He let me know by giving me the silent treatment. In our household, he would talk with everyone, except me. If there is a need for him to convey a message to me, he would ask someone in our household to relay it to me - until our children wised up and they would tell him, "Dad, tell mom yourself!"
He gave me the silent treatment, because we had a conflict or an issue over which he was having negative feelings. But with his giving me the silent treatment, it was like he had added another conflict to the original one!
Then, we learned how to look at our conflicts in a better way: do not avoid it, do not get out of focus over it, confront it.
One of the first conflict/issue we looked at was his giving me the silent treatment. I told him it was like he was punishing me. I reminded him about his having told me that silent treatment was the main means of punishment used in his family of origin: if he was punished, he would be made to stand in the corner, or, no one in his family of origin would talk with him for days on end. He even did it to his classmates and friends as he grew up. And to his silbings too. That is when he realized that indeed he was using silent treatment as a punishment, and, he recognized that silent treatment was an issue/conflict that was driving a wedge between us. We agreed that if we wanted to nurture a thriving and healthy marriage relationship, he should consider not giving me the silent treatment anymore. And, if he had any issue with me, he can talk with me about it, using the conflict management technique that we learned. He agreed.
He used to give me silent treatment.
Now he tells, "Sweetheart, we need to talk on a conflict."
And I respond with, "Yes, let's. Thank you!"
And then we write our letters, we discuss and then afterwards we conclude with an agreement on how to address the conflict - each one of us agreeing to do something.
We learn more about each other, and we both win.
