holding on the other one.
