newbie here. been a reader lang for so long but i came across this topic and i felt inclined lang to share my personal experience to other girls here, baka lang may mapulot kayo kahit konti. hehe.
first off, just a disclaimer, i'm not here to offend anyone. sana walang ma offend. and i am not generalizing an entire race. for this purpose, let's put it at "mostly" when i refer to them and not "all" of them. now that that's out of the way, i'll go with my story. i'm part chinese, part filipino and part spanish. my ex boyfriend was 100% pure chinese who was born and raised here in the philippines na. we were together for almost 8 years before we decided to end things. i am ok with his family (civil but not super close), but more than cultural differences, it all boiled down to differences in values that's why we decided to end things. we're now very close friends. and we both have other people in our lives na who are more compatible to us, accordingly. but just as they say, everything is 20/20 in hindsight and super dami kong natutunan sa relationship na yun. that's what i wanna share with you.
to people currently going through the obstacles of filipino-chinese relationships, please know this: the biggest problem you'll have to face is not whether his/her family will accept you even if you're not chinese. the biggest problem with the most consequence looming before you is the process of what you'll go through trying to "earn" said "acceptance/approval" from his/her family. isipin nyo nalang, habang umiikot ang ulo nyo at hindi kayo mapagkatulog kung bakit hindi kayo tanggap ng pamilya nya at anong kailangan nyo gawin to change their minds, your significant other is (most often than not) not facing that kind of problem in terms of your family. bakit? bakit kailangan kayo ang mag adjust? relationships are all about compromises. sabi nga ng auntie ko na nakapangasawa ng italian, "i will set the table fancy for every meal and we will drink wine and listen to music but on saturdays he goes with me to our filipino community and sings karaoke". but the chinese will NOT adjust. they just wouldn't. masama na pakinggan, but let's not sugarcoat, they really do think that they are the superior culture. this is why kahit saan sila manirahan, instead of living the way people in that place live, they will just group together and build a "chinatown" where they can live the way they're used to. so think about it. because if you do end up together, that is a LOT of one-way adjusting to do. the saddest part about it, is in your desire to win his/her family's approval, you conform so much to their way of life that you might lose yourself in the process and wake up one day looking at a shell of the person you used to be, devoid of everything that made you "YOU" in the first place. With all the values and principles instilled by your own family long gone and forgotten. so ask yourself. is it really worth all that? is that love? one-way? conditional? is it changing who you are? is it saying yes all the time? is it doing things you don't particularly believe in order to gain respect and acceptance? is it worth losing your individuality, your culture, your dignity and self respect over?
that's it. just take your time and think about it. for me, success is not gaining acceptance into a world that shunned you at first. life is short. be with someone who loves you for "YOU". people who won't change you. people who will adore even your most annoying qualities. people who gets to know people for who they really are and not for whose son/daughter you are and what your family does for a living. people who value the same things that you value. isipin nyo rin, would you want to raise children with someone who says they value family so much, yet their concept of family as a unit is a place where love is conditional? and if you don't meet those "conditions", they'll be cut off? where the parents' top priority is securing their children's financial future over their very own happiness? where they require people to meet their "standards" even if in reality, sila mismo, they're not exactly model citizens? try asking chinese parents, if they value family so much, do they know their children's biggest hopes, greatest fears and strongest loves? what kind of a family is a family where children can't even tell their parents about their heart's true desires?is that a good environment to raise children? i think not.
