Stepmothers club:Share your stepparenting experiences here. Stepchildren welcome

[iamme ^-^]

i have a partner and we are living together for 4 years na. We have a 3 yr old son and I am pregnant now with our 2nd child. May tatlong anak partner ko with his wife (cant call her ex-wife kasi di pa naman sila annuled) 16 yr old girl, 14 yr old girl and an 8 yr old boy. Super layo ng loob saken ng mga bata at ramdam ko na ayaw nila saken. Nagka-problema pa silang mag-aama ng malaman na buntis na naman ako. Minura pa nila tatay nila nun nalaman nila yun well dahil na rin sa sulsol ng byenan kong hilaw kuno. Pati kasi si MIL kuno ko eh ayaw saken. Natatakot kasi silang hindi na maibigay ng papa nila ang mga luho nila. Nasanay kasi ang mga bata na nasusunod lahat ng mga materyal na bagay na gusto nila. Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin? Hindi ko alam kung paano magsisimula? Pls. help me mommies..

[DianeShishio]

Wow, this is a fairly old thread with very few comments Makiki-Join ako ha?

I am 21, still single and in a relationship with a guy 16 years my senior. He's married, separated but not yet legally separated and has 2 children ages 11 and 9. The children are fully supported by my BF and live under the care of his parents. I have met the children twice but was not formally introduced as a girlfriend to them, although the rest of his family are well aware that we are a couple.

Here's the fun part... I have a stepdad. I am my parents' love child. My father eventually married someone in the US which prompted my mother to look for another partner as well, I met my stepdad at the age of 9-10. We were in good terms back then and I lived with them intermittently up to this day (kasi nag aaral pa ako) Eventually, everything fell  through when I turned into a teenager. It's that phase na siguro magkakaroon talaga ng problema no matter what. Financially, my grandparents (father's side) are the ones supporting me kaya in terms of discipline, he couldn't do anything to me. Despite of my rebellious attitude then, my relative's on my father's end believe that my step-dad has no right to do so, and that pisses him off. Umabot na kami ngayon sa point of indifference. WE DO NOT SPEAK TO EACH OTHER! EVER! It's as if either of us exists sa paningin ng isa, and I still live in their home (though they do not support me financially)

Being a step-daughter and virtually hypothetical future step-parent, I can get a good view on the situation of mixed families. MAHIRAP TALAGA. My half-siblings and I are okay with each other, and kahit bata sila I know that they can lightly grasp the situation why I do not go out with them, eat with them, socialize with them when their father is around.

I know that we all want to have a good and harmonious family life and we want our homes to be a haven for every single member of the family... call me a pessimist but mixed families just do not have the same dynamics as regular families, especially if the OTHER PARENT is still alive/in contact with your step children.

I don't love my step-dad, I don't consider him my dad at all, but, I respect him for being a good father to my siblings and being able to accept my mother as his wife despite the fact that she already had a child. As long as he treats my mom and siblings well, masaya na ako. 

[phurple0515]

just want to raise out my rant here...di ko nga alam kung rant or not. its my stepdaughter's 18th bday and we told her we will buy her laptop and phone.  tapos ngayon request naman niya ipod (wag na daw yong phone kahit later na daw yong phone). tapos we will bring her overseas pa for a trip (2 weekends).  nakakainis lang kasi parang ubos ubos biyaya naman siya. di niya iniisip na di ganon basta basta ang pera.  sinasabihan naman siya ni hubby pero ewan ko ba. mabait naman siya and we get along well. kaya lang minsan akala mo na daming perang pinatago sa amin.

[cosm!c_ch!c]

i never thought na mahirap pala talaga pag may stepson/daughter. ako nahihirapan din sa situation namin. kala ko dati wala naman magiging problema. kaya advice ko sa mga nagtatanong sakin na mga friends ko, kung maiiwasan, wag na lang magmahal ng may anak na. don't get me wrong. i know naman wala masama magmahal ng may anak na kasi kahit ako may stepdaughter. ang sakin lang, sana dun na lang sa walang sagutin. napakadami na ibinato sakin na mga masasamang salita. minsan kasi mahirap din kalimutan syempre. but if you really love the person, e di go lang but be prepared sa mga consequences and make sure you have a really really big heart.

[cometnix]

Hi stepmoms. I really need help. Bakit ganun, im beginning to hate the daughters of my bf. I kept on analyzing myself why? First, when bf was here everything was fine, akala ko nga tuloy tuloy yung ganun. BUt when he left for his work, I started to feel resentmentment against his children. Iniwan niya saken ang responsibility. Ang siste, di ko na din maasahan yung biomom nila. Feeling ko ako lagi magsasakripisyo which I cant. Kapag nilalabas ko sama ng loob ko, yung bf ko nakikipaghiwalay. Ang sakin lang, siya dapat naman kasi nagaasikaso ng mga anak niya. I want to tell him na hindi ko talaga pwedeng iwan ang trabaho ko para sa mga anak na hindi naman akin. difficult, but what am I going to do.. months have passed feeling ko ginagawa akong katulong nung mga anak nya to which I hate so much. That is now im thinking I just want to run away. hay.

[lonelymiss28]

^it's not easy to be a step mom. dami mo talaga pag-dadaanan, sabi ko nga package deal talaga but it is your choice kung yan ang buhay na gusto mong pagdaanan and to be honest with you that life you have now will not change. don't expect na sila magbabago for you or some day they will realize how amazing you are because that will not happen. nasa iyo ang desisyon, kung ano meron ka ngayon ganyan na yan take it as it is. ang maganda na lang sa sitwasyon mo at least alam mo na, ang maganda na lang siguro dito di pa kayo kasal so nasa iyo ang desisyon.

[phurple0515]

another rant, though not really a rant pero I feel very hurt for my hubby.  we saw the posts of my SD sa IG account niya kagabi and I showed it to hubby.  Di siya umimik and bigla siya natulog.  I know he was hurt.  yong unang nabasa ko, she thanked her aunt (relative ng bio mother niya) who was proud of her grades ngayon, di daw gaya ng iba na pinapagalitan siya dahil sa pagiging magastos niya.  nagcomment ako mentioning na si hubby yon, sinabi niya na mahirap kasi kumita ng pera.  madami kasing babayaran ngayon sa amin kaya medyo we are on a tight budget.  pero siya bili ng bili ng gusto niyang bilhin kahit meron pa siyang mga gamit na ganon (which is bago din).  lahat ng request niya, binibili namin.  ok naman relationship namin.  kaya lang parang sa post kasi niya esp. yong 2nd post na nabasa ko naman is post niya sa grades na and ang pinapasalamatan lang daw niya is sarili niya.  i saw hubby commented saying na 'walang anuman'.  and i know he is really hurt.  never kami nagkulang ni hubby.  every month 2x kami nagpapadala ng pera niya, one is sa gastos at allowance, 2nd is tuition.  tska lang siya marunong mag-ipon pag me gusto siyang bilhin. pero pag ganyan na biglaan, ayaw niya gamitin ang pera niya.  nakakalungkot lang talaga na parang sa isang instance lang na sinabihan siya na wag masyadong magastos lalo na marami siyang gastos ngayon sa school e ganon mga ipopost niya.

[lonelymiss28]

sis, try not to sweat on the small stuff. mas marami pa kayong pagdadaanang problema sa stepkids mo na mas mahirap dyan. as long as your being responsible sa kanya ok na yun kung ano man tingin nya or opinyon nya problema nya yun hindi inyo.

[phurple0515]

^ thanks sis.  isa lang siya (luckily, hehe).  sabi ko nga ke hubby, parang nagdadalawang isip na tuloy ako sa graduation gift namin sa kanya kung ganyan lang siya.  sabi naman niya, makagraduate lang daw at kumikita na, dapat siya na bahala at matuto na siyang maging responsible.  la rin naman kasi tinutulong yong bio mom niya e, though she lives with her. 

nagulat nga ko, dinelete niya yong pinost niya na don sa post ng tita niya sa kanya.  nakaka-frustrate at  nakakadisappoint lang yong ganon na posts niya.

[lonelymiss28]

been there done that, SD ko naman super bait kaso when it comes to the matter of the heart dun kami nagkaka problema. And mega post sa fb nya mga patam quote etc. dedma lang ako. may sarili na syang bahay, buhay etc. smooth sailing na kami and sya naman ang nag spoiled sa akin ngayon. In the end mare realize din nila na maganda hangarin mo at para sa kanila rin yun darating araw magiging ok din ang lahat.

[phurple0515]

^ that is what i am hoping for din sis.  she was so sweet of me since last year as well, siguro nga nagtatampo rin lang yon.  konting tiis na rin lang naman, she would eventually learn na rin to stand up on her own and matuto na siyang magbudget.  salamat sis!  it just hurt me to feel hubby getting hurt. 

[lonelymiss28]

Dumadaan naman talaga sa ganyan ang family. Pero it will pass din. Napakasarap ng feeling na yung Step kids mo mararamdaman mong nirerespeto ka saka pinahahalagahan. One thing na tumatak sa akin may bf SD ko dinala sa bahay then nakipa break yung guy after a week, sabi ko sa SD ko, baka ayaw nya sa asian (kasi french canadian sila) then sabi ng SD ko. Kung magkaka bf ako at di ka nila tatanggapin kahit gusto ko sila hihiwalayan ko sila. Nakakataba lang ng puso. Then pag bday ko at xmas, ibibigay sa akin debit card nya at credit card, then sasabihin bilhin mo lahat ng gusto. Grabe di ba...pinagmamalaki nya sa mga friends nya na ako daw ang pinaka spoiled na SM sa buong mundo.

[phurple0515]

^ wow, you are indeed blessed to have such nice SD.  I know it will be ok din naman with mine.  Alam ko nagtatampo lang yon dahil napagalitan ng daddy niya, pero it nakalimutan naman na ata niya yon, binura na lang niya yong post niya and feeling ko kinausap na rin ni hubby about the issue.  thanks again sis

[lonelymiss28]

Yes sis super lucky talaga ako sa kanila. Pero andaming rin naming pinagdaanan before. Andoon yung forever syang galit sa akin pag pinapagalitan ko sya, nagsusulat pa sya ng book na ang kalaban ng bida evil step mother na nagkatawang tao lang...lol! Ang lagi kong sinasabi sa kanya kahit forever siyang galit sa akin basta makita kong gumanda buhay nya at maging happy sya someday ayus na sa akin yun. Kaya sa mga step mom, ang masasabi ko lang....you dont have to force yourself to love your step kids, but please lang respect them....hindi habang buhay bata sila...at hindi rin habang buhay malakas tayo. Pag pinakita natin na we genuinely care for their future, marerealize din nila yan e. Kung hindi man at least alam ni Lord ang intention natin.

[lonelymiss28]

^My husband and my stepkids are french canadian. Wala naman yan pagkakaiba sa mga pinoy na magkakaroon ng stepmom at first lahat ayaw but they will eventually get used to it and they will warm up to you.

[mslcgrey]

i want to share my story din.

for a time, nagka-stepmom din ako. ever since lagi naman nag-aaway ang parents ko. lagi silang hiwalay then bati for a while then hiwalay uli. well, pareho naman silang may kasalanan. si papa babaero pati mga katulong tinatalo. tapos si mama gumanti rin and nabuntis pa siya na inako naman ni papa. until nung grade 6 ako na i guess nagsawa na rin si papa na suyuin si mama and may nakilala siyang iba na binahay na niya. honestly, mas pabor akong hiwalay na lang sina mama and papa kaysa lagi naman sila nag-aaway. so nung 1st yr hs na ako itinira na sa bahay namin yung stepmom ko and then nabuntis siya.

at first okay naman siya. inasikaso niya naman kami but i guess iba talaga kapag hindi mo anak tapos nakilala mo pa ng malalaki na sila. later on, napansin ko na parang masyadong tinitipid niya na kaming magkakapatid pero yung anak niya hindi. nagkataon pa teenager ako that time so syempre nagrebelde ako. sinasagot ko na siya and nagkatime din na tumira ako sa mama ko kasi nga hindi ko siya kasundo. looking back, i know na naging matigas din ulo ko. like most teenagers feeling mature ako na kung ano yung opinion ko eh iyon ang tama.

when my papa died when i was 15, well, no choice siya but to get out of our house kasi buhay pa naman ang mama namin. since kinilala naman yung anak niya nakakareceive siya ng pension from my papa's sss.

according sa mga tsismis na nakuha ni mama, eh lumalandi daw yung stepmom ko sa ilang guys dito sa subdivision namin kapag wala si papa at nasa work.

i realized din na naging matigas din ang ulo ko kaya over time nawala na rin whatever anger i developed over her. mahirap nga siguro na biglaan siyang nagkaroon ng 4 na anak aside pa sa own  anak niya. tapos nasa early 20s pa siya nun.

tapos nung nagwo-work na ako i fell for someone married but separated na. may daughter siya na nasa poder niya. during that time, parang pinabayaan na nung biomom yung anak niya. at first sabi ko i think i can love this kid kasi mabait yung bata. magalang, sweet, and matalino. pinaglaban ko talaga sa mama ko yung relationship namin.

but as time passes by i realized na hindi ko pa pala kaya maging step mom. im still too selfish at that time. hindi ko pa kaya yung instead na bibilhin ko for me eh ibibili ko para sa anak ko. i realized that when since mag-christmas that time sabi ko kay bf na bigyan ko ng gift yung daughter niya. eh ito naman si bf pumili ng something expensive for me. yung pinili niyang blouse is like ka-presyo ng mga binibili kong damit noon. partly, having a stepdaughter made me back out of our relationship. may other factors pa rin naman like yung pagiging controlling niya. bata pa ako noon so gusto ko ma-experience yung gumimik, etc but siya tapos na sa stage na iyon. after a long and painful process nagkahiwalay din naman kami.

now, i'm married with a beautiful 8 month old daughter.

i kinda experienced both sides. im glad na may mga babae who have the heart to accept and love their stepchildren. please continue to love them like your own or if not really like your own treat them the way you want them to treat your own children. sa mga stepkids naman, respect your stepparents unless talagang karumal-dumal na yung ginagawa nila.  naniniwala naman ako marami pa ring mabubuting tao.

for the single, pag-isipan nyong mabuti if having a relationship with someone na may anak na is what you really want. do you really love that person na kaya mo i-accept lahat. kasi baka yung frustrations nyo maibato nyo sa mga kids kawawa din sila.

well, sorry napahaba.

[lonelymiss28]

^Thanks for sharing!

[sarsingkit]

I have a stepmom and love ko sya. I always introduce my Stepmom and my Dad as "my parents". But one time my Tita (sister ng totoo kong mom) butted in saying, "hindi sya ang totoong nanay" within earshot of a handful of people. Alam naman ng mga taong ito na wala na akong mom so to say na "parents" eh understood na yun. Badtrip ako sa tita ko. Anyhoo, my stepmom is very nice and I love my dad so much kaya gusto ko maging masaya sya sakin na magandang pakikitungo ko sa asawa nya. When one time nag away sila, my stepmom packed her things and move to her my stepsister's (daughter ni stepmom) house. It was my sister ang nagsundo kay stepmom and patched things up with my dad. What made me like her is I know she is in it for the long run with my dad. Malayo kasi ako sa kanila pero it gives me comfort to know that they will take care of each other. Btw, ang request nitong lovebirds na to for Christmas eh couple watch. Oh diba, pang love team.

[lonelymiss28]

Mararamdaman naman talaga ng mga kids ang pakikitungo ng stepmom/stepdad kung genuine ang ugali nila or not. And someday kids will realize na mabuting tao sila.

[cometnix]

whenever I feel bad about my my bf's daughters from his exwife eh I feel the need to share it. Sa totoo lang, mahirap pala talaga gf sa dating may asawa at may anak. As I posted before, naiinis ako sakanila, but I have overcome the situation, kayalang di ko maiwasan di magalit sakanila, kasi nga meron silang mga pangit na ugali: maramot. And it frustrates me alot. Now the moral lesson here pala, is never expect anything from them, and I could give an unsolicited advise, do not give so much to them kasi it will just hurt you. Maybe, I will just claim my life back and realize that no matter how I push myself, I will still be the second best.