kabit, kabit at puro na lang kabit (thread 3)

[imagodei082990]

yup mga sis .. Sya yung ayaw talaga umalis .. Gusto nya kasama kami ..

[Girltalker2]

^ yes sis, that's what I meant. Migrate kayo together, maganda nga na hindi nya binibigyan ng option ang LDR kasi mahirap.

[jamila_19]

nakakatuwa naman ang mga asawa na tulad mo mas piniling kapiling na lang ang pamilya o kaya lumayo at mag trabaho sa ibang bansa...

[zhyzhy]

This is going to be a long one ...

I have been reading this thread and other related threads for a few weeks now hoping to get some insights on what next step to take in my situation. However, I am still undecided and confused hanggang ngayon.

I have been living with my partner for more than year. We have a one year old boy. I first found out about the girl last dec 26 from a text conversation on his phone. (It was unintentional since hindi man lang pumasok sa isip ko that he is capable of doing such a thing.) There were two messages from the girl, none from him. She called him mahal. I confronted him about it that night. He said wala daw yun; nagkita lang daw sila isang beses last November when he was in Makati for work (we live in Cebu). The girl was an ex-gf and 'mahal' lang talaga ang tawagan nila before pa. I told him na hindi okay to let someone still call you that even after the relationship is over. He apologized and promised he won't communicate with the girl anymore.

Since then I have been observing his behavior and actions extra carefully. I also check his phone when I get the chance. Things were going well; he was slowly gaining my trust back and then feb 14 came. I got home from work, saw his phone in the bedroom (he was outside) and checked it. There were messages from him to the girl, earliest dated the day before. He called her 'mahal'; he said in one of his messages that he will call her later and the he loves her (with matching kiss smiley pa). Nanlamig talaga ako; hindi ako magaling sa mga confrontations kaya lumabas muna ako sa bahay for a few minutes. After that, I told him I read his text messages, asked him what his plans are, ano ang gusto nyang mangyari sa amin. He first acted as if he doesn't know what I'm talking about; para bang imagination ko lang ang mga nabasa ko. "Hindi ko maintindihan mga pinagsasabi mo", he kept saying. In denial talaga kahit huling huli na. I was so mad na ginagawa nya akong t****. I left our room to cool off. When I went back, wala sya sa kwarto; but he came back after 30minutes. He hugged me tight and said sorry. He kept saying wala daw yun at kami daw ni baby ang mahal nya. There were more discussions about it. The communication started again the day before after the girl texted him again. In the end sinabi nya na hindi na talaga mauulit. I forgave him (again) and told him na sana hindi na mauulit coz I dont think I can take another stab to my heart. I won't allow myself to be hurt over and over again.  The next day he gave  flowers and chocolates with a sorry message.

When I checked his phone after that incident, wala na yung number ng girl sa contacts nya. Two weeks ago, while I was using his phone for a game, a text message from the girl arrived. It was sort of a goodbye and take care message; it was something like kahit gustohin man  natin, some things are not meant to be. I gave the phone to my partner. He read it, deleted the message and gave his phone back to me. Naisip ko kung ganun pa rin ba ang gagawin nya if I didn't read the message first...

He is in Manila now for work; 3 weeks sya dun. Before he left, we had a heart to heart talk about us. I told him just to be honest with me. Although it's hard to forget, I have forgiven him of his past actions. However he is accountable for what he will do from hereon. I just ask him to think hard of the consequences before taking any action. He assured me na wala na talaga.

I am trying my best to be calm and collected pero ang hirap. Naiisip ko pa rin kung ano ang mga pwedeng mangyari while he is there. I know his facebook password and logon to his account this morning. I saw that he searched the girl's name in his log activities; I guess he accessed her profile page. It hurts to know that it seems like he can't let go of her. Now I do not know what to do ... is it better to just let him go? Naisip ko sulatan (thru fb) or i-text yung babae (I kept a copy of her cell number). I want to get the facts straight before making any decisions. I'm sure I won't be able to get them from my partner so I want to try to get them from the girl. I just want to know if they are still communicating and if the relationship is not yet over. From there, I may be able to decide what's best for me and my family.

[Girltalker2]

^ Minsan ang hirap din kasi lumalabas hindi mo na sya ma-trust at ang daming beses na nya sinabing sorry and yet his actions do not seem to be consistent. Minsan ang nakakainis pa, since you are honest with him in telling him na nabasa mo ang text nya etc etc, all the more he can be careful next time at never mong malalaman in case na he is still continuing his ways.


There are a couple of alternatives which I dont think would work so I would NOT recommend them per imention ko narin. --- (1) Hire a PI, but this is expensive.  Just to know the real score between him and the girl.  But this will only show you physical evidences and will not tell you what's in his heart.
The other one is as you mentioned - (2) talk to the girl.  Kaso you have to make sure you will not be emotional at hindi ka rin puede magalit/mag iskandalo. The problem with this kasi, how can you know that the girl is telling the truth?  Minsan baka mas mapalala pa ang relationship ninyo if the girl will tell everything under the sun, and you also have no way to verify kung tama din.

So ito suggestion ko: 

1.  Go for counseling.
Punta kayo sa marriage encounter or some other retreat for couples.  Baka mas lalong mapalakas ang relationship ninyong dalawa for this.  And I really hope he should be open to this especially that he is already having extra affairs outside of your relationship.

2.  Empower yourself. Financially and emotionally.
Just in case he cannot put his act together, are you ready to leave your relationship? Kasi ang akin lang, kung ayaw nya talga magbago, at pagod ka na sa lies nya, one way or the other, you really have to leave to save yourself from all this trouble (habang bata ka pa and puede ka pa makahanap ng more deserving partners in life).

You should also make him realize na you are seriously thinking of leaving the marriage if he will continue his ways and will not work on nurturing your relationship.  Pero this can only be done if you are ready. If not, don't threaten kasi di mo parin kaya pa.

3.  Talk to the girl in front of him.
Again, kung kaya mo maging hindi emotional.  Make him confess. Make the girl confess. Para sure ka na wala nang namamagitan sa kanila.  I have not tried this. I am not sure if this will work.  Baka lang.  Kasi for me, it is my only way to know, na sorry talaga sila sa nagawa nila at hindi na nila uulitin. 




 

[imagodei082990]

^^tama ba pagkakaintindi ko na mahal pa ni hubby mo ang ex nya? Hays!! Sis bakit hindi kayo sumama sa hubby mo pag magpupunta sya dito sa manila? Hindi mo ba naiisip na nagkikita sila pag nandito sa manila ang hubby mo. Alam mo sabi ni hubby ko kase nabasa nya yung post mo .. Malamang raw yung hubby mo gumagawa lang ng dahilan para makaluwas dito yung mga dahilan na about sa trabaho pero reason nya lang daw yun para makasama nya yung babae. Kase ang lalaki raw na may kabit gagawa ng gagawa ng paraan para makatakas lang. And may posibility raw na talagang mahal nya pa yung ex nya nagstay lang sya sayo dahil may anak kayo. Ang mabuti mo raw gawin eh wag mo hayaang magkaron ng pagkakataong mahiwalay sya ng matagal sayo dahil magkakaron lang sila ng time para magkasama. And dapat raw kausapin mo yung girl about sa hubby mo and irecord mo at iparinig mo sa hubby mo then pag hubby mo kausap mo irecord mo din at iparinig sa ex nya. Or both mo sila kausapin harap harapan. Tanungin mo sila kung ano ba ang gusto nilang mangyare. Pwede din na sabihin mo sa hubby mo na kung mahal nya talaga ang ex nya ilelet go mo na sya. Magpapaawa ka lang na kunwari kunwarian na hindi sya kawalan sa inyo .. Kase mapapaisip daw yung hubby mo na kung sino ba talaga ang dapat nyang unahin piliin ..

[zhyzhy]

@Girltalker2:  Thanks for the suggestions sis. Counseling is a good idea but I am not sure if he is open with this. He is not much of a talker. As for talking to the girl in front of him, hind po ata to possible since magkalayo kaming 3.

@imagodei082990:  thank you also for the input sis. I work full-time so it is not possible for me to go with him to Manila. Also, based on my research, I don't think the girl is an ex-gf. I am not 100% sure though. Based on her fb profile, she is not in Manila but in one of the cities in Visayas where my partner went to for work. I think he met her October last year for an event that my partner covered. (May nakita kasi akong isang photo sa fb photos ng kasama ng partner ko sa work where nandun yung babae during that said event.) Kaya gusto ko rin sana ma-contact ang girl to confirm if tama hinala ako and if saan yung current location nya. I do not doubt his reason of going to Manila. Sigurado ako na andun sya para sa kabuhayan ng family namin. But if ever he goes back to that 'place' again this year, I would make sure I will be there with him, mag leave talaga ako from work.

[Girltalker2]

matanong ko rin sis zhyzhy, naisip nyo na ba magpakasal? 

[Shadow Angel]

Hindi magandang idea na sa girl ka kumuha ng info mas mapapa isip ka kasi iispin if she telling the truth.. How can you be so sure na ex nya yun pwede kasama ng partner mo sa work si girl.. Para ang dali mo syang napatawad i mean usap lang tapos ok na parang nakalusot na agad si partner ng ganun kadali kaya naman uulitin nya dahil napakadali lang sa kanya nag sabihin na hindi na mauulit.. Sa akin kasi mahabang usapin ito halimbawa lang considering na may anak kami ipaparamdam ko hindi ako matatahimik ng ganun lang at lalong hindi ko sya papalusitin ng ganun lang from the start na malalaman ko na may iba ipaparamdam ko na anytime pwede ako mawala sa kanya papiliin ko kung kaya ko sabihin right away...ano ba nag feeling mo nagsasabi sya ng totoo tayo mga girls malakas ang radar alam ko somehow feel mo kung totoo o hindi o kung may ginagawa sya.. 3weeks long enough para makasalisi sayo magugulat ka na lang si girl na ang pipiliin.. Walang bang way na puntahan mo sya kung saan sya nag stay ngayon suprise visit..

[zhyzhy]

@Girltalker2: we have talked about it but not in a serious manner. after giving birth, napag-usapan namin in passing about getting married. sabi nya wag daw muna  this year at next year kasi kailangan pa namin mag ipon. ako naman, sumagot ng pabiro, na oo nga dapat may time pa akong magpapayat at bumalik sa dati.

we haven't talked about it recently. i will try to bring up the topic one of these days.

[imagodei082990]

^agree ako sayo sis .. Minuto palang may pwede ng mangyare weeks pa kaya ... And dapat nga isurprise visit mo sya yung wala syang idea na pupuntahan mo sya .. Tingin ko sis seryosohan yung ginagawa ng hubby mo kase kung kinakama nya lang yan or fling fling hindi nya sasabihin na he loves her.. Naku sis dapat gumagawa ka na ng paraan .. Ng way ..

[bwiset12]

^ maluwag sa kuwait, kahit sa dubai.  puedeng puede mag live in kung may means sila. Pero what's good at least, hindi maaanakan ng mister mo ang babae nya doon. Kasi if that happens, uuwi at uuwi dapat yung girl sa Pinas kasi yun ang bawal, magkaanak nang di kasal.

pero pag may kabit sa Pinas, magkaanak ka man o hindi, ok lang. kasi sinusuportahan pa ng gobyerno ang mga kabit at anak sa labas ng kanilang so called "rights".

oo nga eh maluwag pala talaga dun.sis,ewan ko ba pero parang feeling ko buntis na ang kabit may nakita kasi kong latest pic nya parang malaki ang tyan tapos parang may something sa mga posts nya sa fb.ewan ko ba o napaparanoid lang ako.pero yun talaga ang kinatatakutan kong mangyari ang magkaanak sya sa ibang babae bukod sa masakit sakin yun syempre mas masasaktan ang mga anak namin pag nagkataon
may Nakaexperience na ba ng ganun dito.ang mabuntis/maanakan ng partner nyo ang kabit nila?anong ginawa nyo mga sis?

si hubby ayaw nya magtrabaho sa ibang bansa kase raw maraming temptation dun . Ako itong nagpipilit sakanya na magtrabaho sa abroad kase malaki suswelduhin nya dun .. Hahaha!! Ayaw nya iiyak daw sya di nya daw kaya ..

mga sis share ko yung story ng pinsan ko sa middle east din to.pinasunod sya ng hubby nya dun pati 3kids nila.nag work sya dun,tapos mga ilang months pinauwi mga bata kasi walang nagbabantay.pareho sila ng circle of friends dun.to make the long story short nagkaron pa din ng kabit hubby nya kahit magkasama sila abroad at believe or not friend pa nila yung babae as in close nya.nung nalaman nya nagwala daw sya dun.nung kinwento nya nga sakin yun kaya daw pala pag gumigimik sila magkakasama eh lumalayo si hubby nya sa kanya.umuwi sya dito para magbakasyon.at ang ginawa ng magaling nyang asawa pinacancel ang visa nya at di na sya nakabalik dun.hanggang ngayon ilang years na din.
so, ang lalaki talaga pag gusto magloko eh magloloko at magloloko talaga.again,bakit kaya may mga babaeng pumapatol sa lalaking alam na alam naman nilang may asawa/pamilya na?

[Girltalker2]

oo nga eh maluwag pala talaga dun.sis,ewan ko ba pero parang feeling ko buntis na ang kabit may nakita kasi kong latest pic nya parang malaki ang tyan tapos parang may something sa mga posts nya sa fb.ewan ko ba o napaparanoid lang ako.pero yun talaga ang kinatatakutan kong mangyari ang magkaanak sya sa ibang babae bukod sa masakit sakin yun syempre mas masasaktan ang mga anak namin pag nagkataon
may Nakaexperience na ba ng ganun dito.ang mabuntis/maanakan ng partner nyo ang kabit nila?anong ginawa nyo mga sis?

yup, been there done that.  ano nagawa ko?  wala.

so, ang lalaki talaga pag gusto magloko eh magloloko at magloloko talaga.again,bakit kaya may mga babaeng pumapatol sa lalaking alam na alam naman nilang may asawa/pamilya na?

totoo ang sinabi mo sis. pero kasi may mga lalaking matino din naman na nagloloko dahil maraming temptation sa paligid, influence ng friends at maraming malalanding babae.

sa totoo lang, kaya ayaw ko na manirahan sa Pinas kasi naglipana ang mga malalandi.  kahit ibang lahi ang tingin sa mga pinay cheap.  no wonder maraming nakapag ibang bayan, pipintasan natin na tinatago ang pagka pinay nila, eh kasi nga because of this reputation.  ang daming willing na willing kumabit kahit alam na may asawa na.  tapos kahit may asawa o single, pagdating sa office, ang dikit dikit sa mga male officemates na di mo malaman sino ba bf nya dun.

[unwantedP]

zhyzhy: sis tingin ko din excuse lang yung pag punta niya ng Manila kasi di sila makapagusap sa phone, delikado. Kaya pag harapan mas makakapagusap sila na wala ka, and 'do' other 'things' .. Nakita mo ba ticket niya to Manila? Kasi sabi mo Visayas siya diba? Get the location ng titirahan niya para ma-caught in the act mo minsan.. Pero dapat ma-feel talaga niya na mawawala ka sakanya pag ginawa pa niya para magbago. Once na nawala yun trust mahirap na ibalik, sugat yan sa relationship niyo.

[zhyzhy]

@unwantedP: We bought the ticket online sis so sure ako sa Manila ang punta nya. Aside from that, we video chat several  times a day if wala sya sa work and nasa bahay na din ako. His family lives in Manila so they have a house there. Dun sya umuuwi pag hindi kailangan mag overight sa office (his type of work sometimes require him to do puyatan).

A week has already passed, I don't think he has met the girl since he got there. Over the weekend, panay lang ang video chat namin ni baby with him. I just pray that he has been true to his words and wala na talagang nangyayaring text at tawagan between him and the girl.

[jjqxiv]

The mistress of my husband confronted me last night, this time kalmado lang sya. Simula pa lang alam ko ng may kailangan sya sakin. First, she apologized for what happened. Then she told me that she's pregnant too (8 weeks, she even showed me her ultrasound picture) and the father is my husband. I admit may sakit and kirot akong naramdaman, but I told her What do you want me to do? ang sabi nya, parang "itaboy' ko daw yung husband ko para sumama ulit sa kanya since iniwanan na daw sya ni hubby.

Ang gusto nya din pag nagkabalikan na sila, mwalan na ng communication yung husband ko sa daughters namin, lalo na sa unborn baby ko. Gusto nya rin magfile ako ng annullment instead of legal separation para daw mapakasalan sya. Sissies, do you think it's unfair for us? I mean kung pagbibigyan ko siya sa mga gusto nya, kami naman yung mawawalan dba? I'm willing to let go of my husband - yes. Pero yung sa communication with my kids, unfair naman ata sa kanila yun. Hindi ko pa nakakausap yung husband ko about this. Ang sabi pa ni mistress, pag pinagbigyan ko sya, hindi na sya mangugulo samin. So napaisip ako, I want to give my daughters peace of mind pero "mawawalan" nman sila ng tatay. I need your helpful opinions sissies. Thank you and God bless us!

[heaven_charm]

The mistress of my husband confronted me last night, this time kalmado lang sya. Simula pa lang alam ko ng may kailangan sya sakin. First, she apologized for what happened. Then she told me that she's pregnant too (8 weeks, she even showed me her ultrasound picture) and the father is my husband. I admit may sakit and kirot akong naramdaman, but I told her What do you want me to do? ang sabi nya, parang "itaboy' ko daw yung husband ko para sumama ulit sa kanya since iniwanan na daw sya ni hubby.

Ang gusto nya din pag nagkabalikan na sila, mwalan na ng communication yung husband ko sa daughters namin, lalo na sa unborn baby ko. Gusto nya rin magfile ako ng annullment instead of legal separation para daw mapakasalan sya. Sissies, do you think it's unfair for us? I mean kung pagbibigyan ko siya sa mga gusto nya, kami naman yung mawawalan dba? I'm willing to let go of my husband - yes. Pero yung sa communication with my kids, unfair naman ata sa kanila yun. Hindi ko pa nakakausap yung husband ko about this. Ang sabi pa ni mistress, pag pinagbigyan ko sya, hindi na sya mangugulo samin. So napaisip ako, I want to give my daughters peace of mind pero "mawawalan" nman sila ng tatay. I need your helpful opinions sissies. Thank you and God bless us!

ang kapal naman ng mukha ng kabit na yan magdemand. wag mo pagbigyan sis. mas important na may father ang daughters mo. yaan mo siya magbuntis magisa niya para madala siya sa kalandian niya

[ayami]

^^ kung ako rin nasa kalagayan mo, di ako mag-aagree. Bahala siyang ma-stress no. Isa pa iniistress ka rin naman niya while you're pregnant lol just return the "favor". Pahirapan mo naman siya. Haha. Kung sumasama na pala sayo yung hubby mo ulit, itali mo muna kahit di mo bet. As of now ikaw pa rin ang legal wife.

[khayzee]

natawa naman ako sa mga kondisyones ni kabit.. sya pa may ganang mag demand ha. ang bait mo pa sis.. wag mong pagbigyan.. @$!@#$@!!!! pala sya e.

[EllaBratin]

Sis jjqxiv, sira talaga ang tuktok ng kabit na yun! Pakiramdam niya siguro nasa teleserye lang kayo na pwedeng i-manipulate ang story ng ayon lang sa gusto niya. Ano yun, magdusa ka at magpapakasaya sila? Pabayaan mong magdusa yang kabit na yan, alam niyang may asawa na ang nilandi niya, dapat alam niya ang consequences nun. Naaawa siya sa unborn child niya pero sa iyo at sa mga anak mo, wala siyang pakialam.
Agree ako kay sis ayami, wag mo na pakawalan si hubby, kahit ayaw mo na. Kahit hindi kayo magsama, wag mo aalisin ang right at obligations niya bilang ama sa mga anak mo. Keep on praying sis.