There can never be two queen bees in one hive but that said, in my experience (and that of my mother before me), the main problem with in-laws is rooted in money. Most Filipinos have this culture of dependency and hardly any plan for retirement. I have an aunt who thinks of her sons as "alkansyas." This mentality is basically the parent thinking that their children owe them for having fed, clothed and educated them for the first 20 years (or more) of their lives.
They expect that their children should pay them back and most do. Problems start when suddenly, their child who gives their monthly salary to them, falls in love, gets married and has a family of their own. This equates to more responsibilities, but with the same amount of pay (for the most part). Of course, they welcome the grandchildren, but I’ve noticed that people get cranky once they can’t spend as much as they used to. Also, the attention of said children now lie elsewhere and moms can get jealous (I find this true especially for sons).
I once read an article in the newspaper that it is unfair for parents to burden their children even more considering they know firsthand how financially hard things are when one is starting out in life (unless you were born with a silver spoon and has a trust fund).
I agree with the article. My parents do too and they were the first to tell me (since I was little) that children do not owe their parents anything because it was not their idea to be born in the first place. It is the OBLIGATION of parents to feed, clothe and educate their child. For my parents, it is nice if the children want to VOLUNTARILY contribute, but it should not be forced.
My parents aren't rich. In fact, the first time my father was ever able to buy a car was after he retired from the Air Force after 25 years. And do you know what kind of car he bought? A third-hand chop-chop van which conked out periodically. They even reminisce about the time they only had Php 100 between the two of them until the next pay day. But despite all this, they made an effort to build their nest egg for retirement. This meant still having a cassette player even when everyone else had the CD version (I had a classmate who once ridiculed me that our home "sound system" looked like a toy).
Now that my parents are both retired, they are reaping the benefits of their retirement plan and have yet to ask us for cash. They even gave me back the monthly contributions I used to give them so that I could use it for my internship abroad (turns out my mother just stashed everything in a drawer).
And now that I am married, I have decided to follow in the footsteps of my parents and save up for retirement. That way, we will not have to depend on our children for the groceries, medicine, the electricity and water bills, etc.
Many people tell me that there’s no room for savings due to large bills. I’ve always believed that kung gusto, may paraan, kung ayaw, may dahilan. If people were told that they would get a huge sum of cash for free if they just did something for an X amount of time, they will find a way.
