Paano mo mahuhuli na may KABIT si Mister?

[beijhing]

^sis as i've said, i know kaya ko sya patawarin. hindi ko sya hihiwalayan. i just think i deserve an apology and then maybe the healing process can begin.

nagmamalaskit daw sila sa kin, naaawa sila sa kin kasi alam nila na mabait akong asawa. pero ayaw nilang madamay dahil maaring trabaho nila ang maging kapalit.

[Princess_Chill]

sis i know that youre hurting...and im so sorry if im not giving a good advice really..

pag ako kasi nasa sitwasyon mo hindi ko nalang kasi aalamin e...since kaya mo naman siya patawarin hindi ko nalang aalamin
alam ko kasi na darating ang time na iyong info na kailangan ko...

gaano katagal na ba nangyayari ito sis?  sila sis glam at gt2 ang best person na makapag bigay ng advice sa iyo

[beijhing]

it started with an anonymous phone call last march. tapos we talked about it, he denied everything. he said close nga sila nung girl kasi nagsasabi sa kanya ng problems, madalas din sila magkasama and may times nakikisabay sa kanya (car or motor). sabi ko may nakikita ang tao kaya kau napapagusapan kaya sana umiwas ka na. may ilan pang usapan na nangyari pero stick nga sya sa story nya na maraming chismosa, in short wala ko napala. so i decided to give it a rest, napapagod na rin kasi ako. i prayed to God na sya na bahala kung may dapat pa kong malaman. i decided to act like nothing happened, balik normal ang pagsasama namin.

then last april, may mga text na naman ako na-receive. matagal na daw akong niloloko ng asawa ko, kasabwat daw ang mga kaibigan nya kaya wag ko silang pagtitiwalaan. i received updates pa na renting na ang girl malapit sa work nila samantalang sarili nila ang dating bahay na tinitirhan nila (may asawa't anak din sya sis). sabi nila nasa probinsya na daw asawa't anak nung girl kaya dalaga, malaya si ate. marami pa kong na-receive na mga text sis, mejo detailed na nga ang iba kaya ang sakit. iniiyak ko na lang lagi when im alone, or sa church. im praying to God na sya na sana magbigay sa kin ng info na kailangan ko or (suntok sa buwan) sana sa asawa ko na lang manggaling 

[annika]

Sis why don't you just do it by yourself nalang? I mean alam mo naman sched ng asawa mo dba? punta ka sa office pero huwag ka magpapakita kahit kanino kase diba sabi nga madalas silang sabay umuwi

[Princess_Chill]

sis tandaan mo hinding hindi manggagaling sa asawa mo na nagloloko siya...of course mag dedeny at mag dedeny lang iyon

globe ba asawa mo? puwede mo siya i enroll sa tracker pala malaman mo kung more or less saan ang location niya
with out him knowing...if you really want to know kung saan saan siya nagpupunta malalaman mo..
start from there...

once na install mo na iyon you test him..ask him where are you? then may sasabihin siya location...

then pwede mo i check siya sa locator kung more or less nagsasabi ba siya ng totoo...if knowing the truth ang makakapag pa luwag ng kalooban mo
unti untiin mo...

pero sana sis huwag ka din masyado papadala sa mga anonymous na [textspeak!] or call kasi puwedeng naninira lang sila sa inyong mag asawa

ikaw ba may napapansin kang pag babago simula noong mga panahon na iyon? like late na umuwi, lagi lumalabas etc?

[annika]

I think sis alam mo naman kung paano hulihin si husband e natatakot ka lang na gawin kase natatakot ka sa malalaman mo.

[quinone]

sis beijhing, nakaka inis yang mga nagte-text sayo puro sulsol lang alam, binigyan ka lang ng sama ng loob.

pasundan mo na lang si hubby sa friend mo, yung totoong willing kang tulungan hindi yang mga nagte-text na nagpapanggap lang na concerned. mas maganda kung may pic/vid. pero hindi enough proof kung may makakita na lagi magkasama or hinahatid. andaming cheater pero andami ring malisyoso/malisyosa.

[Girltalker2]

sis beijhing, ang dami kong gusto sabihin sayo. di ko lang alam anong puede kong unahin. kasi I have been there, done this, done that, done everything. 

sobrang hirap na hirap na kasi talaga ko mga sis. i've confronted him several times pero wala naman ako nakuha. mismong mga katrabaho nya na nagtetext sa kin pero stick pa rin sya sa story nya na maraming tsismosa sa trabaho. someone na nakasama nila sa inuman contacted me na rin pero anong gagawin ko sa mga sabi-sabing nakikita at text lang kung ayaw talaga umamin ni hubby. ayaw rin naman ako suportahan ng mga kumokontak sa kin, simply because ayaw nila madamay. i feel so alone sa laban ko na to.  i wanted to get proof, recent and solid proof that something's going on between them para matahimik na ko. i know i love my husband so much na kaya ko sya patawarin, sobrang martyr but i know ganon ang gagawin ko. 

may nag-quote sa kin 60000 daw deposit. pag may natira babalik nila sa kin, pag kulang hihingi sila uli. lalo kong nalungkot 

yup, check check check. ganyan na ganyan pa nangyari sakin. sa sobrang desperate, I am willing to shell out hundred of thousands for this. and for what?  just to spend more. kasi di sila tumitigil eh. so ang metro continuous parin. kaya natauhan ako - na alam ko na naman, so hindi ko na kelangan mag imbistiga.

felt so alone? yes. definitely. at that time, I was looking for someone to help me and defend my rights as the wife and as a woman.  I just want a hero to clear all my burdens. Kaso it only happens in movies.  I just had to face it. Wala akong choice, he pushed me to my limits. I went to the brink of my sanity, nakakaloka sya.  Kakaisip. Wala nakong tulog. It was horrible.  I went to all novenas na. Wala parin. I sought God's help. wala parin. Hanggang I was so desperate, I just committed suicide.

luckily, nabuhay ako. mas madali magsalita ngayon at wala nako sa problemang iyan. but all I can say that it was a struggle for 10+ long years.  Sinarili ko kasi lahat.  Reason?  Because Umaasa pako na magkakabalikan kami at nakakahiya malaman ng iba once na magkabalikan na kami, tapos babaero asawa ko. In this instance, I suggest you go to some counseling so you can have someone to talk to. Sa kanya mo nalang igastos yung 60k para sa PI, to help you clear your mind.  And the cost would only be a small fraction of that 60k. Spending for the PI will just drain your energy (kung anong malalaman mo at idedeny lang nya at ikaw pa masama) and money (for your own financial freedom and your kids' future kung may anak na kayo). Nung natauhan ako, I just thought enough na spending on useless things like the PI and I just focused on more productive things for myself, nag aral ulit ako, went shopping, went counseling, took care of the kids and myself very very well.  I focused on my work so I can earn more, tried to get as much money din from him (hindi extortion naman pero justified for our house expenses para ipon ko na sweldo ko in case I am ready to walk out).

i wanted to get proof, recent and solid proof that something's going on between them para matahimik na ko. i know i love my husband so much na kaya ko sya patawarin, sobrang martyr but i know ganon ang gagawin ko. 

madaling magpatawad if the guy is remorseful and willing to change his ways. eh pano kung ayaw nya?  anong gagawin mo?  wala kang magagawa rin naman eh.  that's the hard truth. Judging from your story, parang ito ang trip nya, hindi umamin ever and keep you and the mistress.  And I myself experienced this. emprenteng emprente sya enjoying both worlds, bakit nga naman sya papayag to give way if he can have both of you. 

ayaw magpahuli nung tao, so paano mo sya mahuhuli?  and ang problema din, alam nya mahal ko sya and I was willing to forgive him. I was even willing to take care of his bastard for him.  in your case, I am sure alam nya na hindi mo sya kaya iwan, so sige happy happy lang sya sa ways nila. tutal andyan ka naman palagi.   

but telling you now to pack up your bags and leave is also not the immediate solution.  ikaw lang makakapagsabi kung kelan ka handa and no one can tell you that.  this, you have to figure it out on your own.

^sis as i've said, i know kaya ko sya patawarin. hindi ko sya hihiwalayan. i just think i deserve an apology and then maybe the healing process can begin.

nagmamalaskit daw sila sa kin, naaawa sila sa kin kasi alam nila na mabait akong asawa. pero ayaw nilang madamay dahil maaring trabaho nila ang maging kapalit.

again, it cannot be as simple as that. the fact na naglie low sya, ibig sabihin, he is willing to go out of his way to protect his affair. therefore the intent is ipagpatuloy. and nothing can stop them.  so, anong patawad ang sinasabi mo?  How can a person apologize if he is not even sorry for it?

pag ako kasi nasa sitwasyon mo hindi ko nalang kasi aalamin e...since kaya mo naman siya patawarin hindi ko nalang aalamin
alam ko kasi na darating ang time na iyong info na kailangan ko...

yes sis, but this is easier said than done. when you are at that situation, you want to know everything but cannot. sobrang helpless ng feeling. grabe kasi yung betrayal.  He promised to love you and be loyal to you. You expected him to protect you and take care of you, pero imbis, sya pa ang magdudulot sayo ng ganitong klaseng sama ng loob.

ikaw ba may napapansin kang pag babago simula noong mga panahon na iyon? like late na umuwi, lagi lumalabas etc?

Does he still pay attention to your feelings?  Or walang paki at sarili lang nya inaatupag nya?  Ex ko ganyan, hindi nanga umuuwi kasi lagi daw nasa field work, or nasa out of town. Ako naman t*t**** t*nga na paniwalang paniwala.

sis beijhing, nakaka inis yang mga nagte-text sayo puro sulsol lang alam, binigyan ka lang ng sama ng loob.

Actually, having been in that situation, I would want to know each and every move ni hubby and therefore I would appreciate anything people can tell me. Nangyari narin ito sakin. Ang problem lang, initially they don't want to tell me kasi ayaw nila makialam.  Kaso naaawa nanga sila sakin so somehow they have to tell me.  What they don't understand is I need more help than what they think  (since I am always composed when out and hiding my suffering only to myself).  I did not go out in the open kasi I am hoping magkakaayos pa kami.  But then these "pakialameros" if you want to call them that, are just doing you a favor, pero may hangganan.  Kasi once nagreconcile kayo, if ever, baka labas nila eh naninira pa ng pamilya.  Paano kung gusto rin naman talaga ng wife magpaloko, sila pa ang sumisira sa pagsasama. So hindi rin kasi nila alam kung saan sila lulugar, but the willingness to help eh andun naman.

pasundan mo na lang si hubby sa friend mo, yung totoong willing kang tulungan hindi yang mga nagte-text na nagpapanggap lang na concerned. mas maganda kung may pic/vid. pero hindi enough proof kung may makakita na lagi magkasama or hinahatid. andaming cheater pero andami ring malisyoso/malisyosa.

This is the best, kung may close friend ka talaga na hindi kilala ni hubby, puede mo pasundan, para mas tipid.
Pero by doing this, just get ready to get hurt more and more.  The info trickles one at a time. Just as I thought I heard the worse, hindi pa pala. Tuwing may nalalaman ako, pa worse pa nang pa worse.  Get ready for the worse. 

Mas maganda sana if you are ready to walk out para you can free yourself from this burden, IN CASE naman lang na ayaw nya magbago. Kasi hindi naman din magl-last ang relasyon ninyo nang masaya kung ipipilit nya ang gawi nya. 

However, kung gusto mo maging martyr at gawin itong burden panghabang buhay, it is your choice.  I am sure mapapagod karin.  Ang question lang hanggang kailan.  I for one was also martyr. Iyak nang iyak gabi gabi. Hanggang napagod din ako. That's why it took me at least a decade to realize it.  Pero sana hindi ganun kahaba ang maging agony mo sis. I wish you well.

For the known philandering husbands in politics and showbiz, iniisip ko nga how their first wives can take it.  Pinagtitinginan na sila ng mga tao na mukhang talaga silang mga t*nga, pero sige parin ang sama sa husbands nila, minsan hindi mo na alam kung mahal talaga nila or kelangan lang nila yung pera. Pero one time a family friend said (sya ang first wife and her husband had 2 other wives aside from her), nung pumanaw hubby nya, never daw sya natahimik sa buong buhay nya until namatay asawa nya kasi first time alam nya kung asan asawa nya 24/7.  Sana huwag mo naman antayin iyan bago ka magkaron ng peace of mind.  Life is too short to spend it for people who are not worth it.  Hindi ka pinalaki nang maayos ng parents mo para g*guhin lang at babuyin ng isang nilalang na walang kakwenta kwenta.   And if ever you decide to leave, just be hopeful as there is always life after love.  There is life after separation, and indeed it is much much more peaceful and happier if you will make the right choices.

[glamorosa_09]

@bheijing

Nasa sayo yan sis kung:

a. You would believe na meron talagang affair ang husband mo even without solid proof. Or sure na sure kang meron you don't need confirmation. And then from there, you can start planning on what to do. You can take what girtalker2 advised.

Of course if some important people in your life will be affected by your future actions, I think they deserve an explanation, lalo na kung you decided to leave. But are the mere gut feelings and certainty enough to make them understand?

If you don't care about it or there's no one in your life (ie kids) who owes your explanation, then ok lang to move on your own dahil ayaw umamin ng hubby mo. Or if you can stay in a relationship with a situation like that, ikaw ang main dish at ang mistress ang side dish.

b. You would turn a blind eye and believe everything is ok, then live your life like you normally do.
c. Confirm your believes and get a grab of that proof.

If I would be in your position, na you're feeling it but unsure of it, I'll seek the truth. I think everybody deserves to know the truth, in whatever way. Kaya nga may nagtetext sayo, because they believe you deserve to know it (kung yun talaga ang pakay nila). If those things are enough for you, then move on.

But if you can't move on/plan ahead if you wouldn't know the absolute answer to a simple question: Meron ba syang affair or wala? Then if I were you, my last option would be to hire a PI, if all my try's failed, and if money is not an issue.

Pero magcacanvass muna ko. Piliin ko in terms of service, terms of payment. Parang ayaw ko nyang 60k, one time, baka mamaya scammer.

I will have a goal sa pagkuha ng PI. And for this case, I just want to have a photo/video of them  ie na galing sa motel, which will clearly give me an answer of a yes or no. For sure alam na ng PI yan. You may ask them, kung pano yung cases na wala talagang affair.

After getting your "yes or no" and the PI will ask you if you want more answers, mag-no ka na, you got what you wanted na. More info more money as per gt2's experience. Siguro you just have to control your curiosity. The rest of the story should come from your husband, that is, if he wanted to work it out. If he's not willing to work it out, useless na rin to dig for more info, wala na rin namang healing of marriage na magaganap. You will be just opening up yourself to more wounds.

If you confirmed that your husband has an affair, planuhin mo na lahat ng possibilities na maisip mo before you approach him: ie

1. if he'll ask for forgiveness and want to stay with you
2. if he'll continue to deny despite obvious proof.
3. if he'll choose the other person
4. this is me, take it or leave it.  he is not choosing anyone and he wants both!  so bahala ka kung magwalk out ka o hindi.
5. he will ask for forgiveness, stay with you and ONLY pretend to end the extra marital affair, pero actually hindi nya tinigil.

When you're about to approach him, your knee may weaken or you just want to crumble, but pay attention to his reactions after you showed him the evidence. Yours and his reaction will set the stage for the next process.

But brace yourself if he gets angry for investigating him. Brace yourself if your pain won't resonate to him. Brace yourself if he's not affected by your agony.

A guy who fell into the strong pull of temptation but who still loves you and cares for you, will experience pain too by just witnessing your agony. And this type of remorseful guys have most likely learned their lessons and won't fall into it again. They can't afford to go through that ordeal again, of seeing their marriage in the brink of destruction and seeing their loved one in deep suffering. Ang iisipin mo na lang, sana nung una pa nila naisip yan.

But if your husband is a heartless, cold blooded human being, who is unaffected by your pain and is incapable of empathy, most likely he will stray again or continue the affair.

And then from there, you may start going about the plans you crafted earlier.

@princee_chilli

thanks for that kind of regard sis

[chelle212121]

pang 11 daw na utos = wag papahuli...

pang 12 daw na utos = kapag nahuli huwag aamin...

sabi ng husband q... hmmppp...

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, sabihin mo sa hubby mo,

pang 13 na utos = iwanan at puedeng putulan ang mga lalaking nangangaliwa

[Scubadoobidoo]

There is a secret way of catching your hubby in an affair. Its the holy grail shared among us men. Under no circumstances should it be taught to women. If girls found out...it would be the end for us men 

[iamshiela]

^i think yung secret na yan laos na. Kasi based on the stories here nahuli naman nila yung mga asawa nila na may kabit.

[Scubadoobidoo]

^i think yung secret na yan laos na. Kasi based on the stories here nahuli naman nila yung mga asawa nila na may kabit.

Nope. Hindi pa lahat nahuli. 

[RoyalWeddingFavors]

Until now kami parin kasi i was hoping na mag babago sya.last april 1 nahuli ko sya na tinitext yung kapatid nung girl. Nililigawan nia kasi.pero di nia inamin.binugbug nia pa ako.Lumayas ako pero sinundo nia pa ulet ako samin.i gaved him another chance.Ngayon pinakikiramdaman ko sya muka naman nag babago na siya.Kasi bago ako sumama sa kanya nun nakipag usap ako ng maayos sa kanya.sabi ko pag may nabalitaan ako or may nakita lang ako na ka textmate nia ayaw ko na talaga..kasi dumating na ako sa point na ayaw ko.Pagod na ako makipag patintero sa kanya at sa mga kaibigan at babae nia..

be careful lang sis, kung nagawa na nila once means kaya nilang gawin uli.

[Girltalker2]

sis crishie12, kung magbf palang naman kayo at bata ka pa. bakit ayaw mo iwan ang manloloko mong bf?  bf mo palang naman. imagine having a partner na panghabang buhay kang makikipagpatintero. nakakapagod kaya iyan.

since di pa naman kayo kasal, mas simple ang situation mo. iwan mo. wala nang tiis tiis. you have the freedom naman. single ka. daming lalaking mas matino pa sa bf mo at huwag mo sayangin ang buhay mo sa isang walang kwentang nilalang na gaya nya.

[mhy_pie03]

@Girltalker2: Halos maiyak ako sa mga kwento mo. Kailangan talaga maprinsipyo at family man ang lalaki para walang pangangaliwa tendencies. 

[Scubadoobidoo]

@Girltalker2: Halos maiyak ako sa mga kwento mo. Kailangan talaga maprinsipyo at family man ang lalaki para walang pangangaliwa tendencies. 

And dapat sawa na sa mga ganun when he gets married. Hirap i resist ang temptation...no one can hold out forever.

[smoothie]

There is a secret way of catching your hubby in an affair. Its the holy grail shared among us men. Under no circumstances should it be taught to women. If girls found out...it would be the end for us men 

if you are not going to share it then why bother posting in this thread.

[hisana]

^
LOL, oo nga naman.